Hi SLH,

I'm here. I just had an exhausting but productive day.

I finally got fed up waiting for H to finish our daughters bedroom at the house ( 3 months is long enough I think...) so she and I went there today and did the whole thing. It turned out just like the picture in the Sears catalogue that she liked.

We painted the walls, installed the carpets, and I built the trim around the window. All that is left to do are baseboards and socket covers.

It looks great and she is delighted.

Now she can go there and visit him and sleep in a clean pretty room.

I tidied the whole place, and hauled tons of crap to the burning pile. I put my chair back on the porch where I used to sit and look at the stars.

John wasn't home when we got there this morning, and he showed up just when we were done. he woudn't look me in the eye, so I think he had been to see ow today. Anyway, he cooked us all supper, and it was fine until he made a comment about me taking over the house.

I don't much care. If he wants to live in squalor he can do it somewhere else.

Other than my encounter with him, it was a nice day.

How was your day?

Shul

Shul, how'd you do all that in one day?

GC

Thank you, GC. That was sweet. Hot here too. We don't usually get humid weather but it is over 100 today and sticky.

Wow, Shul! I am impressed.

Good grief, Shul! I thought it was a good day because I took care of a few chores and got the shopping done! Man you are motivated! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'll bet your daughter *is* thrilled. How old is she?

I can't believe your WH made that comment about you taking over the house. Sheesh.

FF, was your H in a better mood this evening, or was it more of the same old, same old?

Ah, Weaver, mysterious and beautiful. Few men can resist that combination, I've heard! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Whatcha readin', Gray? Anything worth recommending?

Will you let us know how car4love is, after your dinner? I feel like I know her and am part of her cheering section now. I so hope she is well.

GC, I feel bad for making y'all think I am the poor sad spouse in our M and my H is the big bad wolf. I feel terrible realizing that you all hear mostly me griping about him, as if he is heartless. I know that's probably common, not getting the opportunity to hear the other side of the story from the other spouse. In all honesty, he really is the most extrordinary man I know. My sisters and girlfriends all feel comfortable confiding in him, as he is patient and gives wonderful, thoughtful advice. He is generous and kind to a fault, and diplomatic beyond belief. He is the man who taught me to take the higher road in all things, even when I am feeling petty and catty.

His work ethic does seem obsessive, I admit. He spends a lot of time trying to make things "better" so that, hopefully, one day he won't have to worry so much about money. This manic desire he has to improve things, finincially, for us, has serious roots -- it's a direct result of us having been being poor college students, having had to live on food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, etc and even having had to've boil water for some of our hot baths in the early years. That's WITH him working full-time and going to school, and me working part-time.

Thank goodness Texas winters weren't that cold <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He really did think if he worked hard enough, long enough, he would be rewarded. His recent past neglect of me, of our family, wasn't due to selfishness, but of trying to do what he thought was the right thing -- so that we never have to go through that kind of financial desperation again.

He's only recently realized that it doesn't work that way. . . and he is making such efforts, truly. But we do have a long road, and I am not kidding myself.

I wish he could find the time to come online with us, but I am glad I have time to spend with him at all, now that he has dropped that second job.

Do I make sense?

slh

I made Beth a promise. She has been waiting for so long, and she misses her home. Living in a motel is not the same.

She wants to go and sleep over there tonight, but I have just had a knife to the heart and I don't know if its a good idea.


H has been insisting that he broke up with ow and gave her back the cell phone, but I just confirmed that he is lying, and that he is still seeing her.

I guess thats the real reason he left to stay at the house- it was getting too awkward to keep me in the dark.

You should have heard his righteous indignation when I confronted him on the weekend.

I was a paranoid psycho with 'issues' and he is totally innocent of any wrongdoing.

It makes me want to puke.

I am sick and furious and hurt and a mess right now.

How do they look in the mirror?

And she is doing the same thing; playing her b/f for a fool while carrying on with my H.

To think I was starting to believe him...

Shul, please forgive me for not knowing all of the details, but have you exposed to her b/f? Are you in constant contact with him?

How old is Beth?


slh

Shul, I'm sorry, but he needs a kick in the teeth. He's neglected you and made you suffer for years. Let me come up there and help. I promise I won't hurt him. I'll just shake him for a while.

SLH... I've always been able to tell that Ti is a star. He just thinks he has to keep all those plates spinning, and it's too damned many plates.

Okay, am I the only one who has the image of the spinning plates from "The Tonight Show" burned in my brain?

I'm Snoopy dancing right now.

I've got a stable of songs that I cannot for the life of me finish. I get stuck on a melody I don't like, and stuck on some lame filler lyrics, and it's nearly impossible to shake it and send the tune in another direction.

So tonight I took this one I've been sitting on for months, and I banged on it and banged on it, experimented a little, and without really meaning to, just kept my mind loose. Droning away at the piece that way sorta hypnotized me, and after a while I stopped and went out to the porch to sit a minute. As I sat, something hit me - a vague melody. And I grabbed my acoustic, and I'll be damned, I've got something.

This is why, when people ask me how do you write songs, I tell them, honestly, I have no idea. It just happens sometimes. None of this was intentional. I just fell [censored]-backward into it.

I can tell I'm going to finish this one now.

This is what I love about music. It's like the song was there all the while, and I finally uncovered it. Total songwriter cliche, but that's really what it feels like.

How did weaver put it? Here's how:

"I wanna brush my teeth with rock and roll."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

GC

Beth is 11.

