I'll put it up Hon, just finishing it, but are you about to leave?

slh

Thanks Weaver,

Really, most of the time I know who I am - and I'm old enough to be comfortable with that. I don't have to pretend to be somebody else. But thanks for the encouraging words.

-AD

PS FF, Did you not get my email? I just had a migraine recently. . . was down for a few days (argh!).

Thinking of you!

slh

SS,

I was concerned, not having heard from you in a few days. I'm pleased to see you were enjoying some time for yourself, at the camp, communing with Luna. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like you had a good time.

I can't believe you found that one line under all of those posts!

You're an extraordinary man, SS.

You ask how a Poet could marry a Scientist. . . and I smile as I ponder that, because he may also be a Scientist, but he is a Poet, first . . . far more of a poet than I, in fact. And it is the Poet that I fell in love with. The Poet in him spurs him to change the world and he's got some flaw that prevents him from realizing that he can only put so much weight on his shoulders. His obsession to make things better has ironically mowed down the joys in his life and I'm trying to save him from saving the world.

I just want him to save our marriage instead.

Thanks Faithful, Weaver, Kimster for your concern, too. You know I love you!! Here's my update as promised. . .

So what happened? Two things.

One. He saw his doctor. . . *edit*

Two. I sat him down (balking, hackling, gritting teeth -- him, not me, lol). Told him we needed to institute drastic changes by September, have goals set, reduce his stress level, so he can enjoy his family like he used to. Why September? he asked. Because I would be leaving by then, getting an apartment, etc., I answered. I was careful to stress that this was not my wish at all but that I felt I was left no option. I was not getting any of my needs met by him -- not due to his blatant, intentional negligence, but due to his perverse obsession with working and then working harder and harder to make things better in hopes someone woukd recognize him and reward him his efforts. Well, I said, the money was not worth it. What good was a decent (expensive) school system for our kids if their parents weren't together?

For the first time in a long time he really looked at me. Looked at me and saw that I meant exactly what I said. I'd leave if I didn't see some changes.

THAT got his attention.

That night, we began to draw up a game plan, with both short- and long-term goals including looking for other jobs (yes, in other states!) and houses, etc. i only hope there is continued fuel for this fire in that he doesn't lose incentive. . . though I do know that he is irrefutabley sick sick sick of working as hard and as much as he is now. He is just weary, and cannot go on as he was. As we were.

Hopefully, this combination of things will change our sitch for the better. . .time will tell!

slh

>(yes, in other states!)

what about other cities??? like one, say, where the cost of living is low, the fun is high, and you've already got a girlfriend???

(lol)

I'm very, very, VERY proud of you and your spleen and spine!!!!!!!!!!

- Kimmy

SLH, it was smart for you to do that. Often a man in a slump needs a good shaking, and ordinary fussin' doesn't do it.

GC

Me too, and thank God your hubby has you SLH who would do what needs to be done.

KIMMMYYYY,

As I have said to your atleast five times now, my little bro lives in SAT with his wife. And as soon as his wife, who has ovarian cancer goes into remission again, I am going to go to SAT. And while there I am going to LOOK YOU UP!

Did you see I went to Foxfire country on my vacation?

Well the whole trip was overshadowed by my "dunkin'" as Gray put it, but it was stil unbelievably, breathtakingly awsome in dem dar mountains!

SLH,

*AD butts in*

All that work - looking for recongnition would tend to indicate that your H has admiration as his #1 EN. So, for you that means
No criticism
No blaming
No controlling
NO DJ's

and lots and lots of Attaboys!

It would work for me.

-AD

Aren't they Weav? Did you stop at any rock shops? I LOVE rock shops!!! LOVE THEM!!! LOVE THEM!!!

I also love blueberry stands in the summer....then blueberry pancakes the next morning. And apple cider stands...ice cold and pulpy....

Weav - it's [email]niosgirl@yahoo.com.[/email] I'll give you all details of where's and numbers and stuff. Come during Fiesta and I'll buy the first gorditas!

Got it, but I need to make dinner for us, then take a package to my Dad, so I'll be a while getting back to everyone.

Weaver,
I would love to hear how you are too -
You are too quiet about you.

