SS, that poem still applies, though not quite like before.

The other day I was in a restaurant in SF and a woman fell down. In another life I'd have waited to see if someone else would do something. This time I jumped up. I think that was a good sign.

She was fine. Just slipped on a piece of lettuce.

There is still doubt though.

I'm a loser Orchid. I had a way to at least meet JL, but didn't do it because... oh man, don't hate me... because during the time when that opportunity came up, my friend and I were ditching out of AGU and record shopping at Amoeba.

"I have to go where I'm invited or I shall be too lonely."

I had a great week in SF. Saw lots of friends, went out some, got sad, got happy, got my hopes up, got disappointed, got my hopes renewed, got excited about work, missed my guitar bad, ate at taquerias, came home with a still-in-wrapper Staple Singers record from 1967. And a nasty cold.

The Staples' cover of "A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall" makes me shiverrrrrr. Or else I have the flu.

GC

Was wondering where you disappeared to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Had us worried. So you stood up JL? Hope it was worth it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hope u r feeling better. So u r a guitar man? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Staple Singers eh??!?!??! Hm.... nowadays kids will think they sing store commericals. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

SS, I'm doing well. I'm glad you're still talking to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi GC! Be well.

I'm in the midst of Christmas/holiday/whatever baking and shopping and decorating. I think I've gained ten pounds in the last week! I'm having a wonderful time. HoFS and I went to the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas concert on Friday night. Beyoootiful. And on Sunday night we went to my holiday party. We're cute. I'll post pictures. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HoFS at Thanksgiving

J in holiday duds

Tao of Pooh

HoFs and J

Wonderful, J. You appear to be hap-hap-happy.

I met a very nice girl in SF. Two actually. But the first was spoken for. When I met the second, I was feeling very sick from dinner. I faked it, pretended not to be in pain. The pain got worse. I worked harder to fake being not sick. I talked and talked, asked this girl a million questions. I'm pretty sure she had no idea anything was wrong with me. But I was definitely not sorry when my friend said he needed to call it a night. My cab dropped me at my hotel. I slept in my clothes, exhausted from the effort of pretending not to be sick.

Fable.

GC

I am happy, GC. Very much so, in fact.

And so, GC, where was the very nice girl from? Do you have her e-mail address and phone number? Going to wait a few days and then send her an amusing note about something she might be interested in?

J, you two make a lovely couple and HoFS is adorable!

GC, welcome back..had to LOL at you faking feeling ok. You are quite the gentleman.

Isn't he? I grin every time I see that picture of him looking like a little boy on the couch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yes, J I can see in his eyes that he is a lovely person. You are blessed!

J said:
SS, I'm doing well. I'm glad you're still talking to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad too, but why wouldn't I be?

Love the pictures. Thanks, it's so nice to see who we are talking to. Both of you look happy, I wonder why.

I know you still have a lot to think about - I think my life is much easier than yours right now.

I've been doing thinking too, but I am so slow at it. You have a quick mind, I admire that in you. Perhaps sometimes I go too long without writing - forgive me for that. I don't like to say things unless I feel I can say them the right way. There are things I would like to discuss with you, but I won't take time now. It bothers me, but I prioritize, and I do what honor requires of me. Life is full of trade offs, I have a hard time with it, but I see no change looming. I think it's a necesarry part of the test.
......... I'll continue to ponder.

Don't worry so much, smile more, and laugh a lot. I hear it's good for you. :-)

SS

Because you hadn't in quite a while, SS, would be why I'm glad that you're talking to me and had wondered if you weren't. Sometimes you speak quickly, you know, when you have joyful and fun things to say. You take things slowly when they're more serious, or when you're not sure what to say. I don't know whether you stop talking to people altogether or not.

I spend a lot of time in places that make me very happy these days. In front of the fire in my fireplace, for example, and looking at the Christmas tree where HoFS and I took the pictures. Good places. More and more, I find that I'm not so willing to spend time in painful places. That's probably good.

And yeah -- we both are happy in ways that we have not been in a long time. Five years for me. I have the pictures to prove it. I don't know how long for him.

Sometimes when I look at these pictures, I'm reminded of the ones from five years ago, the last time I dressed up in fancy party clothes. I'm not sure that it's good to compare them, and yet how can I not?

