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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 6 |
I posted a few weeks ago on JFO forum about my situation and received many replies of support and guidance, thank you so much.
I have been lurking since trying to get a better understanding of what happens next but can't seem to find anyone in the same situation as me?!
Is there anyone else in my situation whom I could talk to?
I am the BW and H won't come back to me at all. Married 15 years, know each other 25 in total. We have two sons, both still living at home - 21 and 16. H's OW finished with him after our d-day phone call and moved home. I don't know if there's still contact or not but H vows he is still in love with her and won't come home to me even though he's not with her (he's still living in my city).
I don't understand it - he didn't leave me for the first 3 years of their affair and then was with me on/off for the next two. Now he's not with her at all but won't stay with me?
Can anyone else relate to this or advise me what to do? I still love my husband and want him to come home so we can work on our marriage.
Thank you
SW
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
You do plan A...for a decided amount of time...
no relationship talk...
you just show him in each encounter the best you...
someone who is happy
someone who he would like to spend time...
each conversation has no pressure on him
what he is doing
is he seeing the children?
encourage him to do so...
be the one to cut off phone conversations...
be the one a little to busy with 'something' if he calls...
fill the home with happiness and joy
and make sure that each contact with him is a nice one....
ARK
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
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Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042 |
I am in a similar situation. My WH moved out 5 months ago. I don't believe he is still seeing OW but he still doesn't know if he wants to come home. Plan A is definately where you need to start. Also, have you determined what the problems in the M were that led to the A? What steps have you taken to correct them? I have also used this time while my WH is gone to work on myself, to become the type of person that I want to be. And not just for the sake of saving the M, but for myself and my child.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 75
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 75 |
Somewhat similiar situation. My H vows he loves me and the children has never as does not intend to be seperated or divorced yet ..has not come home for good yet.
His affairs are over...OC born in August. H says OW does not want him to be around for OC as he didn't want it to begin with.
Anyhow I agree Plan A seems to be the way to go. Give a reason to want to come home. Don't question about Ow or affair. Focus On what makes you and him happy. Mostly keep your boys a number one priorty. They need your support right now.
Focus on yourself and the boys and let him wonder what your doing for a change.
Lori
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