I know...she left after 10 wonderful days...she's not happy with herself....etc. FWW doesn't want a divorce...30 days with no contact is what she wants....I'm trying to be strong....got a bit drunk tonight with an ole buddy....that don't help...but? Maybe I'll write a country song.

Welderboy

Hang in there. Keep posting as needed to relieve some of the strees.

RHM

Hey...this has been going on for 13 months...I don't think I'll work Thursday...my mind is toast. This is our 4th false recovery...I saw my IC last night...she said to take care of myself...etc. But i just want peace and rest...Pray for Deb and I, please.

I'll pray for the both of you. Look at the wedding ring post just below this to get a idea of what I went threw. My W's last one went from jan 04 thru dec 04. It's hard and it takes time. Did you IC give meds to help? Get to the gym and work some of the flustrasion off.

RHM

Yep...Prozac. I'm going to take work off today...maybe I'll head to my families....I just feel so lost even thought this is the 4th time.

I know the lost feeling. The hopeless feeling. The confuseed feeling. Yep I get them all. We all do and it's normal. I hope you have a good day off. I'v edone allot of reading and there has been a post lately talking about wemons mid-life crisses. They really need to know that they are still attractive. Unfortinately nothing we say to our wives seem to help them. They have this need to hear it from some one else. I guess guys get that ich too. Hang in there. I hope she comes around and you two become the happiest couple.

RHM

Well...I finally got to sleep last night , and things do seem a bit better with the new day. Maybe, I really don't need any of this? Heck, I guess I'll try to go "dark" and just learn to take care of myself for awhile.

Hey Guys...my thread 10 days ago, telling that Deb was coming home again...someone responded that i let back in again to easily...without her making amends. Today she phoned twice...said she was worried about me, that she wanted time alone...to sort her head out, then we should start counceling together, date and work things out prior to her coming home. Funny how she has'nt done any of this, MC or weekend seminars that I wanted and offered to attend during the 13 months of our seperation, but now seems to me, like a way to keep me hanging on. I'm tired...and starting to think, that this isn't worth the trouble.

No thoughts? I figured I would at least get a "I told you" from someone. Anyhow...she called me yesterday afternoon and invited me over to her brothers where she is staying...it was her Mom's birthday and she asked if I wanted to stop for a family pizza party? She had just moved out 16hrs. earlier and now asked me this? Anyhow, in her talk she said she was worried about me...and was wanting to get herself together...and then start counceling etc., I've heard this before....and I told her I thought that if she was going to work on our marriage...she has had months to do so, but has'nt taken me up on any suggestions to do the same. I feel as if she is just giving me enough hope to keep me holding on...I feel tired and broken...but a bit at peace coming home tonight. Maybe it's time for me to file.

WB,
Maybe its time for a D? Well maybe it is but maybe first its time for a real plan B! Maybe its time for a true period of total no contact! Maybe its time to write the letter and mean it.

Maybe its time to dedicate yourself to a program and this time see it through until there are no more maybes. Maybe next time she calls you shouldn't answer the phone! Maybe you should decide to put "it" all on the back burner and go on with your life for a while, dedicating yourself to learning to explore yourself and re-introduce yourself to yourself.

And here's a really good idea. Maybe its time to stop thinking in terms of maybe and to start thinking in definative terms for a change and to begin seeking ways to make that change a posative change in your life and a change that's for you and just you. To decide what you want your life to be and what you want your marraige to be.

Maybe....?

Coach

I think coach is telling you to make a plan and stick to it. Why don't you go to a IC and have them help you with one. As you go back they can hold you accountable to your plan and help you to readjust it if needed. Best of luck.

RHM

I guess....no not guessing...I know what I want, but she don't. Is love enough to be patient and wait? I know...love is patient , kind etc....but her's has'nt been for me only....Thanks, Coach...yes I need a plan.

You know...today, I rediscovered that I'll again, be OK with or without FWW. This 13 month ordeal has made me a better person, and I'm truly going to try and think of myself for the next few weeks.

good for you! I hope you continue to realize what a wonderful person you are. I will keep you in my thoughts. Best wishes.

Big W

That's the spirit. So what's first? I can't stay now but I'll check back in about 10 hrs.

RHM

Oh yea I could use some advice on the male problem post. Thanks!

Sunday, will be church. I worked 12 hrs. today inside a tank, grinding and welding...but the friend I was working with knows both of us, and is a good christian that has been praying, and encouraging me all along. I've only got FWW to go to church with me 1 time this year after our longest seperation...when she admitted of the A and came home for the 1st of now 5 false recoveries. Also...another good friend..invited me to stop at the bowling lanes on my way from work...I was introduced to a single lady and her son...I guess...people are match makers? It did make me feel good to hear that she said " he's a good looking guy" to my friends date.PS...I kind of liked her look also.

Hi WB ~
Hmmmmm....5 false recoveries. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Coach gives some great advice. Pick a plan. And maybe ask yourself too: Do I still want to keep trying after all this? She has put you through a lot.

Plan B protects mostly you. Protection from this back and forth before your W is commited to your M and keeps hurting you. It can take a long time. It's a great plan though. If you are going to do this, be strong and stick with it, even when she sends you messages that says "I miss you." Know what I mean? She needs to be more committed than that before she can come back. And no, inviting you to pizza isn't commitment (right?!). It's just cake-eating.

You've also earned the right to say "I've had enough and I've tried everything I can handle." It's ok if you've reached a place that says your W is choosing a life that you can't control and you want to move on. Only you can decide what path to take and either one is difficult.

Dr. Harley says in one of his books that a BS has the right to say I want out of the M after an A.

Last I heard before this last reconcile, you were in the garage with the dog and things were getting [censored] and span. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hopefully when you return, you'll be thinking of what is best for WB to be happy again. Hang in there.

PS - I'll say a prayer at church tomorrow for you. Take care,
GS

Thanks GS...hey this evening, I logged on to "our" cell phone billing...I think, that I may now start to understand this reoccurring "fog", I think...?? she is having sometype of at least EA with a co-worker...she has referred to this guy as a friend before, but maybe he was where she turned after being busted on the 1st. A. Kind of makes sense...I got a little more research to do before I'm 100% convinced. Later.

Also...the Bible says I can go on after wife has done an A.