Kloe, I was so surprised when she started crying, and then I kept waiting for her to calm down, but she didn't really.

There was another sort of revealing exchange.

I said, "I can't see or talk to you. I can't have anything to do with you."

Her reply:

"Ever?"

GC

Oh GC. My heart's breaking for you and Sparrow. I can only imagine....well, I can more than imagine, but still. The minister I spoke to Friday told me that Jesus' burdens aren't heavy. For us to be in so much pain is not the way it's MEANT to be. For Sparrow to be in so much pain was not MEANT to be. If only the ws could see that....

((((GC)))))

I know you're not overly religous, but the words have the ring of truth, kwim? It's not MEANT to be so hard and hurtful.

Sending you comfort food thru the net. Enchilada casserole.....hope it helps.

- Kimmy

GC,

How the dynamics change when the dumper becomes the dumpee!

I know you want to save your marriage and I'm sure the reaction from the sparrow lends itself to a sense empowerment and hope when prior you have felt little of either.

I personally think you did the right thing for yourself.

Remember though, once she gathers herself she may strengthen her resolve and little if anything may change. This is now about you.

Don't wait to hear for the next glimpse of the effect of your action. Take stock and decide what direction you want your life to go now. Your music, your career, your hobbies and your relationships with your friends and family. You have given yourself the official physical distance, now give yourself the mental distance.

Binder:

Remember though, once she gathers herself she may strengthen her resolve and little if anything may change. This is now about you.

I believe this, much as I don't want to. Mentally letting go is going to be the hard part now. And I'm nervous about potential drama to come if the sparrow doesn't get that I mean no contact.

I'm worried she'll use her attorney for communication if she can't find anybody else.

Feel nervous, like before a performance nerves. I guess it's just the little trace of uncertainty about whether this was the right time to do it. But there's no turning back now. The letter is in the mail.

So... if she were to come by unannounced, I guess pleasant and distant is the way to be. Any suggestions there? I just want to be prepared for her to try and break plan B or make a stink about household stuff she wants. She wants to walk around the house and pluck things off the shelves. A few of her things are still around, and so I guess the way to do it is just figure out what she's likely to want that I agree to and start sticking it in the garage.

GC

Pleasant and detached I was told. Don’t initiate or engage in any conversation other than the most superficial pleasantries. Avoid the interaction and figure out how you will handle the inevitable attempts at contact and minimize them.

Moving her stuff to the garage is a good idea. Maybe even getting a friend or family member to drop it off to her or let her know where it is might be in order. Sort of an ounce of prevention kinda thing. You have always waited for her to get her stuff so your plan A can be presented. Showing her that is no longer available may be a positive thing to do.

You will wait for her to call for a while. You will wait and hope she will rush back in tears to a fresh and shiny new Gray ready to dazzle her with your growth and introspection. That may not happen.

Slowly you will realize that you haven’t been waiting for it as much as the week before…or the week before that. You will begin to create a future in your mind and see yourself going through life without the sparrow…and happy.

One day you will also realize that you may actually allow another relationship into your life. You will realize that there are other attractive, charming and intelligent women that also will appreciate the new Gray.

gc:

geez.

This whole "now the family is 2gether" garbage is so... ...so MONSTROUS, THOUGHTLESS, and INSIDEOUSLY CRUEL treatment of Car4love's daughter...

Look, I'm an atheist, and yet my heart goes out 2 you AND sparrow in all this. I don't believe in "evil" per se, but this is definitely an example of "drama", "negative feedback loop", whatever - negativity building on negativity and consuming the sparrow and OM... It is SO SAD.

Why do people choose this kind of living misery over those that truly love them??? If I knew, I'd be an atheistic saint or something...

I sit here in awe of how you handled the phone convo with sparrow. I don't know what 2 say, just that I hope you know just how much respect I feel for your love for her right now. Few could treat their WS with so much respect in that kind of si2ation. My hat is off 2 you.

Darkness. Loving darkness is what's in order now. I believe there's hope. I've now seen it enough here that I believe it's possible, particularly with someone with such resolve like you've demonstrated.

