[How do I recover my self-esteem? I used to be so proud to be me; now I am ashamed to look in the mirror. I was a liar. There is no changing that. I lied to someone I lved. I took the easy way out. Instead of fixing something that could be fixed, I hid and played in the park with my little "friend." I kicked my W out of the sandbox and hung out with my new "best friend" instead; who turned out to have motives a child's mind could not compreend.


How do you recover your self esteem?.......... Concentrate on recovering your wifes!
Right now you need to put your feelings and pain aside and concentrate on her. Remember WK, this affair is old news to you, to your wife it happened TODAY.
You have read on here about plan A, thats what you need to be doing, also you know about "Radical honesty", this is a must now.
You say your wife has not asked many questions, she will in her own time ask what she WANTS to know, when she does make shure you tell her the answers honestly, if on the other hand she dosen't want to know then zip it because only she will know what she cares to hear.

Please for gods sakes DO NOT explain the OW and what you did the way you have to us here, remember the affair itself is hard enough for her to bear, be sensetive to her feelings when you discuss it. She will not need the blow by blow descriptions of the sexual part of the affair as you have described it here, that does not mean don't tell her if she asks, just don't tell her the way you have told us.

Make sense?

Congrats on fessing up, I wish you both the very best, and to be honest I don't think her reading your past posts will do her much good, I would suggest you change your ID or something, dunno, JMVHO.

mtheart

WK, sometimes I absolutely despaired of you when I read your posts.

Now you know what it is to be a real man.

I can only agree with the others - you did good, you did real good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now be there for your wife.

Jenny

((((WK1))))

what do I say that will
make sense right now...
This is the beginning of
healing-like a deep wound-
it will take a long time
to heal, lots of love &
attention. be loving to her.
don't be too hard on you...
I did that game-& it is so
mentally draining. I am human-
I made a mistake-I have become
stronger & wiser because of
my vulnerability-you will
too. Stay in touch with
all of us-it helps. I wanted
to give up & handle on my
own-but it helps to vent. My
friends are tired of all of
it. My H & I are dealing
with some really good friends
becoming distant-I know not
intentionally-but it still
pains me to have them be
awkward around me.
take care & remember this-
1 DAY AT A TIME!
1 post at a time!
1 love in your heart!

mt...good advice to WK about not sharing the details <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I say if WK wants to
talk about whatever
he has on his mind-
he should know that
we will listen. All
these rules- I get
the feeling that we
WS's never get to
let it all out-we
may upset BS-how do
we get thru this ?
He is going thru a
tough time right now-
we need to support
him-not confine him.

PAL, WK should definitely answer every question his wife has and I'm sure he will, but if he tells her in the "graphic" way he told us it won't help her or him one little bit.

I'm sure he wouldn't anyway.

Jenny

I know-
& understand.
I hope it
does not come
to that-my H
has asked few
things. Some
I would be
uncomfortable
answering.
WK where
are you?
I want to
check &
see how life
is going...

a MAN has been born.....now HOW will he grow?

congrats wk---you've taken the first step....one step at a time now.

Hey, everyone, I'm here. It's Friday and I'll be checking in throughout the day.

Thanks, PAL, for mentioning that everyone should listen and not confine me. I do admit I wrote some rather graphic stuff in the past, and I am not like that in "real life." I hardly sit around with clients and friends and talk about my OW and how she used to beg me to **** her, and handcuff her, and how I made her wet, etc. Truth be told, those things sicken me a bit right now.

However, I do think that my letting it all out here certainly helped a lot. It was on my mind. I was thinking about my relationship with OW and what it was. Even though OW constantly told me how much she loved me and wrote a few love letters here and there, it was really the sex that was on my mind when it was all over. I didn't miss the conversations. I didn't miss the holding hands. I didn't miss this and that. I missed the sex.

Bleeding myself of all that here, helped me realize what the relationship really was. Yes, she built me up, etc. and maybe she did love me. I don't know. Maybe in her own sick and twisted mind, she was convinced that she loved me. But for me, if she didn't spread her legs, I probably would not have wasted my time.

So, sorry if some of you were sickened by my graphic descriptions, but like Howard Stern and others say, "change the channel!"

Without being graphic with my W like I was (am) here, I guess I can simply continue to say, "it was mostly about sex," and that should be sufficient. She has not asked for details and I doubt if she would want them anyway.

I will put aside my self-esteem for now. It is my W self-esteem that matters now. She must feel ugly. She must feel stupid. She must feel like a fool. She must feel like second fiddle. She must feel like a battering ram has knocked into her heart. She must feel like I tossed her into the bottom of a burning pit. She must be thinking about all of last year, and how much I DID NOT CARE about her; that if she got sick sick or hurt or anything, I would not have been there for her. But that is not true.

