[quote] Kimmy, you read the oddest mags, I must say.[quote]

Aw shucks! You know I have great taste in reading material!

I KNEW it would be a git-fiddle. LMAO! GC and my ds have the same tastes in music.

SS - on JJ's thread you said your tomato's are done late June, up here they won't be done until late August/Sept and then it is a problem with getting them in before the first frost. It's hard to do any vegetable growing around here.

I grow a winter garden, with turnips, spinich, carrots, and onions. Then the summer one is squash, tomatoes, and like that. It's too hot here for much in the summer. Come by after work in July, and you can pick some tomatoes too.

Hot peppers grow really well all summer though.

Oh, yes, and hot peppers, and bell peppers, and yellow banana peppers. They do really well here.

I have done the same with the hot ones as you. It doesn't seem to hurt my hands, but anywhere else I touch burns. Once I rubbed my eye...............BIG MISTAKE.

Think I'm just going to get one of those hanging tomato baskets this year and concentrate on putting in some perenial beds.

Send pictures.

I suppose we have a few more things in the garden. Asparagus, a dwarf peach tree, and a pomegranate bush. Raspberries, and boysenberries - and grape vines. It's fun, and it gives me a release for my anger, but I have only broken one hoe handle. Is it bad to chop the weeds like a madman?

I took out an equity line of credit and I am going to have my whole backyard turned into a patio. I have a bungalow behind my house I rent out and the space between the two houses is just perfect for a secluded patio. Going to get one of those outside fireplaces too.


We have a fire pit on the back patio, and the girls have friends over spring and fall. Summer is too hot. Your daughter will love it. Just don't go broke.

And I booked a weeks vacation in Cancun for my daughter and me the first part of June.

Have fun, and if you ever get out west, I'll tell you the secret places to go. I live close to Zion national park.

You're lucky to have two 11 yo's. One little girl is kind of lonely for a kid. I love this age, don't you? Every year I think it is the best age, but right now she is still so dang sweet and she just loves everything. Hope HS is kind to her.

HS will be both fun, and torture. You know it will. She will have wonderful experiances, and she will have times when she cries. It is nice to have two, they fight with each other, instead of with us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



I'm taking her to Cancun now because we still get along so good and she still thinks I am pretty cool. I decided it's worth going into debt for a vacation this year because we will always have it to remember.

I hope you have a ball, but remember, it's not the place, but the time she spends with you. It's you being with her full time, laughing and talking with her. It's the love in your voice, the attention you give, the things you teach.

She is lucky to have you for a mom.

You were kind to invite all of us to the island. We probably won't get there this summer. If you ever get out this way, you can come by and our daughters can show yours around this end of the country.

Keep up the good work. I see a much happier person now days.

JD

Okay, GC:

Guitar, eh?

I've got a song for you about guitars and performing and... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"Lament" - King Crimson
(Fripp, Wetton, Palmer-James)

"I guess I tried to show you how
I'd take the crowd with my guitar
And business men would clap their hands
And clip another fat cigar
And publishers would spread the news
And print my music far and wide
And all the kids who played the blues
Would learn my licks with a bottle neck slide

But now it seems the bubble's burst
Although you know there was a time
When love songs gathered in my head
With poetry in every line
And strong men strove to hold the doors
While with my friends I passed that age
When people stomped on dirty floors
Before I trod the rock'n'roll stage

I'll thank the man who's on the 'phone
And if he has the time to spend
The problem I'll explain once more
And indicate a sum to lend
That ten percent is now a joke
Maybe thirty, even thirty-five!
I'll say my daddy's had a stroke
He'd have one now, if he only was alive!

I like the way you look at me
You're laughing too down there inside
I took my chance and you took yours
You crewed my ship, we missed the tide
I like the way the music goes
There's a few good guys who can play it right
I like the way it moves my toes
Just say it when you want to go and dance all night..."

