I don't think Spacecase would mind me posting this... ...but his xW apparently just realized the mistake she made, and he'll be DV'd for 2 years in a 2ple months! (he's in a new R, and not interested in going back)

I've read stories like that so many times on here the past 4 years (yes, it will be 4 years on the 19th! Or was that the 18th?). I just hope my W isn't one of them.

There needs 2 be regret for the A and remorse for the fallout 2 her loved ones. I think she's somewhat remorseful, but she said herself in September that she doesn't regret having the A. That's how I knew she hadn't started withdrawal before then, and why I've been sort of in 'oh my gawd' mode since then. I've been struggling with this nonsense for almost 4 years, and it's taken me all of that time 2 come 2 peace within. So I know it'll likely take her years, rather than months, 2 pull her head all the way out of her nether regions.

At least the A is off and she never left. If it resumed or she chose 2 leave at this point, my choice would be very simple and easy. In some ways, I need 2 remain vigilant that I don't interpret what I subliminally might "want" 2 see happen and make a hasty decision.

I think the high road at this point is 2 be patient, live my life, and try 2 really be there if and when she wants help, recognizing that it's going 2 take a while. Possibly a long while.

-ol' 2long

OMG ! tragic .... and so very sad

Did her boyfriend get out of prison yet???

If I'm not mistaken, he's got at least another 5 or 6 years.

i am about to be really rude ...

I always thought she was going trash diving with her choices .... I mean SPACE is one CLASSY guy ... and to go from HIM to a felon ????? Does her elevator go all the way to the top floor???

Don't know, but I'm pretty sure it goes all the way 2 the bottom now.

-ol' 2long

I thought the article 2long posted by Collin Tipping (sp) re: radical forgiveness, described this type of behavior very nicely as "soulwork".

I know for me, now that I have regret, to think that the only reason I would have made such a stupid choice that I did was because I was an idiot... would be more than I could bare.

I have to know that there was a reason I almost detroyed my life, sanity and the peaceful happiness of my daughters home, a reason which would bring me closer to my higher self.

We will all complete our own soulwork eventually, no matter how many lifetimes it takes.

And in my less than better moments when I do think of him and think of him as a gross pig, I feel nauseated and the overwhelming sense of regret is suffocating.

Lets hope she has a chance one day to find peace for what she has lost at her own hands.

Pep, I luv you, you know...and I don't think you are mean, but I just had to chime in with my own little thoughts which came up reading that.

weaver:

I had an interesting convo with my sister last week about labels. I'm mostly against them, though I sometimes recognize that affixing a label that's not nice, and harsh, can sometimes be just the jolt that needs giving - though xMrs SC isn't hearing it, I suppose.

I think she IS 'getting it', and though it might seem like it's 2 years 2 late, it's really probably right on time for what she needs 2 experience and learn at this point in time.

"I know for me, now that I have regret, to think that the only reason I would have made such a stupid choice that I did was because I was an idiot... would be more than I could bare."

I sense this inner 2rmoil, or something like it, going on in my W right now. I think it might keep a lot of FWSs stuck, just like some BSs who've been at their unilateral recovery for perhaps 2long - ahem - stay stuck.

"I have to know that there was a reason I almost detroyed my life, sanity and the peaceful happiness of my daughters home, a reason which would bring me closer to my higher self."

Bingo. For all of us.

-ol' 2long

Gray,
If you'd always go to bed by 9, most of the doubtful thoughts would never bother you.

SS

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

SS, my friend. Going to bed is not the same thing as going to sleep. Going to bed without going to sleep is far worse than just piddling around the house until completely exhausted, and then falling into a cold-coma kind of sleep. That's what I do - and just work with 4 or 3 hours of sleep each night - cuts down on the opportunies for thinking - 'cause thinking is painful. Last night (this morning) I went to bed at 5, and got up at 9. Of course, the first time I went to bed it was 2, but then I got up and read a book.

-AD

AD,
I meant go to bed at 9, and be asleep by 9:05.

I know from my own life that it's not that easy, I was teasing Gray.

Sometimes I think we get cheated by the kind of work we do. I grew up farming, and sleep was easy to find after working 10 to 12 hours doing manual labor.

From my studies, I think regular exercise helps, but sometimes I don't have the self control to do that.
I also once did a little research on sleep habits. One man ( can't remember his name) said he could re-train anyone to sleep, and wake at whatever times they wanted to have as their norm. He gave examples of how he did it for movie stars, sports jocks, and others that had formed bad habits. His success rate was very high, and one of the methods involved getting people up really early, and keeping them involved so the would be tired at night. Once he got them sleeping at the set time regularly, he would let them sleep later in the morning (to whatever time they wanted to sleep to) and it seemed to work.

It's that getting up at 4 am by our selves that makes this type of training difficult. He would do it for them(or to them, depending on how you look at it) until they got the habit down.


