Next year, SS. Maybe on the coast somewhere. Or possibly the U.S. Southwest...

GC

Beer. That is really funny.

I swam from 9-11th grade. I was asthmatic (i guess i still am...) and i feel that it helped a lot. Coach would kick my inhaler into the pool where i could not find it.

I gained 45 pounds my freshman year. I was 90 lbs when I started. And had a great physique all through high school.

I sure miss it. (the physique...)( i tried a pushup handstand the other day, and got a migraine and needed to go the chiropracter. Guess that extra 45 pounds ain't helping, now...)

We had some football players swim with us one time. They had a lot of respect for us after that day. One said it was the hardest thing he had ever done.

The hard part of swimming in high school (for a guy) is not embarassing yourself when you notice the girls. Takes the concentration of a buddhist monk on a month long fast.

And we had some nice looking swimmers.




I smoked one night, when I was in fourth grade. I was puking for a week after that. Never since then.

But every now and then, when someone else lights one up, I crave a Marlboro light 100. My dad smoked them when I was at his house visiting. Interesting phenomenon.

far

This is going to be long (but quick as I have tons of work to do today and shouldn't be here).

I did take P camping up to a particularly nice bay on Lake S. last weekend. We stayed in an Inn and just visited our friends at the campground off and on. We rented a couple of bikes and road all over, just the two of us and really had a good time. Even went up to the Two Hearted River Hemingway wrote of and it was very beautiful. I would have liked to have canoe'd it, but I won't canoe alone with my D for safety reasons, so we didn't.

To get to the point of my post though, which was prompted by the talk of smoking...

I caught my beautiful little 11 yo P smoking the other night with two other little girls in my neighborhood. I tried not to over-react but I have to tell you it just about floored me, they are so little and I just didn't think they would be curious this early.

I called the other parents and then her Dad. Her dad and I decided she would be grounded for a week from all contact with her friends and that she no longer is allowed to stay alone, so she went back out to his house (in the country) to stay until next week when she and I are going on vacation up to Green Bay.

Her dad got a job five hours away and starts soon but hadn't approached me until the other night on how we would handle custody.

Catching her smoking was probably a good thing in a way, as it finally got her dad to see that she needs to live in one home and visit the other. This joint shared custody has never been good for her and now after four years, he can finally see this as well.

I am very, very happy about this. She will stay with me this school year until next summer when I move unless she starts to go down the wrong path and if that happens she will go to live with her dad in his new city. We have been looking at various transportation options for visitation...bus, amtrac and plane.

She also is no longer allowed to have a "boyfriend" as he told me that on his last night of playing in his band when he took this boyfriend and her to watch him, they were holding hands and being too physical for 11 year olds...anyway we decided she is making decisions which are not in keeping with her age, so no more boys either.

She seems okay with everything, if I had to guess I would even say she seems very happy, even about the grounding, so maybe this is what she was looking for, bigger rules and more parental intervention. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GB gave me a diamond promise ring not too long ago. It is just beautiful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Not big and fancy, very simple and very pretty. And I am off to Green Bay tonight for a couple of days.

I feel very lucky and blessed by GB and the fact that P's dad and I are working together once again in P's best interest.

ITA. I also agree she needs ONE home and visit the other. Too confusing for them at that age. She needs rules, guidance and to know what being a child is. No boys at 11. I don't even allow my DD 13 to consider boys.

Do you let her talk on the phone and have boys for friends? This is the dilemma I am really facing. Where to draw the line and make the rules from.

Talk on the phone with boys who she says are just friends?...or not at all.

Hang out with a boy?

I had friends who were boys at that age, however only in a group and can't remember ever holding their hands or anything. We didn't talk on the phone back then at that age, so I have nothing to base from as far as experience goes.

She'll be twelve in a month.

Promise ring.














I think I'm jealous.










Wow. That was FAST, weaver!

Yep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I've been thinking about your sitch JJ, about the long distance problem and with a child as young as yours I just can't come up with any ideas to help. Mine is olde enough now that we can live a distance apart, but for all these years I had to stay in this town so she would be by her dad.

Now, that helps you not at all, but I do sympathize and understand the dilemma you face.

We both know all about serendipity and universal forces working in your favor, so don't dispair...the answer will come.

Weaver, DD has one friend that is a boy. They have been friends since birth. We are close friends with his parents. They don't chat on the phone but they do hang out together and we all attend church together. The time spent together is under the eye of one set of parents or another. As they get older, I will likely limit time spent together even more.

She knows that boyfriends, dating and the like are not on her agenda for quite some time. She knows that trouble can brew from things as innocuous as holding hands, as you have experienced with P. We have very specific open talks.

BTW, wow! about the ring. Very kewl.

Faith,

Yes, very specific open talks! We do too, and you know of my FOO and although I had loving parents I don't think I had good role models for parenting...KWIM? Addicts don't really have good rules. LOL

So I guess I will use you guys as a sounding board, leveling board and reality check, if you don't mind.

My boyfriends mother called me after she heard the news (her son called her and asked her if he could loan her to me...sweet, hey?) anyway, she raised 10 kids through very trying financial times and she made me see how it is important to be very strict on the big things, not the small things and these problems we are now running into are big things.

Strict without hitting (of course) and without belittling, or talking down to.

I'm am excited for her teen years and scared out of my gord! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Weaver, my parents were not good role models either though I think my dad really tried. I muddled my way through my teens and I want to be a guiding light for my DD. She has a strong faith and whenever she waivers I just ask her what what would Jesus think if he were in the room with her? I am excited about the teen years too.

Good discussion -
We have always told our daughters no dating, and no boy friends until they are 16. It worked with the oldest two - in fact the oldest told me once she figured we saved her so much grief.......... she was happy for that rule.

The twins are 13 (both are girls) and have lived under this rule all their lives. It's just a way of life to them, so it hasn't been an issue at all.

I figure if they do complain, I'll just have them listen to "Turn! Turn! Turn!" by the Byrds and tell them it's not their time yet. I don't know if they are mature enough at 16 either, but it's lots better than 13, or 14......... LOL.

With mothers like the two of you, I have high hopes for your daughters.

SS

Oh that's funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nobody should date before they are 30, in my honest opinion, and the reasons why are way too many to list.

Start dating at 30, find a marriage partner and be married a couple of years later or so, and then have babies with the full understanding of what it means to be a marriage partner and parent...for life!

And by 30 you are well rounded enough (hopefully) to know who you are and what you are looking for.

Have a good weekend all...

I have about 8 hours of work to get done in the next half hour (really need to work on my self-discipline) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,
I'm happy for you.
So much good in your life these days. What a blessing.

Thanks for sharing.

SS

Weaver, honestly after my life experiences I don't think anyone should date without the express intent to marry.

My oldest daughter took an interresting approach to dating.

She had two close friends, and they made a pact.

1. Never date the same boy more than once. (until you decide to start looking for the person you want to marry.)
2. Group date - go places with groups of boys, and girls together.
3. Dating can help you learn about people, and about boys - remember that's what you are doing. It's too early to be in love.
4. Have fun.
5. Make no promises - be up front and honest about why you accepted the date. Don't lead anyone on.


I can't remember all of it, but that's the way she looked at it until she got older and felt she was ready to look for someone.

SS

Much smarter than the way I did it, SS.

J's method of dealing with sexuality:

1. Assume that you're too fat and ugly to ever date anyone.
2. Develop a crush on the one boy who talks to you. Keep crush alive even after he starts dating someone else. Keep it alive, in fact, for nearly three years.
3. Finally date the boy after your freshman year of college. Smooch him a few times. Discover it feels wonderful.
4. Catch mono from him.
5. 3 months later, discover that he got back together with his girlfriend from high school while you were away with your parents on vacation.
6. Kick him out of your life permanently.
7. Accept dates and have sex with pretty much anyone after that, because... see rule 1.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my life from 16 to 22. I sincerely hope that I've learned something, but it's been pretty slow learning. I'm not very bright sometimes.

(Yes, rule 1 has finally left the room. It took me 20 years, but I did it.)

Painful to read J, but not nearly as painful as living it. I never know what to say - I hurt for you when I read it.

Takes time to heal, and progress.

Your progress looks good on you.

SS

Just J, your rules look a lot like mine did... except I had the added element of living through the disco years when "everyone was doing it" and was "looking for love in all the wrong places"...

sigh.

J, I had a similar experience except I "gave myself away" to the first boy who pretty much asked at age 17. I started dating my first real b/f at 17/18 and that lasted a year. After that until my H no R lasted over a year. I got from that experience my DS born out of wedlock and a lovely STD from one of my ex b/f's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I want so much more for my DD.

I am very lucky, all in all. You were doing that stuff before AIDS was a major factor, NB. I decided to start it at about the same time as the AIDS epidemic began to affect the heterosexual population.

And yes, SS, it's a painful journey. I wouldn't have said so at the time, oddly enough. I would have said that sex was a fun and generally harmless pastime. That should be enough for anyone to figure out that I didn't get it. But I didn't get that I didn't get it, so I got extra rounds. And I have to count the number of people I've slept with in my life using my fingers and my toes. Of those... perhaps five were worth it.

Sigh. I'm going to have a beer, some chocolate, and play video games now. I get to do this about once every six months. I'm going to revel in it.

(Okay, I wrote this an hour ago and it didn't go through. Beer, chocolate, and video games are in full swing.)