GC, I think once the whole D process is over and sparrow can no longer hold any power over you, you may find you can forgive her. Forgiveness of an unrepentent person is for YOU, not them. {{GC}}

Possibly, FF, but fast forward ten years. Say I'm perfectly happy and my life is just swell, I feel I've forgiven the sparrow, and I run into her.

I don't know what happens.

It's fun to wonder though. Probably I'll just say, Well I'll be, hop in my flying car, and go about my business.

Please don't tell me there won't be flying cars yet. Gimme SOMETHIN'!

GC

I want those skateboards from Back to the Future 2. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hover Boards

I want those skateboards from Back to the Future 2

Faithful, we're dating ourselves when we say things like that, you know.

Personally, I'd like a magic carpet, something from Piers Anthony. Weeee! Or maybe a Mortis! I just don't want to be Death. (Okay, I am still dating myself).

GC, Faithful's right. Forgiveness isn't dependant on the other person's mental state towards you, ever. Ever been on the 12 Step Program, or known someone who has? None of this is news to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

In 10 years, she will be who she is and you will be who you are. And like you said, you bump into her one day, exchange niceties, climb back into your (super-cool-flying) car and hold your beautiful (supermodel) wife's hand just a little tighter. Because your relationship with her (wife) will be that much better because of all of this. The Sparrow inadv. led you to MB, where you are gathering the tools to be an amazing husband to some incredibly fortunate woman out there. . . someone who will truly appreciate you as the Sparrow didn't. Through all of the tragedy and tears. . .you are a better person, yes? At times bitter, sometimes resentful, but better?

Wow. Maybe some good came of this after all.

slh

SLH, thanks. I reckon I'm a better person since the affair started. Certainly I'll be a better partner.

I know forgiveness doesn't depend on her. I don't refuse to do it, but I'm not ready to, and I don't believe I'm obligated to. I also don't think it's so black and white, that either I forgive her or I spend my life all stubborn and bitter. I believe I can walk away from her, let go of my anger and my resentment and my disappointment and all, and still not forgive her either.

I think of forgiveness this way: I think of it as, "We're cool." As in, "I am no longer bothered by what you did." As in, "You are off the hook." As in, I bump into you and we make plans to get together or we laugh and talk about old times. As in, "Oh, you and the tinman had a baby? Congratulations; that's wonderful. I'm so glad. I'm sure the two of you will make wonderful parents."

I don't see that happening. But I won't hang on to any resentment either.

See what I mean?

I'll let whatever happens happen. I'm not going to sweat it.

GC

"She hands me twenty dollars for a two fifty fare, and says Gray, keep the change

Well another man may have been angry,
another man may have been hurt.
And another man never would have let her go,
me I stuffed the bill in my shirt.

And she walked away in silence,
it's strange how you never know.

But we'd both gotten what we asked for,
such a long, long time ago..."


Hey everybody! Thank you for thinking of me. I love all of you.

Just had to step out of my misery for a moment when I seen this post of Gray's. Reminded me of a song.

And one more thing before I put my girl to bed -

WooHoooo Mr and Mrs Seeking!

Eight children and still among the sane. That makes you my heros.

Hi Mrs. Seeking. I'm glad to hear you are the master mind behind SS's posts! It all makes sense now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Is that you Gray? I'm playing it now.

That's very progressive. Is that what you all are playing in the big city? I really like the second and third song.

They suit my mood.

It's us. These are a few tunes from our record. None of my compositions, none of my singing (except backup). My guitar solos are all over though!

Dig it.

GC

I am so blown away. Too cool! I only listened to the first three because I have to get her to bed and she HATES when I am on the computer. I have to listen again in the morning to listen to the guitar.

How come there is no info on the musicians? Is that coming?

Some tasty licks there, Gray!
And Elizabeth/Beth/Liz(?) has a good voice.

"Don't Disappear" reminds me of SOMEthing, and it's driving me nuts..... I was thinking The Romantics, but then no....

Like you said earlier, it feels damn good to play again, doesn't it?

Aw heck, thanks. Yeah, Beth is a good singer. I feel a little weird when I sing, 'cause she's much, MUCH better than me. But I can carry a tune okay.

I've let my pants down, posting this link. NCWalker made me do it.

GC

Well thank you NCW! Gray you are the greatest you know. If I didn't already have a great little brother, you would be he. You are just so real!

I wish I lived closer to the clubs you played in. Now that would be fun. Might even have to give up my no bar rule for a night.

Thanks for sharing part of who you are.

Sure, but, (and no double entendre here) "letting your pants down" is part of what music is all about, right?

tqt... Testify!

GC

Yikes! Whaddyamean, GC?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

((GC))

Hey, you! I have nothing of enormous value to contribute, but I wanted you to know I've been reading along on your galavants with your merry troupe here.

Regarding forgiveness, I think you are confusing two things: forgiveness and repentance. Remember how the wolf and the sparrow are similar? The wolf never has and probably never will repent for what he did (affairs, breaking up the family, hurting the kids...none of it), but I did eventually forgive him because that has to do with ME and not HIM. Is he "off the hook"? I don't think so...I just realize that God is the one to provide that consequence and not me. To me, forgiveness is when I release the hurtful feelings I held onto for so long. See, GC, you can choose to continue to hold those hurts close and keep scratching the scab off the wounds that sparrow caused...

...OR...

...you can take the scary plunge into releasing those hurts and not holding them so dear. You can let them go and allow the wounds to heal, scar over, and maybe even go away. That doesn't mean she is "off the hook"--it means you are not going to keep putting yourself through it. And THAT is forgiveness!!

So, dude, it's fairly simple. Do you want to keep holding onto the hurt and the wounds? Or do you want to take the leap into maybe allowing them the heal and not "forgetting" but getting past it?? That's the question of whether or not you can, and will, forgive.

Love ya, as always (in that older sis kinda way),




FNCJ

I mean, hands in the air, swaying to and fro, saying, speak more truth!

What you said, that is what it's all about.

GC

FaithfulNewCJ, that is SO what I meant.

You are a treasure for putting it so adroitly; you did a much finer job than I.

slh