It's a sold out NFL game so I wouldn't be able to get a ticket. I think a call to OWH is in order, as well.

Trixie, what kind of outcome do you want? What is your realistic vision of success here? Mine would be to kick him out, but it seems yours is different. If you want to keep him, I would explain to him - very firmly - that you know he brought the ho-bag into your home and you would like an explanation. Don't ASK him if it is true, you TELL him you know about it.

Trixie,

Pay attention. Direct confrontation with a WS right now may not get you more than a slap in the face. Instead you may want to make the WS wonder what you know. Give him just enough to make him wonder. You can read my suggestion about the use of your nose.....then read pep's last post to you.

As for contacting OWH, give it serious thought. There is a lot of stuff brewing your way. Realize that you won't know it all but it doesn't mean you have to tell him so.

Practice 1st.

L.

Orchid, for what possible reason would she NOT confront her H? That is certainly not a good strategic move and has nothing to do with MB principles. Why play games when she needs to put a stop to this? Not addressing this not only protects him from the consequences but sets the stage for it to happen again.

Like Patriot so astutely said: "Conflict avoidance does only one thing. Causes more conflict."

Knew you were gonna ask, Mel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Ok, because she is working with Steve and wanted his input before taking action. Also while she has a witness that says an OP was at the house, she isn't sure it was the OW. Highly likely....but still speculative. So she'd better get herself more info before she goes barging head on with the WS. If the BS makes even a tiny mistake in her findings, the WS will want to nail her to the wall. That w/b the risk of direct confrontation right now.

JMHO,

L.

Personally, I'd grab a suitcase and start neatly packing his stuff in it. When asks what you are doing. I'd say Hubby, I can't believe you brought that trash into my house. I will not tolerate that and can't believe after all this that you would stoop so low. Now you gotta go.... Good bye....

Orchid, with all due respect, she doesn't need to get SH's advice to have the common sense to know she needs to confront her H when she has discovered he has just screwed the OW in her own home. SH is not a micromanager and this is not the kind of thing that needs his direction. All she has to do is stick to MB principles and avoid lovebusters when she does it. I think it is dangerous to expect a counselor to micromanage her every move. She has a brain and can use it. I can see that you may - I say may - have a point in the notifying the OWH, but not in this.

Now, if you think she needs more information before she confronts, that is another matter entirely. How you think she would GET that information is a mystery to me, though. But really, how much more information would she need to conclude that it was the OW? If it was someone else, he can easily produce that person and clear up the mystery. That wouldn't be a basis for holding off on confrontation, though.

I'm sure it was her. This entering my home crap is a whole new ball game. I won't need to confront H because by the time I get home (I'm in my office), OWH will have told OW and she would have told my WH. He'll be confronting me, I'm sure.

Trixie, I have to agree with you, this is a whole new arena and I would call him if it were me. BUT, I would also confront your H in the manner I outlined before.

just left OWH a voicemail. stay tuned...please say a prayer for me, if you would.

Thanks.

DONE.

thanks, melody, orchid, pepper, believer, and others...

I spoke to OWH. He believes his wife is sincerely committed to their M. It must have been a different woman at my house yesterday. The football game tomorrow is a group work event and he encouraged her to go as a 'reward' for her good behavior. I s*** you not. That's what he said. He doesn't have a problem with their platonic contact. From my earlier conversations with him, he is one of those guys that seems to only consider it cheating if it involves sex. I didn't argue with him. Maybe it will plant a seed of doubt for him and he'll be more vigilant or maybe he really does have his head up his a**. I didn't press the issue with him because of the threats I received from OW and OWH the last time I called. I delivered the facts and he can take them or leave them.

I told H what I did and what OWH said. He wants the Separation Agreement asap. The sooner he can "have nothing to do with me, the better." He denies he had a woman over despite my eye witness. Had to put my kids to bed so we really didn't discuss. I don't think there is anything to discuss. Not sure what I accomplished but maybe he'll think twice before bringing his skank into my house. I wondeer if I can get a restraining order against her like she threatened to do to me for just calling her H. Oh, what a mess.

Trixie - how about simply asking him "who was the lady in the house yesterday?" Let him dig his own hole.

I fully understand the invasion into your home. It happened to me. She slept in my bed, used my hairbrush, had a good look around at the family photos. Then, on the phone had the cheek to tell me "I understand how you feel because I am a mummy too". I changed the bed covers initially but then moved house and got a new bed. I know that's not always possible. Also, according to my neighbours there was a party while I was away. My WH hadn't attended a social function with me for about 2 years because he has bad health, but then mustered up the energy for a party in his own home.

Very best wishes. Must be so hard having such little children who are so demanding of your time and having all this crap to deal with. TT

Sorry Trixie - I posted at the same time and everything I just wrote is now totally irrelevant. Oops.

thanks, tt. your post really did help. i never get recognition for how hard it is to deal with all this while trying to be the best mother I can. WS could never do that..the guilt would kill him.

I do appreciate you 'listening' thanks

Trixie, I have to say I am flabbergasted at the OWH. As far as your H goes, I would let him know that you KNOW he had the OW in your house and that you have someone watching the house now. You don't need his admission to know what you both know is true. So, it is true that the OW is going to game with him?

I can understand your feelings. My FWW and the OM had most of their intimate contacts in our home, most likely on the same bed that we share every night. It's one of the most difficult things I've had to bear about the A.

Orchid: Hm.... typical what a WS would say. So you did not tell 'your H'. You told it to the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Well, the next thing is to file a police report to say that a strange woman was spotted entering your home and that you are turning over evidence for them to do fingerprint search so they can identify who it was and why she broke into your home. If you say that make sure you have removed the items you suspect she may have touched frmo your home so he can't destroy the evidence. It w/b sad but funny to see him frantically trying to cover the evidence. Then later you let him know the items in question have already been removed.

Ex: In our home I have the PC and the WS had his apple laptop. As a WS he was quite posessive of his laptop. WS even smashed it when I tried to keep him from taking it out of our home. Remember the 50/50 Calif law??? I used it on his laptop. LOL!!! Anyway, after he moved out, he said he would leave the PC for me to use. Our family's records and info were in that PC. Well the WS selfish side got the better of him and he threatened to remove that PC also.

Knowing this was coming, I removed the hard drive and kept it away from the home. The rest of the PC was in tack. WS storms in the house with his attitude and procedes to start packing up the PC. Hm..... he wanted to destroy OW evidence on the PC. So he opened the unit and oops..... no hard drive. He was furious. He asked who had been in the house messing with HIS computer. I reminded him it was my computer because he took the laptop. Those were his original terms. Ha.... he was angry, said someone broke into the house. I stepped in front of him and said that I took it out. He didn't believe me. Told me to put it back or he would call the police. I told him go ahead. I had already checked with the police and they said it wasn't stealing. LOL!!! He was furious. I kept is away for about 1 week. Then I had it reinstalled. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> No one came to our home. I had it done away from the home.

You see where the mind of the WS can go? Yea, well that is why you should check out your rights. Even chat with the police dept so you know how you can use the law for your protection. When the WS babbles, you w/b able to not succumb to his threats. You can look him square in the eye and say 'so go ahead.....make my day.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

thanks, Orchid.

Orchid, you're in recovery, right? Your WS sounds a lot like mine. Do you have a link in the archives or would you mind sharing?

Today's a really tough day for me. I feel so empty.
Thanks.