You are respected and well loved by people who have never met you IRL.

Yes, and the ones who have met you are even more sure.

SS

Do you think sparrow and tinman are still reading here?

. . . Gray has a hard time believing the truth (that he has great worth) because of the lie his wife told him with her actions . . .

You're right SS. I just wish he could see himself through our eyes, if even for a heartbeat. Then he would never have a doubt.

Never.


Oh, Gray, honey, if only you knew how worthy you really are. . .

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

slh

I waited a few hours, then sent a short message similar to the one I posted. Possibly it's no day at the beach. Or maybe she reads it, rolls her eyes, makes a "hkkkkkkkh" noise, and goes about her business.

Much like my feelings about plan B, it makes me sad that this message might cause her pain. She's still somehow very dear to me. I don't want her to suffer. But I also can't accept all the pain for myself while she skips off. I should. I should volunteer to be a black hole for all the crap and then turn it into flowers. There are people who could, but I don't know how.

I've been carrying this thing around with me for a while now, and though I've not said my piece, I've at least handed a little of the weight off, maybe.

I do not believe my message was unloving. It might give me more pain. I might come to regret it. Time will tell.

Weaver, I don't know if they read here. In my postings, I assume they do, even though I wouldn't bet on it. There hasn't been anything they could spin into dirt on car4love for some time, which may defeat the purpose. She is the #1 target for their hostility.

Isn't that Stafford quotation something he said when describing his own work?

GC

I don't know.

I love his stuff because it is so simple, and yet so deep if you want it to be.



"When I met my Muse" by William Stafford


When I Met My Muse

I glanced at her and took my glasses
off—they were still singing. They buzzed
like a locust on the coffee table and then
ceased. Her voice belled forth, and the
sunlight bent. I felt the ceiling arch, and
knew that nails up there took a new grip
on whatever they touched. "I am your own
way of looking at things," she said. "When
you allow me to live with you, every
glance at the world around you will be
a sort of salvation." And I took her hand.

This one really makes a person think -

"The Little Ways That Encourage Good Fortune"

Wisdom is having things right in your life
and knowing why.
If you do not have things right in your life
you will be overwhelmed:
you may be heroic, but you will not be wise.
If you have things right in your life
but do not know why,
you are just lucky, and you will not move
in the little ways that encourage good fortune.

The saddest are those not right in their lives
who are acting to make things right for others:
they act only from the self—
and that self will never be right:
no luck, no help, no wisdom.
—William Stafford

Weaver... I just read AD's thread. I didn't realize you was tiny!

How much you weigh without any hair? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

Bless you too Gray, for making me laugh so hard.
And I'm not talking about the above reference to Weaver.

SS

Greedy graycloud has one last bit to say before going to bed.

I did not have much compassion for the sparrow today. I need that word tatooed on the backs of my hands.

I feel the need to be forgiven, and to make amends, for getting so angry.

I think perhaps that regardless of whether this act was good or bad, I needed for this day to happen.

Maybe I needed to feel like the sinner that I am.

Thanks again to all. 2long, I hope you have a good trip. Sorry I didn't wish you well before you left.

GC

Happy trails, sweet dreams.

SS

[jukebox]
Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me get things right
Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing and watched the last one die

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me turn out right
I'm looking for complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away if you give me one last try
We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything is alright...
Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone
Try and make this life my own

[/jukebox]

Gray this songs HAUNTING me right now. I must play it when I get home.

I just found this and wanted to share it:

YOU

©2000 by Marie in Georgia

Thoughts of you invade my sleep. I find myself pushing through another layer of letting go and yes, more forgiveness for what you've done to my dream of love and marriage.

You, who were once friend, then lover, are now a stranger.

I see you off in the distance, wandering in the darkness, yet thinking you're in the light.

You, who were supposed to be a loving father (mother) to our children, have bruised their hearts and bodies,

yet you thought you were doing right.

My heart is heavy, deep into the night seasons, trying to shake the horror you brought through the years.

My only joy is that Jesus, You were here to dry all the tears of little children crying in the darkness

and of a wife (husband) with heart forlorn and afraid.

We truly have been delivered from a great weight, too heavy to bear.

Tonight, once again, praises are sung by angels and mortal souls alike,

"Give us joy in our sorrow and freedom from the pain.

Help us keep our eyes on You, Lord and know You will lift us up again high upon a mountain,

in the cleft of the rock where Your strength and peace keep us from all harm."



Softly crying myself to sleep

Jesus holds me as I weep

Gently, He cradles me in His arms

Till I'm safe from all alarm.



Close your eyes

Now, shut them tight

Let Him keep you

through the night.



When light comes again

Through your shade

Remember, God's love for you

Will never fade.



Listen, sweet songs

You will hear.

As Jesus sings

He erases all fear.



Hurt and pain melt away

As He gently leads the way.

I'll turn my focus back to You

Then I find gray skies turn to blue.



Sunshine touches and warms my face

As I walk on in Your grace.

Please hold my hand tightly

And light my path brightly

As I walk on with You.

Thanks Faithful,

He has taken care of me through many dark nights, and I am sure he will many more still.

You made me smile.

SS

2Long -- did you tell Aphelion about my H's job search? He seemed to know we were looking. I am really, really grateful, if so -- it's time for us to move on from where he is now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

FYI (just in case you hear something, unlikely as that may be where you are) I'd be happy to send you his resume if you become aware of any positions that open up for mechanically inclined Aerospace Engineers with tons of experience in the machine shop. He's done everything.

Thanks for reading, regardless, 2,


slh

Bob, Learn to Fly - good good good.

Still not sure about yesterday. I had some tears last night, because I felt awful. Sad that what I did was even there to be considered.

But she had it coming, and she knows it.

I think I'll always love that girl, but she's batted 1000 in the last year - every bit of contact I've had with her has hurt me, and not a little.

SLH, thanks for helpin' out yesterday. Sorry about the fiance and the tutu queen. That reeks. I don't know why people do this stuff. Well, I kinda know why, but I don't know why they don't know better.

GC

Doors

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan
Riders on the storm

There’s a killer on the road
His brain is squirmin’ like a toad
Take a long holiday
Let your children play
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the road, yeah

Girl ya gotta love your man
Girl ya gotta love your man
Take him by the hand
Make him understand
The world on you depends
Our life will never end
Gotta love your man, yeah

Wow!

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out alone
Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm


More sticks go on the fire.

SS

SS, love that one. Pkkkkeeeeeew! That's thunder.

GC is going to sleep. G'night.

SLH:

I probably can't take credit if you're H has found a lead, Ap probably figured that out himself. Where I work we contract for the guvmint, and they won't let us do stuff like recommend specific folks for specific jobs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But it sounds like good news, huh?

best,
-ol' 2long

William Stafford must have met my W. She does this all the time. It's been her MO since I met her. 2 the extent that she asks her ICs 2 help her figure out why she's always trying 2 help people fix their problems, and has always set aside her own happiness in the process.

Doesn't it sound like something a WS would say? And do? I've felt for a long time now that she does the "selfless" things she does as a compensation mechanism. She does them without regard for the recipient even. She does them for me, for her family and friends, even for RM. And her family and friends, and I, would just as soon rather she didn't do things for us without involving us more in the decision - and that is because we know what it is, and we'd rather she faced her demons, rather than compensate for them and perpe2ate them.

-ol' 2long