Navy Wife,

I've been M for 6 months to a Navy man (active duty 18 yrs). I have tried to find websites for support to spouses of active duty military. I have found a couple but they seem to gloss over the problems in military M's and NONE of them addressed issues dealing with unfaithful spouses from either side.

I'm hoping to find that support here. To learn from the mistakes of others that have been there done that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

You know they say that the divorce rate in the military is extremley high. I don't want my M to become another statistic even though it is on its way fast in a hurry. Is there anyone out there willing to share their story? Is there a way to make your M come 1st in the miliatry? or is that a pipe dream <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . What are the chances of a M surviving after an A in the military?

Hi, WD. I am a Navy wife, too. But in the Canadian military. So my sitch isn't quite the same.

Faithinme, Noodle and DObie are all miitary wives. A good place to start is to read Faithinme's story.

Have your read thorugh the site.

Have you exposed the affair?

Have you read Surviving the Affair? His Needs Her Needs. Love Busters?

I am sure that more experienced posters will come along soon and talk to you.

You are in the right place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> There is a lot of fantastic advice on this site.

I am also a military wife, twice over believe it or not.

There's a lot of us here...husbands too, unfortunately.

FAA:
thanks for your responce. My story is posted in Divorced/Divorcing but I will post my story here as well. Today I read your story, and I felt so bad for you. But I think that you are doing very well despite the circumstances.

Where can I find Faith's story? As far Dobie I have come across several of her post and she has offered great advice...still don't know much about her situation though.

As for reading ... Surviving the Affair? His Needs Her Needs. Love Busters? ... I have read bits and pieces of them all. I have particularly focused in on The Policy of Radical Honesty.

I am a Navy wife....
Yep, add me to the statistics...
I was proud to be a military wife at one point...now I am just here.

Sorry to see you on MB, but you have found the best place you can be right now.

Danielle

White_Dove,

I am a navy wife. Like someone posted here, I once was proud of the military but now I just can't stand ANY aspect of the military. My H got stripped of his FIRST class rank and pushed back to SECOND CLASS. This month he was going to make Chief. There is a OC that was born 6 weeks ago and I am pregnant myself expecting MY first child,my H's 3rd. Its almost been a year and we have survived but it has been VERY HARD on me emotionally. I get angry because of the money cut we took and now dealing with OC. I adore the OC that I've only met a few times but OW is or was in my H's crew. He was her supervisor. I had to see her the other week when she dropped of my H's FIRST SON. I am having a boy so it hurt even more when I knew she was having a boy and so was I.
Its a lot of work. I know that everyone looked up at him at work because of his many accomplishments and now people look at him as still being a wonderful AC but there is something missing. I love my H more then anything but everyday it hurts. I've gotten over the tears but I just feel lost sometimes. I try to be strong dealing with OC but I think, I did NOTHING to deserve this and why do I have to go through it, especially pregnant. OW has stripped me of that joy in regards to knowing that when I have my little one, my 6 weeks of maternity leave won't just be my little one and I but my little one, OC and I.
I'm sorry you found this site but it is wonderful.

We started dating Jan 04 and got married 7 mos later. He is in the navy stationed in CA. After wedding I relocated with my 2 children (from previous relationships) to CA. After having had a long-distance relationship we were now living together and that's when I found out about the affair while he was in training on the east coast from oct - dec 04.

There were several signs of an affair the week before he left. Such as, not being as affectionate, not spending any time together before he left for 2 months, he paid 2 months ahead on a storage that he had in which I didn't have access to.

My H who always gave me flowers and gifts for no reason didn't get anything for my b-day which was in Oct. His first week away we barely talked. We even had sex less that week then we did the entire time that we had been married and even on a couple of occasions he refused me. Well that when the snooping began for me.

I got access to his cell phone bill online, I discovered 10/20/04 there was a call to a number in the CA area around 11:30pm his time that lasted for 58 minutes.

I put 2&2 together and found out that although her home phone number popped up once her cell phone number popped up 14x's. I called the OW she denied knowing my husband and he of course denied it too.

But looking closer at the bills the cell phone number popped up the first time 8/6/04 (one week before we got married) and then again 10/06/04 (one week before he left) and between 10/06/04 and 10/25/04 (the day after I confronted him) the number was on there 14 times, 11 calls were made before he left CA. The new bill came out on 11/25/04 Thanksgiving Day.

I got her address and paid the OW a visit. I could tell by the look in her eye and the way that she said my name that she was lying and that she knew exactly who I was. I also called my H while she was standing in front of me and put her on the phone so that it would be no doubt that I knew what was going on and wasn’t going to stop until I got a confession.

Needless to say, he rode it out as long as he could then he started confessioning small parts of the truth in November. He would only tell enough to satisfy me and make the problem go away. He admitted having a sexual relationship with her ONLY previous to our marriage. Of course I don't believe that and this is why; If it was over when we got married then her number would have never have shown up on his cell phone bill after we got married.

Now there are several things that to note about our situation:

1) Before my H and I got married, probably back in March 04 we began working on a Christian marriage counseling workbook. We felt that this would be a great way of getting to know each other even if it the end result was not marriage. It was a great book that covered everything! The 1st chapter was communication; I’m uncertain about the order but then came religion, sex, family and children, roles of husband and wife, family relationships and history…etc. After each chapter was a contract that we agreed to and signed of things that we would also honor and commit to do in our marriage.

2) We have and continue to have a great sex life.

My husband decieved me, I feel like he tricked me into marriage. He knew that if I knew the truth about him I would not have married him in a million years.

There was absolutely no reason for my husband to cheat on me before we were married or after. Heck, we hadn't even been together long enough to have any serious problems in our marriage. This should be our best years...what do I have to look forward to? A cheating and lieing husband. And because he is in the Navy for the next 2 1/2 yrs he has plenty of excuses and opportunity. I have never been with a man that has been faithful to me.

I want a divorce so bad. I'm stuck, my religion tells me that divorce is not permitted unless there is adultry. But I don't have the proof, yet. I feel like a sitting duck. I won't be able to live with myself if I walk away and don't know for certain.

And oh yeah...we have a baby on the way due Aug 05' yeppie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

<small>[ March 13, 2005, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

White dove,

I'm assuming you are Christian? If so, I am too. I would feel that in your situation, you would not be held accountable for a divorce. Your H commited adultry emotionally. It doesn't have to be physical. I remember my pastor talking about that once. It doesn't matter. Even if you have "unholy" thoughts about someone else, you have cheated or commited adultry. I'm not really big into that lately because I feel let down from childhood with religion.
We moved from California (San Diego) July 03 to NAS Brunswick, Maine. OH GOODY! So not only was I ALL THE WAY OVER IN ****VILLE, I had NO FAMILY and my H knew that. But he still chose to sleep with this woman who I let STAY IN MY HOME WHEN HER FIANCEE became violent. They say that both at 50% accountable for the A but I blame the OW a little more because SHE KNEW he was married. Yes, he knew too but SHE should have known better and knew she could get pregnant. My H should have used protection, yes but she lied and said she was on BC and couldn't get pregnant. *sigh* Oh goodness, after 10 months, I still get worked up and want to beat her face in.
Are you not happy about your little one coming? I'm so excited about our little one coming I can't stand it. I love children but you might be feeling a little different. How is your marriage now? Is your H happy about the little one?

Hurt:

I'm also so sorry about your situation and yes I am a Christian too. Whew girl, I was thinking about your situation last night at home and it nearly brings me to tears. I don't know how you are doing it, but whatever you are doing keep it up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How long has H been Navy?

Me: As for my feelings about the pregnancy...I already have 2 children and I really didn't want anymore, however my H doesn't have any and from the moment we started dating he was very clear that he wanted children very badly. Because of our ages he wanted to start right away and have as many as we physically could <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

Well, then I was motivated, but after all of this anyone can see why I have lost my motivation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .
Needless to say my H is beyond thrilled, its his first child.

ALL:
In January, My H switched commands to a aircraft carrier. Can someone tell me about the level at which they have access to communicate with their families. Such as phones, computers, etc. My H is a CPO in the air division if this helps.

On a carrier, he'll have the ability to email all the time, plus he can make emergency phone calls if he needs to. And of course postal mail. He may even be able to swing DSN calls, but I'm not as certain about that.

Dobie

DOBIE:
Thanks for the info!

I'm really concerned b/c H is always saying "don't expect this...don't expect that" He also says that computers are not readily available and that when he does get on his time is limited. Not sure whether he's telling the truth or setting me up to make another A easier.

For example in Jan he was UW for 10 days said that he couldn't call, but if there was a way to then he would. Well come to find out that there are sailor phones that he could use a calling card and call from, but he didn't. I'm so tired; this little fire wasn't worth the energy to put out so I let it go.


I just don't know about this military life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Yeah, a lot of those guys will try to blow smoke up our behinds because they don't think we'll learn the truth. My H tried that on me. I guess he forgot that I'd been active duty and half of my friends are in the Navy. Theoretically, if he has no phone or email access, he can write a letter any day of the week. A short note would only take a few minutes of his time. Even then, some of them will tell you that the shop was out of stamps.

Sometimes I swear that the military guys have a super-secret handbook that they learn all of their adultery lines from. I have a few friends who are military BS's and we've all heard the same stuff. "I'm way too busy to have an affair, we didn't have access to phones or the computer, everyone at work thinks that you're awesome because I talk about you all the time, blah blah blah."

I love my sailor, but we have a couple years of shore duty and then retirement. I honestly don't think our marriage would survive another deployment.

Dobie

DOBIE:

Wow, I know what you mean. My husband was suppose to get out in 2 1/2 years, as of Friday he made officer so I'm not sure, if he accepts, how much longer he will be in. It really sucks.

Me:
You know affairs can happen to any marriage regardless of occupation, but being in the military makes it SSOOOOOOO easy for a cheating spouse to cheat. I wonder, does ANYONE know of a miliatry marriage that hasn't undergone infedility of some sort? Is there such a thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

On there otherhand, What are the GOOD things about being a military spouse?

Question:

When a sailor has duty and they are stationed on a ship. Are they required to be on that ship 24 hours even though they may only have a watch that is 4 hours long?

Answer:

Yes, they must remain on the ship for a full 24 hours.

thanks Dani!!

No problem, feel free to ask anything.
WH has been stationed on a ship for a few years now, been through a deployment, the whole 9 yards <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle

Don't blame the sailors. I'm in the Navy, and my Navy wife cheated on me.

Oh, it is NOT just the sailors. Spouses do it too....
For me it just happened to be the sailor.

Danielle

Yep, I've seen that way too many times as well. What I haven't seen is the "buddy system" among spouses that I've seen among the active duty. Maybe I'm naive, but the military wives I know don't get together and plan to go out to find As. In the military, I heard the saying, "What happens on deployment stays on deployment" "TDY means Temporarily Divorce for a Year" and so many other similar things that showed outright approval for the affair lifestyle.