I have my mojo, person, my SELF back. I have the joy back. Am more truly true to myself since before this whole adultery mess.

Plan B really does work. Even if your marriage doesn't. I feel removed from all the drama, hopeful about my future, and like myself again. I feel this newfound strength to have reclaimed who I am.

Some interesting observations:

- I love Harry Connick, Jr. again (something I could not bear to listen to during the height of all the pain, because his music reminded me of the early romantic years of my marriage, which was very hard for me because he is my very very very very favorite in the whole wide world). Now I sing his songs at the top of my lungs in the shower, hear them humming in my mind when I am on a long walk, and when I hear those clever, syrupy (not a word, but work with me), love laden words, and do not hurt for what I have lost, what could have been but wasn't, but instead laugh at some of the unrealistic characteristics of the words, and secretly wish for something close to that for myself one day (yes, it's true, I am a hopeless romantic at heart).

- I discovered a new big band/jazz/swing artist that I really like, that reminds me somewhat of Harry (Connick and I are on a first name basis). His name is Jamie Cullum. And his music brings me pure, adulterated (ironic word) JOY JOY JOY JOY JOY. I feel sexy, perky, and vibrant when I listen to his music. Unfortunately, I do not yet own his CD, but instead keep borrowing it from own of my office mates. But I am soooooooo happy to be discovering music, albeit idealistic, romantic, silly and smoky jazz bar-ish music, but a new discovery that speaks to something reawakened inside of me.

- I am not a big TV fan. Which is an interesting observation because my life with W-STBX-H involved a LOT of TV watching. And I always assumed it was because we both really liked TV. But the truth is, I do not really like to waste my time with that. I much rather play with the kids, pop in a CD (see two bullets above), do some yoga, sit on my back porch, garden, spend time with friends that I have neglected over the years, or piddle around on the computer.

- I am a happy, super friendly person. Which is an interesting observation because I have spent the last several years really angry. And that is really interesting, because I would have told anyone who would have asked over the past several years that I was really happy with my life, my marriage, my husband. But maybe I wasn't...I need to process that some more. But now, I smile at strangers, say hello to fathers walking their children at the park, commiserate with strange young women on the endless hunt of cute shoes at the mall, banter with the clerk at the grocery, and even struck up a conversation with a young family at the counselors office yesterday. I have ALWAYS been a DEFINITE extrovert, but I look back now and realize I have not made too many new friends, aside from work associates, over the years. I have not nurtured that deep need inside of myself to just connect, and love, and know other people. It feels so good to be heading back to that.

- I am managing my health much better now. I was thinking about a really rough time in my marriage last night, when my W-STBX-H made some really hasty decisions (quit his job to explore a job change w/out consulting me, when our second child was just months old, put our family into EXTREME financial straights, etc.) Something that crossed my mind was how I was really struggling with my weight then. I hit my all time weight high then, and I remember just having so much fear, and feeling this intense sense of betrayal (ironic) and this sense that I had to unfairly be burdened with all the responsibility with our family, and wanting so badly to be taken care of, but knowing that W-STBX-H could not and would not do that. And I just started trying to literally insulate myself. Weird. I am now excited to be showing the world who I really am. I still have some weight (about 40lbs actually) to pare off, but I just know it will happen. I am not worried about it. I am eating well, exercising like a fiend (if I cannot have sex, I guess I will just get sweaty and exhausted from running 3 miles, doing yoga nightly, etc), and no longer feel this need to shove down something that will "make me feel" safe and in control. Because, well, I feel safe and in control, or at least have a more healthy perspective of what can and should be controlled, and what it means to be loved and safe. I guess it took losing what I thought I could not live without, living without it, then living without it well, to learn I am going to be just fine.

- I am considering things I would have never done before. Like writing a book. Going back to school to get my Master's (not in Advertising, but maybe Sociology). Becoming a certified massage therapist (just for a weekend gig, or to rub that right someone). Having another child (not now, but in the future maybe, with someone new should the right man come along...and this is really interesting because I never thought I would do this in my marriage...I was FINISHED having children). Or along the same lines, adopting a child (something I wanted to do for years and years and years). Traveling to Greece. Learning to be more conversational in Spanish (and then going to Spain, for like a MONTH or something, so I can be sure to test it out).

Anyway, I just wanted to serve as a source of encouragement to those BS's out there that cannot fathom a life without their spouse. The hurting people out there who feel that slight nauseous knot in the pit of their stomach when they even for a split second envision life without this person they pledged to love no matter what. Those people who have dark circles under their eyes, the ones who cannot sleep, can't eat, can barely breath. I remember how much it hurt to just breath in and out. And now, I wake up, standing taller, with a little pep in my step, and a gentle smile, taking in as much air as my lungs can handle.

You can get there too...no matter what happens in your marriage.

My thoughts are with you all!

<small>[ August 02, 2004, 08:19 AM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>

S,

What a FABULOUS post! You are 100% correct. This is what Plan B is all about. You are removed from the drama. You find the peace, finally, to reintroduce yourself to YOU.

I am so very happy for you and where you are with yourself right now.

I recently found some new music that I love too. Have you ever heard of Bond? They are a British quartet (all girls) on strings! With a sorta dance club beat underneath. Check it out at bond-music.com. They are awesome! IMHO, that is!

OK, back to topic...you have definitely rediscovered the you that you permitted to get buried in your relationship. That is such a good thing and I am so happy for you.

Hugs!

Standing "O" for you

That is ovation, I don't want to confuse you in your sex deprived state. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mmmmmmm....the big O.....

