What does the name of your band mean gray?

JJ,

Without going into all the painful details & memories of the choas my ex's current wife brought into P's and my life, suffice it to say that people come into a kind of understanding when they have their own children. Either that or they are just too dang tired to care about controlling yours any longer. LOL

She basically came into our life with the idea that we knew nothing of parenting or of P, even though she had never been married before nor had children. She also had no respect for my place as P's mother or respect for P's place as my daughter.

Her stupidity knew no bounds. I don't even like to remember those days... they are over now. I hope the same for you, JJ. Just be a gentle, loving and steady force for your DD. That is the best way.

TT, yes there is more, but it doesn't matter. She violated school rules by hitting and our rules by hitting.

For all,

Symptoms of Inner Peace
Watch for signs of Peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to it and it seems likely that we could find our society experiencing it in epidemic proportions.

Some signs and symptoms of Inner Peace are:

1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear-based experience
2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each other.
3. Loss of interest in judging other people.
4. Loss of interest in judging self.
5. Loss of interest in interpreting the action of others.
6. Loss of interest in conflict.
7. Loss of ability to worry . (A very serious symptom)
8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart.
11. Increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
12. Increased susceptibility to Love extended by other as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

If you have all or even most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition may be too far advanced to turn back. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting several of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk. This condition of Inner Peace is likely well into its infectious stage. Be forewarned.

>8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

I got this in spades now...

But number 7 ... Oy ... I think #7 is hardwired in me.

Oh you and GB both! He drives me crazy with his incessant worrying.

"worrying is a lot like rocking in a rocking chair... you can spend a lot of time doing it, but you never get anywhere"

You know what cured me, Kimmy? I realized that worrying about something was sentencing me to experiencing the very worst imagined...and it never even happened yet. I decided if the worst were to happen I would only experience it once...when it actually did happen, if it ever did.

I battle my way through conversations with my mother because of her worrying. Everything she sees on the "fear segments" of the evening news, every horror story she hears about somebody's adult child, is projected onto her family as an imminent danger.

If I'm going out, I have to be careful and make sure nobody slips something in my drink. If I'm going skiing I have to make sure I don't get in an avalanche. If I'm planting a tree I need to be careful I don't hit the gas line. If I'm going for a swim I have to reassure her about the lifeguard. It's a pathology and I get so exhausted listening to it I can't imagine what a burden it is to actually think that way. My folks were visiting recently and I had a garment drying on one of my radiators. There was no convincing my mother that it was impossible for a fire to start.

I try to be accommodating towards this insanity. When one is dismissive of a worrier, the worrier feels personally insulted. So I bite my tongue as Mom frets about everything imaginable and hang up the phone, drained. Occasionally I fail to stay silent and say something snarky, like "Yeah Mom, and that's likely to happen to me because I'm so foolish and unprepared for life." Bad GC.

Anybody else have one of these?

GC

My Dad. And he's mellowed over the years.

This is like the obsessive behaviors many of us experience, as BSs and WSs. We had a lot of assumptioning going on (I made up that word) about our 2nd house sale that came 2 a head On Sa2rday. My W yelled at me for something she didn't even bother 2 verify as really true, and our poor realtor 2k the brunt (she was on her way over 2 pick up a paper that needed our signa2res on it, and my W wouldn't sign or let her in the house.)

Neither one of us spoke 2 the other all day.

That night, I told her 2 sign and I'd drop it off, not knowing whether she would or not. She did, and I dropped it off. Only as I was stuffing it in2 her mailbox did I remember that I could have scanned and emailed, or faxed it. It was one of those s2pid, spiteful behaviors that takes full hold of your thought processes and prevents you from being sensible. Oh well, it was a nice drive (though at $3.45/gallon, it cost me a few bucks).

Next day, I refused 2 stay angry or play games, so I brought her a Dr Pepper in the morning (she doesn't do coffee).

The whole day yes2rday was rather surreal. We did some small repair tasks around the house, and got along well. We made the decision 2 take the issues with the 2nd house sale one thing at a time. Like, if my SIL tries 2 sue again after she gets less than half what she thinks she's getting after close of escrow, we'll deal then and stop worrying about it now.

Then we went 2 DismalLand for a wedding at one of the hotels. It was performed by the guy who did my DDs wedding 2 years ago. He was great. Entirely non-denominational (non-religious, really), very sweet, and at times very funny. The groom, who was one of my DD's ex boyfriends of 5 or so years ago (she introduced him 2 his new W), wrote a set of "vows" of his own thoughts about how they met, what she means 2 him, and how he's improved as a man and a human being due 2 their relationship. It was very moving.

But boy did I feel strange. Can't describe it, really. Not bad, but not good, either. Hopeful for our M in some ways, but longing for singlehhood in others, all at the same time.

After the wedding, they had the reception in Club 33, which is really exclusive, so only closest friends and family could attend that. My DD and SIL got 2 go, so my W and I went on a few rides in the park and had ice cream sundaes while we waited for them 2 get out so we could all watch fireworks.

I reminded my W that our first "date" was 33 years ago this summer, in Disneyland. We were young and silly then, so we spent a lot of time playing hide and seek on Tom Sawyer's Island (which they're changing the name on, that's WRONG!). But we had a nice dinner with another couple/friends of ours at the Golden Horseshoe Review (where we had our sundaes yes2rday).

I tried 2 be romantic without being cheesy, and sometimes it worked, but most times it "didn't." So I kept my expectations low.

But this morning, we had SF! First time in months. It was nice.

But I'm keeping my expectations low. Hopes up, and patience in charge. It seems these days that only the stakes (mostly familial and financial) are high. I wouldn't have stayed this long if I didn't think they were. Or if my heart were on my sleeve anymore.

-ol' 2long

My mom was the opposite of a worrier. More like push the baby bird out of the nest as soon as possible and see if they sing or swim.

I wonder which is worse?

err, not my mixed metaphor, but the different kinds of moms.

I dunno, Appy.

It's not mixed at all if you're talking about ducks.

But they don't sing anyway, I suppose. Or maybe they're an acquired taste

So long as they're all in a row...

-ol' 2long

You guys will never believe what happened. My sister just called me (the one who rents from me and is now buying the big house and bugalow from me on land contract) and it seems that she and all her in laws were out this past weekend and low and behold, guess who saunters on over just like a long lost friend?????

Yep, that's right the rev. road rash himself.

Well her inlaws are all native americans and know full well what all went down over on #### at ####. The peninsula that now has a beautfil big house on it. The one I used to own.

And remember that my sis is the one had to go to the smokey mountains with me and P at the very last minute because he dumped me the night before we were to go on the trip (two days after I signed the property over) Sis took a week off work without pay to accompany me and dry my tears.

So they see him walking up as they sit there with their mouths falling open from the sheer shock of his audacity in appoaching my sister.

Road rash says "Hey, wow I haven't seen you in...

and sis says "get the eff away from me"

and her two BIL's stand up and say "back off thief"

and road rash turns three shades of white goes and grabs his W by the arm and heads towards the door.

the two BIL's follow him, saying "where you off to in such a hurry"

and I guess he practically runs out the door.

Now I am sorry to take such delight, and I am trying to get back to a place of spiritual peace and good will...

But YEAH for people who are not two faced!!!!!

Yeah for sis and her inlaws!!!!!! They rock!

edited out some proper nouns to protect the innocent

My mom never worried. It's a miracle we all survived our childhood. We were out from morning till sundown and I don't believe anyone every worried about where we were or what we were doing. You had to be tough to be in my family...and we were.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

>It's a miracle we all survived our childhood

My gf said I am just like her mom in the respect that if it ain't bleeding or throwing up, I don't want to hear about it. She thinks it's funny as hayel. I think it's self defense. If I wasn't this way, with 5 kids I'd be nucking futz by now (some would argue that I already am).

No...my worrying isn't really about the day to day stuff...it's about future stuff...which, Weav you are ab-so-len-tootly correct...I've no control over it, so I should let it go....

let it go

like a wave on the ocean, just let it go and let it flow...

(sigh)

You know Kimmy, I never worry about the day to day or the future any more...but I somehow became afraid of heights and highways where everyone drives 85 miles per hour. If I have to drive over 65 I get panic attacks.

Shoot I went to "night at the arts" the other night because P was singing and I had a panic attack from sitting too high up in the bleachers. When in high school we used to run, jump and practically do cartwheels off of the top bleachers.

Weird how fear manifests itself.

It's probably just as well that you didn't ask! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pay no attention 2 the geologist behind the curtain. He's punchy 2day.

...what WAS in that punch, anyway?

-ol' 2long

Weave, Kimmy, you're too cool for bleachers. You need your own loges.

BTW, there were nine of us kids. I suppose they needed the room. The first time I had a chance to come back from freshman year in college was at Thanksgiving. My brother had already moved into my room. And there was no place setting for me at the table.

'course, my dad kept writing me that year about how much he wished he could go back to college with me.

Say weave, are you near M Tech? I have a good friend who went there.

An interesting thing about some fears – they are really phobias and they are genetic. They will come on you as you get older no matter what you do. My mom has claustrophobia and it just gets worse as she gets older. And it runs in the family. Except me. I have no fear.

But I sure have a lot of scars.

This may not fit your philosophy, weaver, but what happened there is something to be glad for. Rar!

Imagine that dude's explanation to his wife.

I have a strong feeling he was with this woman for a couple of years before he left me. He married her that same summer. And I view her as a victim. Sis says she looked very old. I would guess that she gets a sizeable chunk of money from her tribe, and that her tribe funded the house on the island as it is considered sacred indian land. The entire island was inhabited entirely by native americans up until not too many years ago.

Anyway, you never answered my question, so I'll start making guesses. Does it have something to do with tennis?

Ap,

Mich Tech is in the Keweenaw Peninsula. We call it copper country. Mi Tech is actually in the gateway, but further up the peninsula and is about as far into Lake Superior as you can get and still be on the mainland. It is absolutley beautiful up that way. Not very close to me, though.

2long,

I hope that you can duplicate last weekend. They should be the norm, and if you can make them happen more frequently it may just stick.

At any rate, I hope you are practicing radical honesty with her. I hear that you are on the verge of permanently leaving (in your mind if not reality) if she doesn't get on board. Make sure she understands what you are feeling. No secrets, right?

I don't believe you are yearning for singledom and yearning for what the marriage could be at the same time. I believe you are yearning for the freedom to act in a loving and spontaneous way inside of your marriage, as that is what the newly in love are free to do. They are not yet in a box. They have not yet become a person who is expected to act in a certain way by their spouse or fear disapproval (that look, that sigh, the rolling eyes).

It's all about the fear, I think.

weaver:

I'm working on it. It's been amazing how "hard" it can be, particularly if I "try" 2 hard. My W simply won't respond if she doesn't like what I'm talking about. So I do other things.

One thing that was interesting, and not something I thought about consciously - looking her straight in the eyes for several seconds. An idea I got from the newlyweds giving each other their heartfelt speeches.

Most times, my W would simply look away. Or I would. But the other times were the ones that sparked talking about memories of our date 33 years ago.

Disneyland was "fun", but very strange at the same time. It felt "worn out" 2 me. Best way 2 describe it. Like the family is devoting their resources 2 the hotels and the Florida stuff, and less on the original park. But I'm sure that part of the feeling was due 2 our current state of our marriage.

Surreal, for sure.

-ol' 2long
P.S. I 2k several pic2res of the Griffith Park fire from our tower last night. Very sad. I was born there, and we live about 4 miles away now.

This is excellent. Looking in someone's eyes creates a bond, and if it is prolonged it actually creates feelings of love. I had read about this.

Why not try something surprising, something out of character for you as well?

I noticed that GB is very persistant, and most guys who are in love are. And that is very hard to resist for a girl. For instance GB likes to spend a lot of weekends together, and I like to have some weekends to myself. I worry about cleaning the house, or if P will act up and tell him not to come if I am stressing out over it. He comes anyway. But he makes it clear to me that he doesn't care how messy the house is, he doesn't care if all I want to do is vegitate, he doesn't care if the entire weekend is focused on P. He asks for nothing from us, just to be there with us.

So what if you surprised her on her trip to OOSP? What if you brought some fun things with you...DVD's, books, games, flowers to plant, really tasty hordevors...

And expected nothing from her. Just have a spontaneously good weekend with no (planned) serious talk.

That might create intimacy, and trust in her. It might be just like dating again.

Just aa idea to consider.

Weaver,
I figured out why you are different now. (And why I like the new you.)

You are so positive now - you look at the bright side of every situation and find good things about it. If the situation is bad, you look at how to make it good.

GB would be a fool to stay away from that.

SS