To tell you the truth SLH, I am tired. We are making slow progress and I have finally changed for me and God not H but doggone it I am tired! When do I get my rest?

Yeppers, I still have to get his attention or he would let us slide back into old habits. I can't do those anymore, KWIM? I am using POJA, I am using the concepts but more as protection for ME.

sigh...sorry I think I am running on empty today.

FF, we can run on Empty together, hon.

I think I have a bit farther to go than you, in terms of doing it for yourself and God. . . you have grown so much! But in some perverse, twisted way I find comfort that even when a person is trying their damndest to improve things, they just WILL NOT be improved. It's not just me, and my personal failure.

I'm sorry you're still dealing with this, bay.

And it's nobody's fault -- it's not worth pointing fingers. Not if you ever want to really heal. ::shrug::

. . . But resentment can grow and flourish in even the most uncultivated circumstances. I know.

{{{{Love you, FF}}}}

slh

hi FF and SLH,

part of me wants to join in and ditto how tired i feel.

part of me wants to see if i could instead take this opportunity to be an uplifting person. except in my current state of mind and body, i don't know how!!!

everything looks so depressing around here!!!

Back at ya. Resentment, btw, is no longer an issue. I have realized how destructive that is and one of the many things that led to my own A. But I do hurt.

Do you know what is funny FL? On the day I am so discouraged and tired, God sends me someone to minister to. He knows far better than I his plans for me.

part of me wants to join in and ditto how tired i feel. . . part of me wants to see if i could instead take this opportunity to be an uplifting person. except in my current state of mind and body, i don't know how!!!. . . everything looks so depressing around here!!!


FLT2M, Join in, hon! I've come to the realization that it is MONDAY (lol). Maybe that has some bearing on our moods? Argh. I hate Mondays (tip hat to Karen Carpenter).

FF, I've never been prone to resentment before; not really. But I don't like it one bit. And I know that I am ripe for an affair, and believe me, I guard myself against that as much as possible (even to the extent of excluding myself from old friends with whom I would usually often do things in a group with).

So how did you slay the Resentment Dragon? I know the dangers, but the feeling lingers. . . and if you have pointers, please share them!


slh

SLH, don't look now but isn't it tuesday already.

i love karen c. too.

FF, i saw you step up to offer some email support. you are so nice. i want to help more but too often i fall back and say to myself, "who are you kidding??? help others? you are such a screw up exactly how do you think you can be of any help." and then i just feel isolated, i hate feeling isolated, and yet, isolate is exactly what i do to myself. now that does not make much sense, does it?

just like my eating, when i'm feeling down, i eat until i feel as unhealthy physically as i do emotionally.

but right now, i'm so tired of feeling unhealthy!!! i just want to wake up and be 18 again.

A long time ago during my H's first A a very wise woman told me to drop the word deserve from my vocabulary. This struck such a cord with me that I am always uncomfortable when someone tells me I "deserve" anything. What is does is allows you to drop the whole entitlement issue.

But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that 1Tim 6:8

OHMIGOSH!!!

It IS Tuesday!!!

See where my head is???? LOL. One day kinda blends into the next. Yech.

slh

The life of a SAHM, LOL

FL, isolation is the Devil's tool. Don't do it or buy into the you can't help stuff. I have seen you in action and you do help. As for the food...start again and again. No one says you have to be perfect.

Hi

Well, well, well...he returns! Did you hear us talking about you? Ok, out with it. How was vacation???

SS,

You're back!!

FL said:
i want to help more but too often i fall back and say to myself, "who are you kidding??? help others? you are such a screw up exactly how do you think you can be of any help." and then i just feel isolated, i hate feeling isolated, and yet, isolate is exactly what i do to myself. now that does not make much sense, does it?

I know the isolation, FL. Why are we so prone to self-imprisonment, and punishing ourselves?

You have such a unique position on things, and so much to share, however. There aren't as many FWSs as BSs and so you can provide a unique outlook on some people's sitchs. So many people need that input!

FF said
A long time ago during my H's first A a very wise woman told me to drop the word deserve from my vocabulary. This struck such a cord with me that I am always uncomfortable when someone tells me I "deserve" anything. What is does is allows you to drop the whole entitlement issue.


FF, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Maybe I do sound like I am "entitled" to something. will you call me on it when you see it rearing its ugly head?

slh

It's good to be back.

You know, I visited some old friends while we were traveling, and it was really nice to see them, and spend time with them. It feels like that to be back here.

CSue,
Did you already tell your story about camp? If so, I'll look for it.

Faithful, vacation was good. It will be over 110 degrees here today, there was frost on the car one moring at Yellowstone park - I kind of liked it.

I have been thinking about you guys, but I have learned that it is hard to "catch up." (thanks Gray, I still chuckle about it.)

As soon as I get lunch out of the microwave, I'll see what I can remember about my thoughts.

I think better when I'm not running on empty.

SS

Hi SS! We missed you like crazy!

How was it? Spill it, Mr.! We want to hear it ALL!!!

slh

SS, welcome back!

The rest of you, carry on. I'm not here...

GC

LOL, GC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Gray says
The rest of you, carry on. I'm not here...



LOL. You know you wanna, Gray. . . .

SLH - ok, you have seriously cracked me up, you really thought today was monday or are you pulling our legs???

FF - i am trying, see i am saying hi to you guys today. it's got to be the meds, i was being weaned off it, then i had a lot of dizziness happening so dr had me take some again, which immediately effected my face (rash) again (one of the reasons we were taking me off them).

i want to just hide out somewhere and cry. i know i cannot choose to do that cuz when i do that i just fall deeper into depression hole and i seriously don't want to go there anymore!!! right now i just cannot imagine my life is ever going to be stable again. and then i start to thinking about how unfair life has been cuz it's NEVER been stable. and that's when i know i need to just STOP that kind of thinking. i just cannot seem to stop if for very long.

and i am being so completely unproductive at work and it's going to catch up to me and that is stressing me out too.

ok, i read this post and say... you would be better off not posting this and just isolating cuz at least then you are not a burdon!!! i'm really tired of being a burdon.