what a marvellous resource this thread is. Thanks you all.

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I've never done the message board thing before so please be patient with me. Hope I'm posting where I'm supposed to.
I need help! I think I'm going crazy. I'm not sure if my husband is having an affair or not. There are some signs that make me think he is. The biggest two signs being he just told me that he thinks he needs to see a doctor because he has no sex drive, second being we're not having relations but there is definite proof that he's doing something somewhere. I do the laundry in my house so some things are hard to miss. He's become very distant, not so much as even wanting to kiss. He doesn't come home from work late or find reasons to be gone from the home; but every time I'm gone, when I arrive home he's not there and doesn't come home till late, cell phone calls are cleared out of his phone, several different things. Please help! Am I crazy. He's making me feel crazy. When I try to talk to him about it, he goes ballistic. He tells me I need to get a grip on myself. He's stopped telling me he loves me. There's no intimacy at all. I can understand maybe not having a sex drive; however, he is only 34, but, I mean, there's no intimacy at all, no flirting, nothing. We used to have our little inside sexual jokes, not any longer. I just don't know what to think.

Bowl -

I think it's pretty safe to say that all the signs are there.

Walks like a duck
Talks like a duck

IT'S A DUCK.

Why don't you start a thread for yourself. I think you'll get more of a response. Would you like me to do that for you? I do not mind a bit. I know you are new here. I promise you will get the help you are looking for.

Regards,
Heroswife

For the longest time, I said nothing to anybody about my husband's EA with OW. I kept it all inside of me. I finally found myself brave enough to talk to family and a few friends about this issue and I told them that I love my husband, want to save my marriage and I asked for their support. My husband's aunt and uncle are very close to us and they immediately told me that they wanted to talk to him and they are supporting us. At first, I was a bit reluctant because I was afraid of my husband's reaction, but then I agreed. Well, they never did... I feel let down and I feel angry because I beared my soul to these people. Now his aunt is always calling me and asking how we are doing and how I am doing and I find myself angry and hurt to the point that I feel reluctant to answer to phone or talk to her. I know that she is praying for us and I appreciate it, but I feel let down since she kept insisting that she wanted to talk to my husband. Sometimes I feel like yelling or lashing out, but this is so unlike me, but it feels like something is going to explode inside of me.

I understand that one should never really count on anyone but oneself. I'm really beginning to grasp this concept. I guess I've just been to naive and innocent and maybe the time has now come that I'm learning the cold hard facts of life.

Most of this has made me feel very disconnected from this family and some friends seem to have distanced themselves. I guess people may be afraid that these problems could end up "rubbing off" on them or jeopardize their own marriage.

Kati

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Bumped for InFaith. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

^ for RM

re-exposing this

Bumped for Lostinmanitoba

WAT! Where are you??!? I hope you read this.

OK...now since March I have strongly believed the exposure was what ended the friendship that lasted beyond the A...ok extended the A...I have to admit that.

As you know just last week I was able to get my H to wake up and start answering my questions. We this statement just flopped out of his mouth without him even realizing it:

"After that day in the yard that was it....it was over. I never spoke to her again. I just acted like she wasn't there anymore."

The day in the yard he was referring to was the day I told her H and her H brought her to my house to confront my H.

Now I was shocked to hear this. As far as I knew at the time it was over...all over and he never spoke to her at work...or so he said. But I still suspected...I just couldn't prove it. Now here it is all these months later and I find out that he was still talking to her on a friendly basis and probably still in some type of fog over her.

I thought I'd post this to you hoping that you might be able to use this as more proof to the fact that exposure is a must.

I hope all is well with you.

Hi HW - all is very well with me.........

You don't have to convince me that exposure is a must. Hopefully your words will help a hesitant BS be convinced that exposure is a must.

Hug your girls,
WAT

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 07:03 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT -

I knew it all along and you knew it all along...the only proof that I had was the way he acted. He never came out and told me anything. He didn't even realize that I exposed to put pressure on him to cut off his friendship.

I have no doubt that had he continued the friendship it would have eventually lead back to a full blown PA. That's how it works...they give themselves the liberty of having this friendship and then they convince themselves that it's OK to move forward.

Just hearing him say it validated how I had been feeling up until that point.

I'll give the girls a hug. I'll send pictures as soon as we have our portraits back.

Sending you and Gem some {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}.

Hi all! Great info and advice, thanks!

I'm all for exposure. I think it would have helped a lot in my case.

My wife had a ONS with her best friend's H while the friend was out of the country. The ONS was followed by an EA.

The OM told a relative, who told the other spouse when she got back. The spouse told her H that she didn't want him seeing my W anymore. But...he ignored her NC request (as did my wife.)

The other spouse DID NOT expose the affair to me, however. I found out only by reading a print out of an email that was left in our car. The other spouse had known for at least a month at that point.

When I did find out, I insisted that my wife end ALL contact THAT day. I also contacted the OM and told him firmly that the relationship had to end, and that he should stay away from my W.

Had I not found out, I'm convinced the A would still be going on. It was only after I knew about it that it cracked.

Had the other spouse told me...the affair would have ended weeks before it actually did. We could have begun re-building our marriage sooner.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: AndrewA ]</small>

Andrew -

I think your story adds a different point of view to the rest. I didn't expose the A to FOW's H until I worked up the courage...I feared so many different outcomes that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Finally once I felt like there was no hope and I was about to just leave I decided I had nothing to lose. Had I gone to him earlier I could have saved myself a great deal of pain.

The irony of the situation is I tried to call FOW's H the day I found out but couldn't find the number! I called 411 and gave the name and even the street but there was no listing. By gones!

^bump^ for IamSLICC

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I have never made a decision more 'right' in my life than to go to the OM's wife and expose his nasty, vile mess.....I highly recommend it to anyone.

In my case it worked, in your case, it might not. However, you will always be able to rest well with yourself,knowing that you did the 'right thing'!!

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