Her b/f knew all along in the beginning.

But I think he is under the impression that they broke up. I haven't talked to him in months,though.

He is nasty , and I don't want to deal with him anymore.

I am hurting so bad right now that I can't think straight.

John was staying here for two months. I thought we were making a fresh start. He has told me numerous times that he broke up with her, but it never lasted.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

His unfaithfullness is the least of it.

Beth is still asking to go stay at the house tonight.

But if I go there, the way I am feeling, there might be a scene.

For the first time in 20 years, I am starting to seriously entertain the thought of divorce.

I think I am in shock right now. This feels like dday all over again. Four days ago we were making love . Today he was with her. He is probably on the phone with her right now.

( I should mention that there is no landline at the house, so I have no way to contact him, even in an emergency ,except to show up there. )

About the only positive thing that has happened lately is that he told me to feel free to come and go from the house as I like from now on, and that ow will never go there again. He said if he doesn't want company he will go out.

(For months he refused to let me in , saying that it was his residence and that I was not welcome there.)

On the other hand, he has to be concillatory to some extent, b/c I could make his life very difficult if I should so choose .

I wish right now that his whole world would come crashing down, and that he would come to repentance.

God have mercy on him.

Gray,

I wish I had one person in my life to give him that kick in the teeth.

I wish I had a brother, or an uncle or someone who would put him right.

I want to hurt him right now, the way he has hurt me.

I have never felt this way before. It is scaring me.

Shul-bay,

Maybe it is good that you are feeling this anger, if it is righteoous and just. Gray is right, he has neglected you and hurt you for FAR too long. This anger you are feeling is your self-esteem kicking in, saying "What the hell about me?" I implore you, don't ignore it. Aside from the damage he has done to you,do you want Beth to grow up with the understanding that a "normal" relationship between a man and a woman is one where the wife is treated as you are? Do you want that for her??

I have a daughter her age (10) and it brings tears to my eyes to think of her asking to spend the night there. I know you are in a tough spot. I know you are.

Make no moves tonight if you can. Breathe deep. There is time enough for drastic measures tomorrow, if need be, when you can think more clearly.

{{{Shul}}}

slh

Just checking in to see how everyone is.

No lunch again today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I do understand how ify it is with his appointment schedule. Today is my 25th anni at my job. Can you believe a youngster like me working at the same place for 25 years!

SLH, no he was still a bit grumpy but went into his "cave" instead of beating up on me emotionally. Little to no conversation or interaction between us last night. Gosh it is so hot here. Ugh!

SS, SLH, GC (where is AD?)hope you all are having happy days today.

Hey FF!

How was your night? Are you and H doing dinner today, or is he being a doofus?

Shul . . . where are yoooooouuuuu. . . .need an upppppddddaaaaaate. . . .

SS, hoping your day at work is going well and not stressful. Well, it's Thursday, anyhow. Yellowstone is it? Lucky dude!

Kimmy, if I don't hear from you, I am going to start barraging you with emails!

Weaver, you sexy thang, are you feeling better? Just check in, we won't bite your head off, I promise.

2Long, long time no hear. Wuz up whitchoo?

Aphelion, you never said, how was your vacation?

Gray, how did you know Ti was a Star (I've always thought so, even though I complain)? I am always bitching about things. LOL, Or are you thinking *he* has to put up with *me*? Do *I* look that bad? Aaawww, man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

can't wait to hear some of that music. Is any of it accoustic, or no?


Finished off the Pringles; there were no Doritos in the pantry. It's another rainy day -- the 17th in a row. At least I got the grass cut the other day! Whew! It wa getting so tall!

hugs, you guys.

slh

Hi SLH, I sas 2L post to Coach's thread today. Maybe Kimmy is tied up with Harry Potter reading.

So what is it with all the women on this board that mow the lawn?

Ooops, FF, we cross-posted!

I'm really sorry about missing your lunch date again. That's the only time you two ever get to be alone together, right? I'd understand, but still be upset. *sigh* So sorry.

Why is he going into his cave? What am I missing? Is something going on at work or stressing him out? I'd think he'd be making grand gestures to try to make things right. It seems like he's slipping into old patterns too easily. Not the really bad ones, but unpleasant ones, nonetheless. Makes me indignant for you, ggggrrrrr.

I'm sorry, none of what I am saying is a solution or advice. I just wish he treated you better; you deserve to wear a crown my dear!

love and hugs,

slh

SLH, I have NO idea why he is going into his cave, why this pattern is re-emerging. He won't open up, this has always been a problem. I don't know how long I can do this truthfully. I thought we were beyond this particular stuff. I just cannot trust feeling happy anymore.

All I can give you is hugs, sweetie. Love you FF.

slh

Faith,

Right now you need to back off..do not push. Detach, and "act as if" everything is working out exactly according to plan. That you are happy and you are in recovery.

Give him space, DO NOT PUSH right now.

You need to find a way to be happy within regardless of what is going on with him. Be bright & shiny with loving indifference.

Draw him into your happiness. It is the only way Faith. Stop thinking the worst or the worst will surely happen. Trust Faith.

SLH,

You brighten my day.

Going to a ZZ Top, George Thorogood outdoor concert this weekend with my friends.

Had date with flower guy tonight but am going to cancel it now. He is married, but his wife left him a few months ago. I just found out.

Like I'm going back there! Oh my gosh, too funny. God is testing me I think.

Married!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


Run, Weaver, RUN!!!

LOL.


slh