Melody & JL,

Thank you for your wise words and sage advise. I'll keep posting as progress or lack of is made.

Thank you again.

I helped WW register on this site this morning. I don't know if she will post, but I believe she will at the very least read. She is Eagle15Tooo.

Eagle,

That is great news. I do have a question is your name derived from the fighter, F-15? A sweet aircraft for sure. I will look for your W's post if she decides to post.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

Yes it is from the F-15, a very sweet aircraft indeed. After 24.5 yrs in the AF it was and still is my favorite.

5 years ago WW actually got to take a ride in one at Eglin AFB, FL, got her Mach 1 certificate. The O-6 (Col) who was her pilot took her out over the gulf of Mexico and put the coals to it if memory serves they went mach 1.3, he gave her a certificate as proof she has been over mach 1. A great day indeed.

I was TDY shortly after her flight and stopped at every base between Va and FL and finally found one of those painted wooden models on a pedestal for her as a reminder of her flight.

About 18 years ago I flew in a T-38 with an O-5 Vice Commander of the test pilot school at Edwards AFB, Ca. An excellent ride as well. We were a flight of 2 and had dog fights over the desert for about an hour and then back to base for pattern work. A great day as well.

WW is now going to use the bible to help build her case for D and to try to get me to understand how unhappy she is and has been "for over 10 years". She is apparently bound and determined on D. I don't know what to do now.

She has also brought up the fact that during my previous marriage I had 2 affairs. I have never thought of having an affair during this marriage, I learned my lesson well in my previous marriage, but was unable to stop her from having an A. I dated WW before I was divorced, XW had already left Fl for Ca, papers were filed, but she refused to sign them until a year later. Meanwhile XW was shacked up with a guy in Ca.

Eagle,

Makes me wonder if she does not want to be a mother as well as not wanting to be a W. Your children have already expressed their feelings about this. I have a feeling that W's pushing forward is more about NOT losing face or looking like she caved in, although having an A surely doesn't put one in the best of lights does it?

I don't know what to tell you. She knows she had the affair, and she knows she has failed as a W and a mother. No need to educate her, just be kind, friendly, and firm.

God Bless,

JL

Last night she went over the bible verses, brought up the fact that we had per-M sex, I was still married, but waiting for XW to return signed papers, we were in FL, XW icn CA, etc... I was left with the impression she wanted to invalidate our M due to this. I asked about all the years we've been together, etc... No answer. I just don't know what to think. She still see's D as only answer. Also told me last time we had SF, she cried (as always since A), I didn't ask what was wrong, I failed the test of standing by my word to help her and talk to her when she is in distress. I did lay there and hold her, stroking her hair, just didn't ask the question I already knew the answer to. Problem here is if I would have asked, she didn't offer any info, just waited for me to ask, she would have said "I have no feelings for you and do not desire you, that is why I'm crying." I already know this, it kills me to hear it, she says she is practicing PORH and I need to get used to it, I say she is using PORH to LB as well as not protecting me. We are in a stand off. I don't know what to do.

WW has started posting under Eagle15Tooo. She hasn't seen the replies she's gotten, but they are very good and I hope they help her. Thank all of you for your time and support. Please keep the advice coming as I need it.

Thank you

Bump

Hi. Glad to see you on your own thread. You can help us try to support your wife by staying off her thread and not commenting on it. The point of this board is to let folks be heard and helped.

Don't worry if her facts aren't "correct".

Not a problem.

JL,

Are you still out there??? With all the hoo haa going on and ML, Pep, and Lem not posting I just wanted to know if you were still here. I do hope so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you,

WW is posting as Eagle15Tooo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Eagle,

Yes, I am here but sporatically. What can I help you with?
I believe I posted at least once to your W, but have sort of lost track of it. I'll look around for it.

Look forward to hearing from you.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

Things are still pretty much the same as D-Day, although more settled. She is trying more, hugs, pecks, cuddling, SF if I ask. SF is still a problem, I would get more input from a pound of liver. It just isn't what I would like or was even used to in the past.

Had a large trigger this morning watching Look Who's Coming to Dinner, new version with Bernnie Mac. Towards the end he sings a song to his wife, now I've seen this movie a few times before, always thought it was hilarious, but sitting next to WW and his W says "I'm not looking" and then he starts with "You'll never find a love like mine". That was it I had to leave, she didn't seem to take much notice or care.

Worst trigger so far though. Any Advice?

Thank you for your help, talk to ya soon.

I think your liver comment might be a DJ. It is very hopeful that she is even doing the SF thing. Most in withdrawal refuse. So I hope that you appreciate at least her effort.

Not meant as a DJ, just my opinion, truthn as I see it, PORH practiced and applied the way she practices and applies.

When compared with past SF, current SF just doesn't measure up. If I wanted to get ugly about it, it would be very easy. For the record SF Pre-A was always very good, both very involved trying like ****** to satisfy. Now, her commnets "you get off all is good for you, I cry because I have no desire for you." Past statement "I feel like I am betraying OM by having SF with you." Talk about a Mind F*** for me.

Also her statement OM accepted her for who she is, Wow ROFL, I thought she was first and foremost a wife and mother, so when I said that I get no response, also said "If he did accept you for who you are he should have run in the other direction as fast as he could, as your words "he knew I was married and had children", so obviously he didn't accept you for who you are, just looking for a piece of A$$."

Comments???

Effort at SF is appreciated and acknowledged. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Whose side are you on? I continually advise the WW's here to keep up the SF. It's very important. Your wife is in withdrawal and probably feels like not having SF at all, and you compare her to a pound of liver. YIKES!!!!

ouch!! Will ya please quit taking shots at the OM, Chuck? She was jilted and lied to and eventually will come to the conclusion that OM was a sleazebag. But, she will NEVER come to that conclusion if she is busy defending him! So, please back off and don't bash the OM.

Secondly, she is going through a very normal WITHDRAWAL. That takes around 6 months. You have the added problem of a long term seperation to overcome. So your best bet now is to be PATIENT, avoid lovebusters and do your BEST to meet needs. She won't let you meet most of her needs now, but she will warm to you as she withdraws. Here is Suzets thread about withdrawal.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2686313

Have yall taken the emotional needs questionaires?