Ok its 1:20am kids in bed sleeping so is husband, I was in there lying with him till he went to sleep. Then came out here and see if I had any replies before I go to sleep. Before he went to sleep we had sex. Can he have sex with me just cuz he is horney or cuz he still loves me but can't say it or show it anymore? Thinking he was the one that wants out of the marriage not me. But once in a while he will say if we do stay together or it maybe to late. I feel like he is playing mind games with me. He says he don't know what to think or do. Can anyone give me a word on this plz?

Put Rocks under the cushions of the couch in the living room??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hmmm that sounds good HEHEHEHE thanks for the laugh

Think of us when

You see a eagle,
it shows togeter we can fly high.

You see or smell lilac's
together we have bloomed,
and made other beautiful lilacs.

You see fish,
that togeter we can explore life.
And the life that we had already explored together.

You see or read a book or movie,
Their is always surprises in it.
And till its over you don't know how its going to end.
Just like our lifes together.

You see a smile or hear a laugh,
Together we will make each other smile and laugh.
And all the good times we had.

You see a heart or a couple,
Remember our love for each other that we had,
and can have for the rest of our lives.

To My dear husband that I love lots!
From your wife that loves you more than anything.

I'm going out tonight is that wrong when I'm trying to fix my marriage?

I guess that would depend on who is going out with you. It would also depend on his thoughts on this.
p

I was just going out with a friend from work and he wants me to get out and make friends and have fun. Last night I did have lots of fun. I was back home about 10:30pm didn't want to be out all night.

You know even though I had fun last night that is all I did was think of my husband like when we was playing pool I told my friend my husband could have bet them at pool. She is single so she was looking but I wasn't. But when I look at a guy I would look to see if he is like my husband. I told my friend man I want my husband I don't want to start dating again if we do get a divorce. I think I would be looking for my husband in a guy if I did have to start dating again.

Does anyone else do that?

WHAM! That was a 2x4. Now the next hit:

I seriously doubt the two of you can work this out yourself. Too many reasons:
(1)Your affair.
(2)Having the OM in the house for some time.
(3)Having filed divorce.
(4)The ongoing love busters – arguments, confrontations etc.
(5)Your H inability to communicate with you.
(6)You making it easy for him.

Are you honest in saying you want to reconcile? If so you really must work for it! It won’t “just happen”. You have to plan and then implement the plan. Basically you have to FIGHT for your affair. A bare knuckle, bellow the belt no rules fight.

Like I say: I doubt you can do this yourself. First step must be to get to Marriage Counseling. The MC can tackle issues like (5) which is the biggest issue at the moment. How do you get him to accept MC? Here are some suggestions:

Stop making getting D easy for him! Demand full custody of the kids. Tell him after D you will cut him completely out of your life (Plan B). Start talking serious money for support and alimony. Demand the house… Just make the D an uncomfortable path.

Tell him that your kid’s will accept D better if the both of you can truly tell them you did all you could to fix the relationship. Until you try some sessions in MC that is not the case.

Even offer uncontested D if the MC evaluates there is no chance for you after some sessions.

Make it clear you do not want your old relationship. Tell him you want something better WITH HIM. Didn’t you feel ignored in your old relationship.

Make sure H realizes what he will be missing. Steer away from love busters, dress up, flirt with him, cuddle, have sex like rabbits. Make sure he has a full stomach and sore loins!

I am not guaranteeing that the above will help you. I do guarantee that it will get you from the present situation and that situation has been downhill from the first post.

Oh my I don't know what to say. For one I can't fight for the house its his parents house so I got to move out. 2) Man I hate to say this but I love him to much to hurt him. 3) After our court date to see what happens to the kids he told me if I did fight to get full custody of the kids he would go and fight against it. I don't want to lose my kids. But when I want to get child support I just have to walk in the court house and let them know I want it started. I don't have it started cuz he gives me more than what I would get from the child support right now. 4) we do have sex still but I don't think it means anything to him no more. To me it means alot! He don't even like me toughing him anymore. I can't lye my hand on his leg or hold his hand or cuddle at night. This hurts me so bad. I don't know what to do about it. I'm trying to make things work out between us I go and clean house have dinner going for when he gets home from work. I talk nice to him and don't start fights. A big part of the is cuz I'm scared of saying anything to him anymore cuz if I do he will be rud to me or start a fight. So now I just try not to say anything. I know thats not good. He asked for sometime to think but how much time does he need. I gave him the LBQ & ENQ and they aren't filled out yet and I'm not pushing him, but he said well my eye was hurting all week so I didn't get to it yet. Scent I got my papers he is doing alot less here he is doing nothing. He did try to fix my truck this Tuesday. Besides that he isn't doing anything just watch tv and play the puter. He don't play with the kids no more just yells at them. The kids wants me to move out with them but the want there dad but they don't like how dad is treating mom and makes mom cry. They tell me and others that I'm trying but dad isn't. I do try not to cry and show that I'm hurt but they still see it even when I do hide it. I don't know what to do. I'm not the only one that is getting hurt my kids is also. They know mom did something that dad didn't like but they know mom is trying to fix it and dad isn't. I don't want them to be mad at him so I keep telling them don't be mad at him I did wrong. What is really sad is when I went to look at a place to live and the kids went with me they loved the idea of moving. They don't like where we live cuz of the house. It needs alot of fixing up but we don't got the money for it. This is my love buster and he knows it, and its the kids also. My other love busters is I can't get close to him and touch him like I could before I got the papers. As in the same week I got the papers. He would hold my hand, hug me, kiss me and what not. Now nothing! Another one is that I'm scared to talk to him and or just can't. We always could before. He was my best friend he was always there for me now his not. I missing having my husband that would just horse around with me and the kids during the day and at night cuddle. I do alot for him that I never liked to do before or just haven't tried before but did it for him. That is his hubbies movies, books, sex, games what ever. If he liked it I would try it and do it also. I don't remember what I like anymore cuz I do what he likes to make him happy. But I guess that wasn't enough. The one thing I didn't like is going to bars so I didn't go so he didn't go.

I don't know what more to say and I think I may have wrote a book already. I just wish I knew what to do or say anymore to him.

Thank you for being here for me!

Ok I just took another step. I call my insurnce and got some numbers to get counseling so now I got to wait for my husband to get home with the cell home there I can call and make appointment with them. I can't wait. I don't see him going but I'm praying he will. I'm also thinking of letting the kids go if they like to go.

I don't know what to think I'm to scared to think good of this and have it not be good. Well Caavin will let me hold his hand, hug him, little stuff like that just once in a while. I'm hoping its good. Could it mean that he is trying to work things out or what?

Sleepless night!
I can't sleep we was in bed watching a movie and my husband didn't want me to touch him at all. Not even just my hand on his hand, leg anything. He says he don't like anyone touching him true but he always let me as his wife. I just feel hurt everytime he don't want me to touch him. I feel like he don't love me and he can't tell me he loves me. Its always me hugging him or what not when is it my turn for him to hold me love me? I WANT TO FEEL LOVED!!!

Tonight I was walking down the hallway and had pains in my ribs like they was caving in on me I fell down to the floor and couldn't move. I was yelling and crying in pain my kids came running to me to help me, but as for my dear husband he stayed on the puter and didn't move. Yes he did hear me. My kids went and got him and he came and helped me stand up and told me to go and lye down. He wouldn't even help me to bed. Later when I was calling for him cuz I needed him he just kept telling me just a min.(on the puter still) Mins later like 15 mins he came I asked him to feel my ribs to see where the pain was coming from to see how bad it is and make should it was my ribs and nothing else (yup it was my ribs) and I told him I need to get out of my work clothes and into reg clothes I need help he said I going to eat this sandwich first, and he walked out of the bedroom and back to the puter. 1/2 hour later he came back in I told him I need help getting my clothes on, he told me just leave my work clothes on. So I ended up doing it myself with my little girls help. Then I went with him over to his brothers house to drop off some movies and to pick up ours. So we could have a little alone time. Even though I was in pain like crazy. He stopped at the gas station to buy him a drink and stood in there talking for a while. I was still in pain in the car. When we did get to his brothers we ended up there for a 1/2 hour or longer. Even though he said we was just going to stop run in and grab the movies and run out.

Don't know where to turn!

Did u have an anxiety attack? I had one similar. The WS didn't care. Made me furious. Yet I couldn't even walk. The pain was in my ribs also.

Go see a doctor. Think about plan B. You don't need a person like that in your life. Especially not in your home.

L.

Spitfirre,

I honestly feel from reading your posts that you and husband are in a bad place. Rather than working on your situation the two of you are fermenting in a status-quo that is not good for you. I still maintain that the two of you CAN NOT fix this alone.

