Hello Sugarboogers.

GC...a blessing upon your tow head and ever improving casa.

I'm a kinder, more loving person for "knowing" ya.

- Kimmy

AD, I kinda liked that analogy; I am utterly terrified of getting into a rebound relationship without experiencing and embracing all the pros and cons of the single life first. I don't "trust" my feelings. Having said that I do trust my discipline and I will be dating immediately post D.

GC....glad to hear the house is coming together for you. A focus apart from the carnage that is the affair is likely a much needed distraction. I can no longer grieve my marriage. I accept my STBXW has become a product of her decisions and I no longer wish to de associated to such a person, or as little as I can be given we share the parenting of 2 children.

I always treasure the insight and your introspective musings on this thread. You've also turned me onto Coldplay and I now consider myself a "fan". Ah well....back to packing for another trip to the cabin. I'm off work for the month with the kids.

A month! That's great. I'm starting to play with some real vacation plans for the future myself. Outdoory stuff, mostly.

I plan to date right away too, or at least try. All the drop-dead calendar dates I considered last summer have come and gone. The unfinished D is the only thing. I think there's a good chance I'll hear something this week.

Have a great time, Binder. Solitude! What kind of comforts do you have at the cabin? Do much reading up there?

GC

GC....I was in a 3 year "high school" romance, and met my husband on the rebound. It has lasted 30 years, but now we're also in the midst of turmoil. I say, "When you're divorced, you're free. Until then, stay away and stay close to your friends." Why? You made a vow that Sparrow broke, and you are BETTER than that. In the grand scheme of life, it's a good time to for you to understand YOU...that's what I"m trying to do right now and we've only been separated a week! (ALL I keep thinking about and worrying about is HIM! How WEIRD am I???) Hey...it's time to learn why we're that way, and I think this is THE time for self-awareness...and for taking care of yourself. (...and redecorating!)

Did that answer your question? Or did I just give a sermonette?

SAR2

SAR2, thanks for posting. Okay if I decide tomorrow? I'm gone...

GC

Yes GC....that's all that's left for me too. She's starting to balk at the agreement now though in spite of the fact she signed it under the guidance of competent counsel. Too bad dear, don't get to see your kids on any weekends eh?

The cabin is still much unfinished as my financial situation has altered somewhat in the last 20 mos. It's log, 780 ft. sq. on the main floor with a 1/2 loft and a walkout basement. No wiring or plumbing yet. I've rigged a shower out of an old 20 lb. propane tank that I’ve retrofitted with some fittings. It gets heated over the fire (always looks scary to see a propane tank over a fire) and pressurized with a compressor. Hot showers every day if we want them! There is electricity to the site, just nothing in the cabin yet.

Reading? Barely any time looking after the kids and setting up, and down and cleaning up after them. I drop into my sleeping bag at the end of the day. Once I get it to a turnkey operation, I hope to have a little more leisure time out there.

The mountains are great; I do miss the rocky lakes of the shield country in your neck of the woods though. I used to live in Manitoba for a few years. I had never seen lakes like that before. Gorgeous.

The letter from my attorney arrived at my office last week while I was off.

The divorce was final on July 28, the day before my 11th anniversary.

GC

Time to begin your NEW life! Hope you keep redecorating, and have fun with it. (Lots of work though!) I can't help but think you're going to be more particular and a LOT more careful about who you get involved with this time around...especially after the experience you've just endured. It will be nice to be able to take someone out to dinner and have someone to talk to on a Saturday night. Just take things slow and easy. (I sound LIKE MY MOTHER!) Best of everything to you!

Hmmmmmmmm.....you've been a free man sine July 28th! Wow!

I hope you'll do one nice thing for yourself every single day...you deserve it.

SAR2

GC, I know you knew it was coming but it must have still reverberated in your soul. {{{GC}}}

Binder, good to see you post again.

FF, I couldn't have put it better. I can still feel the ringing.

GC

What a letter to welcome you to a new week at work....Yuck!

I wish upon her chronic kidney stones the size of road crush.

My standing invite to the cabin remains standing....bring a hammer by the way.

GC

I wish you so much future happiness, you've been through a lot and it's time that you find some joy and happiness.
I pray you'll have that GC from both of us.

AW & A2

AW, A2 - thank you! I hope I already told you guys, but congratulations, and A2, I pray you'll be safe.

GC

Gray, babe, how awful of a Monday morning. We all knew this was coming but it doesn't make the shock any easier, does it?

How are you holding up? We're all thinking of you.

{{{{GC}}}}


slh

Thanks, SLH. I'm not bad.

I don't like my marital status. It requires too much explanation. It will be interpreted a certain way by many people. There must be a reason his wife left... Affairs are a symptom...

So I feel okay, but stigmatized. Fortunately, lots of single people my age are divorced and will probably get it.

GC

I don't like my marital status. It requires too much explanation. It will be interpreted a certain way by many people. There must be a reason his wife left... Affairs are a symptom...


Are you speaking of the general public, or of those women you may be interested in and have to divulge more information to? (The reasons for you D need not be shared far and wide!)

I do understand this point completely. And at one time in the past, and in some cases, I might be short-sighted enough to wonder the latter (though not the former) myself. "Affairs are a symptom" -- It's a valid concern. . . up to a point.

But Gray, the fact is (if that were it), you changed, and she was the one who was too foolish to see what she was throwing away. I'm not making excuses for your shortcomings, or hers; only you and she truly knew what went on in your marriage. But the difference here is that you learned from this experience; it made you more sensitive, respectful, compassionate of a man.

If you get to "that point" in a relationship with a woman where you share that you are divorced and why, methinks she would probably have already had a glimpse of your soul and the lessons and laughter and beauty and compassion it contains. . . and it will mean very little to her why.

Any woman worth her salt will recognize that in you for what it is, and not stigmatize you as "just another statistic."

You are so much more than that, Gray.





slh

(((((((GC))))))))))

>There must be a reason his wife left...

Yah. There's a reason why she left. She was terminally bent and GC was TOO DAMN GOOD FOR HER. No matter how handy GC is around the house, there are some things that are so broken they don't allow themselves to be fixed. Sparrow is one of them.

I'm praying happiness for you...and someday a someone that doesn't need to be fixed....just adored....'cause you are an adorible, adoring person.

- Kimmy

{{{GC}}} hugs to you. i know we have not often posted to each other but i have always read your on going story. i have such a hard time posting to BHs most of the time, especially those who's Ws could not turn themselves around.

too much shame due to my action. i feel like i have to apologize non-stop.

but i wanted to post now to re-iterate what others have said. you DID work and you DID learn and you are better person for it. all the best to you.

Gray

You free, man, and you have 110% integrity.

Ain;t what you planned dude, but s'what you got. And FWIW you are a personal hero of mine. Truly.

Gray,

Here's yours for today.

Good Timber


The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began
Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees,
The further the sky, the greater the length,
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timers grow.
Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.
-Anonymous-

You got the scars, but you are good timber. For what it's worth.

SS