Kim,

Thank you for the prayers.

I may sound good but I sure don't feel good. I am scared, angry and frustrated all at the same time.

My emotions keep bouncing all over the place. I want to cry but the nthe next minute I want to just curse him out for being so stupid. I tell you one thing good thing I am in plan B because if not I really don't know what I would say or do ..... The OW is so lucky I won't sink to her level because right now I am at the point I don't care if she hears what I have to say or even if it makes a difference to her,,, I just want to blast her and WH .....

I have been taking the high road for so many months now I just don't know how much longer it will be before I truly loose it on both of them .... It probably would seal the end of my marriage but looks like that is coming anyway ....

{{{{Hurting}}}}

Kim

As I was coming home from work tonight, I heard a Keith Urban song on the radio and it seemed like it was just the perfect song for the times.

It almost makes me want to send it to WH....... It really hit home with me ....

You'll Think of Me

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday


Today has just been a rough day ..... I am so glad its over..... Now if I could only forget all of this ....

{{{Hurting}}}

Thinking of you this morning and wishing you a peaceful sleep.

Hurting,

These were the reasons my attorney suggested I countersue: (again, check with your attorney/state laws)

If you don't countersue, it means you agree with everything that was presented in the initial filing. For instance, my WH filed for full custody. If he chose to pursue this (he didn't) and I hadn't countersued, it would have meant I was legally agreeing to it.

Secondly, it just gave me more power in the situation. If we decided to call off the divorce, I would have to agree with it as well. I felt so powerless, like WH was calling all the shots, I wanted him to know, you'll only come back IF I SAY SO AS WELL!

I agree with Shattered, you should seriously consider to counter sue.

Go for the gold - hit him hard. Go for full custody, CS, Alimony, the 401k, court costs, attorney costs, go for the cars (including the new one he bought), go after his tools and anything else he owns. Is your name on his truck also? Go for that.

Did you turn he and the OW into the apartment complex yet for making too much money in a low income complex? Hit him where it hurts - the pocketbook. Once they get kicked out, then they will have to pay more for rent.

You can keep hoping, but put on your battle armor - it's time for him to pay some consequences!!!!

Read Shugah's thread for encouragement.

She is divorced from her FWH. They have not remarried yet but they are happily recovered.

{{{hurting}}}

Yes, it hurts ... filing for divorce, signing the papers... the whole process hurts ... you are officially separating your life from your husband's ...

This is not the end .. it is just something else to deal with ...
just remember that it is a long road ...

I had hopes that xH was going to 'react' before the divorce was final .. but it didn't happened ... for my own sanity and for whatever future relationship we were going to have in the future, I didn't want a nasty divorce ... he neither ...
I kept almost everything except his personal stuff ... CS was established, visitation was established, neither of us wanted to fight anything ...
except the grounds for divorce ... he wanted it to be on mutual consent ... I told him, you owe me that much, don't fight that ...
the divorce was final on grounds of adultery and cruel treatment (emotional abuse).
I didn't want to go to court and I told that to my lawyer ... xH didn't have a lawyer. He signed an affidavit to my lawyer that he didn't have any legal representation and didn't want to go to court either ... we received the final notice by mail ... this still hurt ...


I couldn't agree more with your mom!
Even if the divorce its final ... it doesn't mean that your life or your relationship will be final either ...
what to do? just keep working on your self ... don't stress out about the next court date ... I know, easier said than done, but try it ...
is there a way to talk to your attorney and let him/her handle things if you don't want to go to court? would that be possible? would it hurt your case?
talk to your attorney and ask him/her ...

Hurting:

IMO, your H is doing this in response to demands from the OW. They are still trying to make their relationship work..

Please try to sit back and DO NOTHING...

Let your H maintain RESPONSIBILITY for getting the D if he wants to...

Do not provide justification to him by interacting with them. What would be the value of that for you, Hurting? It may feel good in the moment to blast her but, as you know I have said before, you don't want to sink to her TRASHY level...

Do not countersue if YOU don't want a divorce. I suggest that YOU DO NOTHING LEGALLY...

BUT, behind the scenes, I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO MAKE AN ANONYMOUS REPORT regarding their living arrangements ASAP...

We haven't heard back from you on this? Can this be a way of you venting that hostility that you have right now? Reporting this is justified...

Mimi,

Ok I just woke up got home from work and didn't go to bed until 7 am ..

But here are some thought give me some input.

First I oing to call the housing authority today or tomorrow to turn tem in ... I have to wait for MIL to get home to use the phone.

Secondly when I see my attorney on Jan 4 I will restate the fact I don't want this divorce and to use any legal means necessary to drag it out.

Third I am going to request the max on alimony, CS, of course the 401K ... court cost, attorney fees and whatever else I can think of ..... When we go to mediation I know he will not agree to all of this.... So when his counter offer is laid out I am going to refuse it no matter what ... I will force this into trial in front of a judge. I want to make this as hard a possible on him and cause as much stress as I can so he can go home to OW bitching and moaning.... I am even going to see about the court orderd counseling because of our minor child..... anything to drag this out .....

So what do you all think ? I have thought about all of this since last night and decidedI am not going to sit here and allow them to control my life and just give in like a whipped puppy... I am going to fight this how ever I can ....

I LOVE YOUR PLAN!!!

Thank God Mimi...... You were the one I had hoped would agree with it the most.....

good luck with your plan oklahoma..it sounds very good

I'm lovin' it.

Actually, the more complicated you make it, then the more it will drag on. That will hopefully cause strife between those two.

Has the OW filed for divorce yet? Why is she pushing so hard, when she herself isn't divorced? What is WH thinking? If I were in his situation, I wouldn't have filed until she did. It sounds like she is really playing him.

Personally, I don't see how he can be enjoying his life so much. Nothing in his life is the same. He no longer has the social structure and support that he once had. I really don't see how all of the strife he has caused and is going through is better than being ignored by you for a period of time. I would think that sticking with his wife would prove to be a better solution then destroying his life, family, etc... Maybe it's the whole mid-life crisis thing. I don't know.

I come on here everyday to read your thread. I have never gone through this type of turmoil, so I can only imagine your pain. I do think about you often (even on Christmas) and hope your WH gets his head out of his butt. Sometimes it takes a good, swift, kick in the [censored] to dislodge it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wifeypoo,

As far as I know she has not filed for divorce yet. I keep looking on line and so far nothing. My filing and his counterfle have shown up on line but nothing from her.

See I am thinking the same thing he is pushing so hard and she is doing nothing to divorce. Of course her and her hubby been apart so long and he don't give a rats a$$ what she does. But I do have the feeling she is playing him and allowing him to destroy his own life then get what she wants and kick him ot the curb.

I don' think his life is that happy but he will never let me know that for sure. He keeps playing the game. I do believe its part MLC myself.

The more I can drag this out and cause him more pain , I think he will start seeing some reality. Thats what I am praying for anyway.....

Sit back and see what happens once she gets evicted...

LOL to funny

But of course you know that will be blamed on me as well....

But I know nothing about it .....

Hurting, you have a good plan, and you are doing the right thing. Keep fighting the good fight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Thanks Lady... I plan on fighting ... I may not win in the end but I will know I gave it my all... I will never regret anything thats for sure.....

Believe it or not I think my marriage deserves one of us to fight for it.. Even after all the crap thats happened ...

I would have to agree Hurting you have really given your all. And WH will never forget that! And neither will we.

You are one of MB's top virtuous women! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Lady