Oh my, Weaver. A boyfriend already! That scares me, LOL

Bekah thinks boys are stinky.

After kissing Leo, I'd have to agree.

Mmmm. Cookies and sweat.

Has anyone heard from Aphelion?

Not me! I haven't even heard from myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Update on things associated with me: DD was with me for 7 of the last 9 nights. A new record; the most in the last three years was 6 of 8.

DD has also been sick the entire time. That makes me a rather sleep-deprived pup. As of today she has been diagnosed with a sinus infection. Weird set of symptoms -- first a rash on her cheek, then goopy crusty eyes, a little bit lower energy than usual, maybe a low-grade fever sometimes, back pains, sore throat, circles under the eyes, swollen glands, and a slightly upset stomach. Took us ten days to decide it wasn't just a virus and take her to the doctor. (The first few days of that, her aunt the pediatrician was advising us.) She never seemed really sick -- she just didn't get healthier either. She's had one before and the symptoms were similar. That time it took us two weeks before we took her to the doc, so at least we're getting a little faster.

My furniture is more or less back in place. I still have many books, dishes, and linens to put away, but that's not as high a priority.

I finally got my replacement NAD receiver. It's an ancient one that I bought with my speakers (B&W DM 620s, for the audiophiles) 15 years ago. Yes, I could replace the whole system. But really, I said I'd replace this one when I could afford the one that I could tell sounded better -- which was about $25k at the time. I still don't have that kind of free cash. I haven't put the stereo back together yet, but it's on the list of things to do. Perhaps this weekend when HoFS is around to help. (I have many things on the list for this weekend. We won't get to all of them, but that's okay.)

I've been invited to a wine-tasting party this weekend and will take HoFS with me if I go. That should be fun.

HoFS and I went to a wedding in Michigan last weekend. He got to meet several college friends of mine, and they him. it went well.

One of those friends is someone I want to mention to you, Graycloud, in particular. My friend BC was married several years ago. His marriage fell apart in a way that was quite painful for him, as it played on many of his own feelings of inadequacy. It took him a very long time to heal -- I think it's been four years since he called me to tell me things were over.

I've seen him several times since then, and each time he's been different. At first he was so very sad that there was nothing there at all -- just a flat line existence, and sometimes only barely existing at that.

Later, he began to be happier and he learned a great deal about himself. He did a -lot- of hard work in healing those wounds and many others he came across along the way. His energy was much more cheerful, but still not quite right.

Last summer, about the time I got back in touch with HoFS, he met a woman whom he became quite fond of. He was hesitant at first -- he didn't think this woman really liked him. She was standoffish, cool, cautious, disinterested. Like the cat under the bed, you know?

But she kept showing up again, kept accepting his invitations for dates and activities.

He eventually got to a spot where he was very fond of her indeed -- and yet he thought, because of how she acted, that she had given up on him.

She finally admitted to herself -- and then to him -- that she loved him in February. It terrified her -- love came with great pain in her past.

They got married three weeks ago.

I saw him on Saturday and Sunday. Spending time with him was about like walking in a big, green woods full of giant trees and birdsong. It just made you relax completely. The not-quite-right feeling is gone completely.

It's been four years since he got divorced. It's been more like six since the real pain of the story began. He has a new wife, a new step-daughter, and a host of things he wants to do in his life before he's done, including having kids (he and his ex didn't have any). He's 43 years old.

So Gray, like Kate Bush sang, "Don't give up. Please don't give up."

Appy doesn't hang around here these days. I've seen him on ilul, though.

I was listening 2 i2nes a bit ago. Downloaded some more stuff, and like this song.

Sad lyrics, kind of a "it doesn't have 2 be this way" kind of song. But beautiful melody. And Peter Murphy has range 2 make a grown man cry...

Peter Murphy, "Strange kind of love"

"A strange kind of love
A strange kind of feeling
Swims through your eyes
And like the doors
To a wide vast dominion
They open to your prize

This is no terror ground
Or place for the rage
No broken hearts
White wash lies
Just a taste for the truth
Perfect taste choice and meaning
A look into your eyes

Blind to the gemstone alone
A smile from a frown circles round
Should he stay or should he go
Let him shout a rage so strong
A rage that knows no right or wrong
And take a little piece of you

There is no middle ground
Or that's how it seems
For us to walk or to take
Instead we tumble down
Either side left or right
To love or to hate"

-ol' 2long

Kimmy and Faith,

I wish she did not discover boys yet but she has, and they her. All I can do is watch her like a hawk and do a lot of praying that all the info and discussions re: sex that we have shared since she was old enough to start becomming curious has benefitted her. It is so scary but fun and exciting at the same time to see her becomming who she will become.

I had no info as a child/teen and in a lot of ways my parents failed us for this reason, even though they didn't know any better... but we do, so our children will have all the info they can handle to make good decisions with. (I hope LOL)



2long,

It took me most of my life to understand that to love has very little to do with the other person and that love can never be lost because it is within us and only the form we project it on changes. Until I realized this fundamental truth I was unable to really love, to really be alone and at peace, or to be with someone else and at peace... now my world is happy and I carry this stability with me. Wow, it's been a long time coming and many hard lessons learned getting here.

JJ,

Your story about your friend reminds me of the four years I spent alone after my D's dad and I split. I had so much healing to do and had no desire to date, but I still had lessons to learn, hence Dan and that nightmare.

