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Oooh, J those are awesome suggestions!
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I don't know but my feelings are so completely opposite regarding you going Gray and facing your fear of seeing her and him. I think you should face it.
I don't see how you could be any more hurt than you already have been, that you need to protect yourself.
And I think the two of them when faced with you would leave soon after. They have shame, you do not.
To me you need to face this and show them (yourself more) that you have survived and even thrived.
I would kill for the chance to be in the same room with my ex and his new flame. Just so I could shine, and show them what I am made out of.
I don't know, just different perspectives I guess.
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Weaver, I know where you're coming from.
Here are the negatives. I'll be suffering if we're there at the same time. Big, big, biiiiiig. If OM comes, it will be the first time I've ever seen him. I'll want to run his head through a wall. I won't pretend to be civil to them. I'll do my best to pretend they're invisible. I won't sit it a circle of patio chairs and have beers and conversation and make nice-nice with them. That would be impossible. My presence will probably damage the friendship between this woman and the sparrow. I don't want to cast any darkness over the party.
The positives. They'd probably leave. Afterward, I'd probably feel like I just fought a dragon.
GC
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SLH:
I was praticing lurking. Not that good at it yet. It's only been a week. ...and so... a song for my friends!
Monty Python, "The Galaxy Song"
"Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
and revolving at 900 miles an hour,
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,
the sun that is the source of all our power.
The Sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour,
of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars,
it's 100,000 light-years side-to-side,
It bulges in the middle, 16 000 light-years thick,
but out by us it's just 3 000 light-years wide.
We're 30,000 light-years from galactic central point,
we go round every 200 million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
in this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
in all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
how amazingly unlikely is your birth,
Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
because there's bugger all down here on Earth."
-ol' 2long
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GC, If one has the choice under what circumstances to fight a dragon, one should engage the quarry under the most personally advantageous circumstances to have tactical superiority. That means when one is completely prepared and at their strongest. Now is not the time me thinks. You may "win" this round, but it would be at a personal cost. You'll see that dragon again...on your terms...when you're ready.
BS 42 S-10 D-5
D-day 03NOV14
Plan B - 04Jul22
Filed(me) - 05May13 Final - 06Mar16
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
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Binder, I think you may be right. He is too conflicted, not quite confident enough. I realized this as soon as you posted and I read what you wrote. Fight the dragon when you are at your best then Gray. Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
because there's bugger all down here on Earth." No doubt eh 2long? I'm not good at lurking either, can't keep my mouth shut. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Glad to see you are still fogging a mirror guy!
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Hey GC,
I was just about to say: "Don't do it."
But then Binder came along and said it just slightly more eloquently.
So, now I'm gonna say: "What Binder said."
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I'm not going. I know my limits. It would be too hard to keep the pain from showing. I'd be a spaz, albeit a reasonably graceful one. My movements would get all herky-jerky, and the harder I tried to stay calm, the more obvious my unease would be. And of course everyone would know I was uncomfortable if I followed the tinman to the bathroom and he came back with a white face and a few new gray hairs.
On Saturday, someone I know from my political activities invited me to a party at her house. Last time I went to one of these, in December, there was a woman there... obvious mutual attraction. I almost asked her for her digits, but the little angel on my shoulder told me don't do it. Sparrow hadn't even filed yet, and I'd been in plan B for two months. So I said good night, and there was no way to keep in touch. I know a few things about her - her first name, where she works, and her birthdate. And the woman who had the party probably has her email. Using any of that info to find her at this point would be ca-reepy. I give it about a 10% likelihood, but it's possible she's invited to the party. If she's there, I'm absolutely going to ask her out.
GC
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Binder thank you for using my brilliant quotation.
GC
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If she's there, I'm absolutely going to ask her out. Yeah! Hey if she is not there, you could use the info you have to contact her, in a romantic way if you wanted to. Just don't send flowers with a card saying "From you secret admirer...someone close by!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Say something like "Have not been able to erase the memory of you, in all this time. Have dinner with me? GC"
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Binder, glad you came along and verbalized what we were trying to say. 2L!! Missed you. I am not good at lurking either, I only lasted like two days LOL
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Binder, that was by the way a career-making post. Least it made me feel better about being a chicken. Weaver, I'd like to meet this girl again. The chemistry was right on. Ain't it precious? Here's my post from that night: Tonight I went to a political event, a party at the house of a friend in the neighborhood. There were about 20 people there. Expecting the usual sort of crowd (everybody about 20 years older than me), I grabbed a glass of wine and found a seat on a bench in front of the fireplace. Across from me, on the couch, sat a very nice looking girl about my age. I'd never seen her at one of these.
