Hi J,

What's the latest?

2long,
Haven't had an update from you lately.

What's the word on her going to the conference and RM being there?

How's the house coming along?

Did anything happen with angry SIL?

Son is doing what this year?

D and SIL doing well?

What's happening at work? Rovers still sending data? I should probably know, but I don't.

Things went well at OOSP?


Gray,
was thinking about you yesterday. I have my problems, and faults. I'm sure you have some too, but you are a pretty fine person. You have my respect.

Not sure if you still have lots of questions without answers. Hope you get them all answered before you leave.

Your struggles these last few years helped you to share your feelings. We felt for you, though we couldn't do much. You are much more quiet now. Probably a sign you are coming to terms with everything.

Thanks for letting us get to know you. It's been a treat.

OK, I'm done for today. Back to Bug Zappers.

SS

There's sort of a goofy one on CV's thread 2 WOE on In Recovery that I put up yes2rday. Hope it doesn't sound negative, because I don't feel at all negative these days (even though my SIL may be suing us 2 keep us from selling the house she's renting).


I don't think he was there. She only stayed 2 nights and one day (the day she spoke). She seemed really glad 2 be home, and with me. But we haven't talked about whether he might have been there or not. Don't feel like I need 2, really.


I got another of the big jobs done last weekend. Making a boxed beam over one of the double doors downstairs 2 stiffen the support for the 2 floors above. 4 20-ton bottle jacks and a bunch of 2x4's did a fabulous job of preloading the wall, then a whole herd of screws in the plywood on both sides (2 be covered by drywall), really 2k a lot of shake out of the floor above and now our bedroom door closes nicely!

Next huge job will be putting a post and beam struc2re in the dining room ceiling and shoring up the stairwell wall from the ground. Then, all we need 2 do is drywall the living room, dining room, and downstairs hall, and we'll have all our "living space" back.

Wallpaper and carpet can wait a while.


Oh yeah, like I alluded above. She ain't got a leg 2 stand on, but she could tie us up for months if we have 2 evict her. I just spent about a half hour on the phone with our lawyer (kaCHING) discussing our next move...

less than he should be, but that's okay for now. Going 2 college, at least. Learning more about blacksmithing, which is cool. Has a great teacher. I need 2 make time 2 take him out 2 practice driving his truck so he can get lisenced. We haven't started on the other Model A yet, either, but he's still interested in helping finish the restoration.


Yep. Waiting on the resolution of the other house though, so we can help them buy their first new place.


Spirit's got the bumb wheel, and is parked until the sun rises higher in the sky and brings the power back up. Oppy is getting closer 2 Victoria, which oughta be swell!


Yep, but it was cloudy every time I wanted 2 get a scope out, so I haven't done that since May, really.

-ol' 2long

2,

“Then, all we need 2 do is drywall the living room, dining room, and downstairs hall…”

Are you doing it yourself?

Ugh, I hate dry-walling. Almost as much as I hate stone-walling WS.

I didn’t realize your house was so damaged. Did you have to move out at any point?

What happened to the general contractor?

Yeech, I hate dealing with general contractors. Almost as much as I hate dealing with WS.

I bet you guys will feel a lot more comfortable once it is all finished.

Did you have to deal with smoke damage and smells?

Ugh, back to my own home improvement projects. I don’t hate them, but they are a never ending pain in the ball peen hammer.

ed: There is someting weeeeeird going on with this post. First it goes to the wrong thread. Then it shows up here with a bunch of detrius in it.

Thanks 2,
I've been wondering.
I should mail you more often.

You have been doing a GREAT job on the board lately. I hope you are able to continue, even if you don't always get thanks for your comments.

Aph,
Give us an update ..........
You still got lots of pain, or are you giving it away now days?
Mostly questions these days, or mostly answers?

SS

We're doing the demo and detailing ourselves and hiring a local guy 2 do the drywall. He's not good at the corners or under the windows, though. Our walls have beveled corners with double-beaded wood moldings on them. He tends 2 get sloppy there, so I go and neaten it up before we paint.


my W hates the dust EVERYWHERE more than anything. I concur.


We were unable 2 live in it for the first year. I lost track of how many times we moved around 2 rental houses and our guest house. Something like 8 times in a year and a half. Then several more times within the house as we gradually got rooms liveable again. My W and I ac2ally moved in2 the intact downstairs bedroom a little over 2 years after the fire, but we had no heat for about 3 more months. We used a plastic utility sink for a kitchen sink and cardboard boxes for counters until we got new cabinets built abouut a year or so ago.


We fired his sorry [censored] about 2 years ago. 2k about 4 months 2 do it, 2. We're still doing some of his crap over, but some of the guys he had were decent.


That's why we won't, anymore.


Boy, I sure hope so!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Yep. Most of the smoke was upstairs and in the ceilings and walls (water washing wet charcoal down through the building). The rest was water damage 2 ceilings, walls, and floors. And they're big: 12' ceilings on the first floor, 11' on the 2nd floor, and about 8' in the attic. The whole roof and attic space had 2 be completely rebuilt.


Yep. I used 2 think I'd do home restorations again, but not anymore. I'll be dead before I can finish another project like this one!

-ol' 2long

2day in automotive his2ry:


-ol' 2long

2,

It occurs to me, and probably has to you, that your W has put up with a lot of home and hearth disruption the past couple years. It may explain a few things – recovery wise. She’s a real trooper regarding you guy’s house, you know. Maybe she is starting to relax a bit now that it’s getting comfortable again.

Buy her a rose or a new wall hanging or something house-warming when the time is right. From all of us.

SS,

Meh, could be worse.

Don’t really know what to say. Things are tolerable for the greater part. But, knowing who I am M’d to makes me feel like living in 2’s house as it’s under reconstruction would, in a way.

Ending the VLTA was a great first step. Sort of like putting the actual fire out once and for all. There were hot spots and wisps of smoke to hose down for a long time afterwards, but at least the place stopped actively burning.

But rebuilding with a FWW that was in a VLTA is like dealing with a general contractor – nothing gets done on my schedule. Nothing is done to my specifications.

Just ending the A is not enough for me. I don’t want to rebuild this dump like it was. In fact, my taker wants to live in a mansion now.

Err, I’m getting a little carried away with my analogy, I see. Sorry.

Had good news on an unrelated front today, though. My personal Plan A is bearing some fruit.

“You still got lots of pain, or are you giving it away now days? Mostly questions these days, or mostly answers?”

Hey, you calling me a pain? That's Mr. Pain to you!

I think I had fairly accurate answers from very near the beginning, actually. I just didn’t like the answers - not at all. So I push on the soft spots here and there on MB. See how much they give. That’s all.

With prayers,

But rebuilding with a FWW that was in a VLTA is like dealing with a general contractor – nothing gets done on my schedule. Nothing is done to my specifications.

So lots of frustration, and little relationship joy?

Sometimes you sound sad, so I asked.
I'll keep praying for you.

I hope you can still laugh much of the time.

SS

"So lots of frustration, and little relationship joy?"

You have no idea what it is like to discover that nothing, absolutely nothing, was as it seemed. Not ever, not even from the beginning. Not from any aspect or in any corner.

There is no way to squint and turn your head upside-down to make it look even remotely like what you thought it was.

Nothing - was as it seems.

Hard to deal, is all.

But not to worry. There is joy in my heart for many other things.

With prayers,

I almost offered 2 "set my W free" when we both reacted 'badly' (e.g., with anger) 2 my SIL's absurd demands that we sell the house she's renting 2 us for over a quarter million less than it appraised for last December. But I didn't.

I did say, recently, that I wanted her happiness even if it's at the expense of her family's. And I mean that.

