A couple of questions.
1. Where do you get your hope from? - Biblically, we are told it is from the Word/God, so, when do you give up on hope, well, when he remarries, as God can do all sorts of crazy things that we just can't comprehend.
2. When do you give up? -Hmm, I'd have to say after a decent 3 month plan a has been run, followed by a 1 year plan b. The one year I say because it allows for every holiday to cross, it takes it's financial toll, and reveals most of the OP's life to the WS. I do think that during the plan b, the bs needs to protect themselves with getting a true representation of child support/alimony payments, things like that, so the WS really feels the financial pinch. I also believe in none of this sole custody crap, if the ws wants to hide the affair, or hide the OP from the BS, there is a reason for it, because they have in their subconcious an intent to come home. It's small, it's subtle, but, it's also a deep seeded thing that begs for a stiff uppercut delivered by a firm plan b, but a plan done in love.
When you feel yourself caving on your side, and you have invested a decent amount of time in a good plan a, it's time to move on. If you haven't planned a successfully yet, then it's time to try harder. You need to show your WS you can change, and that you are aware of some of the failings you had in the marriage. When you can say you have learned from those mistakes and overcome those weaknesses, then, well, you are ready for a plan b.
That feeling of quitting...is it Satan whispering in your ear, or God? Love is longsuffering. See if that applies to what is going on in your head. Remember, love is a decision, not just a feeling. Choosing to love someone has much more eternal value than feeling love for someone. One final note, it's easier to act your way to a feeling, than it is to feel your way to action. This is the key to the MB principal for falling back in love with your spouse. Act act act act act, guess what, whammoo, you're in love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />