So? How was Christmas for everyone? I got some really nice presents, I must say. DD had a blast with all the toys and helping everyone open presents. She and I have both had very bad colds and we're both still coughing, but we had fun anyway.

I'll post a long update sometime next week; haven't got the time right now. It's been a fun time, though!

I've got a similar cold - with attendant sore throat.

Christmas was wonderful - more later.

SS

Hi Binder and FAR! Miss you all. SS and J, hope you feel better.

Hi Faithful,
I hope things are good at your house. It has been so good to see the progress this fall.

The difficulties will continue, but if you can face them as a couple, it will make all the difference in the world.

J,
We had most of the family over for Christmas eve dinner. It was plain - home made soup. We did sing, and we laughed a lot, and we went to bed early - before midnight. I kind of liked it. (past years have been hectic.)

The twins let us sleep in until 8 on Christmas morning. What a nice gift. I know they were awake earlier, but they didn't come upstairs and jump on us and try to get us up like they used to do. 13 is such a nice age in girls.

We got up and went through the ritual - each person gets a gift to open, we watch, then go to the next. We start with the youngest this time, last time it was the oldest.

Kids and grandkids started arriving about 9. We had breakfast - BIG - at 10:30 or so. Pancakes, hashbrowns, eggs, and so on, and so on. I cooked, and did dishes and let W play with grand kids.

We had lots of good conversations, played games, and people came and went until late evening. It's always nice to spend time with people you love.

Dinner was Mexican food - home made chili verde - from peppers we grew this year. Hot, but not too hot. Chips, and salsa, beans.......... it was good also. Holiday food is fun, because we have more time to eat, and talk.

Change topic -

I want to know what Gray is writing about then deleting.

Also want to know if 2long got more high tops for Christmas.

Good time for campfires - cold out these days.

SS

Christmas eve. What did we have Christmas eve? Dear me, I don't recall. It's something of a blur. I'd best do my update before I forget everything! Maybe if I do it chronologically.

Let me try to make it to Christmas Day, anyway. The rest of the time will have to be a later update.

My parents arrived on Wednesday afternoon before Christmas. DD and I got home before them and we were both marginally healthy at that point. The cold and cough we caught is really tenacious. Two weeks after she started, DD is -still- coughing. And so am I. And so is my ex. HoFS saw DD when she was the sickest a few weeks ago, but seems to have avoided the worst of it.

Anyway, so my parents arrived. As he often does when they arrive, dad immediately got ready to go to the grocery store. He takes my sister along. This time, DD wanted to go, too. It's the first time she's ever gone anywhere with him.

They arrived back at the house rather frazzled. Dad's hair was a little wild and DD's entire existence was wired into the overhead. Apparently my sister (who is mentally handicapped and who has a mental age about the same as DD's) and DD were fussing at each other all the way through the store. And DD did her darndest to convince dad that she needed EVERYTHING in the store. She came home with a new toothbrush, new toothpaste, Disney Princesses Chapstick, frosted miniwheats, and Tostitoes.

No wonder dad looked a little stressed....

While they were out, mom and I walked around the neighborhood and looked at various sidewalks that have been replaced in the last few years. I need to have mine done, so we were looking to see what looks good and appears to be well done. I found a style I like, though mom doesn't like it as much. That's all right -- it'll give her something to complain about for the next 20 years.

*sigh*

When my brother called to say he would arrive at the Metro station in a few minutes, DD wanted to go with dad to get him, so off they went again. Mom and I made supper while they were gone. Meat sauce with linguini. It was pretty good. We also lit the Hannukah candles. That night, if I remember right, DD got a book called "Rachel's Library." And my brother's girlfriend got her presents that night (candles and a necklace) because she was leaving the next day to go home to her family. She seemed quite stunned to have gotten them.

Wednesday night, HoFS took his boys to see Mannheim Steamroller. Last year he and I went to a concert, a present from me to him. This year there weren’t any shows at a time when we’d be together, so he took his boys. It’s a good thing I had something fun to do that evening. I really envied those boys, let me tell you!

Thursday I took DD to school and then ran around and finished the last of my shopping -- plus shopping for several family members. I got gift cards on behalf of my parents, bought ties for my mom to give my dad (I guess I do better with his coloring than she does), found sugar-free chocolate for mom's stocking, and picked up a Trader Joe's gift card for my brother to give my cousin. We shop like this a lot in my family, and then pay each other back after the holidays.

The afternoon was mostly a nap for me and DD. I don't recall much else going on, except maybe work and chatting with HoFS.

Oh, wait, I do remember. That night's Hannukah present was The Little Mermaid and DD and I sat down to watch it. My dad brought me a rum&coke (he makes everyone drinks each evening) and I sat with it while DD watched the movie on my lap. There's a scary part that she needs a grownup for. As I sat there, I was quite happy that my family was around me, even though there was a lot of noise and confusion. I felt as though I was an island of quiet in a sea of noise. And somehow in that moment, the thought of HoFS came to me, and I was suddenly worried that he'd want to take me away from my family, separate me from them somehow. My ex and I kept quite separate from our families, and my parents have said several times that they're glad to have me back. Perhaps I was reminded of that.

That blossomed into a real panic about losing my independence if I made a commitment to HoFS. It felt as though swords or bars were coming down all around me, cold walls slicing down through my warm and boisterous family life. It really scared me badly. I talked to HoFS about it a little that night, starting with a text message. “Remind me to talk to you about loss of independence later. How’s the shopping going?”

HoFS was, you see, out desperately trying to finish his shopping and having a terrible time finding several of the things he wanted to get.

Being a wise man, he called rather than sending a text back. We could only chat a little because of the noise, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him all that I was feeling just then anyway. It was leading me to a really strong RUNAWAYRUNAWAY reaction. He said that it made him start thinking, but then he said, “No, no. Like Yoda says. Do not think. Only DO. I’ll keep on doing what I’m doing and we’ll see how it turns out.”

J was, at this point, looking for a place to hide.

A little later in the evening, he sent a text message. “I love you :-) walk with me. Help me tie up a dream.”

Which made me look at him –very- suspiciously. He dropped the subject with an enigmatic smile. (Which I could see even when he didn’t reply to the text message about it, darn him!)

And DD was coughing a lot that night. So I had a terrible time getting a good night’s sleep. Instead, I lay in my bed and let the waves of fear and “run away!” and all of that stuff wash over me. I just listened to it, waiting to hear what it meant. I don’t know what HoFS could tell during that time. I was sick as a dog, too, so I suspect it was all jumbled up together.



Friday was interesting. After I dropped DD off at school I ran back down to the NIH campus for a series of meetings. The first one was supposed to be at 10am, but most of the people who needed to be there didn't show up. The two who were there were brand new and had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. So I sent the supporting cast home (five people from outside the area we're studying) and spent two hours training the new folks. I had had the presence of mind to pick up some tea and cough drops before I got there, so talking for two hours wasn't that bad. At the time, I thought I was almost over the darned cold.

After that, I went to the campus work center and worked for several hours. There was a lot I wanted to get done before the holiday and family took my attention. And there was a good bit of quiet listening to the fear and freaked-out feelings running through my head. What do I do about HoFS? What have I gotten myself into?

Then I got in my car, intending to head to downtown Bethesda (about a mile) to the bank and then go home (about a mile back). It took more than an hour to do it all, and I was in the bank for only about two minutes. Traffic in DC is sometimes insane, and that was one of those times.

Even so, I made it home long before the rest of the family and long before our dinner guest was to arrive. That night we had my real estate agent over. She's the one who helped find this house and we've stayed in touch the last four years. Since my parents and my brother are now looking in this area, we invited her over to chat about it and see what she could do. Most of the time, she regaled us with stories about her travels and accomplishments. She's been to all seven continents and around the world twice and her stories are quite amazing.

We started the evening with an adventure of our own. My brother started a fire in the fireplace after carefully shifting the flue position -- from open to closed. (My fault that it was still open two weeks after our last fire.) I'd tossed some branches from the Christmas tree into the fireplace to serve as kindling, so the fire flamed up HOT and BIG right away.

We completely filled the house with smoke, so much so that you couldn't actually see the top of the Christmas tree. It was quite extraordinary and took a good 15 minutes to clear it all out again, all the windows open, all the fans on, and the smoke detectors shrieking all the way.

It was a good meal when we finally sat down to eat. Chicken with mushrooms and artichoke hearts, served over brown rice. We had veggies on the side and everyone drank a good bit of wine. Somewhere in there, there was enough discussion of real estate to make it worthwhile. Oh, and she brought over a gift for us. Remember it -- it shows up perfectly on Christmas.

I went to bed fairly late, after sitting on the couch sleepy for a long while. I'd been lightheaded and felt odd for much of the day, but attributed it to the cold affecting my ears or something. When I couldn't get warm that evening, though, I finally thought to take my temperature. Sure enough, a bit of fever. It's been so long since I had it that I didn't even remember what it felt like.

Somewhere along in there, HoFS picked up his kids and headed for Indiana to see his family. I think me missed me on that long drive. He called once at the very beginning of the evening. I had hoped to talk to him a little, but couldn’t because our guest had already arrived. And the rest of the evening was filled with smoke and chat and laughter. It wasn’t until very late that we talked again. And I fell asleep waiting for him to call back. I didn’t wake up until 20 minutes later. That almost never happens. And the thoughts of HoFS continued, even in my drugged and feverish state.

Saturday my entire family spent shopping. DD and I didn't -- we were both still pretty sick. So we took a long nap and had a quiet day while everyone else was out. My brother made pizza that night, I think. (Unless that was Christmas eve? Could've been.) And my cousin arrived that day. She's as close as a sibling and it was good to see her. We think a lot alike.

I coughed and coughed that night, and so did DD. We were pretty miserable. So of course we were up well before 8am on Christmas Eve. We made our way downstairs and began our baking. Cranberry orange bread and cookie dough, with DD loving every minute of it. She did really well with the quick bread; it was easy and mostly just required measuring and stirring before pouring it into the bread pan. The cookie dough took longer and wasn't as interesting, but we made it through.

In the afternoon, DD's great aunt came by for a visit. She's actually my ex's aunt, but there's a family rift there. So she comes over to my house when she wants to see DD. They had a fantastic time. First there were more Hannukah presents and a birthday present for DD, and then they rolled out and baked the cookie dough. It was hilariously funny. I learned a little about my ex's family that I hadn't known before (my ex's dad has heart trouble, a cousin's wife is battling breast cancer) and mostly we just had fun.

Everyone in my family seemed to enjoy having her over. Well, as much as they could. My dad and brothers disappeared early in the day and didn’t show up again until very late, and my mom spent the entire day locked in the guest room wrapping presents. I was so glad that I had finished everything already! I truly don’t miss the days of those last-minute races to get things done.

After her great aunt left, DD got her nap and then... dear me, why can't I remember what we had for supper on Christmas eve? Maybe that was the pizza. It was really good pizza, if it was. After dinner, most of us went to drive through a state park near here that has many, many Christmas decorations. DD didn’t want to go at first – she wanted to go to a place where she could walk instead of ride. By the time we got there, though, she was thrilled. Moving tin soldiers, a gingerbread man who cartwheels over the road, a polar bear waving at us, Santa in his sleigh. She loved it. And it was after 10pm before we left.

We went home to a host of activities that needed to be completed. I started the frosting for the cookies we’d baked earlier. Mom grabbed DD to put together my gift bag (I had all the materials ready; they just needed to assemble it). DD went upstairs to put on her “Cinderella” dress. She gets to help with Santa stuff even though she’s so young, and she was very frustrated that I didn’t have a Santa costume for her to wear while she was doing it. *sigh* In any case, we each put up our stockings and then decorated a cookie for the Santa plate. Then we all scattered to different parts of the house to start on our Santa duties. Everyone participates in this part – stocking stuffers come from all over the place and rarely does anyone know all of the contents of any stocking. Santa’s magic is thus preserved – no one can claim to “be” Santa, and yet we all are.

DD put the oranges in the tips of the stockings, and she helped me put the Godiva chocolates in. She really liked the little chocolate Santas in particular. Then we did the candy canes and her part was done. I put her to bed in the family room with my sister after we read “Twas the Night Before Christmas.”

Then I went on with my own Santa duties – adding more to the stockings and getting out the Santa toys for DD. Some of those came from my shopping, some from my mom’s shopping. No matter which it was, though, there was enough there that any kid would’ve been happy.

HoFS was on a similar course. He’d spent a little time with his uncle early in the day and the driven back to Ohio in the afternoon. They’d gone to late mass with his boys and then did his own Santa work, but was still done before me. I went to bed about 1am and began my nightly round of coughing. (Oh, and yes, DD and I had both been taking children’s Nyquil for days at this point.) I only sort of remember saying good night that night. Less than 15 minutes later, DD crawled into bed with me and we fell asleep still coughing.

It’s an incredibly cozy thing, falling asleep with her. I’ve done it many times in the last week or so, and each time I notice how much I like it. Well, okay, except when she’s kicking me in the side, which she does some of the time. Interestingly enough, when I mentioned it to her and said it was time for her to sleep somewhere else more often, she stopped kicking me. I didn’t know she had enough conscious control to do that.

We woke up at 8:30, a blessedly long sleep for both of us, though I’d had to sit DD up and have her drink water to get her to stop coughing several times. She began the day by saying to me, “Is Mommy coming to get me today?” No, sweetie, it’s Christmas and you’re spending the day here. “But I want Mommy to see my little kitty cat!” The one that her aunt had given her the day before. “Well, maybe you could ask Mommy to stop by and look at it?” So at 8:34 on Christmas morning, she was on the phone to my ex.

The thing is, my ex is Jewish and is an Israeli folkdancer. She loves to dance – and each year there are dance marathons all over the country on Christmas Eve. Marathons that begin at 9pm and last until 6am… or 8am. Or later.

So I knew, when I heard the exhausted tone in my ex’s voice that she’d been dancing most of the night. And yet she woke up and spoke cheerfully to our daughter. She couldn’t come over right away because she wasn’t in Maryland (a surprise to me, but that’s all right); she would come over later in the day to see what DD wanted to show her. DD didn’t tell her what it was – she wanted it to be a surprise.

And here I will have to stop, though I haven’t made it all the way through Christmas yet. Boy, all this writing and I’m still a week behind. There’s much more to come.

Peace and Joy to you, and thanks for sharing.

SS

Oh, and she brought over a gift for us. Remember it -- it shows up perfectly on Christmas.

That's a sneaky writer's trick J.

SS, I won't use this forum as some public therapy tool, is why I frequently write things but don't post them. I'm not anonymous. Any number of people who know me could read this forum. So as for those posts... you could say it's an exercise in organization. Like writing a letter to someone then throwing it away.

Last night I saw The Painted Veil. I've got to read that book. The picture is fantastic. Garbo Schmarbo.

GC

Hi GC!

That's a sneaky writer's trick J.

Well, yes it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So, to continue my story. DD was on the phone with my sleep-deprived ex. That and our morning snuggle and chat kept us in bed until 9am, and then we headed downstairs. DD went before me, but rather than heading for the living room, she headed toward the family room and my sister. And there she got wrapped up in watching her “Oswald” videos. She stayed there for more than 90 minutes, amazingly enough, allowing all the very sleep grownups to get some well-deserved rest. I talked to HoFS while she was watching – he had to finish Christmas with his boys by 9am so they could go over to their mom’s house. By the time he and I talked, he was wrapping the last of the presents he was bringing to our house.

Because, of course, he was about to drive six hours to spend the rest of Christmas week with us, you know.

Somewhere along the way I had to make coffee and he had to take a shower, so we stopped chatting and I went on with my morning. In the back of my head, there was still the thought that I was completely freaked out. And yet he sounded so calm, so loving. Like a balm to my rather panicked soul – a sea anchor in a gale force wind.

My cousin dragged herself out of bed first of the rest of the adults. (My dad and sister, always early risers, had been up since the crack of dawn.) Then my mom arrived about the time I finished brewing the coffee. She took DD downstairs to rouse the “boys.” My brothers, who are 30 and 23 respectively, should probably not be called boys at their age. Nonetheless, there you have it. Boys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

After a few more attempts (but fewer than in past years), they made it upstairs and the pouring of coffee began. We all sat down to chat a bit and finally got around to getting our stockings long after it would have been even a few years ago. I’m guessing DD won’t let us wait that long next year, but we’ll see.

In any case, the opening of stockings got some chocolate into all of us, and there was much fun. Oh, yes, that’s the other thing we waited for. My cousin made scones, so we waited until they were in the oven before getting the stockings.

And 20 minutes later, of course, the scones were done and we had to take a break to eat. We’d opened a few presents by then, and DD attached herself to the one my realtor brought over. She wouldn’t let it go, so she got to take it to the table with her, with a promise that she could open it there. Which she did as I was deciding between a currant scone and one with cranberries in it. (Have I mentioned that I love my cousin? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Lo and behold, the gift was a sampler set of Knotts Berry Farm jams and preserves. Perfect! I’m still not sure whether the raspberry or blackberry was better. They were both very good, though. And we served English Breakfast tea in the Moss Rose china teapot. That’s a teapot that my grandmother owned and then was passed down to my aunt. From there it made its way to my cousin and then to me. I have a house, you see, and she has a studio the size of my living room. So I have all the furniture and china and silver and other random things that have been passed down along that line. Someday I hope to give it all back. I have a great time re-gifting stuff to my cousins out of that stash. This year, I think, it will be their baby cups and spoons…

Eventually we all headed back to the living room for more opening of presents. There were many pairs of socks and shoes this year – I guess we all needed them. DD wanted to help with each present … except when she was focused on getting her own toys out to play with. I think she liked the doll clothes best at the first glance.

HoFS called at a little after 1pm and said that he wasn’t nearly as far along on his trip as either of us wanted him to be. He was just passing through Akron, about an hour from his house. I was disappointed, and yet that feeling of uncertainty and fear also meant that I wasn’t as upset as I might otherwise have been. I just said that I was glad he was on his way – and that we might not wait dinner on him, depending on how late he ended up being.

Poor man. Dinner is important to him, and looking back on it, it wasn’t very kind to tell him that he might miss Christmas dinner. *sigh* He works hard at it, HoFS does, and I don’t give him nearly enough credit.

I think we finished opening presents sometime around 2:30pm. There was no hurry, except in DD’s mind, and not much else that needed to be done. At the last, when all the presents were open, DD was ready to watch some more video. Since she had a low-grade fever by then (Remember the cold? It’d only been two weeks at that point. Great time to get a fever…), she didn’t have a ton of energy left. So we took her new Lady & the Tramp DVD in the family room and popped it in. She wanted me to sit on the sofa with her, so I curled up and dozed for much of the movie. I was still sick, too, anyway. The “bella noce” song ran through my head for much of the rest of the day.

There was no way DD was going to take a nap that day. We tried for about ten minutes after the movie, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So I took her back downstairs and she watched it through again. By then it was after 5pm and I really wanted to take a shower. Around me, there was much cooking – my younger brother and my mom, mainly – and a lot of cleanup activity. The older brother went back to bed and slept for 4 more hours, and my cousin continued working on an e-card she’d been working on animating. It’s amazing how long those little cards take to design. She must’ve put 30 hours into it over the course of a few days.

So anyway, through all that, I climbed into the shower later than I should have. HoFS called just as I was ready to turn off the water. (For him, I’ll get out of the shower. Not for many other people!) He said he was nearing Frederick and expected to be there in 45 minutes or so. Not late for supper after all!

While I was talking to him, my ex called. I didn’t pick up, so she called the house phone. Soon there were calls up the stairway. She’s only a couple minutes away, she’ll be here soon. As I stood there dripping wet in a towel, the irony of it all was unmistakable. Okay, I said. I’ll get dressed in a jiffy.

Which I did and it’s a good thing. I managed to be all the way dressed and finishing my hair when the doorbell rang. DD raced for my ex and dragged her upstairs to see the kitty, then downstairs to see the doll clothes and the new dolls, then over to see the new potholder maker (which must’ve made my ex laugh, as she remembers the last time I got one of those), and then back to the living room to go through the box of dolls of my cousin’s that had been living in the attic.

Through it all, my ex had a somewhat bemused expression on her face. She spent years joining my family for Christmas. She knows the chaos and the fun, the chocolate and the part about not getting dressed all day. I don’t know whether she misses it – it looked more like she just thought it was odd that our daughter now gets to do and see those things.

As they were sitting in the living room with my cousin, I suddenly knew HoFS was nearby. So I sent him a text letting him know that my ex would probably still be there when he arrived. I didn’t see his response until later. It said, “Well then, I’d better come inside.” Instead, I just heard him opening the door.

Finally, finally, finally, he was there. Filling my doorway and my sight, jeans and a shirt, black cowboy hat keeping the rain off of his head. His eyes, those wonderful eyes with the warmth of the sun in them. Sweeping away fear, sweeping away doubt, grounding me with a gentle smile and a touch on the cheek. And then I was in his arms and noticing that it must be raining pretty hard because his sweatshirt was all wet… and then I wasn’t noticing anything at all except his kiss and his warmth and his solid arms around me.

And there I will pause again, and pick up the story in my next post. Which is already written; it’s just that this is a nice place to pause. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Righto! So, picking up the story where we left off...


No one else came to greet him right away – they gave us time and space to have those few seconds of precious reconnection. And then I was self-conscious. My ex and my daughter were in the next room, my parents in the kitchen. Eek!

So I pulled him inside and took his coat and hat. He came in the living room and sat down when DD wanted to show me more of the dolls she’d found. So I went and looked and admired and then sat down next to him. We touched hands, and I was lost again in warmth and happiness. I must’ve looked like someone poured calming potion directly down my spine, and I didn’t even mind the oddness of HoFS, my whole family, my ex, and my daughter all in one place and time.

My ex left soon afterward, having seen all that needed to be seen. DD tried various ploys to get her to stay, and in some ways I was sad to see her go. My world was whole for a moment, in some strange way. DD’s world was as close to whole as it ever gets for that hour or so that my ex was there. (Not entirely, since my ex’s husband wasn’t there, but as close as it gets.) It doesn’t happen all that often that I long for that wholeness anymore, but it still shows up in bits and pieces, particularly this time of year.

After she left, we worked our way through dinner. What’d we have… oh yes! Ham with a pineapple bourbon glaze that my brother made. Butternut squash and sweet potatoes that my mom did. Canned peas (only mom loves those, but once a year we have them…), raw veggies, and various other bits and pieces that I no longer remember. DD was in seventh heaven with so many people that she enjoys there (which means she shouted at the top of her lungs all the way through dinner). What I remember most clearly was the moment that HoFS caught my hand and met my eyes and the entire world faded away.

After supper, there was much cleaning up to do. I’d picked out the good china for dinner (the one decision I made the entire weekend) and that meant washing it all by hand. No one seemed to mind much.

Then there was another round of opening presents – the ones HoFS brought and the ones we had for him. He did very well with the gifts he gave – gift cards for my brothers, a handmade serving tray for my parents (from a place near his house), Candyland and a couple of books for DD. For me, there was a book, a Chris Botti CD, and a Starbucks gift card. What book? I knew you’d ask. It was 1000 Places to See Before You Die: A Traveler’s Life List.

It may surprise you to know that I don’t much enjoy vacation travel, but HoFS knows it very well. My idea of a good vacation is a warm climate, a beach, a book, and the ability to sleep for 12 out each 24 hours. When I looked at him in surprise, he said, “Now you can get started on your list.” I asked whether there was a particular trip he had in mind, but he just shrugged and grinned. (Yes, that grin again.)

During the evening, there were several times when I found myself in his arms. He has a particular fondness for cooking and working in the kitchen together, and more than once I noticed that he had his arms around me again while I worked at this or that. My family seemed quite determined to allow us to connect without interruption during those moments, a surprisingly uncharacteristic behavior for them. They’re usually, uhm, rather opposed to public displays of affection.

It was a bit tough putting DD to bed. She still had that low-grade fever and cough, and she had a hard time staying asleep even with the children’s Nyquil. My ex and I had decided to take her to the doctor the next day, since she didn’t seem to be getting better and had developed a fever. So she coughed and complained and cried and got out of bed for what seemed like forever and what was probably 45 minutes before she went to sleep. Soon afterwards, HoFS and I were headed for bed. I was exhausted, he’d been driving for large parts of two days, and I really wanted some alone time with him.

We really were going to settle down and go to sleep, I think. Right until I turned over to say good night, and then he kissed me, and there was this electric spark that jumped all the way down my spine in one intense ZING of energy. And then my fingers did a little walking, and, well, we learned that it is possible to be very, very quiet when the house is full of people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

DD didn’t let us get too distracted, though. Her coughing and crying spates got closer and closer together until, sometime around 1am, we had to rearrange who was sleeping where. We didn’t get much sleep after that -– she must’ve been up three or four times between 1am and 8am, and I was up coughing a couple of times myself. The fact that my bed is hideously uncomfortable didn’t help, either.

Oh, that reminds me of part of what we did on Saturday. After everyone else got home from their shopping trips, my dad took me and DD out to look at mattresses. Mine was 12 or 13 years old and had become dreadfully uncomfortable. So we went to look and see what else was available. Because I am who I am, I tested every bed in the store, and then went to lie down on the hand-tufted, lots of extra springs, god-this-feels good mattresses that started at double the cost of the next most expensive ones and went up from there. The king size mattress with six inches of cashmere lining was … really a lot of money. And very, very comfortable.

Luckily, I have a tiny bedroom and it barely holds a queen-size bed, much less a kind size. So I picked out the least expensive version instead. The floor model, at 50% off, was “only” $700 more than the next most expensive mattress in the store. (Gulp.)

I love my dad.

But.. they won’t deliver floor models and the rental car dad got didn’t have a carrier roof. The salesman offered to give us another $200 off if we would find a way to get the mattress home. He figured we could rent a truck and a couple of delivery guys for that much. It was December 23, though, and we didn’t do anything about it that day.

So we left without it, and my back was sore when I woke up on December 26. Just like every other morning for the last six or eight months and in spite of regularly turning my old beater of a mattress.

In spite of all that, HoFS seemed to be in a pretty good mood that day. Must’ve been the cuddling we did the night before. And maybe he reacts to seeing me the same way I react to seeing him? I’ll have to ask him about that...

Merry Christmas!!! Hi, FF!

Happy New Year!

Check this quote - I watched The Goblet of Fire with DD13 on NYE - at the end.....

"Dark and difficult times lay ahead.

Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy,

but remember this....

you have friends here. You are not alone."

Albus Dumbledore

What a cool movie.

I hope you all are well. Good tidings to you, my friends who have been there through the darkest days of my life.

foundareason

*waving hi to FAR*

Hi FAR!!

(I'll post another segment of the story sometime today, I hope. Boy, it was a long and fun week.)

Hi y'all! I just wanted to touch base and wish everyone a happy New Year. I've been thinking of you all so often these days!

JJ, I have spent the last half hour reading your various installments -- can't wait for the next one.

Ti and I are doing great, as are my monsters, and I can't ask for much more than that right now. I feel. . . whole. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

One of my NY resolutions is to reread HNHN with Ti, so I am hoping to be visiting the forum a lot more these days.

Hugs and best wishes to you all!

love, SLH

SLH,
What a happy post - thank you so much.

Glad things are better, and I bet they will continue getting better if you stay proactive.

Reading HNHN together was good for us. We could comment to each other, and state our concerns as we read. It unlocked a lot of hidden things and made it possible for us to work through them.

I am guessing the finances are looking up too. I know that was hard on you.

Oh, thank you, thank you. This is always good news !

SS

Hi SS! So wonderful to hear from you!

Ti is listening to HNHN on his 1.5 commute trip every AM & PM. It's interesting to reread the book myself and see how much my perspective and needs have shifted over the last 5 and then 10 years (when I first picked the book up) -- how we both have changed. I am loving having the opportunity to sit and discuss with him what we learned about each day and how we can work together to make our marriage more fulfilling for us both. It's what I had dreamed about for so long, and seeing his excitement and enthusiasm for our marriage brings me a joy I can't begin to describe.

And you are right -- financially, things are much better. It was a shame -- we went through a period of not being paid -- not one cent -- for over 6 months. This after watching his paychecks arrive later and later, due to a faltering business, and then they stopped arriving altogether. Ti stuck through it, out of loyalty for his employer, before he finally conceded defeat and sought employment elsewhere.

Blessing come disguised in all sorts of ways, don't they? 2007 will be a wonderful year!

Here I am babbling again. . . I guess some things never change, LOL. How the heck have you been?

SLH

Hey...hope everyone had good holidays. I did. Each one since DDay2 has been better than the previous, at least.

Sometimes I wonder why I read on MB. There is so much pain and, dare I say it, plain stupid WS tricks around here. I find myself staying away more and more. Just too hard, too close to home, to read it over and over. Not really triggers so much...I think I empathise too much. Pain, pain, go away. Come again some other day.

GC, I think I'm reaching your threshold.

Then I read cool posts from JJ and SLH. And I mean cool, as in refreshing and happy and encouraging and just plain, well, cool.

Say, SLH, did you guys move? How is the job sitch? You promised an update last time you did a drive by, you know.

And I want to thank you again for the info you sent to me so long ago. You helped me solve a whole bunch of messy, complicated, obscure stuff. Basically, personal recovery started for me when I listened to you.

With prayers,


PS: GC, 2long was supposed to say hey in person to you guys for me last month. Just checking to see if he complied....hand him a brew and it pushes everything else out of his mind, I'm told...

I'm growing right along with everyone else.

Our marriage is great - still room for improvement, and will be for a while, but we are very happy.

Being challenged is good for us in some ways, and we reach heights we couldn't reach if things went along OK all the time. I feel it too from time to time.

Glad the girls are doing well too - that is good.

Aph asked it first, but did you have to move? I was wondering that too.

SS

SLH!

Wow!

Appy:

Yeah, GC musta sucked down the first road pop 2 fast. He never mentioned you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Hi 2long !

How are life?

SS