You're good at that, Weaver. Keep it up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think the trouble with going to look at things like that is that it raises expectations. And if they then need to be lower again (the expectations, that is), it can be pretty hard on the people and the relationship.

Gray, I like that update. Thank you. And yes, keep toiling up those hills. I understand time like that, though I don't do anything like that anymore.

Ap, it sounds to me like you're having an odd epiphany/transformation sort of thing. Feels weird when you're going through something like that, sort of like the skin you've worn all your life all of a sudden doesn't fit. Keep with it, though. It will eventually.

Try not to have any expectations, and unless you have some sort of time limit due to age related issues (biological clock) this is all part of the journey. Love is about discovery and about freeing the other person to be able to feel themselves and us out.

GB and I talked about the expectations once he started talking of marriage and rings, and I of moving and changing careers.

I felt him distance at a certain point soon after, and I know that guys get scared and as someone put it they are like rubber bands when they pull back, we need let go a bit and let them.

Each time they come back, as in a rubber band, they are less scared, until finally they have come to terms with things and are around for good.

I also felt my distrust go up the more he talked about the future (too many words before actions) and realized I was operating from an unhealed place. He questioned my ability to trust, I questioned his ability to follow through.

We both decided we were putting too much expectation on the outcome and forgot to be as children and just enjoy the moment, complete with the role playing and "acting" out of the future. Kind of like feeling each other out as to how that future might look, if we were with the other.

Enjoy the ride, the journey...all things in good time.

And of course a guy needs to know what you like JJ? ...just in case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Shoot, forgot to include my personal highlight.

I finished my last nighttime lap somewhere around 4 A.M. When I hit the final descent to the finish--a series of easy downhill switchbacks--I heard "Rock the Casbah" coming from the speakers at the finish line, loud. I got so amped I almost waved off the next rider and did a double. But sadly, I didn't. Next year.

GC

Time limits. No specific time limits, no, though HoFS has said that he feels as though there is one based on my reactions.

I jump to things. I start off over there at the starting post and then zip I'm over here at the finish line. I research things in entirely too much detail the first time they're mentioned. I let my fingers and Google give me instant access to all the information I want to know. I plan. I think. I research. And then I start doing. All in a very short period of time.

HoFS walks. He starts off at the starting point and, like the turtle, he walks to the finish line one step at a time. No leaping around from place to place, no jumping up and down, no running in circles whilst chasing butterflies. (Well, okay, he occasionally chases ME in circles, but that's different.)

I've told y'all the story before of how I met HoFS and how I think about him. I jumped. I'm here. Right here. Been here a long time. Not going anywhere else. I'm hoping HoFS'll wander over this way. It makes him nervous, of course. But I am, nonetheless, here.

There are big decision points coming up on the horizon, though. DD's school situation may work best if I sell my house and move closer to where my ex lives. (Because at that point I'll be driving up there half the time anyway; no commuting savings for me then.) I had come to that conclusion, oh, I guess it's been three months now, and I mentioned it to HoFS in a very matter-of-fact way. If I need to move, I'll do this, then I'll do that, then I'll do this other...

He was shocked that I didn't include him in the decision process, I think. It took me a couple of days to understand how upset he was. And the thing is, if there is no commitment between us, then I need to make such decisions solo. If there is a formal commitment between us, then we need to make such decisions jointly. We are in an in-between state right now. Linked, connected, and have agreed to stay that way. But that's not the same as married by a long shot. Nor even is it similar to being engaged.

The other major decision I need to make is about kids and whether I'm going to have more of them. There, too, is a decision that I make solo if I'm on my own, jointly if I'm with someone. And we're in-between.

These decisions do have time constraints; I need to make them in the next couple of years. DD starts kindergarten in two years, and I'm almost 39 years old.

There are other goals and visions I have for my life that will continue to unfold and grow in the next couple of years. Moving up to where my ex lives will mean a considerably longer commute, but if I buy for just me and DD, I will buy something that I can afford without taking on a new mortgage. That'll change my lifestyle a lot and will also allow me to work toward other financial goals that I gave myself about a year ago. (First, get out of debt. Second, fund my retirement and DD's education. Third, build enough wealth to never have to work again.)

Right now I'm working to make sure that my solo decisions now leave open the options that include HoFS. There are also areas where we may continue to make separate decisions after making a more joint arrangement overall. For example, I recently came to the conclusion that I would not want to combine my finances with HoFS. He believes that it's a decision based in fear. I'm not sure that's entirely correct, but there is certainly caution there.

So yes, Weaver, being as children in the moment is excellent and something I strive for. I also recognize, however, that sometime in the last couple of years I regained a direction and vision for my life. I am working on bringing that vision to fruition. As much as possible, I'm making sure that there is room for HoFS in each decision that I make. But when I get to the point of buying a home, well, it makes a difference. DD and I need a small 3 bedroom townhouse, no more. DD, me, HoFS, and his three boys, even if some of them are only there part-time, would need a fair bit more space. It's that kind of thing.

