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Since there hasn't been many new ones, I'll go:
I believe in exposure 110%!! Would do it over and over again... I am the BS, I did not do this, and while I am a little embarassed, it is not my shame to bear!
I told my family, his family, the friends & neighbors that were here for DD13 b-day party, and everyone from the gym (where OW works & WH leases) who I have encountered including the mgr and owners. I told DD4 preschool teacher (a kind, praying woman) and the school director (one of the reasons we could not pay the bill!) I told a few select friends from work and more. I am not afraid of anything... he wants her, she wants him (or so they thought) than let them shout it frm the rooftops!!!
It actually has been very therapeutic, and I would do it again!
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I have 2 of his OW phone #'s. They don't know he was married. Should I call them and find out if he and they were physical cause he says they weren't.
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bump for those considering exposure
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Bump
And don't worry about how angry the WS and OP get when you expose - do it anyway.
Remember that exposure angers them BECAUSE it spoils their fun and increases their feelings of shame. Exposure helps to end the affair - or at least the fantasy/honeymoon stage of the affair.
Just be careful when exposing to protect yourself. Never discuss exposure with the WS or OP without first lining up some back-up. It's safer to have somebody with you when you expose and/or the first time you talk to the WS after exposure.
Oh, and BTW as long as the WS is still angry about exposure then they are still deep in fogland.
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
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~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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I wrote in this thread previously and said that I had not exposed the affair and that sometimes it may not be beneficial.
Well..., I have to retract...
Everything has finally been exposed which was BEST for all. It was the HARDEST thing that I've ever had to do, but I did it.
I think that we are finally in recovery...
I don't post here much anymore, but I wanted to say that expose should be done. I was too scared and too timid for too long...
Love
Kati
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^^^bump for foundareason^^^
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I will only add that exposure is simply the most effective tool a BS has in his/her arsenal that I have ever seen. Exposure is ruinous to affairs and can result in the immediate end of the affair. Even in cases where the end is not immediate, it seems to hasten the end of the affair because an affair cannot survive without secrecy.
And here is why it works so well. What drives an affair is a fantasy. The fantasy can only survive if reality is not allowed to intrude. Exposure shines the light of reality on the affair and ruins the affair. It causes great conflict and embarrassment when the WS is forced to explain his sleazy actions to others. He begins to see how foolish and sleazy he looks through the eyes of others.
It is like turning the light on in a crack house. Who wants to smoke crack in the light of day when others are watching?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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