well GC

the months have gone by and I did get home in one piece - a bit battered but walking albeit on crutches - but home. Hope to ditch the crutches for good soon ...damn sick of them.

I remember a far different GC from the man I read of here now, you've done a mighty job to work through everything..pretty darn impressive in fact.

One of these days when the ol campfire is burning I'll drop by to say G'day, in the meantime remember it'll be apples mate.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thankyou Gray.

Yours too.

Gray,
You seem to be doing well.
Somehow that makes me happy.

SS

StillLovingHim -

You are quiet lately. (For you, anyway.)

That could be good, or it could be bad.

Let us know which it is, and why.

Feelings of concern, not sure why.

SS

SS, Aussie, thanks. I hadn't noticed. And again Aus, welcome home and double thanks.

Me, I still stumble. Today though... feels like there's a lot to look forward to. I just want some of it NOW. I get older every day!

GC

SLH, your EN thread is all the way down on page 4! Like SS, I hope that's good.

Or maybe you're collecting data. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GC

Weaver,
I am so happy. It sounds like you have lots of decisions to make, lots of work to do, and that you are worn out, and tired.

However, you are back on track, and that makes me sooooooo happy.

Prayer is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems like they never get through the cealing. Other times its almost like he is in the room with us. It takes some of the former, to get more of the latter. Don't give up.

I can't tell you how happy I am that you are doing better. You'll continue to have temptations. Don't let them get to you, you are worth to much.

Remember how much help Paige will need to overcome the trialsl she will face these next ten years. I expect you to be there to help her. I say this not out of concern for her (so much) as for you. If you are there helping her, you will be where you need to be for you.

If you could understand how good you really are, and how much you are worth, you would be OK the rest of your life.

Live your dreams and find out.

SS

Thank you SS!

You're sig line pretty much says it all about you.

I have my appetite back already, and am sleeping with the help of tylenol PM, so no A/D's needed this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Paige sent me a card which made me cry and realized that she needs her happy mom back.

Renters out back haven't paid yet and I didn't even realize it until yesterday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Called and they don't answer so tonight after work guess i have to walk back there and say hi. Just one thing after another, dontchaknow.

Weaver,
The day to day stuff never ends, but you do get more used to it, and better at taking care of it and still being able to have fun.

I don't care much for TPM. I stay half asleep till noon the next day. It does work though.

When you left and said you were going to seek revenge, I though about it for two days. I just kept thinking "I don't know her phone number, so I can't call her, but this just isn't her, she's got to come back and tell us it's not for her."

I am so glad you are back, and working for the things you really want. You and I have both made mistakes, but we can overcome those things, and be who we want to be. I have really high hopes for you, and I think they are realistic.

Thanks again for showing me I'm right about how good you are.

SS

SS, I'm still here, thank you for asking. Watching, listening, learning.

You know, for a while, Tiger was reading here every day. Deficit of time, though -- and (I fear) good old-fashioned self-loathing -- took it's toll, so he now avoids the boards without ever having posted. He hates to see what we have become, what he feels responsible for. . . and the things he could change? Job? Locale? Those conversations are promptly executed at their genesis. I do not persist. I lack the heart.

But I do not lack hope.

Sometimes I wonder who will be to blame if my heart finally forfiets to a road that does not include him.

I spent a portion of Sunday evening with my horse. No mad galloping through the hills or splashing across salty, sandy dunes that night; just me sitting on his bare back while he grazed, reading in the dimming light. He glows silver when the moon and stars reflect on his coat, did you know?

Alabaster in the moonlight.

A halo of radiance encircling me, bolstering me, reassuring me before I return home.


I really am okay.


slh

SS, I'm still here, thank you for asking. Watching, listening, learning.

Yes, and you leave out some things.
Hoping, wishing.


You know, for a while, Tiger was reading here every day. Deficit of time, though -- and (I fear) good old-fashioned self-loathing -- took it's toll, so he now avoids the boards without ever having posted. He hates to see what we have become, what he feels responsible for.

Is he so tired that he can't stand to think about it?
If so, this is the beginning of the end.

. . and the things he could change? Job? Locale? Those conversations are promptly executed at their genesis. I do not persist. I lack the heart.

I suggested a letter as a beginning. JayeM said he didn't think it would work. I didn't know when I suggested it, but we had to start someplace.

Tiger thinks that if he just keeps working as hard as he is things will get better. Just keep doin it, doin it, doin it.

I think you will get tired of it before gets good enough.

But I do not lack hope.

Hope is good, but not enough by itself. You need a road map, or how will you know if you take the wrong turn?

As was said in Alice in wonderland "if you don't know where you want to go, why does it matter which road you take."

Sometimes I wonder who will be to blame if my heart finally forfiets to a road that does not include him.

You can make changes without his input. That is what will happen anyway, but if done now can make all the difference in the world.

You have to get someones attention before you can talk to him. This site is full of examples of how that was done in...........shall we say "less than constructive ways."

How can you get his attention, if talking will not do?

Move without him.

Leave for a few months.

Hit him on the head with a cast iron frying pan.

File for a D.

Have an A.

Now, I am not suggesting ANYTHING. You may be able to think of another way, that is not so disruptive, but get his attention you must, before it is too late, and before the gatherning darkness becomes more and more normal.

I spent a portion of Sunday evening with my horse. No mad galloping through the hills or splashing across salty, sandy dunes that night; just me sitting on his bare back while he grazed, reading in the dimming light. He glows silver when the moon and stars reflect on his coat, did you know?

You found your own little bit of magic. Part of what makes life life for you. He used to know, but he doesn't now. He can't see now. He no longer creates magic for you, and the empty feelings grow.

Alabaster in the moonlight.

Love does it so much better, and it is much more filling, and rewarding.

Get his attention. It can't be fake, or contrived. You have to be ready and willing to do whatever it takes. Even if it means the end of your M.

A halo of radiance encircling me, bolstering me, reassuring me before I return home.

It can be magic again. It can..........for both of you. Life is not being a slave to the almighty dollar. Magic should be a part of it, must be a part of it.


I really am okay.
Yeah, right. And I'm the queen of Sheba too.

Don't be afraid.

You have hope, but don't sit on it.

"Happy are those that dream dreams, and are willing to pay the price to make them come true."

May all your dreams come true.

SS

Fire is lit. I'm going to neglect it though. I'm painting. My house is 85 degrees. Maybe someone will be around to poke it around if it die down (5 points if you get that reference).

I haven't talked to car4love in a while. I've been very busy, and when we speak on the phone, it's usually a loooong conversation. Hours. I haven't had an hours-long phone conversation with anybody in weeks. I don't have the time. My house needs me, and I can't seem to finish any of my projects. They stay half done no matter how hard I work. 2long, help! I've distilled it to two major tasks, and still I can't finish them. So anyway, car4love and I have finally gotten in touch via email. She can't do that very often, since financial pressures have left her without Internet service, and the rest of the time she's got this little tiny person to care for.

She and the tinman are in mediation, more mediation. It sounds like torture, though she hasn't given me any details. I wonder if hearing about the mediation will damage me. Probably, but I'm toughening up.

SLH, you have to give your H a jolt. Does he know the depth of your angst? If he's willing to let you, and him, suffer endlessly for these $-related efforts... I don't know. I believe it's foolhardy.

That horse-riding description was the berries, SLH.

2long... I don't think you should go.

GC

5 pts to me because I get the ref, but I won't be around to "poke it" so that's a minus 5. I break even, cool.

My heart goes out to car4love, but the good news is that there can't be any love left, so no more emotional pain.

I can live with any kind of pain but emotional pain.

You are right on to SLH and letting hubby know, but for the other, I can't say. He needs to end or regain his marriage in his own way.

Off to bed for me. I can't take any more of this day.

Weaver, you're a fine girl yourself. Nighty night.

GC

What?

You guys are in the sackeroo already, and it's only 10:25pm on the left flank?

I just finished watching "Garden State" with my kids and SIL. Cute movie. Quirky in a "Harold and Maude" kind of way, but not vulgar like that. Loved the music.

...speaking of music, I'm going 2 give one 2 my Christian friends on here. Don't subscribe 2 this brand of zeal anymore these days, "but still the warmth flows through me" (Peter Gabriel, "Lay Your Hands On Me"):

Larry Norman, "The Outlaw"

"Some say he was an outlaw, that he roamed across the land
With a band of unschooled ruffians and a few old fishermen.
No one knew just where he'd come from or exactly what he'd done,
But they said it must be something bad that kept him on the run.

Some say he was a poet that he'd stand upon the hill
And his voice could calm an angry crowd or make the waves stand still
That he spoke in many parables that few could understand
But the people sat for hours just to listen to this man.

Some say he was a sorcerer a man of mystery
He could walk upon the water. He could make a blind man see.
That he conjured wine at weddings and did tricks with fish and bread.
That he talked of being born again and raised people from the dead.

Some say a politician who spoke of being free
He was followed by the masses on the shores of Galilee.
He spoke out against corruption and he bowed to no decree!
And they feared his strength and power so they nailed him to a tree.

Some say he was the Son of God a man above all men,
But he came to be a servant and to set us free from sin.
And that's who I believe he was 'cause that's who I believe
And I think we should get ready 'cause it's time for us to leave."

It was a beautiful song. Night all.

-ol' 2long

{{{Weaver}}}



You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said

Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

Rich Mullins

Shul, thank you so much. I can't tell you how much your hug and lyrics meant to me just now when I logged on.

I know you have pain now, once again, but don't know the current story.

I'm praying almost constantly at night now, and it helps me to sleep but you know by the end of the day at work it's tear fighting time again.

I wish I knew how long the grieving process was going to last so I could just plan for it.

Kind of like I could say, well the next month is really going to be a wash up, so might as well just block it off right now on the old calendar and shoot for August.

I was reading over on the divorced/dating section where someone said their mom said "look for someone you can't live without, as opposed to someone you can make yourself live without".

Well if that is true he is the one, because I feel like I am dying.

Isn't that pathetic? Well I need to say it here because I sure can't say it to anyone in my real life. They would smack me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I need to go get a marchette and wack down this gigantic patch of mock bamboo which has invaded my yard. I did a search on the internet to find how you could kill it and all I came up with was "you can't kill mock bamboo but you can kill the SOB who planted it" LOL

Hacking away at unruly flora - now that's a way to spend a sad July!

GC

gc:

Last night I stopped by Vons 2 pick up some foodies for the fridge. ...and they had Arrogant [censored] Ale! So, I bought a few. At 7%, I 'spect 2 be all inspired this evening, though I'll probably be at my scope...

-ol' 2long

ole 2 wrote:
. . . and they had Arrogant [censored] Ale! So, I bought a few. At 7%, I 'spect 2 be all inspired this evening, though I'll probably be at my scope...


Hey 2Long, bring us along if you can. Nothing like musing away beneath the constellations with a poetic soul and his alcoholic wanderings. . .

slh