Hi J,
I expect to hear all about your holiday. Not what you did, but how you felt, and how you feel.
OK, what you did too, but the feelings will tell me how you are.

Faithful,
How are you ?

Weaver,
Sorry for the pain, I was hoping you could ditch that for a while. Are you OK now?

2long,
Are you reall as detached as you want to be, or does it still hurt often?



No AD, I understand what you are saying.
Next time, I'll do the bike ride twice as long, and finish at 9pm. That should do it for you.

SS

I understand the sleep thing.

My W is still getting up during the night and going downstairs 2 sleep in the spare bedroom most nights. She did that a little while ago, telling me she was just going 2 the bathroom. Now I'm wide awake again, and like AD would rather tire myself out before going back downstairs 2 bed than stare at a dark ceiling for the next 2ple hours.

"2long,
Are you reall as detached as you want to be, or does it still hurt often? "

Do I want 2 be detached? Hm... I think that's necessary, especially under the circumstances, and probably healthy. But I do find myself wanting 2 also be unattached more often than I used 2. But it doesn't hurt that much anymore. More, I wonder if I should be doing something else.

-ol' 2long

Hi 2!

Now nobody don't give me any trouble about being awake. I have tomorrow semi-off, and I went out with Jayne and the Giraffe.

We went to a new neighborhood bar. When we walked in, there were some craaaaazy girls in there, but nobody else. We sat down and ordered drinks. Two girls were goofing around, dancing and rasslin' and acting like maniacs.

One of them was very nice looking. All it took was looking over my shoulder and making eye contact, and she grabbed my shoulder to steady herself while she clowned with her friend.

Crazy drunk women. What fun. A few clever shucks and I'd be... ummmm, annoyed because a drunk pretty girl was throwing up in my toilet.

GC

No doubt they were celebrating Canada's gold medal victory over Russia in the world junior hockey championship earlier tonight.

BTW....I look great to a drunk woman!

SS, thanks for asking about me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I will have an update on me soon. I am quiet now as I get myself together.

GC, this made me LOL

Weaver, I read about your b/f. I am sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi AD, J, Binder!! (good to see you again)and all the other campfire peeps.

You love me ??? gee whiz, neat-o

Spacecase is a really special person. kind of awe-inspiring sort of guy, ya know. He's gentle, smart, educated, funny, Godly, talented, expressive, thoughtful .... the entire package .... and his wife decided to go with a felon in prison, abandoning her role as a mother at times, and was putting herself at risk by illegially visiting felon-OM in prison, pretending she was his blood relative .... I mean , seriously icky things for a mamma to do while her children were still at home. She was carrying messages from prison to "people" on the outside <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I imagine she was suffering a soul sickness if not a mental illness, or both.

People sometimes don't realize that not everything can be fixed once you break it. There are irretrievable errors we can make ... and I think that if we are to live soulful lives, we must be mindful of our eventual death. Living soulfully, we are aware that we will die someday, and that our legacy is how we lived.

Life is hard ... Choosing to run red lights at 100 MPH with my eyes closed is not really soul-searching, in my mind it is just dumb. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and I have done dumb and dumber things ... and I think it is mostly our pridefulness that drives our stupid choices ... behaving as if the laws of nature and the laws of probabily, and the laws of God as we understand him, don't apply to us ... there is a little Faust in each of us ... wondering if we can get away with signing a (temporary) contract with the Devil

I like you Weaver ....

God Bless

Pep,
I love you too.
I also like you - which I can't say about everyone I know.

I'm glad you are willing to speak from your heart. It is helpful.

For everyone else:
W and I have a date tonight. It's my turn this week.
We'll visit my Mom (who had a b-Day yesterday) I send her an e-card, and told her I had another committment last night, but that I would visit tonight. Dad as been sick this last week. They just returned from visiting my sister in Texas, close to where SLH lives. Said the weather was nice.

After we visit mom, we'll go out to eat. Small town near by, a place we haven't been before.

Winter is different, it's dark early, so you can't sight see much in the evening. We'll come home after dinner.

Faithful, you can take as long as you want, but I would like to know where you are. There are so many feelings you have to process, and it's so hard. You don't have to do it by yourself. Also, about your neck......... please sooner than later. Your children will be needing you. Don't gamble with their mom's health.

SS

Not much of a difference I suppose, between soul sickness and mental illness...metaphysically speaking.

SS and Faith, thank you for your thoughts. I really don't have any pain left SS, just the day to day disappointment stuff we all have.

I am glad that I no longer view DW as the Godlike person I did at first. It has forced me to slow down and really take a hard look at this person and remember that all good relationships begin with friendship... and what do we have in common, how do we relate to each other, do we complement each other, etc. And now I won't do anything rash like go and get married to someone I barely know. (just kidding, I wouldn't have done that anyway but I sure was gaga over him)

I still like him very much, just not sure that he is the one for me and that is a very good thing for us both. Slowing it down I mean.

Have a good time on your date tonight SS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,
Slow is good .......... for most things.

SS