[color:"red"] I love the Harley concepts! [/color]

AMEN on LOVING THE HARLEY CONCEPTS!!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep, Mimi..may I share my epiphany that I had yesterday? I am worthy! I am worthy of love and respect. Yes, I finally dug down and found my self worth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now if my little guy wasn't worrying me I would be celebrating ~me~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Y'know, the more I read up on other psychological stuff, the more I appreciate what Harley's done. Basically streamlined the most effective cognitive-behavioral techniques and specialized them for use in marriage enrichment.

Which isn't to say he's "dumbed down" the material at all. He's just indexed it and made it accessible and more usable. Sort of like an NIV Bible with Study Notes isn't a "dumbed down" version of the King James.

Some of us are just geeks from birth who HAVE to do the extra credit reading. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<--------(feeling very Hermione Grainger-ish)

stungalong

this bump is for you ... instead of turning the decision over to your husband PRACTICE POJA ...create an environment where both of you are content and happy

Pep. Please stop! lol. My head hurts from all this thinking. And I am out of breath from all the AH HAs!

I am following FF's journey in spirit and in reality. THanks FF!!! Her personal journey gave me so many DINGs as my own light came on. Watching her was like watching me. Now, I am racing to catch up!.

I have been here off and on for over a year. I would consider myself a Buyer. BUt also a co-dependent ALL Giver until my Taker just goes into overdrive. And DJs and LBs and the you should, WHy don't you mode is on. A year ago, I was far too damaged to see that. NOW I see the light.

And yes the behaviour is the hardest to change. It is auto pilot which works well until you hit turbulence. (Yes, understatement of the year <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

So, for me NOW is the right time to really get what this thread is about. NO more cement for me. Fluidity.

And POJA? Wow! THat is not just for relationships with others. In my opinion, POJA yourself. Right? Your giver and your Taker must be in some kind of agreement/balance.

Am I getting there??????

Thanks Pep. I just got DD to bed so I have some time to read!

I would consider myself a Buyer. BUt also a co-dependent ALL Giver until my Taker just goes into overdrive. And DJs and LBs and the you should, WHy don't you mode is on.

Hey faa...you took the words right out of my mouth....I think there is only so long that your Giver can be out there facing the Taker day and and day out before your own Taker says that is it...I need my say! And there you go.....

I am working on this as well....hard...

Daisy

WD. The hardest part for me is the realization of my own contribution. OH, I always accepted that I was not perfect. And I NEVER gave up.

But, it was rarely a partnership. WH has a real point when he says that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I honestly thought it was. ME being the one making all the decisions was what I thought I "should" do. BEcasue he is in hte Navy, and away a lot, I handled everything. But, when he was home, I overrode his decsions often. Most of the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

After all, I was the competent one. ANd he didn't know enough about the day to day stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I treated him like a child. And that is the way WH has alwasy been treated. ANd I continued that. Not with malice. But it was still wrong.

And it is so HARD to change that behaviour. He doesn't trust me. ANd looking through his eyes, I see why. ANd looking through my eyes his lies make my trust of him zero.

And it is such a WASTE. ANd I want to FIX it. I want to make my own amends. And can't. Not without his agreeemnt. To at least try. So now I sit here in the ruins of my M with a ton of regrets. I am NOT taking responsibility for his adultery. THat is his CA and his Renter mode. But, when I look at out M, he likely started as Freeloader and I was in Buyer. NO conflict. Then he was in Renter Mode and perhaps in Buyer mode. FOr a while. BUt the DJs and the LBs form BOTH Of us put us in a bad place. I think I might have been a renter or a freeloader while he was in Buyer. But I have to think about that for a bit.

God help us. THis is awful. THis is tragic!

Where is the rewind for my life? TUrn it on but give me the knowledge that I have now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

faa....

And it is such a WASTE. ANd I want to FIX it. I want to make my own amends. And can't. Not without his agreeemnt. To at least try. So now I sit here in the ruins of my M with a ton of regrets.

I also feel that if he could just give it another shot....try....I know I can do better....that we could do better......but he does not want me........I am so sad....
The emails he wrote to the friend are heartbreaking.....he thinks of me as his friends or worse just someone he had encountered.....I want to go by his place and tell him what BS he is thinking and etc....but what good will that do???? I am sad that he gave up on us so soon.......I must not have ment that much to him......and that hurts a lot!

{{{{{{{{faa}}}}}}}}}}} hang in there!
Daisy

((((WHite Daisy)))
That is just the point of this thread though, isn't it? You are NOT to blame for what he says or does. It is his CHOICE. AND he is changing history to suit his CHOICES=BEHAVOUR THat is, his behaviouris more difficult to change than his values and morals. So to jsutify his actions he changes the history to justify the EA/PA

WD, have you contacted this woman? What do THEY say about this?

link to part two

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2872900

bump for frozen

Bump for

*sugarandspice*

bumping up both parts for the ladies and the gents posting on the FWW recovery thread

bump

for Crystal

^bump for newbies^

try looking at this one again