KY, u r obviously struggling with the gotta gotta have it state, too (or need I mention your login name, hmmmm?????)!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gosh!! After reading that, I kinda wanna run away from home! --DT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

serendipiT...I would say that your day dream was
prophetic. Good for you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Purely coincidental my login name, and my state of gotta have it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
KY

YOU GOT YOUR LIFE BACK!

This is wonderful.....it's been a while since I posted to you, and I genuinely hope for only good things in your life...and it sounds like you're off to a great start.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You got your mojo back!!!!

Oh yeah... Oh yeah... oh yeah

Wassssuuuupppp, MBer's. I wonder if I am allowed to be a member of this sacred society, especially when I no longer want to build my marriage. I should probably migrate to the divorcing boards, and leave all you infidelity, wanna save my marriage souls to do without my ponderings.

I meet with WH today to discuss D. A little anxious about this meeting, because I have a feeling it will be incredibly manipulative. STBXWH has returned from another international trip last week, and here are the manipulative things he has done so far:

Friday, first day back, called me because he did not know he was supposed to pay the sitter. With is utter and complete BS. I had detailed for him in writing twice and once verbally the payment schedule.

Saturday, called me, I let call go to voice mail, he left a message from the grocery store to ask me if I needed groceries. I left a message back, that, no, I was fine, thanks for the offer (not sure WHY he was offering that, since I have never needed him to buy me groceries). He then calls back again and leaves a message asking me what I meant by my message. I again say, I am FINE. Thanks, but no thanks.

Sunday, calls in the am to say I did not pack church clothes for the kids. I had stopped packing church clothes for the kids since he had not gone to church with them since he moved out in March. He comes over and gets them ready, he is asking me if I am ok, am I sure everything is ok? Yeah, I am super...I am getting stalked by you, and oh, by the way, get to remember, as a somehow distant and no longer emotionally impactful memory, of how badly you hurt me, you SOB. Of course I did not say that. Whatever.

Sunday afternoon, calls to see if he left behind at my house that morning a bag of gifts for his brother's family that he had picked up in Canada while he was there. Not sure why he would have even taken it inside my house in that morning in the first place (why would you take that in...the kids just changed really quick and then left, nothing in the bag was for me or the kids, so why not leave it in the car). I go in my son's room, and sure enough, it was in there. So I run it to his apt while I head out to get gas.

He is an irritating knat that I will have to swoosh away from my face for the rest of the life. He is an amazingly evil person. An evil person bent on selling me a piece of swampland and the premise that he is not a bad guy. And there is LOTS of swampland here in sunny Florida, but I am just not buying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Going through the big D and don't mean Dallas.

Anyway...someone give me something to laugh about!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Oh! oh! me too. I'll take a big helpin' of something to laugh about, and throw a spoonful of sex on that.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So - this soon to be D lady, this really short guy, and an Indian walks into a bar, the Indian says, I had great sex last night, what about the two of you????

Hee hee

I, too, love O-ntario.

Hmmm...funny. How about this....some advertising humor (since this is my profession, that I am NOT doing right now, obviously):
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

How about that....irreverant, sarcastic, and cynical.

well this was a very fun thread to read!!!!

Hey...I get a little fiesty...write back...answer the calling for some insanity...and I get nothing...nada...

chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...those are crickets.

Tough crowd. Sheesh.

Don't make me bust our the REALLY juicy material.

LAUGH DAMNIT.

I laughed does that count???

KY

SerendipiT, I really appreciated reading your post. Two years ago, before the A, sad life circumstances began entering my life. I was at a good place in my life and felt very positive. As these circumstances became worse I had to acknowledge that sometimes life just sucks. During this period is when H began having his A, which was last April or May. As the past year as progressed I have kept it together, yet a sadness has definitely entered my life. It was terrible before D-day, 1/8/04. At least I'm dealing with the truth now.

I guess what I want to say is I am longing for the day I too get my MOJO back. I never had to Plan B. H appears to be committed to recovery, but who knows. I don't believe he has had any contact with OW. Yet he is still withdrawing from her I'm sure. Our hearts are still not open to each other yet because of the A. I know the work that lies ahead of us if we are to recover, and that sucks. In certain ways I think Plan B might be easier to find oneself again. But I hope I can get to that place again. I am truly happy for you! It's sounds great! CV

Hey, I’m laughing too… actually had people starring as they walked by my cubical… damned near shot Mountain Dew out my nose…!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Seriously though, congrats on the plan B success… I find it to be of great encouragement.


Keep it up and Good Luck!

Aha!!!! Back at last. Had an eventful evening to say the least....but I am way too happy to dig it all up and recount it now. I will wait until I am at work where I can be more unproductive and get into the nitty gritty.

feelin feisty, smart alecky, and wanting to write something funny...

something funny.

Well, sorry about the late reply.

CV: I really feel like you are my soul sister or something (that whole initials thing...remember me, same initials, changed my screen name, etc). You will get there. You are just taking a different path.

Hey...Want My Wife Back, I read your reply and laughed at you laughing at me laughing...or something like that!

CP: You are going to be nuttin but trouble, I can tell. I will reply on your threads separately!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SerendipiT, this is too weird! Over in recovery I asked Spider today if she knew where you were because I haven't seen your name and was concerned about you. You could have told me you changed your name girl! Anyway, I am so happy for you! I really am. I want to know everything that happened. Why did you change your name? OK, fill me in if you can. Yes, we are soul sisters! CV

SerendipiT, Cello is really down. I think he'd like to talk to you on the Utter Nonsense thread.

Jenny