{{{{{GC}}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{{{{{{{{{GC}}}}}}}}}}

I type, I erase. Nothing sounds good.

I live among what have been called the everlasting hills.

2long says they are of short duration (Hmmmph, geologists anyway.)

But they will be here for sometime still, and you are always welcome.

I have written to you, talked to you, prayed for you.

Watched you grow, seen you sink.

No poem in the world, no song can do justice to what you have lived the last while.

My friend, you WILL make that further shore. Of that, I have great faith.

SS

Hi, Gray.

Quote:
================================
Today I will cook my dinner on the grill and eat it with my hands, saying over and over again: "Chee-kann. Guuuud!"
================================

That's a good start. Go and get one of those voodoo charms with a feather and a chickens foot, and wave it over the chicken while you say those words.

If it gets up and walks or clucks, then you have a new career to fall back on!

:-)

Gimble

I don't feel guilty for not being more heartbroken at the signing. I'm sick of being heartbroken.

My only regret from this past year was that I had to hurt the sparrow. When I cut her out of my life, I was tough. I didn't cry. But she did. I'm sorry for hurting her that day. But I had to. Her cold indifference and open betrayal were killing me.

I don't know if she'll ever understand what it felt like. I'm sure she doesn't now. I don't even think she gets why I won't have any contact with her. She probably thinks I'm stubborn and pissy. The fact is, she's made herself my enemy. I don't email casually with my enemies. It's hard enough not to hate them.

GC

My only regret from this past year was that I had to hurt the sparrow. When I cut her out of my life, I was tough. I didn't cry. But she did. I'm sorry for hurting her that day. But I had to. Her cold indifference and open betrayal were killing me.

Are you referring to your PBL? Or the subsequent phone call?

I read it too, you know. Your letter. It was phenomenal. You did what you had to. I know you know all this. . .but Gray, you dun good. Really. She's only reaped what she herself sowed, in regards to her treatment of you, bay.

You handled yourself, throughout this entire ordeal, with honor and class and dignity that few could lay claim to. And you compromised nothing.

That's nothing to be ashamed of.


slh

We've come a long way GC, a ways to go yet, but a long way none the less.

Your gauge of how you feel about signing may be a little slow on the take and may not register for a bit. Then again, maybe the disengagement is progressing well and you are ready for this.

I hope you rediscover a sense of adventure about your life. I wish I could sit down over a cold one with you 5 years from now to compare notes and observe your perspective looking back on this ordeal. Maybe you will see this as a reawakening of sorts. I am confident GC will be in a good place then because he will have choosen to be.

When will things be finalized? How does it work down south of the border? I'm sure I'm but a few weeks behind you. I've not heard anything from my lawyer so I assume the machine is chugging along undisturbed shredding our marriage in silence.

I'm getting ready to be a single man. Tweaking the wardrobe, engaging my career in new ways, painting some rooms, putting up the obligatory black velvet paintings, you know...the regular stuff. Right now....as we speak (type)...I'm OK, I’m really OK. Hope you are too.

binder wrote:
. . .putting up the obligatory black velvet paintings. . .

LOL Binder! You mean the Elvis ones your STBXW asked you to throw out but you hid for years anyhow? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lo, the stupid, wagon-wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE TABLE!

Oh, wait, I was projecting again. Sorry, Binder. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm OK, I’m really OK.

You really, Binder? I haven't heard much from you, I mean personally, lately, and I usually try to read up on names I recognize. Maybe I've just been missing those posts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Gray, how [color:"red"]you [/color] doin' this mornin'?


slh

Before I start... last night I went to see Neko Case. Over and over, she made me tear up and shiver. How can I say this without it sounding dumb? There's something about her voice, just the timbre of it, that seems to contain the truth.

She did a few songs from her next record, including one she announced as "a really sad song about sparrows", which I didn't catch all the words, but of course I made the obvious connection. I think the song is about sparrows venturing into dangerous places.

Binder, I have, as J put it a few weeks back, green lights on in my eyes.

Something I've got from this experience... I think it will be harder for me to get so caught up in everyday life that I forget what's important. If that makes any sense.

I think my D will be finished in a couple of weeks.

Velvet paintings! Haw! I'm thinking maybe tiger stripes for the walls of my room.

I need clothes too. Now if only I could manage the will to go (shudder) shopping.

GC

That's what the internet is for.

Good grief Graycloud,
that was quick.
(I smile as I type)

Fix your house,
Play music,
Date girls.

Sounds like a good summer.

SLH,
I was going to comment on your post of awhile ago, but there is no way I can keep up on this thread. (shakes head)

It is very difficult to cope with emotions even when we understand why things are the way they are. Emotions just are. I found myself wishing that your H will help AS MUCH AS HE CAN WHEN HE IS WITH YOU. IT could make a big difference.

Perhaps he does, I hope so. If not, train him. JL did a post once on teaching our spouse about meeting our needs. Perhaps I can find it.
Discussion on fear, training spouse
It's long, but I think it may help you if you will read it all the way through. JL's part starts near the bottom of the first page. I don't think all of it aplies, but I think you can get some good stuff from it if you read it all.

Binder,
How's your recovery coming?


No way in the world I can keep up.

Gray, do you know why people like you?

SS

SS... I don't know that they like me! I guess so, usually. But I do draw attention to myself, probably more than I should. Part of my nature.

I do believe I've reached the end of my shift here in the snow lab. Time to go mix plaster!

GC

1. They do like you.

2. There are reasons

3. I'll let SLH list them, so you understand how Girls think.

4. You will need to know this.

Plaster - lets see, which one does that come under? Girls? House? Music?

Do I get more than one guess?

SS

gc:

Remember my post of a song a while back that included sparrows in it? Very spiri2al one by The Association way back in the mid 60's?

It's very cool. I'll post it again if you can't find it (unless of course, you'd rather I didn't).

edited: it's here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1236663

-ol' 2long

Gray, she asked about people, but then answered for girls. I think both you AND her missed the answer. For you have answered it. Just above.

1. They do like you. . .2. There are reasons . . 3. I'll let SLH list them, so you understand how Girls think. . .4. You will need to know this.

I love how you capiltalized "Girls", SS. Like we're some unfamiliar outlander, a Sassenach. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've never had the privledge of meeting Gray, as Weaver has. She'd probably be far more adept at recounting Gray's charmingly many attributes. But I'll try, as what I've seen of GC, I've come to know & love.

Disclaimer: these are my impressions and my impressions only. Do not apply to any and all women and/or to mucus membranes. Not for inhalation. Do not try at home without DIRECT supervision of someone who is looking out for your best interests. (I can't always come up with good things to say about myself when alone, lol!)

Alrighty, Gray, [color:"purple"] : cracking knuckles, flexing fingers in preparation:[/color] where shall I begin? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A ladies' first impression, IRL, (and most obvious) . . . and forgive me for sounding like a lustful she-Klingon -- but you're a good-looking laddie. . . oh, yes! Attractive but not in the haut monde sense, making you more approachable, appealing, real. There may be the exceptions to this rule: women who want something that is more remote and unattainable, a veritable Adonis. . . but is this the kind of woman that you would want?

You're sensitive. Women love that stuff. Well, most women do, anyway. I do. Your posts are thoughtful, well-written, and intelligent without being overly sappy or too saccharine. You seem to be in touch with your emotions. . . better in fact than I myself have been as of late, and many other people I know and come in contact with on a daily basis. You're not afraid to say how you feel, but you temper your emotions with a diplomatic tougue before they reach air (or keyboard). Discipline? Consideration? Or a disinclination to reveal too much? No matter, really, it is a exercise I wish I could master.

Aaaahhh, those morals, I love those morals! Integrity. Grace. Honor. Steadfastedness. Persistance. Self-Control. Gray, do you know how few men possess these very traits nowdays? No, I am not saying you are a robot, quite the opposite. You are human, undeniabley so. You were hemorrhaging inside. And yet you did what you had to do, to try to save what was most important to you, your marriage. It was grueling, wasn't it? No one ever said it would be easy. . . and yet you continued onward, diligent and ever-hopeful. Yes, you protected yourself. But you never compromised who you were, truly, inside throughout this entire ordeal. You stood firm, strong, resolute. Were you angry? Sure! Bitter? Hell yeah! Wanted to exact revenge? Perhaps so. I know I would have allowed myself the dirty, guilty secret of planning to, even though I would never follow through on such a thing. But you never did seek "reparations", Gray. Not once. And thoughts, though they can become a man :: tipping hat to Descartes :: generally do not harm us if only fleeting and singular in nature.

Poetry lives in your soul, pure and resonant and good, and it can't be thwarted by your past experiences. It dwells there permanantly, not to be dislodged by time or space or occassion or event. Music is but one of your outlets; you have others. You are genuine and forgiving and sanguine. You could be stirred to passion were the circumstances right. You embrace life, Gray. Even now.

Also, you are compassionate, funny, loyal, slow to judge, kind, tactful. . . and I'm not sure. . . but I'll bet you're even housebroken, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I could go on about the others (and yes, there are more, lol), but I suspect you have some inkling of their worth to you: Mr. Music Man and a woman's appreciation for your art (are Groupies sane these days?), a Recovering BS -- and let's put a big exclamation mark here -- you now possess these amazing tools to assist and guide you in any new relationship, and you're a generally great guy.

I still feel like I am leaving something out. . . it will hit me over the head as I am dozing off tonight or something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Still, quite a list, and like I said, I've never met you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I guess, after this, the big question here will be,

What do you want, dear GrayCloud? The world is your oyster.



slh

SLH:

"I love how you capiltalized "Girls", SS. "

SS may be a lot of things, but he's NO FOOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LOL!

-ol' 2long

I just wanna be loved, is that so wrrrrrooong?

Haw, haw. It doesn't take much to stir my passions, SLH.

Thanks, that was damned nice of you, all that.

2long... I got that song. It's quite nice. Maybe I'll cover it. The original is missing something.

GC

Yeah, gc. Like digits! It was made with 60's sound systems and guit-fiddles, you know?

but spiritually, it's nothing compared with their other song: "Remember". I'm going 2 put it in my sigline again if it'll fit.

-ol' 2long

Ooooohhhhh..... Isn't Gray cloud wonderful!
Isn't he intelligent....moral....not too saccharine????(Aspartame?)

Isn't he good looking, graceful, honorable....blah blah blah. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!

















Yeah......he's OK I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Binder, you ice fish! Got me there.

GC