Really.

SS

You can butt in anytime, AD. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AD, Admiration *IS* either his #1 or #2 EN -- and believe me, I have tried -- plan A'ed him for months and we had no affair -- but there has been a long history of unmet needs on his part towards me, with my doing everything in my power to accomodate him, for months on end, and it has finally gotten old. That is why I gave him the timeline/ultimatum.

Our marriage is more important to me than living in some "perfect" school district where he has to work 2 jobs just to live in a 39 year old house with foundation cracks, bad wiring, and broken plumbing plus $3,000 worth of taxes for the ISDs each year. We've tried it. It doesn't work.

I long for a normal life with a family where the H comes home after 5 and on weekends and where we can meet our bills with some normalcy. And I am no overspender, believe me.

That's all I want. An H who is emotionally available to me because he is not overstressed, overworked, etc. And I don't have that now, and haven't had that, despite the MANY long talks I have had with him. My ultimatum to him was given on advice from those who'd read my thread and knew there was nothing else that was going to get the man's attention.

It was a last ditch effort; not one I'd happily do but one I'd do to get his attention. Remember the overweight housewife in HNHN? NOTHING would get her to lose weight. The husband begged and pleaded, as it was one of his top ENs. But the wife was oblivious. So, in order to get her to lose the weight, Harley finally recommended the husband had to move out until she lost X lbs. Same principle. In order to get H to recognize that I am serious about my needs being met, about our marriage being important enough to invest time and energy into (even if it means moving to a different area) I would move out.

Now I just need us both to follow through with our goals.

Kimster, what jobs are there in the Aerospace, Mechanical or Petroleum industry there?? Have any networks? I'd LOVE to move there!!!!!!!

How far is the ocean from where you are? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

slh

We're 2 hours from the salt water. 15 min from Schlitterbahn, tho!

try www.mysanantonio.com for jobs. We've gotten Toyota moved here....a couple of other fortune 500 co.s are looking here, too. Of course there is always a civil job on one of the bases ... Lackland AFB is here.

Petroleum...well, of course you'd be better off in the Corpus area...but that's not far away...and I gotta go thru there to see the 'rents. (hehe)

Will start looking after I mow the lawn, Thank you kimmy-pie!

love you!

slh

You did a good job, girlie. I too am very proud of you! You were calm, caring and yet firm. Wow! Can you send me your spine when you are done with it?

Pat on the back for the Tiger.



Not what an unserious or selfish man would do.

GC

I'm gonna jack the fire for a second.

I still think about my wife, not oh god I miss her so much, but the usual questions about who she's become, who she thinks she's become, what kind of person can do what she's done, what's the future hold for her, how can she be at peace with what's happened, that kinda stuff.

I wish this would go away. It follows me everywhere. My idle moments are filled with it. I need to forgive her, and I want to, but I can't do it. Others don't seem this agonized. What's my problem?

Okay, that's off my chest. Back to the rest of y'all.

GC

We are both sitting here in bed, on our respective tablets (our one guilty pleasure each *smile*), Ti looking up job stuff on Monster and me browsing MB. Progress! Thank you all so much for your support and well wishes with this issue -- it means so very much. We have a long way to go but I am hoping that this is a New Beginning for us.

Anyone know where they are hiring Aero, Mechanical or Petro Engineers? I've got a genius for a husband. . . really. . .


FF , are you getting some sleep tonight? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

SS , is your father okay? You rarely mention him; I wasn't aware you lived near him. That's neat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I miss mine like crazy (he's one state over).


slh

SLH, I bet this project of y'alls (that's a word, right?) turns into fun.

GC

Gray, just 'cause others don't seem so agonized doesn't mean they aren't.

Maybe some of them are just better at disguising their wounds than you? . . .Perhaps some of them are not as capable of looking at themselves with such brutal honesty as you are? The Nile, eh?

But that doesn't mean it isn't there. . .(for some).

Not that you don't need to work thru it. . . Remember what I said about Resentment? It's like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die?

What have you done to arrest these emotions, to get beyond them? I know you know that up to a point they are normal. But beyond that, Hon, you are hurting yourself.


slh