I think this fading of emotional attachment is a good thing 2long. As we know, (or are told) emotional attachment and love are not the same thing. With out all the reactivity which comes from emotional attachment, good and productive communication can happen.

This is what I am learning anyway.

And since I have no one to test it out on, I will guage your progress and marital recovery in regards to the theory that attachment ain't a good thing in matters of the heart. kay? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

weaver:

Good point. I agree.

Maybe the "numbness" I described above should be replaced, or supplemented, with "relief."

It might sound odd, but the pain I feel for the fiancee is worse than any pain I'm feeling right now myself. I feel pain, or maybe it's pity, for my W, 2. What a sad way 2 live! And she doesn't HAVE 2 be this way!

-ol' 2long

This is odd, and has nothing 2 do with anything (I hope), but as I was leaving the house this morning, I narrowly avoided something like FOUR accidents within about 30 seconds of each other.

First was as I was coming around a curve, someone made a left 2rn pretty late in front of me (I was driving my old VW truck, in which, in the words of Bill Cosby "if you have a head-on collision with a dog, you lose"). Half a block later, the light 2rned yellow. Not enough room 2 stop, and I would have been through the intersection before the light changed 2 red, so I went. Some guy 2rning left must have thought I would stop, so he went in front of me. I had enough room, so I just started applying the brake. The guy after him figured he should go 2, so he gunned it - again, with room since I was slowing down for the first 2wit. Then the guy after HIM must have figured that the light had changed 2 red because of the speed at which the first 2 2wits pealed out (2 avoid me hitting them), and he couldn't see me until they'd gotten out of the way, so he was gunning it just as I came in2 the intersection.

Hit the brakes HARD, went in2 a short 4-wheel drift (no ABS in 1960, and single master cylinder!), 2 come 2 a stop close enough 2 the other guy 2 shake my head at him effectively before proceeding.

There must have been a release of s2pid gas this morning, I'm thinking.

-ol' 2long

I shake for hours after - how are you?

SS

Same as with the R stuff. Numb.

Can't get 2 flustered by stuff in LA, or you'd never level off!

-ol' 2long

Must be why I live here -

Actually, I used to like it - when we would visit, I would shake my fist and laugh, "ha, ha, ha, ha, take that !!!"

I guess I got older, or something.

Sorry you had that many all this morning. I would probably still there beating my heart telling it to start up again.

SS

BTW,
I can drive the old stuff better. ABS always makes the car do stuff I am not ready for. Maybe I drove too much before they invented it.

Maybe tests would show other wise, but I think you can get around a race course much faster without it.

SS

And like Bugatti once said about the complaints about the brakes on his cars...

"We build them 2 go, not 2 stop!"

-ol' 2long

How many people remember him?

Actually, my neighbor had one of those once.
It was an HO scale race car and we would build tracks at Christmas and he always won. I never did know if it was the car, or his skill, but it seemed to stick to the track like - well, like a race car.

SS

"I know it's good that he's found someone he can be happy with, but it hurts when someone you've loved moves on like that"...

And ...the flip side to that would be "If he moves on and gets married that means that I no longer can hook up with him"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Now that would absolutely SLAY me... It's as if she still wants him in the wings for HERSELF.

How do you keep from asking the obvious question of..."And this is YOUR business because......"?


committed

comm:

You've got it. That's what she wants, I think.

I've said before "the only thing you owe one another is silence."

I'm not impressed with her decision-making skills.

-ol' 2long

I was going to ask if you were alone or with somebody tonight..... but perhaps I should just say I hope you are with someone. By mutual choice.

See you tomorrow. Hope you sleep well.

SS

2,

I think it's a good thing that he's getting married.

I'm not mystified as to why he would. Usually, it's the GF who pushes for it, and he, I guess, just thought "why not?" Of course, I don't know him.

Have you ever thought that maybe he's a player - that maybe your W wasn't the only A he was in. Maybe this GF was in the picture even before.

I think her reaction fits the pattern. She stil has an attachment to him. But, you knew that already.

I don't think you have any need to contact his GF, unless he was carrying on with your W while in a supposedly exclusive relationship with the GF.

It certainly would be nice of my W's OM took an interest in any other woman (ideally an unmarried one).

Asside from all that. It's good to "see" 'ya.

-AD

OK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> cynical voice on:

well .... I thought your W was of the opinion that marriage = prostitution for women

perhaps she was crying because she feels badly for her sister/woman now about to enter the world's oldest profession .... ?

2Long ... her values are so weirdly twisted ... she speaks out of both sides of her mouth ... know what I mean?

I thought she professed to hate the institution of marriage... Know what I think??? I think RM and your W probably had discussions where they agreed that marriage it's self is flawed and a dumb thing to enter into .... and NOW your W is sad mostly because RM did not want to divorce his first wife to marry her !!!!

This is sour grapes ....

YIKES !

This sounds like pretty good news - and I understand your caring that she's hurting. I just hope you didn't comfort her when she was crying.

A song for the occasion:

Rat Meat's getting married in the morning.
Ding dong the bells are gonna chime.
La la la la-la (don't remember the words)
La la la la-la
Just get him to the church on time!

Sorry, it's almost 4 am I haven't slept much.
Lordy, help me at work tomorrow. :-)

Rat meat is getting married...


So what?! How does that change anything? Do you truly believe that this will change anything about the A? It's still very clear where her heart lies. More than likely they will continue.

You will always be 2nd fiddle.

Some very interesting info for you here, 2Long...

How would she feel if 2Long "moved on"?


hcii

Did she happen to tell you how she found out about RM's plan to wed? Was it from their mutual friend or from RM himself thus breaking NC? But I guess you aren't holding her to NC.

Knowing the lack of honoring vows, what would stop them from continuing their 'friendship'? He DV'd presumably because of the A...your wife remained married. Maybe it is like 'Sarie' who had full intentions of staying married whilst continuing her A after her OM got a live-in GF (whom he may have married...but I don't recall). Wouldn't that be in your W's ideal world.

The tears would have been somewhere between annoying and pathetic. What does all that tell you about what is really important to her? I know you love your WW and thus can have compassion for her as she mourns her OM. I hope this can be the closure she needs and that she will go through a final withdrawal and that real recovery can begin.

AD:

"Have you ever thought that maybe he's a player - that maybe your W wasn't the only A he was in. Maybe this GF was in the picture even before."

Well, whether he's had other As or no, I've always considered him a player, and I've told my W that. The GF "showed up" in the pic2re, so far as I know, about 3 years ago. Yep. My W even told me that he was concerned that "I have a chance 2 date, but I would feel like I was cheating on YOU if I did." This, while he was still M'd 2 Mrs Meat. I pointed out the absurdity of the whole thought.


-ol' 2long

Pep:

"OK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> cynical voice on:"

Unders2d!

"well .... I thought your W was of the opinion that marriage = prostitution for women"

She was, but I don't think she is anymore. Remember what she said a month or so ago? That she realized that HF's suggestion 'you're being accused, you might as well do the deed' was a recommendation that she be spiteful? And that the whole A started as a spiteful reaction 2 her perception that I didn't care about her? At least she hasn't said much about the prosti2tion model in a long time.

"Know what I think??? I think RM and your W probably had discussions where they agreed that marriage it's self is flawed and a dumb thing to enter into .... and NOW your W is sad mostly because RM did not want to divorce his first wife to marry her !!!!"

I know for a fact that they had such discussions. Which is why I pointed out the irony of her news about him getting remarried. She's said, on a 2ple occaisions though, that he was expecting my W 2 come live with him. First time I'm aware of was when Mrs Meat threw him out during the cold of December 2002, and my W had given him $1K for a down on an apartment. I didn't hear this for more than another year, so she'd already pissed him off by not coming 2 live with him.

...she essentially confirmed, in so many words, that one of his reasons for remarrying is 2 get custody of his 2 sons from xMrs Meat. Poor GF.

-ol' 2long