When the meeting divided up into small groups, we were put in the same one. She talked about what was on her mind, and of course it was exactly the same thing that's bothering me. When I spoke, I saw her nodding enthusiastically in agreement. We made eye contact a few times. Yadda yadda...
When the full group got back together, she moved across the room and sat on the floor in front of me.
Everybody took a break to get more snacks, and afterward she climbed up on the bench and sat next to me. There was a third person on the bench, so we were pretty close together. Felt that attraction...
There was a conference call with the leaders of our outfit, and we muttered a few remarks to each other during all that. Yeah yeah, I flirted a bit. Barely. So little. But yeah, a little.
As the party started to break up, we chatted each other up a little more. Nothing big. She talked about her job (about which my friend, when I told her about it later, said, "Your kinda girl"). She mentioned her upcoming birthday, and how she was going to have a party, and that she was glad she wound up at this particular event.
Yadda yadda yadda.
We left at the same time. Shook hands, said it was real nice to meet you, all that, and went our separate ways. Reading back over old posts as I looked for this... it blew my mind. So many people got on this thread and gave me a hand. It gave me hope during those awful days. And my M failed and died. And it still matters to me, all that hope. All that old communication reveals to me the stupidity of the "kick 'em to the curb" mentality seen in the conventional wisdom when it comes to cheatin' spouses. I don't regret drawing out my suffering and trying to preserve my hope. Taking a shortcut around it would have left me damaged in too many unknown ways. After the last couple of days, it's clear I'm still wounded. I've said it before: stoicism is overrated. Howling and screaming and protesting my way through it all, while remembering that the pain was nothing special or unique to me, but my own little slice of the human condition, was the thing to do. No doubt. GC
Divorced July 2005
"The idea that God acts in fits and starts, moving atoms around on odd occasions in competition with natural forces, is a decidedly uninspiring image of the Grand Architect."
-Paul Davies
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I've said it before: stoicism is overrated. Howling and screaming and protesting my way through it all, while remembering that the pain was nothing special or unique to me, but my own little slice of the human condition, was the thing to do. No doubt. Well said, GC. So very true and so very YOU.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Gray - gd'evening to you. I only read the last three posts in this thread. But it seems you are seeing a silver lining. congratualations!
I hope things continue upward for you. Sounds like that is fairly certain.
yawn Gettin' late.
Good night.
foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)
I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Where'd everybody go?
Far, have you still been considering talking with your WW about getting a full-time job and putting the kids in daycare?
I ask because I know how much it would trouble her to do so, especially in light of the fact that you guys HS (I'd love to HS myself, but lack the patience!) Despite her comment about the Day Laborer, she really needs to see the consequences that her actions could take are very real. This is serious business. And sacrificing her children's future is probably not something she is inclined to play around with.
Not meaning to push, but I thought this was worth asking about again.
slh
[font:Arial Black]
JUMP!
-- and you will find out how to
unfold your wings
as you fall.
- ray bradbury
[color:red]
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Hellllo, SLH. I'm here! During breaks on house work at least.
I have just 1.5 months left to do my refi and cough up the sparrow's cash, but she has not executed her quit claim on the house yet. The decree stipulated that she do it within two weeks of the divorce. Tomorrow will be the four-week mark. That little bugger.
GC
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gc:
I remember that post about the gal at the political event...
...that'd be cool, if you could meet her again.
-ol' 2long
Last edited by 2long; 08/25/05 06:43 AM.
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edited
Last edited by StillLovingHim; 08/25/05 11:00 AM.
[font:Arial Black]
JUMP!
-- and you will find out how to
unfold your wings
as you fall.
- ray bradbury
[color:red]
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GC -Hi there - I just dropped in for the first time in quite awhile and I see from your sig line that your D is now final. I just wanted to wish you well. I don't know if this is a good thing for you, or a bad thing - but at least its the start of a new phase for you. take care, GC!
Waiting for dawn...
...but not afraid of the dark.
DDay: Sept 26, 2004
Moved out: Dec 16, 2004
D Final: Oct 10, 2006
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DV, I was just thinking about you last night, wondering how it's all going for you.
The D being final is a bad thing. It's the end of something I'll always consider sacred.
The D being final is a good thing. I have the freedom to carry on.
I would like to speak with someone from the Catholic church about this divorce. Should I just call up any old priest and ask him to have a chat?
GC
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