It's very odd, looking at pictures of myself side-by-side. There's something so eerie about how similar I look. I feel as though there should be something so much more profoundly different. And yet all I can see is that I've gained 20 pounds and I'm not doing kung fu these days. My hair is longer. And there's something in my eyes that's different. Some edge that was once there, and is not there anymore. A level of calm and peace that comes through in a very subtle sort of way.

And the person I'm standing next to.... is not the same.

And that's it. Other than that, you'd never know. And that's just weird. I look at the pictures and I think that surely I've aged a thousand years since that party five years ago. Surely that should show on my face as much as it has marked my soul.

And then I wonder whether maybe I am more the same between those pictures than I was in all the time in between. Standing with someone I love in both of them, joyful, spending time all dressed up with people I enjoy.

Makes me wonder what kind of fools play with fire more than once.

Makes me wonder how I got so lucky, to love this way twice.

Makes me wonder if I'm crazy.

You are no fool girl, you are a brave and beautiful woman...opening up your heart again. What a joyous, wonderful, inspirational thing for you to do.

You are different now, you have blossomed into a woman...one who has stepped into the fire knowing full well the pain of being burned.

And I am so very happy for you both, and if you fall again you will both fall more softly this time, with the full knowledge of what it truly means to love, and to survive...and to go on and love again.

You know you can survive anything now when it comes to loving another adult, so you are free to love well... and with all you have.

Wow!

J,
It's just been time constraints. I have done very few posts, and even fewer e-mails.

I cheated and did this (below) late afternoon, I needed a change.



I said I would post pics of the trip AD and I took to the Grand Canyon.

We started out with a bike ride on Saturday morning.
AD and SS daughter on our bike ride
Another AD on our bike ride


Saturday afternoon we visited Zion National Park.
AD, and SS in Zion Park
Zion Park Photo
AD in Zion Park
Zion Park

Then Monday we headed for the Grand Canyon.
We camped Monday Night at twin point and caught the early morning sun, but it was soon covered by clouds.
Twin Point Sunrise

AD sat near the edge for a while
AD on the edge
Grand Canyon off Twin Pont

There is a sawmill site near green springs canyon.
It burned down, and they never did go back and saw up the logs. Some of the logs, and some of the equipment still remains at the site. These are good shots of AD too -
Log Pile at sawmill site
Old Truck cab

Finally, we visited Tuweep -
Here's AD and I
AD& SS

Here's one that AD took of me.
SS at tuweep

And Here's the Colorado River
Colorado River

Of course this is just a few pictures, but it was fun.
Wish all of you could have been there too.

SS

SS, that first shot of you fellas in Zion...

Last year when I was there, I pulled into that lot, then sat in my car and spent a few minutes all weepy. That was the last cryin' I did while I was out there.

I can't believe it was more than a year ago. I don't know how I managed. People can handle a lot.

GC

I love Zion National Park. One of these days I'm gonna drag DD and HoFS through there. And his boys, too, if they don't push each other off of cliffs.

Oh my gosh SS, those pictures are just incredible.

Thank you for sharing them!

I am so jealous, but so happy that you guys got to do that together!

Life just gets better as we get older doesn't it guys? I wouldn't go back to my twenties for all the money in the world. Thirties....well maybe. LOL

But I am loving my forties now. You just see beauty all around, where when you are younger you can't see past your own nose.

Lovely photos SS! I so want to see the Grand Canyon. You and AD look as nice in the pics as you are on here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All seriousness aside!!!

From http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/humor/mondegreens.asp


"Hark! the herald angels sing,
Glory to the New York King.
Peace on earth and then he smiles;
Goddamn sinners reckon so.

Joyful oily nations, rise;
Join the triumph of disguise.
With the jelly toast proclaim,
Christ is born in Bethlehem.

Hark! the herald angels sing,
Glory to the newborn King.
Peace on earth and mercy mild;
Goddamn sinners wreck a child."

-ol' 2long

My huge and heartfelt thanks to SS for his hospitality!!

Great photos too. I like the one that says "AD at Zion". I had to look at it a looooong time to see a little tiny guy way down the trail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

... and 2Long, I thought you were better than than to post a "poem" like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I don't know AD, I thought it was quite funny. Has a ring of truth to it too.

BTW AD, what a trip eh? What pictures! It must have been glorious.