But this whole experience with the 2nd house and her SIL has ac2ally helped bring us closer. When I put MY foot down (so did she, but her S always reacts, never responds - lives a spiteful, drama-filled life) and we spelled out our "boundaries" 2 our lawyer 2 relay 2 her, my W ac2ally got the first good night's sleep in a long time. That's what she said, 2.

-ol' 2long

You are right Aph,
I don't understand.

I care though.


2long,
Closer is good.
Does it feel better?
Or is it just one of those fact things?

SS

Hm... Not sure what a fact thing is, exactly, but *I* feel pretty better these days.

Don't feel like I'll live happily ever after unless I stay vigilant, and "happiness" no longer requires that I be M'd, but other than that...

Stuff's okay. Way okay.

-ol' 2long

Stuff's okay. Way okay.

Cool !

I'm glad.

SS

SS, no intent to disparage you or your empathy in any way. Just a figure of speach.

thanx,

Aph,
It's hard to always know what to say.

I mean, I can say "Oh you poor thing."
Or
"I feel bad for you"

But.........
Even if I really do feel bad for you, and care...... how can it ever take away what you feel, or make it better?

Sometimes you sound happy, sometimes really sad. Like you have carried a great weight for far too long. (no, I didn't do that on purpose, and I think I'll leave it there.)

I suppose I wanted to tell you that someone noticed, and wished they could help, even if they can't help much. Wish it was different.

SS

On Friday afternoon, I was headed toward the airport to pick up HoFS for the weekend. It's our anniversary weekend, so I'd planned a trip to The Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant) for dinner, and then a night at the Bethesda Marriott Suites. I'd stopped at the hotel to drop off champagne, chocolate, candles, and music and was in plenty of time to make it to the airport on time. I was a little concerned because I hadn't had time to write his card yet and the traffic had looked kind of heavy when I drove under the Beltway. So I turned north on Old Georgetown Road, planning to go over to Wisconsin to get on the Beltway a little further along.

Then, as I was driving along, kaTHUMP-THUMP-THWONG-thumpthumpthumpthump.

Uh oh.

So I pulled over into a church driveway and found my right rear tire slowly deflating and a very odd looking bit of metal in it. When I pulled it out, it turned out to be a broken-off pair of scissors from a pocket knife. So I called emergency roadside assistance and then tried to get the tire changed myself. Unfortunately, the bolts were on much tighter than I could move. So I got in the car and wrote my card for HoFS and then called mom. When we'd been talking for a little while, a car drove past and stopped. The guy got out, so I told mom I'd be right back while I told him emergency assistance was on the way. But he said he could change it in a minute and not to worry about it. So I let him go ahead and do it.

I forgot mom was still on the phone, and she got treated to a very strange series of noises and creaks and groans and banging and my muffled voice. Needless to say, she was quite thoroughly panicked by the time I got back to her. I apologized profusely and then we both went on our way.

When I got to the airport, HoFS was in line at the baggage counter -- his bag and the bags of about ten other people hadn't made it on the plane from Cleveland to Baltimore. Luckily, he'd worn the clothes he planned to wear for our evening. So we went on with our evening, and I suspect both of us wondered what else might go wrong.

Luckily, there weren't any further mishaps. HoFS had never had fondue before and treated it like an engineering problem to be taken apart and learned and put back together very carefully. I finally told him that I couldn't tell whether he was having a good time or not. As near as I can tell, it wasn't an adventure for him. Perhaps I should have made him have a glass of wine instead of iced tea, but I knew there was champagne in the room.

The fondue was quite good. HoFS ordered "The French Quarter," which was sausage, tenderloin, chicken, and shrimp, all dredged in Cajun spices. I ordered the vegetarian entree, which was tofu, vegetables, and fresh gorgonzola and spinach ravioli. We shared it all and it made for a very nice meal indeed. Beforehand we had a strawberry almond saladd and afterward we had chocolate fondue with fruit and various sweets to dip it in.

The rest of the evening was quite lovely. Champagne, kisses, music, long gazes into one another's eyes. After I got out the champagne and while the "Do you love me?" song from Fiddler on the Roof was still playing (either that or it was "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid...), HoFS said, "I've died. I've died and gone to heaven."

It got better after that. :-)

The next morning we had a leisurely breakfast in the room -- crab omelette, hash browns, strawberries, and a plate of their pastries. The little cherry danish was particularly tasty.

Then we went over to Sears to get my tires looked at. I figured, based on having nearly 70,000 miles on my car, that I was going to need to have all four of them replaced, and sure enough, that's what happened. Yay, another $500 from the emergency fund. Sheeeesh, there've been a lot of big expenses lately!

While we were waiting for the car, we headed into the mall to look for something to drink. We started by heading for coffee for me. As we were standing there, I realized that we were standing in the Bauble Center of the mall. You know the spot I mean -- the place where all the different hallways come together and there's a jewelry store at each corner. So I chuckled and said, "Remember when I went to the Verizon store a few weeks ago and was surrounded by jewelry stores? Look!" And I pointed them out to him. We started walking, I thought to find him the diet Coke he wanted. But no... he steered me into one of the jewelry stores and we [gulp] stood there and looked at diamond solitaires.

When we left, we were both still calm, but perhaps less grounded than we had been.

Then we went into Crate & Barrel, which is a place we both really enjoy. I was looking for everyday wineglasses, since I've broken several of mine in the last couple of years and I only have one left. (I still have all six of the Czech crystal ones, but I like to use those for special occasions. Yes, we used them this weekend!) I didn't find anything I really liked, so we continued on to look for a drink... I thought.

But HoFS steered us into another jewelry store, this one more elaborate (in other words, more and higher-quality and higher-priced). In this one, a nice lady named Ursula decided that we needed to do more than peer into the cases and then run away. So she had me sit down and look at rings, and then got some out and had me try them on. I came to the same conclusion I've come to before. I really liked the 18kt gold band in a Tiffany setting with a 1ct diamond. (A Tiffany setting is, as near as I can tell, a type of setting rather than a particular jewelry company. Envision a simple ring with a six-prong thingy that holds the diamond and you've got it about right.)

Poor HoFS went completely blank and silent somewhere in the middle of all of it. I think it was when I showed him the price tag on that particular ring. He said later it was a great deal more than he'd guessed it would be. Since I'd talked to Penny about it the last time he and I chatted about diamonds, I knew that 1ct rings were going to be between $7,000 and $11,000. This particular one was in that range, so I wasn't surprised. I didn't think he would be either -- I'd forwarded that e-mail to him. Apparently he'd forgotten all about it, though. (In other words, he was so horrified by the whole thing that he blocked it out from his memory.)

Oh, and just to be completely clear, no, HoFS has not proposed. I am reading nothing into the trip to look at pretty baubles other than that we’ve talked about them some and it seemed like a good idea to actually look at some rather than just chatting about it. I do this with all of the conversations that we have that might be about similar things (houses, cutlery, china, whatever). It’s a conversation. Conversation is not the same as action, and I’ve learned to watch actions to gauge reality. And the reality in this situation is that HoFS loves me very much – and though he’s thinking about things, he is not acting yet. So I continue to plan my life with an open-ended option on who will be involved. So far, there’s no great problem there, though I know that there are some pretty big decisions coming along soon.

Afterward, we went back and got my car and its new tires. Then we went up to neighborhoods near where my ex lives and drove around to look at what kinds of houses are for sale there. More crowded than what HoFS is used to, and in some cases icky and rundown. There were some nice ones in there, too, though.

Then we went to Whole Foods Market and wandered around a bit. More high prices and stress for HoFS, a wander through a playground for me. (I don't buy much there. I do like to look at what they have, though.) Then we went home and recovered from the stress and reconnected. And had some downtime. It wasn't quite like a nap, but more like a nap than like walking around doing things. Very quiet.

Dinner was interesting in that I was the sous chef (thanks to Soulloss for teaching me what that actually means) and HoFS did the cooking. He made a really, really tasty meal, too. He used ingredients we had in the house and made chicken burritos. We had it with fresh sliced melon, strawberries, and blueberries, and a glass of red wine on the side. Oh, and the ubiquitous sliced vegetables that accompany every meal we prepare together. And broccoli steamed in chicken broth, and fire-roasted sweet corn from Trader Joe's. And then we finally broke out the chocolate that I'd gotten for the hotel. We were too busy with each other to have any the night before. Choxie (from Target) is interesting stuff. The chocolate tiles were worth playing with, though I don't think I'd get them again. The Ginger Toffee Chocolate was heavenly.

We went to bed early and slept for a second solid eight hours of the weekend. This is how it goes with us. We sleep eight-hour nights when we're together, but we're so active that we don't actually catch up on our sleep. And then as soon as we're apart again, we go back to our sleep-deprived ways.

The next morning we were up by 7:30. We had homemade bread and fruit for breakfast. Then we zipped off to pick up DD and kept going out into the wilds of Montgomery County. I'm not sure that HoFS had previously believed that there were any rural areas around here. And truth be told, there probably wouldn't be if it weren't for the Agricultural Reserve land in the northwest crescent of the county. But it's there, and out there in the middle of it is a nice farm where you can pick your own stuff -- we got apples and peaches. We were going to pick blackberries, too, but DD wilted so we didn't. We did buy a pint of them, though. Lovely things.

Then we went swimming with a couple of friends, came back to the house for lunch and a nap (and nookie) and then took HoFS to the airport.

Today I mostly recovered. Yoga and housework with DD this morning, played with toys and took naps this afternoon, watched videos in the early evening, and now I'm working for pay. And yes, I've been working on this post all day. Time to actually post it. Hi everyone!

Okay, sister. I'll do what you did, since I've not put much on here lately.

There's a girl interested in me, and she came to my party, weekend before last. She's okay, but I'm not interested. At the party, while I cooked, she and her friend came into the kitchen and chatted me up. Looking for the easy out, I just cooked and talked and uttered every coarse bit of wit that came to mind, hoping I'd turn her off and avoid the trouble.

But... I have my limits, and when I told car4love the stuff I'd said, car4love said, "Uh, yeah, you were funny and made her like you more."

So a few days later the girl started in with the emails. Finally, bless her heart, she sent one that just flat out griped about my elusiveness and asked me to go on a date. I whinged silently (mostly) at my desk all day, and finally at quittin' time sent her the "Sorry but I have to say no thanks" reply.

That night, I had tickets to see The Flaming Lips at the MN State Fair. There's a story there too, but I'll skip the tale and just say "God bless The Flaming Lips".

Short on sleep after the show, I worked half the day Friday, then ran home, threw some things in the car, and headed out to the site where the race was being held.

The race started at 5 P.M. Friday. Four people on a team. When your turn comes up, you get on your mtn bike and do a seven-mile loop on a very tough course. If you aren't climbing, you're usually dealing with a nasty downhill. You finish a lap and tag off with your teammate who's waiting for you at the start. While your teammates do their laps, you eat, drink, and try to sleep a little before it's time to get up and go again.

This goes on for 24 hours. The nighttime laps are tough. You run out of clean clothes, and the dew falls. You put on wet, cold gear and ride trails that are now soft and get more mushy with every set of tires. And it is daaaaark. After finishing, you choke down some food. With your muddy legs, you crawl into your tent, and even your pillow is cold and damp.

But hey, you have a pillow.

It's chilly and noisy. Some racers are just there to party. Jealous, you close your eyes and see rocks and roots. Soon more than an hour has gone by and you're still awake. The teammate who followed you comes back to camp, throws up, and disappears into her tent. You barely doze for the next two hours, and then you're rousted. Time to go. You discover that you blew a leak in your front tube on the last lap, and if your teammate who's currently on the trail is keeping with his usual pace, you have about five minutes to fix it and get to the start.

