J, I've broken no laws. No harassment, no libel, nothing like any of that. The few things I did were tame, tame, tame. Almost a joke. But I did them on the sly, so I feel a little guilty about that.

SS... I try to see that future. Thanks for the D&C verse. It's the first I've ever read. I like the book of Job.

GC

So now it's code? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I have no idea what a HHDLXIV is,

...and I THOUGHT I knew Bible stuff, but what's D&C? "Dungeons and Churches?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Code is a good idea, though. you could email the key for the day 2 each of us, and keep the TG and sparrow busy trying 2 crack it.

Just don't let them get hold of one of our Enigma machines!

-ol' 2long
P.S. Please email daily enigma codes 2 [email]qfwfq@iloveulove.com.[/email] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Oh m gawd, you're cracking me up 2long!

I was too embarassed to ask what D&C was...but I know what the other one stands for.

Oh that just tickled me to death.

Thanks for the laugh!!!

---------------------
"The truth will never damage a cause which is just"

~Mahatma Ghandi

Gray - Tin God probably used exerpts - let car4love use the WHOLE body of evidence - it may turn things on the heartless mr tinman.

KA, thanks - I will pass that along.

GC

OK.

I have to admit.

I have know idea what D&C is, nor the one with all the consanants.

Don't feel bad 2long.

What? You and I know useful stuff, right? So who really cares if we are not in the know on this stuff.

And don't worry about the fact that everyone seems to be letting us suffer and not EXPLAINING the acronym though I have seen you ask about it 2wice.

Who needs 'em. When you can type as fast as I can, you don't need no stinkin' acronyms.

Embrace the verbosity, 2long. Embrace it.

Hi Gray. The heart follows the head too. Works BOTH ways. Put your head where it needs to be.

NCWalker

Y'all heard of this crazy "Google" thing yet?

I'll give you one: HHDLXIV = His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

GC

gc:

ac2ally, I DID try google before I posted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

...but you gave away the top secret code for yes2rday! Imagine what the TG and li'l birdie will do with such knowledge!

"Such knowledge is worth more than any for2ne, Cookie!" - Early 1970's 7Up commercial, referring 2 the 'uncola nut' in a parody of the original "Kung Fu" TV series.

-ol' 2long

So.... what's D&C? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

dewt

It's the Book of Mormon.

How are you, dewt? What's shakin'?

GC

It seems that reading my emails and reading my MB posts made it easier for the sparrow to view me as a manipulative, crazy villain.

I feel it's a good time to comment on the recent excitement. Or how about retelling my story instead?

It's true; as the A began, I felt I knew better than the sparrow what was best for her.

She'd suddenly become cruel and nasty. She treated me, her husband, who loved her dearly, like an annoying reject. She took every opportunity to snarl at me or run me down. She told me at dinner once that her yoga was making her see the world more positively and that I was becoming a cynical jerk. I said that I was hurt by that, and that I wished she would show me some love and concern, and that it seemed instead that she was gloating, as if we were in some kind of competition.

This is not my wife, I thought. After I found out about the A, MB told me she was addicted, and it made sense. Most everybody with whom I discussed the sparrow's behavior asked me if she was on drugs or mentally ill.

And I read about plan A. Break my own bad habits - good! Be as attractive to my spouse as possible - good! Be as cheerful as possible - good! Be kind and giving - good! Be tolerant of cruelty and patient with indecisiveness - hard, but good! All these things... always good!

Nothing my sparrow did in the months to follow suggested she was any better equipped to make the decisions she was forcing on both of us, so I continued in my belief that she was not herself. I figured as long as I continued to be my best self (which by the way I tried to be even when she wasn't around! Now that's manipulation!), there was a chance she would change.

The sparrow saw OM right under my nose, had him drop her off at our house while I was there. She told me she was looking forward to meeting his family. Afterward she told me how nice they were! How complimentary! She told me she was enjoying having him hammer away at her. She expected me to be her buddy! What sane person would do these things?

I wept and suffered. And if I heard about something some other BS had done that helped convince their WS to change back into themselves, I would try it.

I tried to help car4love as much as I could. We were in the same boat - powerless, two rag dolls getting dragged behind a truck. Each of us tried to gain some control by doing what we thought might help. We discussed those things, encouraged each other.

But after all those months, and no positive sign, I had to start accepting that the sparrow had drowned her former self in the tub, and had decided to be the faithless, cruel, selfish thing that pretty much avoided me completely by then. I went into plan B. Knowing what she was up to hurt me too much. It had been five months, and everything still hurt. I was trying to take care of myself, but I was too thin and I was smoking too much. When I heard that OM referred to himself and my wife as "the family" I had to get out.

