Oh, oh. A handwritten letter from Solon. Something MUST be going on if he actually took the time to write, as bad as his handwriting is. :-)
Cute, but leave it out.

I know that is probably what you are thinking. I usually DON'T write for that reason, my bad handwriting, but this letter may be
No, you don’t know (you probably think you know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) Leave it out.

Rhonda, I cherish you. You are my first love, my wife and the mother of our dear children. For the life of me I cannot understand how or why I allowed you to slip away. During this past week, I relived much of our marriage. I relived the times in Alabama when we were inseparable. I remembered people saying that we even started looking like each other. I remembered giving you a card each month as a celebration of us being together and culminating with a much bigger celebration after the first year of us.
Okay.

I was CRAZY about every part of you.
But you don’t anymore? Leave it out.

I still cherish those times of walking and talking and listening.
Okay.

Now, I can see clearly that I was not the husband I should have been and that I neglected you so often and too often.
How did you neglect her? Got a specific example? Did you work 18 hour days or travel too much?

As I laid in my bed this week, I literally saw everywhere I went wrong
Uh, not literally EVERYWHERE! How about “I have looked back and I now see many of the things I have done wrong in our relationship.”

Now put something in about what you are doing to “fix” this.
Something like, “I have been reading and I am learning more about relationships and how to better focus on your needs and make our marriage better than it ever was.”

and I cannot believe that I could have been so cold and so foolish, treating the most important person in my life the way I treated you. How could I? Why would I? Precious as you were, as innocent as you were...forgiving myself is extremely difficult.
Reword this. If forgiving yourself is extremely difficult, why would she believe you can forgive her? Just let her know that your marriage can be better if you both work at it.

You have chosen to give your love to another.
Leave this out.

Until you end all contact with Randy, I must end all conversation and contact with you.
Okay.

Please, please please know that I am doing this out of love for you and not as an attempt to separate myself or manipulate you in any way. I want to be close to you. I want to be there for you. I want to talk with you, laugh with you, plan with you. I want to be able to comfort you. But your relationship with Randy is a detriment to my love for you. I want to preserve that love and the special times we shared. I want to preserve the love I still have for you. When we talk, the fact that you are with someone hurts me and I attack you and I push you further away from me and I slowly lose that love.

This is kind of jumping around from I love you, you hurt me, I love you, you hurt me.
How about something like,
“Your affair hurts me so much and any contact between us is very painful knowing you are still seeing Randy. Any contact between us further destroys the love I do have for you. I do not want this to happen, therefore I must limit any contact I have with you. Until you end all contact with Randy, I must end all conversation and contact with you.

Please know I am not doing this to punish you or hurt you. I want to preserve the love I still have for you.”

If you need to let me know something regarding the children, call Mr. Jones and have him give me the message. If there is anything that you should know regarding the children i.e. their performances, games, etc., Adonis is old enough that he can give you the information himself.

I have learned what commitment entails and I am committed in my love for you and believe in our marriage. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days loving you and devoting every part of me to you in reaching your happiness. I want more than ever to be a family again and for us to grow old together watching our children grow into young men and women. You are my wife. Your home is still here. I am still here. I will continue loving you as a husband as long as I possibly can.

With all my sincere love,

The letter should be “to the point” paragraphs.

I love you.
I apologize for the problems I helped create and I am working on changing these things.
I cannot have any contact with you because it hurts.
Any issues will be discussed through Mr. Jones.
I love you.

<small>[ November 19, 2003, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

solon:

Why not tell her about specific instances where you comforted her?

Believe me, if you do this right, you will get VERY CONSTRUCTIVE TEARS out of her. You may not know about them, but she'll tell you sometime down the road, if you reconcile.

-ol' 2long

okay, I'm about to hand write the letter now and I will give it to her on Sunday.

I understand that she may never come back and I kind of feel that she will not, but at least she will know that I love her and I wanted our marriage to work.

Thanks everyone for all the work you put into this to make it just right.

another quick question...What if she replies to my letter telling me, "Solon, I am not seeing Rhonda. I just don't want to be with you"?

She has said this before. She fully denies that he is the reason he left, even though she has admitted throughout the year that she was seeing him, that they had sex several times at his house, in his jeep and in the part. In July when I went away for a few days I came back early and his name was on the ID, at one point at 3am in the morning. I really doubt that she would have moved out if he was not the reason and I REALLY doubt that he is not in the picture still. But what if she replies to me like that??

What if she replies to my letter telling me, "Solon, I am not seeing Rhonda.
Do you mean Randy?

I just don't want to be with you"?
She will PROBABLY say that. Almost every ws says/belives the OP is NOT the reason for the marriage being in the state it is.

She fully denies that he is the reason he left
Mine said the same thing. "I wouldn't leave you for any other man and I wouldn't move across the country and be apart from my kids". Two weeks later she did.

But what if she replies to me like that??
It's already addressed in your letter.
If she chooses to try reconcilaition then she should contact you if there is no contact.
Don't respond if she replies.

Chris, did she ever come back?

Only 3 times to visit the kids.
Once right after she left, wyhen she was working in teh next state over and at my oldest daughters graduation in May this year.
All three time it was only for two days. And then it was only for a few hours each day with the kids.