I was just screwing an OW. That's it. If OW and W were on their death beds and I could save only one of them, I would have had my heart removed and placed inside my W. I'm not just saying that because of how I feel now. I am sick to say I was nailing someone that I guess I just did not care about all that much. In fact, she was kind of a pain in the butt! I looked through some old phone bills, and she called me 9 times more than I called her. She pursued me. Not that THAT is an excuse for what I did, but in a lot of ways I did not want to hurt her feelings, so I let A drag on.

Oh, boy! That's gonna get some **** thrown at me. I should not have written that. I should have deleted it. But maybe it'll help some BS out there understand how and why SOME (certainly not ALL!) WS stay in a A.

Before the flames start throwing let me say here and now that I realize my W is top priority. She always has been. I was in a fog. I was blinded by the OW shining lipstick, and all she did to encourage A. She went out of her way to seduce me. Sex undergarments, perfumes, offering herself anytime, anywhere. She never once talked about the future and what we could do and be as a couple. Because she had no life and no dreams of her own, she tried to borrow --- or steal! --- mine. I should have known better. NOW I KNOW BETTER.

Dont despair all you BS out there. Your WS is and was with an OP who was (is) lost, out in the cold, out in the freezing rain, and OP was (is) trying to cling onto anyone who will give them some direction. They wanted a taste of the paradise you and S have, but they don't want to spend the time to create it on their own. They want it instantly. They don't look back and they don't look forward. All they have is the here and now, and as a result, they don't see the destruction they have left in their wake, or all the misery that's out on the horizon.

OPs are lonely. They are desperate. They are looking for something new. They are looking for someone to make their shallow dreams come true. They are looking to find someone to help drag them out of the mud.

Or in my case, the situation is a bit more complex. When I broke off the A, OW tried to drag me into the mud. She considers all she is doing --- or considering doing --- as revenge; but probably is making me out to be the villian. To her, I drew first blood by breaking away. She is now retaliating.

OP don't think straight. They can pour it on, but they can't pour it out.

But enough about OW! That miserable c-nt! Thank goodness, she is out of my life!

From this day forward, my W time and feelings are more important than anything. For crying out loud, she saved my life in so many ways. By my calculations, that means it belongs to her as much as it belongs to me.

I am here throughout the day, so let me know what I can do to make my W feel special. What can I do to get life back on track and move on to a new chapter. I was thinking about marrying her again. Perhaps going to the zoo I'm sort of weird that way, in case you haven't noticed. I'm also a big animal lover) or or a cemetary somewhere and renewing our vows.

I want my W to feel that she is more than just a diamond in a pile or rocks. She is MY diamond. She is my treasure. I want her to feel loved. How do I make some one feel LOVED after all I have done?

I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm not confused.

I'm excited about the future. I know W is going to bring up the past, and I'll talk to her all night long if she wishes; but what more can I do to get her to think about the future?

Wk

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

wk, i might be the only one that thinks this and i could be way off base...

i don't for one minute believe you confessed to your wife.

FL -

I thought the same thing!

BB2

I will not be returning to this site ever again.

Instead of help, I get this crap.

What reasons would I have to write as much as I did? How would that help me? How would that help anyone?

I'm not sure what you thought you would accomplish by your comments; but if it was to drive me away, it worked.

Bye.

FL,

I'm with you. Didn't believe it from the start!

That's helpful from WK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Now all the posts are gone.

I was going to read them again to see what I thought.

Ah well......

Jenny

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

Thanks to some of my REAL friends here, who e-mailed me personally and asked me to re-post what I deleted, I have done so.

Have fun tearing someone to shreds who tried to improve their situation. Apparantly some of you get some sort of sadistic pleasure ripping into others. I am glad W has not come here yet. She has enough pain without seeing her H being ridiculed and scorned.

Don't bother addressing me any more. Say what you wish. Think what you wish. I have no desire to return.

The posts will be back p in a minute or so.

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

WK,
what happened? Haven't been here since I posted
to you the other night. Don't leave, you need
help.

so why do you care what i (and perhaps a few others) might be thinking? sounds like you have plenty of REAL friends here who believe in you. why run away from them because of a small minority?

remember, you can easily just not read my posts, just like you have told others who have not liked the graphic details in your posts.

of course the decision is yours to make. good luck with everything.

I had some red flags going off, too. I didn't hear hardly anything about his W's feelings, reactions, anything. Just a whole lot about WK. And he was laying it on pretty thick.

Why would he lie? Hm, why did he have an A? Because he's all fogged up? Because he wants acceptance? Because he wants people to tell him how great he is? Because he wants people to think good things about him? For all the other reasons people lie?

And, as FL stated, why would he get so bent out of shape if he really did tell his wife? What's the big deal. He could have just said, "I'm sorry you think I am trying to "fool" people here. Could you explain why you think that?" Or something similar.

Why freak out? Maybe I am just having Sarie flashbacks . . . And maybe that isn't appropriate to say here, but on his thread, what the he!!. Just turn the channel, right?

SS

Actually, I thought WK's writings in his first post were a bit too much Collins' romance/graphic novels to be real. Who knows? Unless his wife is totally numb, drugged, etc. there's no way, no how that she's responding the way WK says on this thread.