{{{Hurting}}},

Sorry to hear about WH filing, but like they say, "it ain't over till it's over" and even then it's still not over. Okay I added the last part myself b/c I've seen it happen to many times where couples were almost D and reconciled or D and remarried.

I know here in MO we all (STBXWH, kids and I) have to go to a class on separating/divorcing parents. Since you have DS that is under 17 do you guys have to go to that in OK?

I will continue to pray for you.

Me too!! Lets all put our hands out and strangle him today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Hurting - Just wanted to offer my support. I log on each day to read a few on going stories and yours is one of them. You are a classy lady! Hold your head high because you have done all the right things.

To me, this SMELLS LIKE CATERING TO THE DEMANDS OF THE OW....

I still say that the A is SELF-DESTRUCTING...

and they are STRUGGLING to make it work...

I may, of course, be wrong...

But, I say, to make sure to SIT BACK..DON'T REACT..LET THEM CRASH AND BURN ON THEIR OWN..

DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION....

DARK, DARK, DARK.....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Lashell,

I am not sure about that .... I know they have them but it has to be court ordered. Maybe with me not wanting the divorce that could happen I don't know....

Lost,

I wish I felt as classy as you say. I have tried so hard to do the right things but so far its gotten me nowhere but here. At least I can say I did try and won't have any regrets. WH will never be able to say that.... And I do believe that one day this will hit him and he will realize what a fool he has been... By then though it may be to late for us.... I can't imagine what its going to take f or him to see the reality of what he is doing....

I am making my list now of things to tell the attorney at my meeting on the 4th of Jan. I am going to go for the gusto..... Alimony, CS, his 401k and anything i can think of to make him pay big bucks..... He wants this he is gonna pay ...... I still will stand for my marriage but I am going to cover my butt as well just in case I can't stop it or drag it out .....

Did you see my post? I think we were posting at the same time..

Not to worry Mimi I am doing nothing , responding in any way .....

I think it is her pushing as well but we really don't know for sure..... He may truly be happy but I seriously doubt it...

I am just going to sit back and prepare my case if its needed.

I will admit i am scared this may really happen but if it does in the scope of things it really means nothing... He could still wake up someday and see what he has lost compared to what he gained....

yeah I saw it ....

(((((Hurting)))))

I'm sorry that its come to this point.

DON'T GIVE UP. It's not over until the final decree. Up until that point the petition can be dropped. This is far from over.

We're all pulling and praying for you here.

Thank you Walking I appreciate everyones prayers...

I keep praying this will all still work out ......

Ok I have been reading on Okla. divorce laws and can its so confusing. I am not sure if there is anything I can do besides contest to drag it out. But that would mean more money I don't have to pay a lawyer.

When we go to this mediation thing what should i do not agree to anything and make it go in front of the judge or what?

Oh and I looked on line, the papers were filed Dec. 22..... my attorney just got them today.... So he filed it before christmas.... And from what I see the judge is the one who ordered the mediation thing so I guess thats why there is no court date. The judge signed off on the mediation thing on this morning.... So I guess if we don't come to an agreement then a court date will be set.....

Sorry to hear this.

Just a few points, do they have alienation of affection grounds (which you file against the OP) in OK? Is it still on the books? If so,worth a try. Also, when you counter file, name the OW...name her in the papers. There is nothing like exposure in the courthouse and in permanent documents...so do it!

And nothing will happen at first meeting. YOu can tell your attny to disagree with most everything thus focing things to go to trial. Incidentally, my xh tried to get me to drop OW's names in the docs...i did NOT.

HIs waffling a few weeks ago and her recent antics may have brought this to a head.

Can't you see it now? The made up phone calls? His waffling? It is HER pushing! I see it clearly. She is getting desperate and is "if you love me, then you'll do it" now.

Stay dark. Let your lawyer do the best they can for you and in the courtroom the truth is NOT a LB! Personally I think OW has a few skeletons in the closet that might be worth looking at legally.

Peachy,

Nope Okla. does not have alienation of affection , they abolished that law.

Should i counter file? I mean this is going to cost me more money that I have. And in reality what would it get me? Just more anger from WH is about it.....

As far as mediation goes I don't plan on agreeing to anything.... My plan is to go in saying I don't want the divorce.....

I feel OW is pushing really hard and WH is going along for the ride. But in reality I can prolong this but the only thing it will do drag out the inevitable. If he wants it bad enough its going to happen. I am just not sure what to do ....

I do believe in time this will all come back and bite him in the a$$ but nothing I can really do about it .

Then again on the off chance this is really what he wants and is happy nothing I do will change it it all.....

Do I want to put myself through more pain or do I just let it happen ad see what happens down the road? I really don't know what to do .....

As far as finding skeletons on th OW how would I go about that?????

My MIL just came down. She is so upset right now.... She can't believe he is doing this....

Bu she said for some reason she just see him actually going all the way with htis...

She says its all that Bi**h's fault , she is pushing him, he is so confused he does not know what to do ....

Bles this woman , she is so wonderful ... she said and if he thinks OW will ever be welcomed in our family he is so wrong ..... You know what I believe her she has so much hate for this woman and her feeling for WH are pretty bad right now..... I think he has really done it now ..... I am not sure if his mom will ever get over this .... She will love him but as far as feeling the same about him I just don't see it for a long time coming .... He has treated her almost as bad as he has me ....

Hi Hurting,

Sorry to hear about the new developments.... although I do agree with everybody who says that it really does not mean anything....it just tells you that he is still a WS... nothing more nothing less...

If you still want to continue hoping for your H to come back one day.... this should not make a big difference...

it just means that the 'balancing act' continues... how not to lose hope while at the same time... not stop living....

Hang in there my friend... who knows what the future really holds for us!

HUGS.

Hurting you are so lucky to have a great and honourable MIL. I should be so lucky! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hurting imvho, you should include OW by name. THis is not an LB. THis is relaity. And consequences for her actions. And as far as the finances? WHy not ask if you can request that your WS pay for your legal bills?

fyi, in Canada where I am, the OP can be forced to pay between 1/3 and 1.2 of MY court costs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Worth checking into it? You can only ask.

Fighting ,

We have requested he pay the legal fees when I filed the LS.

He has more means that I do thats for sure... If I decide to counterfile I am going to name her no doubt. I am going to talk to my attorney and see what he says.

Luna,

I am still holding on to that thin sliver of hope. Not sure why but I am. I maybe a fool but something deep inside says this is not over yet and he is walking a thin line right now. Guess only time will tell ....

((( Hurting )))

I actually just got down on my knees and prayed to God to bring you some peace.

I will do anything that I can to ease your pain. I know it hurts so much.

My best regards - Carnation

When people suggest "naming" the other woman in a counterfile, is that just meant as another way of "outing" her or making publical her involvement in the divorce? I am assuming so.

I don't think there would be any other legal recourse?

Am I missing something, or is this just what everyone means by "naming" her.

Sorry for the dumb question...just confused.

Lem

I guess lem its to make it public knowledge .... But its already that anyway all our friends and family know...

I am just going to talk to my attorney and see what he says to do ..... Not sure if countersuing would be in my best interest anyhow ...

I just don't know if stalling would do any good or not ... If he really wants this its going to happen either way... Stalling would just prolong my pain and I am not sure I want to do that ..