My honest view is that IF you carry on like this you will either end in an unloving marriage or divorced. I also think your husband is sending you very mixed signals and that could possibly be a good sign. Take for example the fact he does not want you to touch him. If he were really repulsed by you he would either kick you out of the bed or sleep on the couch. I think he is trying to show you his anger and repulsion, but is not willing to go all the way.

You two really really really need to go to counseling. If he does not want to go you have to make him. I doubt you can drag him by the ear but read some of the suggestions that have been posted here can get him to go.

Is he carrying on with the divorce? Has he told you that soon you will have to move out? Has he told you why he wants a divorce and how things will be after that? I strongly advice you to fight the divorce with all means and demand counseling.

How can I get him to go to counseling I can't even get him to talk to me about us at all when I do ask him something its I don't know that comes out of him. Then he will stay I told you to just leave me alone and let me think about it for a while. That could be at the end of the week and I haven't said anything to him all week. Its almost like if we don't talk about it it makes it easier on him but harder for me. I need to talk about it. I need to know what is going on or whats going to happen.

Spitfirre,

Listen to yourself! It’s EXACTLY because he refuses to talk that you need counseling!

If what you are saying is the absolute truth then just accept divorce as inevitable! Start packing and humbly ask what meager possessions you can take with you.

Are you really saying that he calls all the shots? Don’t you think you can expect some answers from him regarding the divorce? Don’t you have some input in how it goes? Is he divorcing himself or divorcing you? Are you going along with everything he says rather than make waves? If so how do you expect recovery?

How do you make him go to counseling? I’ve already told you once: you fight the divorce. Start making demands. Talk about support and housing and such. Also talk about how hard it will be for kids. Whether you don’t owe it to them to go to counseling. SIMPLY SAID: YOU DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM!

At the moment you are so frightened of making him angry that you are allowing him to sink into his depression and creating a world of pain there. Get the two of you out of this rut!

According to the MB principle you should avoid all LB, become desirable to him and make sure he knows what he will be missing. That is great. Do that. However, he has set the clock ticking by filing for divorce. I can tell you one thing: If I were to file divorce from my wife I would not be sleeping in the same house as she is. The situation you are in is not normal and far from healthy for either of you. You must break out of it!

One suggestion: If he shows no initiative can you arrange for your priest to visit you at home to discuss your issues? Make sure the kids are out!

My husband is stubern like a bull if you push him he is just going to stand there. If you want him to do something he isn't going to unless he wants to. And if you bug him about it it will take even longer for him to deside to do it.

Spitfirre,

I think you are using the wrong tactic here. Clearly it has not worked for 3 years. If you feel the marriage needs counseling support, then go to counseling by yourself if necessary. Learn, grow, hear new relationship skills, pick the ones you want and use them. If you start changing how you do things, how you react to your H, HE will change as well.

You say he is stubborn like a bull. Well, he is a wounded bull, and wounded animals don't respond to attacks (or what the preceive as attacks). You must remember that you don't know what he is thinking so in many cases you are using the deadliest of all love busters...the disrespectful judgement. Using the DJ often means a person does the wrong thing for the right reasons.

Work on you. Become a stronger person, a person YOU are proud of. Work on your life, set your boundaries and enforce them. Go to counseling, thoughts of suicide are NOT endearing to anyone. You may not realize this but someone that even mentions the spectre of suicide is NOT ATTRACTIVE.

If you want to be someone your H's wants in his life, you need to start by becoming someone YOU want in your life, someone YOU respect, someone YOU like. Work on that for awhile and don't worry about your H so much right now. That bull will be attracted to you as you become happier with yourself, and then you won't have to force him to do something.

You change how you react to yourself and those around you, and you will change how he reacts to you.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

I have changed I just can't fall off the wagon. But why would I want to fall off the wagon when I can choose to happy, and with my family. I work now and making new friends and going out. I'm looking at life in a whole new way. Life is good everyday cuz today I got my family and new friends, and I'm working at a job that I don't mind, my husband is also working, and our health is good. I'm loved by my family and friends. I have one bump in my life right now and that is the divorce but I'm working on it. Well one more I worry about tomorrow and I want to change that also and working on it also. But doesn't everyone worry about tomorrow? Anyways that is something else I want to change. Oh and understand how my husband thinks I understand that on our way up to my brothers. Now I just need to work on letting him have his time to think.