I went to plan B. I still had hope that my wife would return. I heard HHDLXIV say, "It is always bad to lose hope". So I tried to have hope. I tried to avoid knowing what was going on. The divorce shambled forward. I felt a little more peace, though I was still ruled by frustration, confusion, and sadness.

I'd become able to have a little fun, had some of my humor back. The holidays passed, painfully. Car4love had her child. The sparrow finally filed for divorce. And here we are, a year after the affair started, the APs as nasty as they could be.

My hope is gone, along with any desire to associate with the sparrow. Too much abuse for too long. The sparrow is lost to me. And sadly, that's not an M.P., that's an H.P. I'd give anything to help her, but she doesn't want my help. She lives in my neighborhood. She doesn't care if I lose my house. I've done nothing to her, and I am nothing to her.

I gave her eleven years. She gave me a few crappy books she got for free and went to give OM a BJ.

Still a ways to go before I'm out of this mess, before I can make something new out of my life. More grief. Sadness, anger, all that. A legal fight, financial uncertainty. All of it just has to run itself down, and I'm sure to be all right. My soul is intact.

My oldest brother has a girlfriend who's crazy about him. My middle brother is getting married in a few weeks. Their baby brother has to start over, and somehow leave the past behind.

That's how manipulative and nasty I am. So cram it, Tin Man.

GC

(Little icon with tears flowing down it's face)

I know that you are in the midst of the legal and financial nightmare right now, so it is very hard to look to the future in any positive way. And I know we are not supposed to "live" in the future anyway, but several months ago Gimble gave me the best advice I think I have ever rec'd and that was to look ahead and envision the kind of person I wanted to be as well as the kind of life I wanted to lead.

I think you should try to do this Gray. I know that you do not have it in you to even think about dating now. Too much pain, too much of a blow to your self-esteem and then all the other crap currently going on.

BUT, can you begin to envision your life as you want it to be. Even envision a great love coming along, no face or particulars but just envision the great love.

Maybe camping with her and traveling, as I know you like these things.

And maybe a little baby Gray someday.

What ever we think about the most we attract into our life, (the universal law of attraction)

And when she appears in your life, it will all be effortless. You won't have to think about it, worry about it and the energy dating takes will be there automatically.

Start envisioning Gray and planning on having a great summer.

It is time.

Ouch.

Dude, reading your post brought me right back to last x-mas, when Dylan's affair was really gaining steam. The cruelty was unbearable. Actually, the affair was unbearable. The cruelty just made it REALLY unbearable. Her affair partner was our roommate and on more than one occaision she left me sobbing and alone to go down the hall to her lover's room.

If I woke up in the morning alone and went to search for her, I was told I was 'intruding' and that I was acting like a control freak. So I know how you feel.

I think I know that you have gotten beyond taking any of this personally, that you didn't deserve any of that.


And when this is over, and you are ready to move on (with or without the sparrow) know that you will be doing so with a strength and wisdom that very few ever achieve.

I respect you a great deal, Gray. I sense great things in store for you.

dewt

{{{{Graycloud}}}} name spelled out because you need a big hug.

My 2nd favorite DJ plays this tune all the time.

Nowadays, I have to keep secrets from this board.

Dry Your Eyes
The Streets

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me
There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein'
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word
'Cause everythin's just gone
I've got nothin'
Absolutely nothin'

Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin'
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I'm not gonna f***in', just f***in' leave it all now
'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow
And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she's now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

I know in the past I've found it hard to say
Tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now.

gray,

I was doing ok tonight, until I read those lyrics...

I too do not know what to say really.
But you already know, we've both been treated just as badly.

I try not to think of it as "other fish in the sea"
from what I've personally had to deal with, I like to think there are BETTER fish in the sea.

TTSi, better, yeah.

tqt, sorry if those took you down a peg. The first few times I heard that tune, it made me incredibly sad. But now it makes me feel better.

Reading about your troubles, tqt... we've seen many of the same things, haven't we?

You can email me any time at gcloud@earthlink.net if you want to plumb the depths of this insanity with me.

Or if you want to talk about the future instead.

Spidey has been so good to you, tqt. You must be grateful.

GC

Weaver:

Start envisioning Gray and planning on having a great summer.

You made me feel a million times better with that post, weaver. Thanks.

GC

gc:

Awesome lyrics. I'll have 2 look that song up on iTunes or someplace.

It may be TRUE about the recent past, but I would now challenge you (and the songwriter, for that matter) 2 find the "sequel" that tells us (and anyone reading on here) just who gc is going 2 be from now on.

The world is waiting, eagerly... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long