I send out my utmost respect in 4 directions.
-ol' 2long

gray, just wanted to let you know that i read this yesterday but didn't know what to say. i was going to ask if you were going to send the letter anyway but i see that you have. this pretty much means just checks in the mail, no checks in the mail inside cards w/notes, etc. right?

gotta go and hope you have a good weekend despite this new development. it really gets me though how "they" call and throw all our plans out the window, prayers to you, RR

Gray,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I may be agnostic, but I'm going to pray for these people. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone was listening.


Shul

Shul, as I told stillseeking once, I don't like being agnostic. So lots of the time I try not to be. Tricky business, that.

2long, thanks for your words. You're a fine feller, and I'm glad you read my posts.

Well, the first 24 hours of plan B are done. I cried once, a little, but actually it was when I told my IC about some very nice things a friend said to me the other day.

GC

You're good people, Gray. Don't forget it.

- Kimmy

gray,

can you afford to rent a storage space and have sparrow's things moved into it? If so, that could be a really detatched way to handle transfer of her belongings.

It would be responsible and considerate as well as legal. And it would support your Plan B.

The info about where things are being stored, plus either the key or the lock combination to the unit, could be mailed to her or delivered (by a professional messenger; I think the fee might be about $35.00 to hire one) to her job.

Bellevue, that's a very good idea. I'm pretty strapped for cash, but I like it. Once I get all her remaining things piled up I'll know how much space I'll need.

Thanks for the suggestion.

GC

Had a nice evening at Penny's last night, even though the weather reeked and we stayed inside.

For plan B survivors - what happens to hope over the course of plan B?

Mine is busted out, I can tell you. The sparrow doesn't seem to have found anybody to communicate with me on her behalf.

Here comes a letter from her lawyer, I reckon...

GC

Well Gray, mines just about tapped out. Details are in Weaver's OP thread. Like the sparrow, my WW has been introduced to the OM's sons. My children are no doubt next.

I'm completely demoralized. My suggestion. Don't snoop while in plan B. You just might find something.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Had a nice evening at Penny's last night, even though the weather reeked and we stayed inside.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I enjoyed meeting you last night - no advice here on your issue, just still sorry to hear you're hurting. Take care.

Likewise, Deja. I was very nervous as I drove up the driveway. I've never met a group of people who knew so much about be but were in a way strangers also.

I hope Penny has another get-together soon. Best of luck in that house search.

GC

Binder, far as I know the only men around here in plan B are you, me, and Ethan.

I guess it's like you said before, I just have to let my own feelings run their course.

I've encourage car4love to call Penny. She's having a mighty struggle.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Likewise, Deja. I was very nervous as I drove up the driveway. I've never met a group of people who knew so much about be but were in a way strangers also.

Yeah, me too. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I hope Penny has another get-together soon. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe we should do something over the holidays for all the people who are alone at Christmas. I expect to be on that list, though I sincerely hope I am NOT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Best of luck in that house search. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, kind of hoping I can't find anything, you know?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Binder, far as I know the only men around here in plan B are you, me, and Ethan.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now why is that? If plan A usually is unsuccessful in getting a WS to return and Plan B is the only other option available, why are men in Plan B so conspicuous in their absence?

Do they get fed up and stop posting?

Are WW more likely to return to the marriage faster? (Stats say no)

I dunno GC. My WW, like yours has not wavered at all in her direction or resolve. I don't know her endgame. He's the regional head of his dept. in his medical field and lives in the same city as his wife and kids 300 km. away from here. He can't move his kids; I sure as heck won't let WW move ours. I foresee a lengthy Plan B. I wish his BS was more receptive to sharing info as Car4love is.

HMMMMMMM, last night’s revelation has me thinking and tied in knots. I don't know their next move. Then again, I might as well not worry about it....that which I cannot change....right??

It's that one of my buddies is chatting amicably with WW regarding her adulterous relationship and her meeting OM's kids that I will have to deal with. I'll have no Switzerland for a friend. You're either with me or against me.

Sorry for monopolizing your journal GC.....I just am having a real ugly time this weekend.

Hey! I'm a man in Plan B...

No Respect I tell ya! No respect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />