Did that make sense? Sorry I've had a couple glassed of wine, but I think you know what I am saying. Because you have already said it.

Aw hell, Weaver. It made perfect sense. Course you're right.

I'm gonna spin Exile on Mainstreet, put one more coat of paint on my window, and bust open that last beer.

Thanks, weaver. Letting go is some pickle...

GC

Packing sparrow's books...

Don't remember if I posted about this before - sparrow was at the Book Expo early in the affair, and she grabbed promo copies of a bunch of books she seemed to have thought I'd like.

I'm not sure, because she never uttered a word about these books, but she left them on a chair when she came by the house to get stuff one day last spring, a couple of days before telling me she wanted a D.

A bunch of free books from a trade show are my "parting gift".

I've packed them with the rest of her books, right on top of the pile. Why shouldn't I let her know that I don't accept her lame gift?

GC

gc, i don't have any words of wisdom for ya, but I havne't posted to you in awhile. I do read your posts, just haven't responded to anything.

I just wanted to leave a hug and let you know I'm thinking of ya.

I read yours too, maddy. Right back atchya.

GC

Just pack it up and ship it off, Gray. The important thing is lightening the load, not sending firecrackers back along the energy lines. Keep your energy for yourself. You need it.

Yeah, firecrackers!

You're right, J. I'm being good. The rejected books aren't packed in any kinda in-your-face way. Load lightening.

GC

i think i said it to you before somewhere but i just put the ball in his court when it came to the stuff. whether he really wanted it or not i packed up a bunch of his stuff that he left. he did over look a bunch of things but i don't know if he left things on purpose. anyway, i left him a note that said these were things that i gave him or that other people had given him (things from my mom) and i wrote that i did not want them back. so he was going to have to make a conscious decision on what to do w/these things. he did take his footlocker that i know had stuff that i had given to him over the years and a picture of me, etc.

our divorce, which is now uncontested by me, is in the process. i had some things that i was holding onto that were his (pictures, clothes,etc.) because i didn't think i would be ready to give them up. but i am so i have started a box and it just doesn't phase me now. there still lots of other things that i am not really sure what to do with that belong to me (stuffed animals, my wedding dress, pictures of us, etc.) but i figure in time it will be easier just to dump it all. i've already taken my wedding ring off.

i don't want to make any of the WS's that are here feel bad then they already do (after all they are here aren't they) but i just really came to the realization that i would never be able to trust him again. he is a very weak and insecure person and because of his interests and pursuits, he would always be making himself vulnerable IMO. i don't want to go through the rest of my life always wondering or having doubt. when you know that things can be better and that there are people out there that you can have an R w/whom you can put all your trust in, it's becomes very liberating to contemplate.

steve harley told me in one of our sessions that a lot of the times that even though the WS realize they made a mistake that because of what they have done they feel obligated to continue on the same path. you yourself have said that once sparrow gets something in her mind she is very determined to follow through with it. maybe that's the case and why even though she is continuing to do what she does, that she doesn't necessarily want it anymore but feels she must do what she is doing to be "happy." and for that she still wants things like the pictures, etc.

i don't know what else to tell you gray but get through each day (sometimes the day seems longer than others) and you will eventually come to a place where you have less questions. does that make sense?

continued prayers to you, RR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, get over on the Iditville thread with the rest of them that don't have a life

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey! I resemble that remark................grrrr!

Sorry to tj, GC.

GC, just read your message. I'll email you shortly!

hope you are doing okay today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'm okay. Got an email from SIL - sparrow is getting antsy about picking up the rest of her stuff. I told SIL I'd let her know when I'm done. I worked hard on it this weekend, but didn't quite get there. It'll be done this week I reckon.

I got a little jolt when I saw the email from SIL, but not much to it. So much less painful than real contact. Having a go-between is a good thing.

Hope you're doing okay too, RR.

GC

Just choke it up and get it done (the packing of her stuff). that's just the way you have to look at it at this point. that's what someone told me before i left to go to florida, to see my WH, and get my stuff. they said just go down there, get it done, and come back. that's exactly what i did. just do what you can to get it all done this week and that way you won't have to deal with it anymore. you are in control and can choose what you continue to put yourself through. remember plan B is to protect yourself (and you are doing a good job BTW).

i was doing some "cleansing" last night. it's actually kind of silly seeing as how i just had all this stuff moved up here but i am getting rid of a bunch of things. Such as stuffed animals, some of his clothes, pictures, etc. i'm either giving stuff to the good will or sending it back to him. i'm not getting rid of anything that has the both of us in it (videos, pictures, etc.) and i'm not ready to toss out my wedding dress yet. but i must admit it's kind of liberating. the time will come for you and you are not doing anything in haste, which is really imperative in our situations.

maybe if we say enough times that you are a good guy that it will sink in eventually <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> take it easy and prayers to you, RR

P.S. I'm really doing great

I'm going to gulp down the last of this medicine, starting tomorrow.

Last night had band rehearsal, tonight I have a hayride/bonfire thing to celebrate a couple of our pilots being promoted (I work in a gov't lab that analyzes the snow on the ground in the U.S.).

Then I have a four-day weekend. It's going to be way cool having all that time. After sparrow's stuff is gone, I can start getting the house put together the way I want. The chaos of packing up her stuff has left my house in a horrible "divorced guy" clutter, and I can't live that way.

I'm also planning on vacating my upstairs, which will be somewhat involved, but will save on heating costs and make life easier while I'm adding a bathroom up there - getting the house ready to take on a renter.

My thrillin' life - domestic chores and rock and roll.

GC

Sweetie, it's Mi Vida Loco, and it's what you make of it.

I can send you some awesome paint swatches and we can re-vamp your bachelor pad into something to be envious of.................

I will have to add a general disclaimer: I'm very fond of the latin and terra cotta colors, so if you're into lilac (gag) or sky blue, you're sol with me.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Gray,
I'm still reading, and still praying. I don't say much as you seem to to have enough (and some of the best) help already.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you understand what taking the high road is doing for you? I don't mean with your head, your head understands. I mean, has it ever filled your heart - the grattitude that you didn't screw up royally like she did?

If it hasn't come yet, it will one of these days. It will wash over you like a hurricane force wind.

I have a great deal of respect for you. More all the time.

SS

SS, thanks a million.

I don't know if I feel it. I get plenty of "attaboy"s about it. I guess I don't feel it.

Did you ever read East of Eden? Sometimes I think of myself as Adam Trask (I think that's the character's name). The "fallen", or "C", characters in the last part of the book, Cal and Cathy, complain about him always being right, always being so perfect and decent. Their feelings are treated sympathetically IIRC. He's made into kind of a villain not only for favoring one child over the other, but also for showing so little human weakness that the "C" characters find him analytical, cold, and ultimately unbearable. His percieved perfection and lack of compassion for those who behave disreputably make him difficult to relate to.

Even though it was probably 15 years ago when I read that story, and it was never a favorite, and my memories of the book and movie are mixed up, I think of old Adam Trask and his rotten lettuce all the time.

GC

Pretty much done with sparrow's packing. Today I filled seven boxes with her fragile little trinkets. Buh bye.

I'm gonna let the last of it pile up in a corner until I'm satisfied I've got everything, and that will be that.

I spontaneously sent just one small firecracker. I was cleaning out her desk, and right there on top were a few ads ripped out of old Life magazines, pictures of coffee beans and coffee cups and stuff. The sparrow used to make collages. OM is a big coffee freak. 2+2... those pages were the last thing on the desk, and I crumpled them up and tossed them into the box and taped it shut.

GC

Being in the right is dangerous ground.

(...let him who is without sin cast the first stone, ect.)

Gray, apart from her search for happiness, has she ever communicated to you her reasons for leaving? I don't mean the guilty fingerpointing stuff, I mean did she give you any clue that she was unhappy before all this?

Because when she leaves him you will need to know so you can work on things with her...

I know what I did to make the M vulnerable.

During our false recovery, I got her to talk to me about those things a little. I asked her to help me. But once she started up again with OM, she was just looking for any excuse to leave. We went to a party. Around midnight she said she wanted to leave. I jokingly said, "No way we're leaving this party before 1:00." We left about 15 minutes later. That was the example she used of me being disagreeable the day she left.

I've had to figure most of it out on my own.

I don't think crumpling up those pages was sanctimonious. It was a legitimate protest of her betrayal, and I'm not sorry for doing it.

GC