I'm almost scared to post this, to be honest, but I will. I owe it to you guys that have stuck with me to keep you posted.

I used TOUGH LOVE in my conversation with my WS yesterday- almost straight from Dobson. I think it hit home.

The scary part to tell you guys about is the date issue. He asked this morning: "Can you move the day you are off to Sept. 5 instead of Sept. 12. I think it will be better for us to go away this coming weekend right after everything is over." He knows this is after the NC letter. He also contacted the movers that I used .He plans to have them move the rest of his stuff from his condo (the bedroom suit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) to my house. He called me from there. He continues to indicate that his plans are for Sunday or Monday. I think yesterday he was trying to stall and I did not back down.

Thanks guys for the nudge.

I also played a little game which KEEPMVNFORWARD and ESPOIR would appreciate but some of you others might not like. It worked great,though!!! I could tell that my WS reacted to it. He has been calling my VoiceMail all day since then, telling me about his activities today. Not just about coming back home. He's telling me about his workday. Talking to the VoiceMail!!

Well, the game was. I told him about a man that was trying to pick me up at the gas station. This really happened. I played dumb and concerned to my WS and said "Is that how men pick women up? Do you think it works?" WS said: "Yes, sure, what did he say to you?"

I told you that I am going to enjoy today regardless. I was feeling too bad yesterday.

Mimi,

I'm glad to hear everything sems to be moving forward on a reasonable course. I do have one suggestion. I would tell him to get rid of that bedroom suit. Start over with something new and something that wil not be a trigger for you repeatedly, day after day.

NW

Mimi,

I am glad you are back, and glad you are back with the MB principles.

As you may recall, I too went through the "I'm through with MB; I am going to do it MY way" phase. Actually a couple of times. Yet, every time, I have come back here, realized the wisdom, the logic, the PROOF that MB works. In my guy, I know it is the right plan. Too many similarities...too many instances of the WS reading off the same script.

The Harleys are on to something. Ya gotta believe. I believe in you, Mimi, and, God, I am praying for you and your H to enter recovery. When you do (note: when, not IF) please keep us informed, and don't forget us Plan B'ers out here.

We love you, Mimi.

Hugs!

ISG

Don't most homeless shelters need a good quality bedroom suit?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ August 27, 2003, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pep,

Amen! Mimi, do NOT accept that bedroom suite in your home! NFW! (excuse me!)

Let him donate it - wherever!!!! You do NOT need that!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong>Don't most homeless shelters need a good quality bedroom suit?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Put it on EBAY or the Craig's list <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Don't bring it into your home...... baaad trigger and it isn't the furniture's fault. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

L.

Oh good, she changed her title, she doesn't hate us today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mimi, are you kidding about letting him bring that bed to your house?? FERGET IT!! Tell him to send that fleabag to the OW's house! Its not good enough for our Mimi.

Thank God you stayed the course, Mimi. I thought for sure you were going to steal defeat from the jaws of victory again.

I hope you see now that these people caught in affairs are remarkably similar. That the Harleys, Dobson, Carder, and others know what makes them tick. And your husband is not different.

Your tough love, your strength, is going to save your husband's life. One day, like Hope4Future put in a recent post, he will thank you and know that he owes everything to your perseverence, love and strength.

So, you get the 5th off! Dont tell him it is off until NC is sent and you have seen it and KNOW it is gone. Then you go away, have the time of yoru life with him, and come back here committed to starting another plan (oh great...not Mimi trying to follow another plan!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )...the Recovery Plan. I will finally be posting my talk with Steve Harley today, hopefully I'll have it up tomorrow. But understand, once you are in recovery, there must be a plan. And your husband must be in on it to. Otherwise, it aint recovery (believe me...I KNOW!).

And I like the game! Just be careful. WSs are very skittish. Dont frighten him anymore than he already is. There will be plenty of time for "playful retaliation" later!

Good job Mimi. As I just posted on Now What's thread (and I want you to continue to remember), that it isnt faith if you only have it in the good times!

In His arms.

Me thinks that bed has 'cooties'. LOL!!!

Oh...I agree on the bed.

Shoot, with cooties in it, how on Earth could you possibly give it away to some poor unsuspecting soul out there.

Nah! No way I could keep it, or give it away. Time to take it out in a field somewhere and have a good ole fashion bed burning!

Very cathartic!!

In His arms

MIMI , hi hope all is ok . I was reading on the RECOVERY board , and if you got a min. go read CHORUS new thread about N/C .

I don't know why , but I though of you and with some of the responses also I think it may be helpfull to you in feeling good about some of the things you say .

About knowing your S and doing things your way that might not be texted book MB .

Ever hear the song "I did it my way" well thats your WS . Mine was the same way .
Well got to go , have a nice day .

It SOUNDS encouraging. However, I feel that as long as he is with her anything can change.

VoiceMail Messages from WS today: "These LAST THREE DAYS will be really tough for me. I need for you to stay positive and help me". (I'm no sure what this means but I think he wants me to believe in his sincerity.)

He talked to his best friend today with whom he has not contacted since he went back to her this last time. He said he told friend that we would be up to visit them next weekend but wouldn't be staying at their house. The friends live in a big city where we have loved to signtsee and have, of course, visited often.

Today is interesting given that yesterday I had resolved that it wasn't going to happen. WS was sounding weepy and tentative yesterday as if he was having second thoughts. I did not contact him about the bed issue because I sensed he was looking for some excuse yesterday. Yesterday I did tell him again, as Steve Harley recommended that I repeat, "I need for you get rid of her by Monday". He said: "I know you keep telling me that over and over" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He got that right! I thought he would be angry but look what has happened today. I keep being absolutely amazed at the value of gaining the WS' respect as encouraged by Dobson. I also am so personally proud of my changes in this regard.

Thanks for your encouragement guys. Continue to keep me in your prayers because "the evil spirits continue to abound".

<small>[ August 29, 2003, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

quote:
Where have you been KEEPMVNFORWARD?

Been here the whole time..... I have always believed that you would "discover" the truth of what really works to bring back a WS.......

I repeat:
What works is this.... confidence, self respect, and NO PRESSURE.....

You can do all the Plan A and Plan B that you want, but it boils down to showing these attitudes for them to want to come back and for it to WORK when they do.....
_________________________________________________

quote: I also played a little game which KEEPMVNFORWARD and ESPOIR would appreciate but some of you others might not like. It worked great,though!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yea, I know it works great... That's why I highly recommend it...... Why would I recommend something that didn't work? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> If he truly loves you, why wouldn't a little "competition" be good for him?...... Might do him good to do a little "soul searching" of what he stands to lose...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So talk to us Mimi. What's up?

Hi Guys:

There is a lot of DRAMA going on!! WS seems truly frightened of OW. Called Sunday from another phone other than his saying that he is afraid of being HURT by her. Really, I'm reading this right MELODY. He was really scared. I don't know what he had told her or what she had threatened. He created this.

Today is Tuesday. Therefore, I am DARK.

It's all about being on his time frame, I think. He does not want to feel pressured. Or, maybe it has to do with her nuttiness. Anyways.....

He called on VOICEMAIL TODAY saying that he is writing the letter today and will call me later about arranging for me to read it. The Plan is for us to mail it on Friday as we leave to go away. He states that the Friday plans are definite, even though it's taking a couple of more days, he wants me to know "It's definitely over; this is all bull sh#$." I don't know what that BS remark is supposed to mean, if anything.

The drama includes her having an attempted break-in at her house this morning; remember the drug-infested neighborhood. Maybe one of her old boyfriends is mad. Who knows? WH states that today he is moving his clothes out while she is at work and school.

His cell phone is off.

There is lots of drama today.

Meanwhile, I am dark.

It's going to happen, I'm sure. However, you see we will have a lot of work to do during recovery.

<small>[ September 02, 2003, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Hang in there Mimi...the ride is always bumpiest right at the end. Just grab the hand rails and hold on. Stay dark.

Once he meets your PBL stipulations, makes sure the two of you discuss what to do in regards to the OW (and him being afraid); If he is truly afraid, then it might be time for him to go to the magistrate and get a protective order against her. Yeah, she could still do something. But, the point is if she comes anywhere near him, then her butt will be in a nice cell somewhere (I can see Mimi smiling with that image in her head right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

Stay dark!! You are there. The printing press is ready to printout MIMI as the next MB success story. But, there is a little bit of rough road yet. This STILL could get derailed! So, stay dark and let him go through the worst of it.

My prayers are with you, and more importantly, with your husband right now. He is definitely reaping the whirlwind.

In His arms.

<small>[ September 02, 2003, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

MM:

What does "reaping the whirlwind" mean?

It's an expression...basically means that he has brought on himself the mess that is falling upon him. All of his actions, all of his betrayal, everything...is now coming headlong onto him like a whirlwind (tornado). And he cant stop it or get out of the way.

But you CAN get out of the way! He has to go through this. You cannot save him from the consequences of his actions. Just be there to help him pick up the pieces when it is all over with!

In His arms.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mimi1254:
<strong>Hi Guys:

There is a lot of DRAMA going on!! WS seems truly frightened of OW. Called Sunday from another phone other than his saying that he is afraid of being HURT by her. Really, I'm reading this right MELODY. He was really scared. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Mimi! Do you get the sense that he is following through on his promises or is he using this to buy time? Any thoughts?

Melody and others:

Even as of this evening, he is pretty definite about Friday. He said: "Tell "son", we won't be here Friday for his football game." It's as if he is psyching himself up, giving HIMSELF "pep talks". His last message to me was "I'm calling to pep YOU up. I'm sorry, I have a couple of more things I have to do".

How do I put this? It's almost like a power struggle or a matter of pride for him. He seems to be respecting my need for him to end things but still wants to do it his way. That has been an issue in our R which we will need to work on. He wants to make sure that I don't wear the pants in the family, that I respect him as the husband and father. He does not want me to take charge. However, he is very dependent on me to arrange things and to get things done. I'm sure that he missed that.

The fearfulness of her seems to be convincing him of his need to get out of this. He's not indicating that he needs to stay with her out of fear. I do think, though, that he is stalling. Hard to give up the drug? Trying to get that last hit? I don't think she's getting him high anymore. I think he wishes she did, that he misses that. Like the reference to BS, he seems to be seeing the "real her".