Ap,

What are some of your son's interests?

Maybe we can all brainstorm some ideas on turning those interests into passions.

My nephew went through some very traumatic times with his parents (very bad, violent divorce like in the "war of roses" and then ended up remarrying <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) and he became very depressed and lethargic. He even started to wet the bed at the age of 12, so bad that he had to go on medication to stop.

He is now about ready to graduate from Grand Valley University, is a competitive golfer, baseball coach and teaches a couple of jump roping classes to atheletes.

He had an interest in sports that somehow allowed him to rise above his parents problems and find passion in his life again.

His world had to get bigger, and not revolve around his parents in order to survive the trauma they inflicted on him.

All his previous interests have faded over the past two years. The first year after D-Day he didn’t do well at anything, especially school. He started doing better with school work after I talked to his teachers. But, all the other things he liked to do, like models, reading, playing outside, trailed off. And he is still not back to where he used to be in school before D-Day.

He and I get along great. On the surface he appears to get along with his mom. But when she isn’t around he occasionally says some less than respectful things about her. He minds her, but it's with resentment and resignation. He wonders where she is, who she is with and what she is doing more than I do. He has asked me on a regular basis if I think she is having another affair. I always say no, even though I can’t substantiate it.

A week ago he asked why people stay married. He said, and I am not making this up, “When you are married and your wife has an affair, is that when you commit suicide?” He didn’t even ask if. He said when.

We had a long talk that I won’t go into here. But I kept remembering all the MB advice one reads here about how it is so good for children to see the BS demonstrate their commitment to marriage and fight for the family. I am beginning to think that was hot air. Children are destroyed by a parent's adultery no matter what the BS does or does not do.

He and I are traveling together quite a lot this summer. Just the two of us. I’m hoping I will be able to draw him out over time.

I'm speachless. Kids process things in their minds in absolutes at that age.

I would imagine that a lot of his pain is from seeing you hurt. He is probably very protective of you. And this summer as you travel together I think he will see your happiness and change some of his perspectives. I hope he learns that happiness is made up of whole bunch of little things and we control it, not somebody else. So no matter what anyone else does they cannot take our happiness away, at least not for very long.

I had no idea of the pain your son has been in, and I think all of us here are aching for him.

I think he is going to be okay, now that you are Ap. My thoughts will be with him this summer.

Brief movie review: Away from Her.

Oh man is this a good movie.

This has been a brief movie review.

Gray, I like your review.

SS

OT: From "This day in automotive his2ry":

"1890 : Levassor and Sarazin wed

Emile Levassor married Louise Sarazin, the widow of Edouard Sarazin and the French distributor of Daimler engines. The marriage set the stage for Levassor's business venture, Panhard et Levassor, which would use Daimler engines in its cars. Emile, France's premier car racer before the turn of the century, set an early record by driving from Paris to Bordeaux and back at an average of 14.9mph in 1895. His cutting-edge Panhard had a 2.4 liter engine and produced only 4hp. Just two years later, Levassor's Daimler engine was capable of pushing the lightweight, wood-framed Panhard to over 70mph. Imagine driving at that speed on bumpy, dusty roads, sitting on a wooden plank bolted to a frame with no suspension."

I can imagine, because I've done that with a Model A frame! (only on a paved road, it did have suspension, and I didn't go over about 10mph). Okay, so maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

GC, I just looked that movie up. Did you know my mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimers?

Aph, I'm not up on everything. Does he see a counselor?

No FF, I did not know that.

I wish it weren't true.

GC

Me too. Yesterday was a rough day as I am reading up on the disease and really trying to come to terms with what we are facing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

How long have you known?

We have not had to deal with that yet in our family. At least not that I know of.

I feel for you -
May you feel God's care, love, and help as you go.

SS

Suspected for several months, officially known for about 3 weeks. Thank you, ss.

I hope everyone here has a wonderful weekend.

Everyone -

SS

REQUEST FOR HELP:

It's wedding season and I'm expected to do some performing, just me w/acoustic guitar singing wedding-appropriate songs. I'm getting a list together but I gravitate to stuff that's somewhat A) dark and B) unfamiliar, both of which traits are bad for wedding music I reckon.

Suggestions?

True Companion, by Marc Cohn

It's a beautiful wedding song Gray, and just right for a guitar strumming soloist.

Alan Jackson - Remember When

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when

Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when


ed: And, I can’t remember the title or the singer, but this guy is singing about how he used to be her love then this other guy comes along and... Then you find out it’s her dad and he is giving her way at her wedding. Not a dry eye in the house at the last wedding I went to and that played when the bride and her father danced together. I’ll try to find it later. It's currently a country crossover, but it started out as an easy listening (is that a genre?) guitar solo.

And of course, everyone's all time favorite:

Guns N' Roses - Used To Love Her

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I had to put her
Six feet under
And I can still hear her complain

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I knew I miss her
So I had to keep her
She's buried right in my back yard

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
She ****** so much
She drove me nuts
And now I'm happier this way

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I had to put her
Six feet under
And I can still hear her complain

Chorus

rotflmao!

Oh no Faith, on't encourage him or we'll all be posting Gray's favorite murder lyrics...

And it doesn't take much to get me a'goin in the other direction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SUPPOSEDLY that song is about a dog.

I mean to prepare a set of murder ballads in case there ever ends up a group of embittered single people in isolation, after the old people and newlyweds have gone.

I was trying to learn happy love songs this weekend and by some compulsion I kept finding myself playing "Hallelujah" whenever I ran out of ideas. A great song, and the opposite of something you want to play at a wedding. One verse:

Maybe there's a god above
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not someone who's seen the light
It's a cold and broken hallelujah

Leonard Cohen's words, not mine.

GC