Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 306 of 333 1 2 304 305 306 307 308 332 333
still seeking #1206383 05/10/07 11:28 AM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
Orchid, did your cold die of starvation yet?

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
still seeking #1206384 05/10/07 12:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
2L,

Quote
SS: You have some good times, but her not talking, and trying to ignore the whole thing still bothers me a lot.

When a FWS spouse is not on board with recovery, and with making a good marriage it tends to create resentment.

It would for me anyway.

Orchid: I agree with SS. When there is no real cooperative spirit from the FWS, then the BS can not heal properly and stay in the M. Because it puts the burden of recovery on the BS when it s/b on the FWS.

Quote
Orchid, did your cold die of starvation yet?

SS

SS, the cold is still here and now has morphed into some kind of intestinal flu. YUCK!!! I don't like being sick from both ends at the same time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

One benefit: starving a cold isn't as hard now. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Ok, enough details. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Orchid #1206385 05/10/07 01:01 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Painfully tired this afternoon.

I'm blogging now... Kimmy's blog

Off the the peditrition. See you campers later!

(BTW: Fire Jolly Ranchers...need I say more?)


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Orchid #1206386 05/10/07 01:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
He GC,

Looks like this thread took off in another direction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Sorry.

Was your last few posts about how parents treated their children? Hm... been thinking about that one.

When I was young, I thought my parents treated me quite well. They were strict but I knew they loved me and often felt they put my interests ahead of their own.

I have my own child now. Hm.... funny how things seem different. My POV is changing as I see how much I am doing vs need to do for my own child. Now when I look back, a lot of the things I thought my parents were doing for me, really weren't for me. Putting my interests ahead of their own happened sometimes but not as often as I thought. In most cases, I just was fitted into their schedule.

Wow. Eye opener. My R with my parents has definitely changed over the years.

I take notice and adjusting so that I don't make the same mistakes with my son. Son & I have a lot of 'deep thought' discussions I wish I had with my parents. It can be draining at times and other times I am amazed at his thought process. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Orchid #1206387 05/10/07 03:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
I swear it's been this kind of day:

"What will you do if we let you go home,
And the plastic's all melted and so is the chrome?
Who are the brain police?

What will you do when the label comes off,
And the plastic's all melted and the chrome is too soft?
Who are the brain police?

What will you do if the people you knew
Were the plastic that melted and the chromium, too?
Who are the brain police? "

-Frank Zappa, "Who are the brain police?"

Last edited by 2long; 05/10/07 03:20 PM.
2long #1206388 05/10/07 03:58 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
Does that mean it was a bad day?

I can't live in suburbia.

I think GB wants to live in the burbs of Gainesville. That's in FLA, the sunshine state.

How do you rejoin civilization when you spent the last 20 years in the woods.

My uncle told me when I moved back here to take care of my dad, not to do it. He said life would forget all about me here.

I'm thinking a condo in the city, where I can walk to work. Or a quaint little town by the beach, but not suburbia.

All my life I was told to bloom where I was planted (air force brat), and I just don't want to anymore.

I want to go somewhere that I pick, because I absolutely love it there.

If you could live anywhere all you firebugs, where would it be. Where is the nicest place in the US of A to live? I know Orchid will say Hawaii, but that is not an option for most of us....way too expensive.

weaver #1206389 05/10/07 04:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Quote
If you could live anywhere all you firebugs, where would it be. Where is the nicest place in the US of A to live? I know Orchid will say Hawaii, but that is not an option for most of us....way too expensive.

The nicest place w/b where you feel at home. If it includes being around family, then the climate may not matter.

I believe that home is where the heart is. 1st you gotta have heart. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Btw, it is horribly expensive here. That certainly does NOT add to the beauty of this island. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

They did a recent new feature about stress on the island. Seems working moms carry the largest stress. Hm..... I fall into that category. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Hard to have the aloha spirit when you want to spit nails because of the traffic or whateva's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Last edited by Orchid; 05/10/07 04:04 PM.
Orchid #1206390 05/10/07 04:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
It's been a weird day at work. Don't want 2 talk about it.



FL? Whole state is water-soluble. They have great planetary seeing there, but it's 2 wet and buggy for me. And I like a little topography with my beer.

I've always sworn I wanted 2 live in the country somewhere. I like the mountains and the deserts, like the red rock country where SS lives. Only I'd like a little more elevation. He fries 2 often. And there's 2 many people in his town.

I liked Ft. Yukon when I was there. No paved roads and no road access 2 the outside world. But the nights are 2 short in the summer and 2 long (and cold) in the winter. And all the cool planets are 2low in the sky from there.

I'd love 2 see the East African Rift, but I'm not in2 getting shot or starved all that much.

I loved Hawaii, though the 2 times I've been were spent on the big island. Melted the soles on my converses where the lava from Pu'u O'o flows over the road...

-ol' 2long

2long #1206391 05/10/07 04:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
I don't like cities all that much, but if I were 2 pick one that I've been 2?

Florence, hands down.

Would have 2 learn me some Eyetalian, though!

-ol' 2long

2long #1206392 05/10/07 06:38 PM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
I think I'll stay where I am. It's big enough to have everything close, but small enough that I can recreate like I want in all directions from town.

It is too hot in the summer (as 2long said) but I am a native. The little mountain town we often go to is only 60 minutes away, and we seldom have to shovel snow in the winter. (We almost never have to shovel snow, it melts the next day on it's own.) I think I'll stay.

Weaver, it's different for everyone. Maybe you should visit a different place every month for 2 or three years until you have checked out all the possibilities. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
still seeking #1206393 05/10/07 07:01 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
I like the two places I've lived in the Pacific NW. I've yet to find better. They are the only two places I have lived in, but I've been all over the country, and the world.

Well, except Tuscany. I could live in Tuscany.

The worst place I've had to work in for a long spell was Dublin.

Second was Bolthole, I mean Blytheville, AL.

ed: And you can keep the East coast all to yourselves, in general.

Last edited by Aphelion; 05/10/07 07:03 PM.

"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Aphelion #1206394 05/11/07 07:10 AM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
There are some nice places over here in the east Ap. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You know it's funny reading what everyone wrote, we are so different in a lot of ways, but even my younger brother agrees with you about Al and '2 about Africa. He told me not too long ago that the only times he has ever been truly fearful was a few months ago on a business trip in Africa, and once when he got lost in the backwoods of Al. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We are going to take the next five years or so and travel around as much as we can before we decide where we want to retire.

Of course retire is not the correct word as we will probably both be working at some type of job. Me, I will even consider waitressing if I have to, but I am not going to work in the corporate world or the customs brokerage business ever again.

I am faced with a tough decision right now. My DD's dad wants her to live with him during the school years. He feels he can provide more of what she needs and we both agree that she cannot stay in this town any longer. I was going to put her in the Green Bay school system for the next five years with me, but I have to consider what her dad thinks as well.

I know he has some very valid points, but I worry that emotionally she need me.

I really am having a hard time with this. I just don't know what is best, and I am not up for another court battle. Although he said he would not fight me in court, I don't entirely believe him, especially if for instance I agree to let her go with him for the next school year but she gets into trouble emotionally without me. I am not sure he would let her come back.

I don't know. You people with your families intact are so lucky. It is so hard to be a single parent faced with these types of decisions.

And yes Orchid, it is very hard to be a mom working full time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by weaver; 05/11/07 07:13 AM.
weaver #1206395 05/11/07 10:54 AM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
weave,

What does P think? At her age should she have an input? I don't know, and I am thankful I did not have to go through custody stuff. I would have fought tooth and nail for primary, full custody. But at the same time I knew DS needs his mother.

DS is still having issues related to all this crap. He has not regained closeness to his mother since Plan B ended and she moved back home three years ago. He does not trust her at a very deep level. It shows. And it spills over into other things. Sometimes it seems he has no enthusiasm for anything.

I try to be understanding, but at some point I am going to have to put my foot down. It hurts already just thinking about it. He didn't cause this and he is still suffering from it.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Aphelion #1206396 05/11/07 11:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Weave, I think P needs her mom. Teen girls are suuuuch a challenge and mine would be lost if she didnt have mom as a punching bag and cheerleader. :eyeroll:

Why not compromise and let him have her for the summers?


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
I think she needs her monm too, Faith. I do want her to go with him in the summers, but if he doesn't want to send her back afterward is where there is going to be trouble. She did assure me that if she wanted to come home at any time she would voice it to her dad. She is kind of shy about upsetting him and I worry she won't find her voice while she is there.

Ap, I did ask her and she started crying and said she didn't want to have to decide. She loves her dad an awful lot. But he's a guy and quite frankly I don't think he understands the emotions of a young girl, but he is very intelligent and much better at school things than I am. He is also very strict.

Your son experienced something very hurtful from his mom. I am sorry for that and I hope that you (and she when she gets through with her withdrawl) can undo some of the hurt. I hope that he is able to trust women when he grows up, but I am sure that you are making sure that he can.

Aphelion #1206398 05/11/07 12:30 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
Quote
Sometimes it seems he has no enthusiasm for anything.


This is bothersome. Are things going okay for him in school?

weaver #1206399 05/11/07 12:53 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
OK, I guess. Bounces around right at the honor roll threshold. But he is capable of so much better. He used to do so much better.

Fewer friends than he used to have. After FWW moved out he withdrew from all his friends except one. That is the only good friend he still has.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Aphelion #1206400 05/11/07 01:10 PM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Appy, have you gotten your son some counseling? I would really worry about him still having trust issues and the lack of enthusiasm. It sure sounds like depression.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,621
Over a year's worth of a nationally recognised child psychologist. Maybe it's time to go back for a tune up. DS mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago he had another dream about mom leaving again. He remembers like it was yesterday her stepping over him while he was collapsed crying in the doorway as she left the morning after D-Day 2.

Parents who do this kind of thing to their children have something to answer for, IMO.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
Aphelion #1206402 05/14/07 11:28 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
>He remembers like it was yesterday her stepping over him while he was collapsed crying in the doorway as she left the morning after D-Day 2.


OMG.

OMG.

omg.

I'm crying. That poor baby.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Page 306 of 333 1 2 304 305 306 307 308 332 333

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 497 guests, and 39 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5