Did I miss something? Is 2long taking a break from MB?

Hi SS! Welcome back, you were missed. Tell us about the vacation.

Yes, I am learning. Quite a few epiphanies lately and hope to continue to learn and grow despite the pain.

Did I miss something? Is 2long taking a break from MB?

2long's goodbye

I have very mixed feelings reporting on my time away when so many of you are going through so much hardship. Still thinking.

How was this last weekend for you FF? Are you feeling any peace yet?

SS

No peace yet, SS. Much anxiety still. Racing heart and mild panic attacks. Part of me still wants the M to heal and part of me wants to move on to newer things. Weekends are difficult because I have too much time to think and H is gone much. This coming weekend we are all going to a church wide retreat from Friday eve to Sunday afternoon. I am partially dreading it because we still present this happy family front to most people. Hard to do for a whole weekend.

So long 2long, I won't say good bye cuz we are neighbors and I know how to find you! LOL

Thanks SS for letting me know. I have been caught up in my own pain and missed it.

FF, you are all going to church TOGETHER? Ouch, bay!

I'm so glad DS is better!!

slh

SLH, we HAVE been going to church together all along. Now we have nearly 3 days together. I arranged it though so kids and I are in a cabin with the ladies and H is in a cabin with the men. Might be good for him to spend a weekend with Godly men, KWIM? Never underestimate God's ability to pull sinners back into His fold.

SS said:Define OK. Does this mean emotionally OK too? You know what I mean - and why I ask.


Awww, SS. You read right thru my "okay".

After Ti's oft-claimed assertions to "change things", little or nothing gets followed thru. Oh, sure, he starts with great ooomph, but then the effort is too much -- which is a blatant testimony of how he feels about me, about us. . . I'm just not worth it to him. Same old, same old, and the threat of losing me doesn't mean enough for him to work to keep me around. I am weary. So weary.

We discussed today selling my horse. I brought it up, tentatively, hoping that he would fervently dissuade me and find another way to improve things financially in the immediate future. If anything, he looked relieved. Perhaps you can imagine how I felt. My boy is the only thing that brings me true happiness these days. But I listed him for sale on all of the major equine-sale sites this morning.

Guys, I have been at this for 10+ years. I can no longer nobley wave the flag of Matrimony and declare war on the outside forces chipping away at our marriage. I'm tired of doing it alone. I am tired of begging for some attention. It's been over 10 years and my self-esteem has taken such a beating.

So. . .you know how (Susan's?) tag line reads that she would "rather be happy alone than sick with someone else"? Well, that's finally me. I've begun looking at jobs and rental properties in another city where childcare and housing are cheaper -- let's not even get started on the kind of lower-level, minimum-wage job I would have to take because I have absolutely no skills. It was with great amazement today that I realized that the aforementioned is one of the only reasons I am sticking around. . . then we toss in the fact that I don't think anyone else would ever want me -- 31, three kids, and even my own husband can't summon the energy to *try* to improve things for us or between us. Ouch. I guess I never realized what a toll on my self-esteem his blatant disinterst is.

A walk-away wife, but one who screamed over and over in an effort to be heard. I hate what I have become.


slh

Hi SS,

Well... yes and no.

In '95 (10 years ago), I took my Mom on a tour of England - which I expected to be the last trip I would take with her.

But, in May of '96, she invited me on an Alaska cruise with her, which was the last trip I took with her. I'm glad I went on both of those.

Back in June '96, I quit my job and, although I got called back in as a con$ultant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> - and ended up working back at the same place a few times, I was really on an extended vacation until about about Feb '98 - when, with things jelling with my wife-to-be, I figured I should take the opportunity to be back at work (at the same place I was at for 20+ years). Mom moved in with me in Sept '96, (after she fell and broke her wrist) during the time when I was not working regularly - and I had a lot of time with her, which I'm glad of. She moved over to my bro's house when I married - to give us "space".

In April of '97 (while I was not working), I spent the entire month in Ukraine, during which I met my wife-to-be's parents, who asked me to take a package back to their daughter in 'bama, which led me to meeting her - and etc.

In the summer of '98, W's parents came and the 4 of us we took a 5-day road trip together, during which, on July 26, we got engaged.

We married in December, '98 - and took a 4-day honeymoon trip - coming home on Christmas eve.

We made one trip to Florida in the spring of '99.

Eight months after our marriage, we spent 3 or 4 weeks in Ukraine in the summer/fall of '99. OM knew that W was going to visit her parents and showed up there - which was the first time XW and OM met in person. My FIL and I found them together on the beach at 1am - leading to some minor violence <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />. Does that qualify as a vacation in your book?

Then, W's niece came to live with us for 4 months, but at the end of '99, we took (with W's niece) a trip to Washington DC and NYC - saw in the millenium on the Mall in DC. I think that trip was about 10 days. The neice flew out to Moscow from JFK and we returned through Philly - staying a day or so with a friend of mine.

Then in 2000, we got pregnant, and took one trip to florida for 3 days or so (again, not a long vacation) when XW was about 2 months PG. This was the only time she ever wore a bikini. I think she figured it might be the last opportunity. On the drive down (about 12 hours), W threw up before we even got out of town. I figured she would decide not to go, but she took over the driving and drove all the way to Macon.