You figure the teammate who just threw up won't be much use for a while, and you steal her front wheel. You get to the start. Ten seconds pass, maybe, and your teammate crosses the line and tags you. Before a single cobweb has cleared out of your head, you're fighting your way up a wet, sandy, rocky slope in the dark, cursing out loud every time your back wheel spins out. A toad hops out onto the trail in front of you, and hops furiously ahead, hemmed in by your headlight, which wobbles back and forth as you battle up the hill. You're going so slowly that a toad can stay ahead of you. Someone follows not far behind, puffing. Possessed by some insane instinct for comedy, you half shout, "It's the deep burrrrrrrrn!" The other guy says, in mock-anger, "Shut the eff up!" He's barely making it, and can't afford to laugh.

It might sound horrible, but somewhere in there, after your legs have mostly given out, and you dread every lap, and you've given up hosing the mud off your body at the end of each leg, and everybody stinks, and all you care about is getting done, getting home, and getting to bed, you start to have fun. The physical suffering stops mattering. You just accept it and start having a good time in spite of how much you hurt.

On one of your last laps, you even have a conversation with a woman who's on the trail just ahead of you. Two filthy, exhausted people, out of breath, with beat up legs, fighting their way uphill, somehow manage to flirt.

It's a beautiful thing.

Impossibly, you make your fastest time on your last lap.

They hold a big raffle at the end of the race. Every winner has to walk down a hill and climb a set of about 15 steps to collect his or her prize, and everyone shouts "Run!" while the winners waddle down the hill, some of them stuck bent halfway over, and fight their way up the steps to get their prizes, little cycling gadgets and t-shirts and stuff. The last few riders arrive at the finish, and people hand them beers as they cross the line. Everybody's in pain except the volunteers, a handful of bemused girlfriends, and the dogs.

It's no lie, I spent most of the hours from Sat. evening to Monday morning asleep.

Ain't it lucky when you get to have that kind of fun? If only there were nothing to haunt you when you finally got to sleep. But life ain't perfect.

GC

Gray, did you really participate in that race? You were one of the racer's?

I had to read your post twice, first thinking it was a wierd dream you had...

What are you NUTS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

J,

My mom had the ring you describe with a 1 c diamond...and it is a beautiful ring. When she was in a coma the medical people all commented on how beautiful her ring was, and her hands...she always had the most well manicured hands.

My BF is a lot like yours in the way he wants to stop in the jewelry stores and look, or talk big talk about the future...and I do what you do just play along and then let it go. It was really freaking me out at first, but now I realize it's just his way of thinking and working through stuff he's imagining for the future.

He finally admitted to me he was scared and wanted to slow way down...scared himself with all that talk.

Guys are a little different, yanno?

Ap,

I think the way you are trying to work things out in your mind, regarding the lie's you had been living under for so long, is a very good thing. It is the road to peace. A long, hard road but you have the courage to head down it (courage or "no choice"... I don't know but I think it is probably courage) and it will get resolved in your mind at some point...and that is what matters.

It's important to not allow yourself to get stuck in victim/blame mentality, because then you will never be able to find peace with it. Even though you were blameless and are a victim, finding a way to use it to serve you is the only way to overcome it's destruction to you.

It's important to find a way to turn it around so that you end up in an empowered state of being...

I worried about anger and resentment setting in, so I found a way to quickly turn myself around.

For me it took burying myself in "A Course in Miracles"...the miracle was really a change in perception, a change in the way I viewed things.

I can't put it into words but the change was profound enough that it completely changed my way of thinking about everything...and that was empowering.

There are moments when the old thought system sinks in, but I find a way to quickly banish it again.

You will find your way to mental and emotional peace, Ap.

Well it would be pretty boring if we weren't!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

HoFS

No doubt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I did it again JJ, got him to post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The trouble with visiting jewelry stores Hofs, is the beauty of all those little baubbles keeps haunting you, long after you have left the store. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />