Let me tell you what's going to happen also as it did in my case and my atty told me happens so often...

When he and his attorney get down to crunching the numbers, your WH will be shocked at how much of "his assets" you will walk away with and how expensive the whole mess is. I think in that wacked out brain they develop during the A, they think divorce means that the wife would just disappear into the sunset.

When he realizes this divorce will set him back financially-badly and now that he's staring his 50's right in the face, there's little time to recoup. He'll be devastated.

He'll be mad but his attorney will remind him that this division of assets is standard. You'll get the anger at first but then reality will set in.

He'll go home to look at what has cost him so much and wonder if she is really worth it. There'll be LB's to beat the band and she'll return them as well. She'll sense that he's rethinking and she again is losing control.

She's cost him his family, the disapproval of his mother, and a big chunk of assets. His children will never respect him as they should. He'll think to himself, what did I ever see in her? Is she really that special?

Then my dear, he'll wake up... Just be patient.

By the way, I've learned if you're sick the morning of the mediation and can't make it, what are they going to do to you? There's no mediation jail in which they can put you...

Thanks Carnation it means a lot to me that people care so much.....

I keep praying as well to take this pain away.... I know in time it will fade but for now its so hard.....

JPH,

I wish thats how it will turn out but I am not counting on it.... We already lost the house so there is no asset there.

Only thing he has to loose really is CS and Alimony and half of his 401k ......

We don't have anything of value home, cars or such.... Now if he has to pay my attorney fees it will cost him some bucks as well....

So assets arn't that much really.... Kinda sucks in a way ...

GOOD POINT AND FUNNY..LOL!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But its court order by the judge.... Isn't that like having a court date?

You are so welcome Hurting. When you get a moment, or right now... Raise both of your arms staight to the sky. Close your eyes and concentrate real hard. Ask God to take away the pain. You will actually feel the stress leave your fingertips. It has been a life-saver for me sometimes.

I am going to call my mother right now and ask her to put one of my friends on her Prayer Chain list. She is a very religious person who would be honored to pray and have her network of people pray for someone for me.

Believe in the power of prayer. And... get a good attorney !!! lol

Best regards - Car

Half of not much is still half. He still will have to pay CS/alimony and that will put a big dent in his funds. Then he would just have enough for expenses. Not a good position to be in when retirement age is starting to become a reality in one's thinking.

She's not worth it. You know it. She knows it. And soon he'll know it.

Again ty carnation ...... it means a lot to me .....

I have a good attorney thats for sure... I believe in the power of prayer...... Been saying a lot of them today

I didn't realize this about the house.

Where are you living now?

I can 100% bet he will be "shocked" and "furious" when he finds out that his 401K is equally yours to share <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. He has no clue about this. I guarantee it.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

JPH,

Your right I definatley know it and I hope in time he will to ......

I know his 401k is gonna make him mad. I bet he thinks I won't think of that one..... Thats one of the first things I questioned the attorney about .....

He is very protective over that .... He knows retirement is not far off

Quick legal question for the ESQ's here.

What would preclude a Wayward Spouse who is in the "middle" of Separation/Divorce proceedings (without a court date or judgement) from withdrawing his 401K, taking the early "penalty" fee and making the Betrayed Spouse (Future XW) later try and "fight" for this when the Divorce is granted/final.

Is there a legal mechanism to prevent this from happening?

Many people do "dumb" things with their 401K's in times of need, and this seems like it would be a "concern".

Am I overreacting?

Lem

Lem ,

I am still living in the house. We were buying it from his mom and it had all our names on the deed. When he left and said he was not ever coming back, his mom went to her attorney and talked to him he convinced her to have us do a quit claim deed and take our names off so it would not part of the divorce.

Well we did and so now its just in her name. Now if he was to come back we could still buy the house bu it will stay in her name until paid off. Now here is the kicker... The attorney who advised his mom is the same attorney who said he would not take WH'S case because of conflict of interest. But once the house was dne guess who his attorney is ?????
I am paying my MIL rent until I decide what to do .... MY SIL is going to buy the house once I move it ... WH will never have it again ...... and he knows this .....

The whole thing sucks big time and yes I may end up getting screwed in the long run over it but aat this point I really don't care about this house anymore.... if WH manages to get it back which I doubt because SIL really wants it I hope to he11 he has to live with the memories of his family being here and his kids growing up here ..... You can't escape memories no matter how hard you try ....

Lem ,

As far as his 401 K goes he has done nothing with it ..... It was with his last job and the papers came to my home that he would have to sign to to roll it over or take money from it ... I never gave him those papers on advice of my attorney. Plus the statement came about 2 weeks ago showing how much is in it....

So unles he got the papers from his former employer in the last couple of weeks its still safe..

And in the filings of OCT 25 it palinly states no moneys from any retirment accounts , 401k's etc can be liquidated with out court permission .. they were frozen until a court date .... So if he did do anything after Oct 25 he will be in contempt of court and can be fined or jailed and will still have to pay me my half ....

Good..I feel better for you reading this.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

yeah me to ...... but to be honest I don't even think he has thought of this .... I would think his attorney would have told him but who knows

Well, maybe not......BUT, if this Divorce goes down (don't think it will though) you will NEED and be entitled to that money, so it is good your protected.

I am sure in the history of Wayward Spouses, a Wayward has tried doing this.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I agree lem.. I will need that money for sure.....

I hope it dosn't go down but i am covering all my bases just in case....

I know that WS's are dumb enough to try to hide money. It usually bits them in the end.

OOooo, please take a digital camera into court and take a picture of his face when you get half his 401k!!!

I have heard over and over from lots of men I've known in the military who feel their wives don't deserve any of their pensions or 401ks. I've even heard it from my FWH. Of course, they all seem to forget that they *wanted* their wives to be SAHM (like I am). Later they seem to think its our fault for not working!

You got that right Mojo.....

its all my fault according to him ..... yeah right

Hurting -

Sorry to hear of this news - but everyone is right, just keep hanging in there! You sound pretty good right now - I'll be saying a prayer for you tonight.

BTW, I'm still saying those prayers that you shared with us quite some time ago. I believe they are really having an effect and I have shared these prayers with a few close friends. I truly think my OW is rejecting my WH. Thank you again for sharing those prayers.

Kim