JJ,

Maybe she's secretly thinking what a fine, fine job she did in raising such an adventuress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Truer than true, perhaps?

Or pernothaps?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

JJ, I know there's enough room for everyone, even when poor Rob and Kiwi are in a thunderstorm.

And for the record, weaver, I am not doing online dating. It's not for me. I meet enough people on my own. But I am emailing a girl that spotted me at an event and left a posting on a "missed connections" website saying she liked the looks of me. Or probably she meant me. Well, maybe 50/50, but she's sorta cute and I think it's possible I'd get along with her.

I hate this though. I'm going to get her on the phone or meet her ASAP.

GC

Thank you for the drunk, dunked mushmallow.

(heavy sigh)

(plopping down on the dirt...God made dirt, so dirt don't hurt)

AHHHHH.

Ever stand in line at the tax office and wonder at the futility of it all?

"Man wars over the land, while the earth laughs."

Oh Kimmy of the heavy sigh, and cryptic clues.........
Talk to us.

You don't need to hold back around the campfire.

SS

Not holding back. Taking the harness off an relaxing.

Mom had a story about her grandfather telling the youn'uns to git in their harnesses every morning (he was a farmer). When she hit puberty, that saying made her blush something fierce.

Me, I'm okay. I tend to channel other people's hurts and take them personally. Maybe I shouldn't do that so much. I'm just not much of a writing off to SEP (somebody else's problem) type gal.

- Kimmy

Oh weaver,

Haven't you figured out that nobody ever actually leaves Hotel MB?? Never. Ever. LOL

I have been staying away from the campfire because it is a gentle place, mostly, and I didn't want to put any negativity into the flames... and I've been feeling very negative lately.

I am not close to Jen, though we've "spoken" a time or two around here... and her confession rocked me, anyway. I've been spending the last two days thinking about why, and it's really not about her, but about me, which let's face it, is usually the case (not that it's about me, but that whatever you are fighting is within yourself - sheesh, did that makes sense?).

There must be balance. MB has very little balance. As J said, above, there is always someone in crisis - comes with the territory.

I'm a messy-insides person... we all are, to some extent. I keep my outsides very tidy - our home, our car, the phone directory - tidy. But on the inside, not so tidy. On the inside, I'm realizing, I'm kinda complex. Most of us are, I would guess. So my quest, for the last several months actually, has been to find the balance and to find my inner brat. The fiesty/ fighting part of me has been buried under a load of fluffballs. I've been suffocating.

My niceness has been a defence mechinism (sp) and although I'm actually a very compassionate person, there is a limit to what I will allow into my being. I've realized that there is such a thing as wallowing in my muck too long... and that allowing others pain to become my own is NOT HEALTHY. And really, you know, there is such a thing as being compassionate to myself first. Yeah, it's selfish... but as I near 50, I think I deserve to pay some attention to me... it's been a long time coming.

Nice is not the same as compassionate. You know that, of course, NBII. I just need to say it. Because, after all... we don't do nice.

Kindness and compassion we do in spades.

It's important to be compassionate to yourself. The Dalai Lama says to make your compassion for yourself EQUAL to your compassion for others. I think you are one who puts others first too often, though, so it may be time to come a little closer to balance.

I'm worried for Jen, too. It seems so, so... well, heck. I want to go visit her bookstore and feed her tea and listen in person, rather than watch a zillion people take her (very few) words and turn them into a mudslinging festival. Not necessarly at her. Just lots of ... stuff getting tossed around.

And it's not really right talking about her as if she's not here.

Jen, if you're here, we've got marshmallows. Drunken ones at that. Will you come have one, please? Maybe two? We'll makes sure you don't have so many that you're not safe to drive.

But I'm not so upset by her confession. I have known for a very long time that I'm susceptible to the things she's going through. I've made it this far by being vigilant, being honest and not ever keeping secrets, and by reminding myself over and over again that I do not want to hurt the people I love.

It's still sometimes a challenge. I recall a few weeks, about two years ago, when Cerri and HoFS took turns explaining to me, very calmly, that no, it was not okay to join Match.com while I was in Plan B.

It still happens that I can get into situations that aren't wise. A client offered me a ride on his new motorcycle the other day. An attractive client, someone I work with very well, someone who I've had to be careful of before. And I actually said, "Sure, if your wife would be okay with it." And then I thought, "Oh, wait. I wonder if HoFS would be okay with it." I asked him and he's not, and he's a wiser man than I am. (I'm not a man, but you know what I mean.)

Sometimes it's hard to remember why these things are so very dangerous. It's hard to remember. And hard to stay safe and not take risks, even when I'm aware of them.

I used to think I was invincible and that no one would "really" get hurt from what I did. Very occasionally, I still have thoughts that amount to similar things.

Then I turn around in my head and yell, "Haven't you learned ANYTHING yet???"

So it's hard, and I understand how a situation like Jen's could arise. I really want her to tell Rob and start to rebuild.

And I know what it feels like to be lost in that hall of mirrors. It's pretty darned awful.

I need 2 digress my thoughts (is digress a verb?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

2much pain out there this week...

Here's sort of a non-denominational inspirational song I've always enjoyed:

"Seven Veils" - Peter Murphy

"The day grows older.
The moon appears
In a mirror -
A fireside mirror.
A distant walker
Hears the words,
'Go do good deeds
So you'll feel ok.'

The moon and the sun,
Partners in light.
Separating, reflecting one light.
Hearing this, confusion wanes.
No need to ask for wealth,
Or one thing more now.

And the night
Feels the same,
As the cool, hot summers climb.
With the voice
Comes no shame,
As the walker walks the line.

The day grows older
The moon appears,
Reflecting on his heart
Heavy, weighed and pierced.
The walker looks at his days -
Bad deeds gone by,
For which he must pay.

The moon and the sun,
Partners in light.
Separating, reflecting one light.
Hearing this, confusion wanes
Another image hits
The seven veils of mind.

But the night
Feels the same,
As the cool, hot summers climb.
With the voice comes no shame,
As the walker hunts the line."

back 2 work, I hope...

Peace, tranquility 2 all
-ol' 2long

And something a little less (or more?) inspirational:

excerpt from "Country Bear Jamboree" at Disneyland.

"Momma Don't Whup Little Buford"

"Momma don't whup little Buford
Momma don't beat on his haid.
Momma don't whup little Buford.
I think we should shoot 'im instead!"

-ol' 2long

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I thought I recognized you ... you were the sculpture model for the imagineers, fes up!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

..."There was.. bblood on the saddle and..

...bbblood all around....

and a great, big pppuddle of...

bbblood on the ground!"

.......... and my kids think I'm nuts.

SS

You are!

...but that's a 'nother subject!

-ol' 2long

Snoopy dance. I finished a song.

I hadn't been able to get all the way through writing anything since spring '04. I've started lots of tunes. They've all been about the $Hi+ that brought me here. But I have not finished one. They've all started promising, but somehow they've gone nowhere.

So I was thinking to myself, maybe it's not my "craft". Maybe it's this tired subject. I abandoned the words to a half-done tune that's been driving me absolutely nuts. I started writing about one of my uncles, a WWII vet who's in a nursing home, and his wife, my mom's oldest sister. A song spilled out before I knew what hit me. It's good too. Not some sentimental jive.

Fussin' over my own sadness doesn't make me inspired, it just makes me... fussy.

Fussin' over someone else's pain seems to work.

Snoopy dance.

GC

(giggle)

I like your dancin'.

Funny man.

Congrats on your song.

- Kimmy

I wrote a song once called "The Expat Wife who got Shat on Blues". If you could put a tune to it, I think it would be a very big hit in Asia. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Congrats on finishing your song. You obvious had writer's block for a while. Perhaps you're turning a corner.

Good !

If that's the case I could give you loads of material <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Faith - couldn't we all!

GC - Great! Congrats. Do you have a multitrack recorder? When can we download the mp3?

far