In the fall of 2000, W's nephew (18 at that time) came to live with us and go to college. Then 2 months later our baby was born. I took some time off when DD was born, but not as much as I should have - a couple of weeks at least, but I should have taken official "parental leave", which I could afford since I still had savings at that point.

Then, when DD was 6 months, XW moved out to an apartment and we were separated. A month later, I lost my job - and was out of work for 13 months. I didn't take any "vacations" then, but worked on my house - like GC - only less effectively, since WW and I were still very involved with each other and she was constantly critisizing everything I did on the house.

I got a new job in July of '02, we bought another house and moved back in together in October of '02. WW parents came to stay with us for 3 months starting in November of that year, my Mom died on Christmas day and W's parents stayed until mid-February. No time for vacation then. I was on a new job and had little vacation allotted.

Since then, we have taken one, 3 or 4 day driving trip to FL (with W's nephew), and in December of '04 took a very nice, but short trip to NYC and Orlando - about a week. Then in May of this year, our last trip together to Orlando again, but driving this time - probably only 4 or 5 days.

So, that's a 10-year history of my vacations.

Right now, I get 3 weeks per year - including sick leave. In my old job, I had 5 weeks of vacation, plus up to 2 weeks regular sick leave, and 1000 hours of accumulated extended sick leave. So, I try to save a week in case I get sick - and that doesn't leave much time for long vacations.

Wow SS, your short question got me going!

I would love to take a long vacation, but my work situation is not strong enough to permit it right now. In my old job, I could take up to 2 weeks of leave without pay at any time with the approval of my immidiate supervisor - and I had money in the bank and could afford to do that whenever I wanted to. Now, I'm in a tight spot financially, and need to get a house sold before I can think about even asking for time off without pay. I guess I'll wait till the next time I lose my job (hopefully not soon!) and take advantage of the transition time.

Appologies to GC for taking so much space on his thread.

-AD

FF, I am not underestimating, I'm just. . . intrigued with the thought of you all going every Sunday (Ti won't come, unless I gripe, which I refuse to do). Will you still go together once your D is final?

Hopeful for your retreat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hate weekends too -- every weekend. During the week, Ti is busy enough for me to excuse his disinterest, but sometimes on the weekends it just resounds in the house, a vivid reminder.

I'm not good enough

I'm not good enough

I'm not good enough


Man I wish every day were a weekday because of that.

But where is GC?

-AD

But where is GC?


The whiney violin music I put on to accompany my sob story must have driven him away. I never was very good at the violin. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


slh

AD,
I was wondering because it sounds like you could use a little stress relief like another person on this thread. Sometimes when we get outside the "box" it's easier to think about how to improve our lot in life. The box of course, is our every day life.

I think about you, but don't have any good suggestions about change or improvement. You SOUND good - really good considering what is happening in your life. I admire your ability to soak up the troubles and still function.

If you ever get out west, come see me. I can even be talked into staying up late sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SS

GC is probably where some others of us should be. At work.

Notice how well he seems to focus, and to get actual work done even despite all his troubles. (Meaning his employment, as well as his home.)

Can you imagine keeping it up for as long as he has without a real break?

But then, I would guess that all of you can imagine it, because you are living it too. Same situation (with variations) no break. Same work ethic too.

SLH,
Been doing a lot of thinking and praying for you and family. Have a lot to say (in reply) but work is calling for now.

SS

You have got to be kidding! You would be a prize, believe me you would. Stop picking on yourself, I understand your feelings. Only you handled them better, I had an A when life was like that when DD was little.

Sheesh, AD what a roller coaster M you have had.

SLH, going to church together is still something I enjoy. I always have hope that he still WANTS to attend. He even went with DS the weekend DD and I were out of town.

Thanks for the kind words SS - and don't invite me lightly. I'm not from MN - where they say "have some", "no, I ate at home", "Oh, you must", "No really, I'm stuffed, thank you", "But we'll have to throw them out if you don't have some", "well, if you insist".

If you say "have some", I'll say "<burp>, that was good, got any more?"

So SS, email me at mb11094@yahoo.com, and tell me where you live and I'll probably come and see you. Really! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

I'm going to miss your songs 2long.

I'll see you in the after-life buddy, but until then I'll look for you in the flames of Gray's campfire.

(((((2long and family))))

weaver,

You and 2long both had better stay in this life for awhile - cause you have some living yet to do. The afterlife can wait.

-AD

Of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But he is always talking about those after-life movies, yanno? And he always took the time to explain things to me, like the posibility of after-life from a metaphysical viewpoint, as well as spiritual.

I have things which I see in my real life which remind me of each and every one of you, so that is where I see you.

You AD remind me of a southern, gentlemanly, book loving, culture loving kind of guy so I see you in lots of things too.

I could go on about everyone here, just like when I put down which actors reminded me of everyone...but I'll spare ya'll tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[quoteA walk-away wife, but one who screamed over and over in an effort to be heard. I hate what I have become.] [/quote]

If there is one thing that I have finally learned SLH, it is that actions speak louder than words. Even the loudest of words. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope you haven't gotten to a place where resentment has hardened your heart against a possible change by your H.

This truly is what walk away wife syndrome is SLH.

I can't figure out what you are talking about here SS...

but you are welcome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />