I'm not a bar person. I thought about going to the bookstore/cafe - but then I remembered they close earlier and earlier now. Don't know why. Usta be open til midnight, then 11. Maybe it's 10 now.

-AD

Gray,

You know. I don't even know your story - not really. Well, not at all.

Can you direct me to the quick summary?

-AD

I'm up.

Its grad party night up here and it can get pretty wild. I know the second I fall asleep they will show up wanting rooms or doing burnouts in the parking lot.


I have made a Very Important Discovery today. Did you know that there are such things as diet chocolate bars?

Help yourselves.

AD, what do you like to read?

Hi guys... just wandering through to toss a couple logs on the fire while I should be working. I hope you're all well.

This must be the place to come to and ponder for awhile while watching the fire burn.

I actually worked today around the house. That's monumental for me.

I'll toast you a marshmellow J... and btw I did happen over to the other website you are involved in and read your daffodil post. It has stuck in my mind since! One bulb at a time. I like that.

I didn't work around the house today, but I got a lot done nonetheless. Work and errands and things. So I'm ready for a bit of a rest.

And OOooooooooo. Toasted marshmallows.... do we have any graham crackers and Hershey's chocolate? That's some mighty fine stuff you've got there.

Thanks for the compliment on the Daffodil post. I like it a lot. But, err, we're not allowed to mention that site here, right?

We had smores here at home today because DD wanted them. Yuck! Way too sweet, not like I remembered. sigh...growing up means losing some of your sweet tooth.

AD, you want my story? It's not really in one place. But I'm feeling awfully blue tonight, so maybe I'll type out the quickest version I can.

Early 2004. I was busy. The sparrow was busy. We had some tension between us over the house we'd bought in 2003, our first. Sparrow was traveling for work often.

She started an EA with the tinman, a coworker. It ended. She moped and complained while I tried to hold things together. The tinman had moved on to another job. He'd just found out his wife, car4love (who is my friend, and has registered but never posted here) was pregnant. After about four weeks, the sparrow gave up on me, and she and tinman started up for keeps, went into fully-blown, f***ing in my bed, asking for divorces, affair mode. They probably think it was special.

She moved out. I sunk into depression, and got on ADs. We met a few times. I was kind, open, and never disagreeable. She was in some turmoil, but not enough to keep her from treating me with amazing insensitivity and cruelty.

I tried to reach out to her without being desperate. I tried to show her that a life with me would be happy and safe. I showed her that I knew she was hurting too, and that I wanted to ease her suffering. I was a freakin' superstar at plan A. I was the valedictorian. But it didn't matter.

We spoke in mid-July. She was still uncertain, probably because the tinman had made gestures toward getting back with car4love, but didn't have enough courage to end the affair.

Less than two weeks later, three days before our 10th anniversary, the sparrow had me served.

The next time we spoke was in mid-September. She was coming to get more of her things. I let her have it. I gave her about 15 minutes of righteous indignance. Once I started, I couldn't stop until I'd said my piece. It didn't matter.

A few weeks later, I heard that the tinman had introduced his daughter, a three-year-old, to the sparrow. They were starting to pretend to be a family. I went to plan B. Too much pain for too long. I'd been suffering for almost six months, and had aged ten years I think. I couldn't do it any more. I had fought with every ounce of my soul, and it didn't matter.

Sparrow didn't file for divorce until January, just after car4love had her baby, a boy.

In early March the sparrow and tinman officially shacked up, though they'd been, for practical purposes, living together for months by then.

In the divorce negotiations, the sparrow consistently made unreasonable demands, refused my various offers for a settlement without modifying her demands at all, and made life continue to be miserable every chance she got. I stuck to my plan. I have not spoken to her since I went to plan B, and I've only seen her twice, in court. Oh, and a couple of times in her car.

Finally, on May 17, a full year after the A had begun, we had a D settlement.

I'll be divorced any day now. Maybe tomorrow, who knows?

I'm not attached to the sparrow anymore, but I still grieve. We were a very good couple. People were amazed when they heard. Many people have said to me, "If you two can't make it, then how can anybody?"

I'm trying not to stay shackled to my pain, trying not to cherish it too much, but lots of things trigger stretches of deep sadness.

I feel ancient. I feel like there's something I need to do to put this all to rest. I hate that I won't associate with the sparrow again. It makes me terribly sad to think of the person she's become.

GC

GC -- people say that about me and WH too. My close friend are still do not understand what's happening. My Mom is so disappointed.

I guess we have to move on anyway.. regardless. For ourselves, anyway.

Since you are feeling low today, here's a cyber-hug for you!

~A

GC,

Thanks for the quick, painful summary.

Don't you wish you could take all that pain, toss it on the fire and take a grip on a new life.

I feel for you. Every situation is different, so I'll not try to pretend that I know what it feels like, but something like that.

Stinks, actually.

-AD

GC,

How can she live with herself - taking a man away from his pregnant wife?

Sorry, don't mean to beat up on her.

I just don't understand.

You guys have no kids, right?

-AD

GC,

I doubt that you are ancient.

-AD

AD, we have no children. That particular bit--the sparrow fighting to destroy a family and jeopardize the health and life of a pregnant woman and her unborn child--shows how unspeakably cruel, selfish, and soulless my wife has become. It breaks my heart. The sparrow and tinman destroyed two loving families to create a new one steeped in betrayal and misery.

"Beware institutions begun with a purge."

AD, my 11th wedding anniversary is next month. I'm about to become a 34-year-old bachelor.

GC

Just stopping by to say "hi" and warm my hands. Have a good evening. (quietly leaving some beer for GC)

34?

Ancient!???!!

I'll trade birthdates with you!

Wanna?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

34!

I can't get over it.

34?

Are you serious!?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ancient, smaincient!

-AD

Ok GC, before you get me sinking into the depresive state too, I just got back from the cabin...wet and muddy muddy muddy this weekend. I needed to take the pressure washer to the kids.

Let's get away from the A talk.....let's talk about window treatments at the bistro you were at. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Otherwise....did you email that realtor? That was a pretty blatant invitation in my books.

Look GC,

My wife is Russian.

I met her here. She was here as a student when I met her. She's not an "internet bride",

...but I've been thinking that my fondness for Russian things is going to get me in trouble in a subsequent relationship - unless the future lady has herself some Russian connection.

I know the problems - since we have amongst our aquaintance a number of Russian/American couples - some of whom used the fiance-visa route. The main problems with that are :
1) Not enough together time to really get to know each other prior to marriage.
2) Unrealistic expectations on the Russian side. (USA is not heaven)

But, unless I want to give up everything Russian, I can imagine problems downstream. I know a man who's first wife was Japanese. He was a student in Japan. He has two kids from his first marraige. Now, 20 years into his second marriage, I think he still has a problem in that his X calls and talks to him in Japanese on the phone - or some old friend from Japan calls. So, his (current) wife is overhearing this and is totally on the outside - which stinks for her. Recently, his daughter got married in Japan, and there was a flurry of phone calls from various and sundry connected with that - and I know it hurt his present wife.

I say all that to say that maybe (God help me) I should actually look for another Russian. I told my W once that "I never met a Russian woman I like". Sometimes I feel like that, LOL.

But if you want to look, old man try "bride dot R U" (.ru).

Man, seriously, I'm 47 - and wanting more kids. Nuts, huh?

-AD

More for Gray,

A 34-year-old batchelor has excellent prospects.
Wife, kids, whatever - the whole deal. You are young man!

How old was Ronald Reagan when he married his 2nd wife?

-AD

Shaddup, binder! But yeah yeah, let's dump the A talk.

I emailed the realtor Friday evening. So far, she hasn't replied. She's cute, but she's not my type, and she was with a guy she seems quite interested in. But I'm sure she has a million friends.

Binder, be careful about taking your pressure washer to the kids. They're awfully vulnerable, and they're the only pair you'll ever have.

GC

AD, no way I'm visiting a website about Russian brides!

Did you ever see that Nicole Kidman movie, I think it was called The Birthday Girl? I liked it.

GC