Betrayed Man:

I think what you meant to say is that all Navy men don't cheat and all Navy wives aren't faithful and I don't think that anyone here will disagree with you on that point.

Case in point: my Navy WH cheated with the OW who was a Navy wife, while her H was on deployment. So there you have both situations in the same situation so to speak <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

Since you are a Navy man I'm curious to know what really goes on, while on an over seas deployment. My imagination has run wild thinking of all the possiblities. Especially in my H case where he is on an aircraft carrier, with several thousand people 35-40% being women. Would you like to offer some in sight into this one for me?

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

WD777,

First off, the person is to blame for the A, not the service. Admittedly, the Navy does create an enviroment for As with the deployments, close working conditions and the attitudes (OF SOME! NOT ALL!) about what happens on deployment, stays on deployment.

What happens overseas? Let me say, I have always tried to socalize off the ship with other married guys with similar values or with single guys that are not just looking to get laid. That is a big part of it, a guy's friends are a good indication of what kind of behavior he will engage in. I have seen guys get hookers, go to strip joints and hook up with other sailors. With the limited "pool" of members of the opposite sex, coupled with the limited port visits for ships today, I think just adds to the problem.

As far as being on a carrier, or any other ship, there will be oppurtunities for As. I am an officer, and therefore my actions are more closely scrunitized and easily observed by senior officers. Amongst the officer community, there is less tolerance for philandering, but many still turn a blind eye.

Bottom line, carrier, detroyer, frigate or shore duty, if someone is actively seeking an affair, they will have one.

Dobie:

You are definitely right about that one.

Betrayed Man:

Thanks for you input.

WD, Have you exposed the affair to the OW's husband? I asked this because one of the problems with military on military affairs is that exposure comes back and ends up hurting the BS, by hurting their spouses career. But I am sure her husband would like to know what kind of wife he has waiting at home while he is serving his country.

Flynn:

Yes I did expose A to OW H and he was glad that I told him. I asked him if there was anything illegal about the A and he said no because she is a civilian...and beside neither of them are currently at that same command or work location.

I don't have any desire to "avenge" either of them for what they have done to me, I believe that they will both get their just reward for their indiscretions and I won't have to lift a finger to help.

Therefore, even if the circumstances warranted me getting my H in trouble via his career I have no desire to b/c this indirectly hurts me and my children financially as well. And I have already been hurt enough by this mess.

Sorry, not to offend those who have chosen to reveal A to WS's command. This is the path that I choose and what worked for me.

WD777

Sorry you are going through this. I'm in the military and my W had two EA's, both with service men. My solution is to retire and not take any more rank so that I can get out at 20. I feel the military has put my family through to much and that is part of what led my wife down the wrong path. I know I'm gone alot but I would never have thought a good friend in our church would develop a EA with my wife. Don't miss understand I feel she is just as wrong but I still have a hard time understanding it from fellow christians. Your H only has a short time left in the navy so I hope you two can hang on. Praying for your marraige.

RHM

RHM,

I'm with you on that. We're on our final years before retirement and it's all shore duty. Our marriage couldn't have survived another deployment.

Dobie

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: Lisa V. ]</small>

I have been reading the postings for military spouse support group and find myself in the same situation as most of you. I can relate to the problems you are all talking about. I think that our situation is different from other married couples due to the time our spouses are not home with us. I also find that this separation creates a whole new set of specific situations for us to deal with. Marriage is hard enough, but military lifestyle doesn't help either.

So if no one minds I think I will hang out here! I feel like this group might be able to help me as well. I am new so bear with me.

Lisa,

Welcome! I saw on another post that you're the WS. Former WS or current? How are you doing? Anything we can help you with?

Dobie

Yes, I am the WS and found this site last Friday. I have thought about showing it to my h, but that would make me accoutable! Not sure I am ready for that either. I need help in so many ways I don't know where to begin. I guess my h and I truly do not communicate very well, or should I say I spout and he stuffs. Our history plays a big part in our relationship too. Our families, prior relationships, personalities, and mental health don't help either. Too many things hiding in the closet and will not expose them for fear of making waves. Needless to say, the ostrich with the head stuck in the sand. Since I am the one with the A's, nothing much has changed, though he thinks they have. We are in MC and IC. I don't think it is helping all that much either. We have been seeing someone for almost a year now. Nothing has changed regarding communication, which is were my emotional needs are not being met. Don't know what I can do if anything? I am crying out for help, but it doesn't change his responses.

Hello Lisa V.

Welcome to MB...i'm new here as well. Even though everyone's situations are uniquely different, hopefully you will find many solutions to make a positive change in your M.

White Dove,

How are you doing? I have been wondering about you since I hadn't heard from you via e-mail. I hope everything is going okay for you.

Froz

Froz:

LOL I was waiting to hear back from YOU via email. I never got a responce from you after my email about that weekend.

Oh did I tell you that I threw my wedding rings at him and after we "made up" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> up; he made me put them back on, the next day the center diamond was GONE! I wonder how many times has that happened to BS's LOL. Email when you get a chance so we can catch up, its safe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Right now I'm in very good spirits and today is a good day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now I'm in very good spirits and today is a good day.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm so glad. I will e-mail you straightaway.

RHM and Dobie:

Although my H is eligible for retirement, he recently made WO so he won't be getting out soon.

We are "newlyweds" so this May will be my 1st deployment. My H is not willing to give up his Navy career to save his M or family. It's all about him.

Wd777

Sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you.

Lisa,

How have things been for you this week? Have you been reading the material in MB? If so, has been helpful? You also mentioned that u r the WS, have you never suspected ur H of cheating also?are either of u in the military?

WD777
Thanks for responding. I was beginning to think that no one was going to follow along. Yes, my husband is in the navy for 24 years now. We are doing okay. Saw the counselor yesterday and she wants me to accept things the way they are that my husband is not capable of opening up to anyone or I change my thinking and take one day at a time. Knowing that he loves me but can't open up to communicate what could be painful or good for our marriage. I am his best friend. He has no one else to talk too. He has no real male friends either. He is not having an A because of his religous beliefs, firm Catholic. He would rather be alone and not married if it were not for me coming into his life. Again thanks for responding.

WD777
Yes I have read the MB information. Was thinking about getting a book to read as well. I can tell you to go to AD Hit The Nail On The Head for more information. I wrote him today. Thanks again.