-ol' 2long

Thanks SS. My dad took us to Zion as kids. We lived in Utah and also San Bernadino when he was stationed out west. He took us all over camping in this old motorhome we had. Someday when Paige is in college I might head out west again. You are lucky to live in a place where there is more than just pines and water and snow. Although it does have a certain majesty about it too, I suppose. I was reading about this womens retreat in the mountains, dang now I can't remember if was AZ or NM. Shoot, when I think of the name of the place I'll ask you about it because in the brochure it was just breathtakingly beautiful.

I meant that invite too, to any MB'rs that would like a neat place to put their camper and canoe/boat and rough it on Lake Superior for awhile.

I don't know anyone close enough to take me up on it though, except maybe KY and ST. Melody comes close to where I live to visit relatives, but I know she wouldn't like it, it is so rustic. Who knows though I might try to get her up here.

Gray is more than welcome too. You could bring some buddies and camp for awhile. I'll take you over to the island and then come back home though probably. My little girl doesn't like to stay over there anymore unless I bring some of her friends but then it's stressful with all the water and all for me.

I suggest a camper though because it is mostly rock and I don't think the ground would be too comfy.

I had someone out to see about getting a well and was told that because of the veins on that island I might very well run into salt water, so they suggested running water in from the great lake instead. It is still legal to do that.

Well enough babbling on Gray's thread.

Uncle Cracker (sp) is in town tonight Gray. Thought about taking Paige to see the show but then decided $70 bucks was a little extravagant.

A thread that's steering towards camping!!!!!! Could my day get much better!!!

Gray.....or as us Canucks would say....Grey....get yer butt out west with somathat watery American beer, bring that thar gee-tar too. We'll cry into our beer all night so it'll be watery and salty. WAT's invited too and whoever else can make it to the cabin.

We might even entice one of them cutthroat trout out of one of the local streams. This pic was taken just down the road from my cabin. It'd be good for your soul.

Wow, Binder that is beautiful! Where in CA are you?

Bless my soul, Binder. I'm impressed. I'm there. Watch that Nuck spelling of the first half of my name though, my man. Read back a page or two and you'll know why.

Okay, now that OM is possibly reading my posts, I should be careful what I write, but eff that - except where car4love is concerned. She deserves to be protected, what with wolves at her door and all.

Let me tell you, some of the things car4love has coming her way thanks to no-fault divorce and the family court system here are absolutely a crime. For instance, she is being required to go to the love shack, walk up the walk, ring the bell, and hand over her child while the sparrow squats in the background like a nasty old turkey vulture. Poor car4love (and she would hate me calling her that). I can think of nothing more cruel or humiliating for her than being dragged to OM and the sparrow's domicile to hand over her child to the cuckoo.

And from my P.O.V. Just to cite an example... I've written here about things I'd like to tell the sparrow in my farewell to her. Some of the time, while I was typing, I was crying so hard I could hardly breathe. People responded to those things. They said, "GC, you should tell her this. It's powerful, it's important," &c &c.

Now, I feel that I can't tell her anything that comes from the stuff I've written here. If she and OM have been over my posts, they would just read it together and say "Haw haw, this is exactly what that fool said he was going to write, except he changed 'pain' to 'anguish'."

By invading my privacy and violating my own personal correspondence, they've taken so much from me, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's a private, personal violation.

Oh boy, I've got more to write.

Since getting up this morning, I knew I was going to have a swim after work today, even though sparrow replaced me with OM in the family Y membership, even though I met her car a week ago, possibly coming back from the Y.

As I drove from work, I sweated it. I imagined meeting one or both of them there. I wondered what I would do. I'm not going to lie because the tin god may be reading. I went over a hundred scenarios as I drove, imagining brilliant things I could say. But the truth is, I have no idea what I'd do. I don't have anything in the can that I would say. It's a mystery to me.

I went to the Y, and mercifully, did not run into any of the boogeymen.

