I have a short question----

When do you know it is hopeless, and when do you give up?

2kidsmom,

I believe the MB credo is "when the WS marries". I can't imagine that I have the courage or tenacity to wait that long. But what the heck, I never believed that I could forgive infidelity either.

2km..

I don't have an answer per say...nothing that I can back up anyway, just an opinion.

I don't think anyone knows when a person or situation is hopeless. I think that they decide that they have spent all that they are willing/able and they choose to move on rather than continue to invest.

A couple of questions.

1. Where do you get your hope from? - Biblically, we are told it is from the Word/God, so, when do you give up on hope, well, when he remarries, as God can do all sorts of crazy things that we just can't comprehend.

2. When do you give up? -Hmm, I'd have to say after a decent 3 month plan a has been run, followed by a 1 year plan b. The one year I say because it allows for every holiday to cross, it takes it's financial toll, and reveals most of the OP's life to the WS. I do think that during the plan b, the bs needs to protect themselves with getting a true representation of child support/alimony payments, things like that, so the WS really feels the financial pinch. I also believe in none of this sole custody crap, if the ws wants to hide the affair, or hide the OP from the BS, there is a reason for it, because they have in their subconcious an intent to come home. It's small, it's subtle, but, it's also a deep seeded thing that begs for a stiff uppercut delivered by a firm plan b, but a plan done in love.

When you feel yourself caving on your side, and you have invested a decent amount of time in a good plan a, it's time to move on. If you haven't planned a successfully yet, then it's time to try harder. You need to show your WS you can change, and that you are aware of some of the failings you had in the marriage. When you can say you have learned from those mistakes and overcome those weaknesses, then, well, you are ready for a plan b.

That feeling of quitting...is it Satan whispering in your ear, or God? Love is longsuffering. See if that applies to what is going on in your head. Remember, love is a decision, not just a feeling. Choosing to love someone has much more eternal value than feeling love for someone. One final note, it's easier to act your way to a feeling, than it is to feel your way to action. This is the key to the MB principal for falling back in love with your spouse. Act act act act act, guess what, whammoo, you're in love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RookKev,

I needed to read that. I do get my hope from God!I have been praying so much for my situation as well as everyone here. I just don't feel as if I am getting an answer. I feel like I am giving up on God if I give up on my marriage, but I feel like he is never coming home. It has been 7 long mths. He just left, that was it. No MC, just I don't love you and I am never coming home.He supports me real well financially. He gets the kids every other weekend and seems really happy. Still denies the ongoing A. Don't know what more proof I can get.I don't know what plan to do since I found MB 1mth ago.I am calling SH tomorrow. I have to becareful with my money I get from him, because I don't work, and what I get is what I get. WH calls me often still. Most of the time when he has the kids. He asks stupid questions like-- Do you put sunscreen on them at the beach? and Do I need to give them a bath? I use to do everything when it came to the kids so I guess he has no idea. He is a smart guy though you would think he could figure it out. Thank You for responding you helped me more than you will know.