I think I'm repeating myself. Time to stop and smell the roses. (Two dozen. Red. Smell lovely. Wish they were here in the office with me instead of at home on the table. Then again, they're flowers for the table. A symbol of all that two people can build together.)

Hi J,
I don't think I could do what you and HoFS are doing.

And Gray,
I know for sure I couldn't do what you did.


My mom send me an e-card today. It's a camping card.
It shows a person at a campfire with spooky things going on all around, and it encourages me to enjoy the campout.

You know what, I think I will.

SS

Holy Toledo, it's Gray's birthday again, already!

Happy Birthday Graycloud!

Did you happen to catch Rock Star last night? One guy about blew me away with his version of Coldplay's "Clocks"...did you see him knock over the piano bench and jump on top of the piano?

The girl who works for me always wants to talk about that show, so I have been trying to remember to watch it...glad I did last night.

What do you have going for your birthday Gray? Do they bring you a cake at work?

[color:"red"] H [/color] [color:"green"] A [/color] [color:"blue"] P [/color] [color:"orange"] P[/color] [color:"yellow"] Y [/color]

[color:"purple"] B [/color] [color:"pink"] I [/color] [color:"brown"] R [/color] [color:"#666666"] T [/color] [color:"red"] H [/color] [color:"green"] D [/color] [color:"blue"] A[/color] [color:"orange"] Y [/color]

[color:"purple"] G [/color] [color:"#666666"] C [/color]

Hope your day is wonderful and eat loads of cake <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BTW, I am thoroughly impressed with your bike riding story. Very cool how you challenged yourself like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Gracias, weaver, FF.

I only saw that "Rock Star" show once, and didn't really pay attention. "Clocks" is a killer tune, though I've been off the Coldplay for a while. I need to watch more television. Now when's the last time you heard that?

My coworkers have forgotten it's my birthday. I'm wearing all black, and some stuff I've never worn to work, and nobody's noticed.

Should I give them a hint?

After work I'm gonna play music with a couple buddies and maybe go for a beer or two afterwards.

I hung out with a friend last night and he asked me for advice regarding a sticky, tricky subject having to do with a girl he's dating. Here's hoping I steered him right.

GC

Happy Birthday, Gray! Are you 21 yet? Can I buy you a beer? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SLH,
He's said more than once he doesn't mind.

Be glad to hear all about your journey.

SS

Happy B day Gray. (belated)

I had a conversation with a cousin of mine yesterday about Global Warming. I quoted you. He listened.

Thanks

SS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

(hope the yelling is not affecting a hangover)



Crazy life we live. Here I am - six months divorced - and I am feeling attracted to a new girl working in the office. I am no where near ready to start something like that. But she sure is cool.... so far.

Guess I'll bury my feelings for a while, and see who she turns out to be.

I like the idea of courting. There is a good book about it - being a good father to a daughter. It endorses courting for young people. I can't remember the author right now.... I can see how it would work well for us older folks, too. (are you older than I, GC? -lessee - if you wore black - then you are half a year older than I...)

Working in an office with someone is like courting. Going to a common Bible study, or even sitting at lunch every day has elements of it. (we have a cafeteria - what with being a school and all....) It is a low pressure way to learn enough about someone to determine if you want to continue to spend time with them. (courting - is group dating. no pairs - just girls and guys going to movies - or cow tipping - or whatever...)

Man. What a crazy life.

Somebody throw a bucket of ice water on me. Take me out back and beat me up some.

far

Well, [censored] howdy!

I missed gc's birthday!

-ol' 2late

In two nights I'm playing in the MAIN ROOM at First Avenue.

Too good. Too good. Long as I don't pass out when the curtain rises.

GC

That sounds like a very big deal even though I have no idea where that is. Very very best of luck. You won't pass out - after all you've dealt with, this will be like a walk in the park! Have fun. TT

For those who were old enough to go to movies in the 80s, First Avenue was featured in Purple Rain.

Good for you, Gray!!!

FAR, Gray is younger than I am, though I no longer remember how much. I'll be 39 next month. Hmmm. I think I'm looking forward to being 40. 39 is just a goofy number.

Well I guess I am older than both of you.

(39 last May)

Congrats, Gray!

Are you gonna stick a cigarette under the strings in your headstock?

Oh - speaking of headstocks -
check out this comment....
Headstock sustain


far

FAR, just remember that sustain must always be pronounced

"SUH-STEIN"

thanks to Christopher Guest.

No cig FAR, but I've got an insanely cheesy polyester shirt I hope to be resplendent in. Haven't decided about the huge round sunglasses yet.

GC

Huge round sunglassses? You'll look like Elton John.

Which, come to think of it, is probably the only rocker you'll ever really resemble. You're decidedly cleancut, Gray. It looks really good on ya.

Then again, Robert Palmer used that look to his advantage. Perhaps you could as well.

Elton John? Take it back.

GC