I still can't figure out why they would live here. Is it because they weren't thinking about me at all, or is it because they're so preoccupied with making their affair legit that they're taking extra trouble to do it right under my nose? I really don't know. Sparrow was very resentful about moving to this neighborhood with me. It doesn't make sense.

Finally... I've written about this before, because I knew it had to be true, but I never really felt it before. It's really true - my attachment to my W, car4love's attachment to her H... they were really about us all the while. For better or worse.

I was attached because I was willing to surrender myself to the sparrow - obviously a mistake. I should have heeded my doubts.

I was attached because I don't think I'm all that irresistible. That's old, old stuff. That's the awkward little 12-year-old who still lives in here.

I was also attached because I decided she would be the person I love. Because I threw away the idea of having intimacy and sex and anything else with any other woman, ever, for her. I meant it. I thought about it a lot, and I decided that was what I wanted to do, back when I was 23. I remember driving home on my way to get married. In the middle of Wisconsin, I stopped, late at night. I walked up to the top of a hill. I sat up there and tried as hard as I could to come up with a reason to back out. I couldn't do it. I adored this girl. I believed in her. I thought she respected me, and I thought she was good. All past tense.

So it's like I said, the strength of my attachment, the stubbornness of my desire to protect my marriage and to forgive the sparrow... it's all about me. It has nothing to do with her, really. She was on the receiving end, not because she's so wonderful, but because I picked her.

I hope I do a better job if I have to make that kind of choice again. I was the best man for her, but clearly, she is not good. She's cold, cruel, selfish, and faithless. She does not know empathy or compassion. They're foreign to her.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

GC

(edited for content, resized to fit your scren)

You have learned so much my friend. You will do better in future relationships, but don't be so hard on your judgement either. Sparrow may have been who you thought she was back then. People change, character flaws surface, pride gets in the way...

Gray, you are good, loving, loyal man and I am confidant you have many happy years ahead of you.

What FF quoted, I think that is absolutely right on the mark.

Do you really think they would read your stuff here Gray? I mean how could they stand it.

Why he would call him greycloud still baffles me.

I will be so glad when this no longer haunts you. Someday soon the awful stain will be gone, and your thoughts will no longer be plagued by what was never in your control.

For those on here whose spouse left seemingly to never look back, and so suddenly. Never really having a chance to reconcile in their own minds, to get any real answers, to be left with only self-doubt and a horrible kind of paranoia. The kind that makes you question yourself and every thought you have ever had, to question everybody really. That just seems so cruel.

Like the high school dreams where you are sitting in the auditorium and the one person you thought was your best friend is sitting with someone else laughing at you, everyone is laughing at you.

I remember dreams like that which came back to me when I found out about my ex.

If they are reading your stuff here than they are even more effed up than I thought. Yuck!

Binder - that was really beautiful. You got that out of a magazine didn't you?

I see why the aversion to the "e" on the spelling....eeeeewwwwwwwwwwww (Can a man say that) I in no way shape or form want to resemble the l.t.g. Sorry bout that.

He will have his turn though. I look at my WW's father who abandoned her family to run off with OW. She subsequently dumped him to run off with another OM. He is now a senior citizen, broke, lives in my WW's basement and spends his free time wandering around a mall. Of course that will never happen to the l.t.g. because his affair with the sparrow is sooooooo different.

Faithful....I'm in Alberta. We have a good variety here with prairies, forests and mountains. We do lack a coastline however, but BC is but a province over.

Weaver, I did not steal that photo from a magazine. I wouldn't have a clue how to publicly post a magazine pic anyway.........I stole it from a website promoting the area. Be that as it may, it is a photo of the area; my cabin is on the other side of the range in the background of the photo.

