Well, just talked to DH again and I lost all composure, but I feel better for it, too. I was bawling into the phone, but everything I said was totally honest and open, and I think it may have helped. I told him how proud I have been of him, but how I feel he's too hard on himself. He said if he hadn't been so hard on himself we wouldn't have made it this far. I told him what he's accomplished didn't come from him being hard on himself, it came from who he is. If he wasn't so hard on himself he would have accomplished the same things and been happier with himself about it. His self-esteem is so low it hurts me. How else could a man think I care more about my dogs than I do him? I told him I'd get rid of my dogs if that's what it takes, but I'd have to have something in return, it wouldn't be a one-sided sacrifice. He doesn't want me to have to do that.

I told him how I've been so hurt by all the hours he works. Because money and things are not important to me, he is, but at the same time I love him for doing it so we can have those extras. He said it isn't all about the money, but that I do need a better job for him to be happier.

I told him I want him home, he said he isn't ready. I told him take the time he needs, then come home. He didn't disagree. I'm trying to find a better job, because FS is one of his needs.

I told him I feel like he's going to come out of this so much better than I am. He'll have the boat, something WE are still sinking money into, but I'll lose everything. I can't afford to keep it without him. I'll be losing him, the house, the boat, everything, but most importantly I'll be losing him. He said getting the boat wasn't everything, because the boat, our fishing, was what brought us together to begin with.

He doesn't want the house without me in it, too.

I want him back so badly. I really do. We haven't had the best marriage, but I do love him so much, and I know we could have a good one. He said that's what he wants, too, but he isn't sure we can do it together. We're too different and too much alike at the same time. I told him that's why I think we CAN do it. Our differences are complimentary, and our likenesses are what has gotten us this far.

We can be happy together, but he has to be happy with himself, first. My Plan A is going to be working my damnedest on building him up. I think I got a good head start on that tonight. He is a much better person than he'll let himself believe he is, therefore he is holding himself back. I've got to help him see that.

Yes it is normal and welcome to the roller-coaster my friend. The range of emotions are brutal. I would go from anger, to sadness, to happines that my WW found her "true love" all in the span of about 30 minutes. I would tell her to leave and beg her to stay. I filed for divorce and then tried to win her back. It is awful but it is normal.

Education is everything - read books on infidelity, emotional affairs, stress management, etc. Keep forging ahead. You have a good chance for success.

Thanks BHINWI. I've got so many books in my collection I'm sure I'll have one on one of those topics. If not, I'll find it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do you guys think I don't need any help? Am I doing just fine on my own? I'm feeling quite ignored.

Bump for those who can help Amanda out!!!!

I agree with answering in fact form and referring him to the book NOT Just Friends. But I have to wonder if it was really him that answered your e-mail. Maybe it was her, you'll never know. If it wasn't her, he is in extreme denial and you can't do anything about that. You have given him the opportunity to know and do something about it. I've been caught up in this type of situation before during exposure and it just stuns me how blind they are, but at the same time, everyone deals with things in their own way.

Until she is out of the picture, it will be hard for you to reconcile. I am so sorry that you are in pain! Hang in there, pray....read....light some candles.....cry....read some more...pray some more....breathe!!!

I, for one, am wondering how much of this "all about Finding Me?"

But I don't have time to reseach some 968 posts going back to Jan. 12, 2003, so I could be wrong.

Your husband packed up and moved out. Why?

NO man packs up and moves out without what seems (to him) a VERY GOOD reason.

Either he is in an affair and moved out to "Get some space" so he could carry on his affair easier (seems unlikely if he moved in with his parents), or

You are doing things that make moving out seem like the "lesser of two evils" to him. IF that is the case, and IF you really want to be married to him, you need to quickly assess all that YOU have been doing to see if it is conducive to, or decidely against, a marital atmosphere that foster marriage and being together despite "differences" in personalities between the two of you.

I see no mention of faith in your postings, so I am assuming that talk of a "Christian marriage" is out. If that is wrong, please correct me.

Well, FH, in Amanda's posts you will find these main ideas:

A woman with ADD/ADHD on medication.

A husband who, while desperately horny would turn down his wife wearing an ice cream sundae, one of his fantasies.

A husband who accuses her of misusing money when it was clearly his signature on the slip.

A husband who loves to fish, married to a wife who loves to fish, who continually leaves her at home to fish, and refuses to let her come with.

A husband who married a woman who loves to hunt and do other "manly" recreation. A woman who was, (correct me, A, if I'm wrong) in the military, like him.

A husband who lies to cover menial indiscrections, like skiving off work to go fishing, when it doesn't matter in the LEAST to A if he does so, so long as his job's not in jeopardy. But lies about it, even so.

This is a long-time pattern.

I hope that condenses the story and helps you out.

The one thing that A has done that may have been a turn-off to him was to be "needy." She loves her H and would do whatever it took to keep him. However, she was a single mom before and very independent. So that is the only thing. However, when she would try to be more independent, he would say things/demand/request things that would limit her independence.

Right now, her FIL and her H are involved in trying to limit A's independence more. I'll let her describe what's going on, if she wishes.

~ZP

Also, this really isn't for me to expound on, but I can give a little background.

Amanda is a clear believer. Church-going was steady for a while. I don't know about now.

Her H was raised in church and is sort of agnostic now. I think that's where things stand.

~ZP