We go through what we go through because we need to, and like you said his divorce played on all his inadequacies, as they usually do and this is where the pain comes from, not the loss of love because love can never be lost, it is an energy which lives within us and I would imagine this was the lesson he needed to learn and how nice that he is now sharing his life with someone who has struggled as well.

I'm not convinced we could do anything differently than we do, seems like everything we do and all situations we find ourselves in are simply leading us up to where are going and must happen.

I guess this is what they mean by God's perfect plan.

Anyway I am listening to Anthony Robbins tapes at night and trying to work on my career mentality meaning I have been in this same job for 20 years and am scared to make a change. Where did that confidence go from 20 years ago?

Things are going really good with GB and me, we are planning a big buillia (spelling J?) party in August in Green Bay and if anyone is in the area the second weekend please let me know, I would just love to have anyone on this board come.

weaver:

So right.

Love is not only not a feeling, it's not just a choice. It's a state of being.

These days, I think a lot more about the lessons we all need 2 experience as individuals for our personal growth, and a heckuva lot less about the "wrongs" I've been subjected 2. The A is still on my mind a good percentage of the time, but how it is is so different (and far less unpleasant) than it ever was before.

I think about the perspective of it all.

About getting over the bumps rather than forever changing lanes in hopes that the pavement's smoother elsewhere. It's still the same freeway, and the goal isn't the other lanes, it's the end of the line (or better, the view along the way).

Like someone said somewhere (I'm certain of this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), personal growth isn't easy. Nothing worthwhile is ever truly easy. Recovery isn't easy. But it can be enjoyable, and it's certainly interesting.

Regarding my own sitch, again. I still believe there's something I need 2 learn from this experience that I'm missing for whatever reason. But rather than fretting over what that is, I'm extending my feelers 2 be more receptive 2 the lessons I still need 2 learn.

This current hassle with my SIL over the 2nd house is a good example. I don't really worry about it all that much. I know that my W and I are doing our best 2 be as equitable as we can with her sister, in spite of her sister's behavior (she's always let her rage overwhelm her). I know that we'll be fair and thoughtful of all the players as we move forward with our plan, but we will most definitely move forward.

And stuff like that... (meaning, I got distracted just now and need 2 top my coffee cup off and try 2 figure out what I was going 2 say... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)

-ol' 2long
P.S. Did you see VnusMars' update a 2ple days ago?

I have never heard it put this way before, especially regarding "choice", but I really do agree.

Sometimes I also wonder what particular lesson it is I am suppose to learn in a troubling sitch and like you not for too long because it really is fruitless, it'll just come when it comes in it's own good time...the meaning that is.

Not to get too metaphysical here, but I have to wonder if sometimes we are merely part of someone else's lesson, playing a role in their stuff, and how much it affects us (adversely) helps to show us how far along we are on our own journey to enlightenment, or self-actualization if you will.

Oh jeesh, must need some more coffee too...getting myself lost in my own philosophy and the point I was trying to make with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes briefly as I had to get back to work, but I did want to say "hey" to him so thanks for reminding me. He really sounded good didn't he? I'm glad his self-esteem is getting back to a healthy level. (good choices will do that for ya. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />)

Not to get too metaphysical here, but I have to wonder if sometimes we are merely part of someone else's lesson, playing a role in their stuff, and how much it affects us (adversely) helps to show us how far along we are on our own journey to enlightenment, or self-actualization if you will.

I think we are all mixed up together. We learn from each other, we are lessons for each other - and we are both a strength, and a test to each other - depending on the time frame.

Isn't it about time to spend some major time around the fire?

I'm over due........... it would be time well spent.

SS

I'll bring the chips and salsa.

Yes I agree SS. I think we all play a role as 2long quoted SC or someone, our souls are all co-creating on some level at all times. As we get older and reflect it becomes all too apparent that this is true, doesn't it SS?

Time around the fire? I missed this place last night, that's why I'm on here all day today I think.

No computer at home this summer, so for me next week is the soonest I can hang out again, but I'll be here with bells on hoping some of Kimmys chips and dip is left. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'll save some for you Weaver baby.

You know the offer is still open...any time you want a va-ca....SAT is here and so am I.

I'm tickled. My coworkers have to go make surveys out in the country all the time. One of 'em stumbled on dumping of LOADS of tile and cast off granite for countertops. She just brought me a largesh piece of pink granite (already smooth and polished on one side). If it was a teeny bit bigger I could use it as a bread board...as it is, tho, I'm gonna use it as a cutting board.

Cool!

I'll be coming sometime this winter Kimmy, told little brother I would finally come have dinner with him and I will for sure let you know so we can hook up for dinner or something as well.

GB has a good friend there that he wants to meet up with also.

Small world Kimmy, and it just keeps getting smaller. Isn't it great? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I would love to have a piece of pink granite to go with my pink Tiarra glass dishware, pink depression glassware and pink fiesta dishware.

I would just love that Kimmy. Give it to me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's too cool for words Weaver!

D'yah know how many $$ it would take to SHIP this thang Weav?

It weighs A LOT!

See, the fire is working it's magic already.

Bring on the chips and salsa !!

I've been coping with a touch of the flu since Tues - maybe I can burn it out. Is the salsa hot?

SS

Mediumish.