GC, in rereading some of your posts I sense some insecurity regarding meeting/dating other women once your divorce is complete. I hope this is a mere insecurity rather than a conscious worry. You do not have an extra appendage growing out of your face, your a musician, well educated, well read, articulate and stably employed. You my friend are a “catch". Plus......you can be very forward and vulgar to potential dates in a bar and if called on it you can say: "No no no.......I asked if you wanted to come to my house to see my thesis! "

Quote:
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Weaver, I did not steal that photo from a magazine. I wouldn't have a clue how to publicly post a magazine pic anyway.........I stole it from a website promoting the area. Be that as it may, it is a photo of the area; my cabin is on the other side of the range in the background of the photo.



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Oh no Binder, I was just teasing you. I thought you did take it and were probably a photograpy buff!

I work with many Canadians and they are always talking about how beautiful it is over there!

I love Alberta. Truly do. I've spent some absolutely amazing and always-treasured time in Calgary. Don't think I'll be going there again anytime soon, but I'm very fond of that park that runs through the middle of the city.

Sorry to hear about car4love having to do transitions at the OM and sparrow's, err, domicile. If that's the worst she got, though, it's not so bad.

Weaver, there are a few people who live in WI. Cerri (Penny) lives over near the Cities, but on the WI side of the border. I grew up on Lake Michigan (Manitowoc) and my parents still live there. Unfortunately, my trips are pretty dang quick these days, and 3 days isn't enough time to visit your island AND see the fireworks with my parents.

SS, I'd love to come and pick tomatoes, too. Dang, that would be fabulous. Oh, well, another couple of years and the vacations will get longer.

Binder, I do have insecurity about meeting women. I know I'm good on paper. We'll see. It's just a little insecurity. This might sound stupid, but I don't know how to be single. I was in college last time I was on my own.

Weaver, I thought they wouldn't want to read my email either, for the same reason (why would they want to read about how much pain I'm in?), but they did. I don't know if they're reading here, but I have to assume they are.

I wonder if TG does his shenanigans on the sly, and sparrow doesn't even know. Not to give her any special credit. It's just all so malicious.

Had a pretty fun weekend, but I'm wiped out. Worked hard and socialized.

More trouble every day for car4love. Something came up yesterday, and she called me crying - first time in a pretty long while. We always wind up joking about how she's sparrow and TG's villain, and I'm like a silent, passive monk in a tower. She said it does feel empowering sometimes, being so involved with everything. I, on the other hand, feel weak and passive. I say nothing, I do nothing, no matter what happens.

I wonder if my silence and detachment is really the right way to go about this. Maybe it isn't the high road. Maybe it's just me copping out.

Or maybe I'm just tired.

And I hit my thumb with a hammer today, hard. It's trashed.

Love stinks.

GC

Gray, I've read your last couple of posts and my heart really goes out to you. I don't know you that well, other than what I "hear" from you through these lists, and the brief time I met you at Cerri's. But, it is my strong impression that you have nothing to worry about. You're good in person too. The right people will make you feel comfortable and you can just go with the flow and not even think about it. When you don't have to think about being on a date, or feel you have to impress someone, you will have "arrived". I truly think it will happen for you when the time is right.

Take care!

DV - thanks a million. I hope Cerri's life settles down enough for another party sometime.

G'night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GC

Yes, Cerri's party would only have been better if we HAD been able to do that bonfire! So, it's clear we need a "re-do"!

Finally found out what happened in the phone conference.

Opposing counsel does not believe I can't afford to give the sparrow all the cash she wants, and wants me to sell the house if I can't. It's a shakedown. Sparrow gets less if I sell. No question about it.

We're being sent to a settlement conference, where some sort of mediator manages a conversation between us and our attorneys.

All I can say right now is "Why?"

GC

I'm very tempted to contact the sparrow. Very, very tempted.

GC

GC, is the temptation to try to work this out between the two of you? To see where sparrow's head truly is? It sounds like this is her attorney talking not her. What do you think?

If I had to guess what sparrow thinks... she probably thinks that it isn't personal, it's just business, and it's between the lawyers. I want to tell her that it is personal and that it hurts me.

I wasn't thinking of trying to work it out between us without lawyers. I couldn't do that.

GC