Yeah that part has been done as far as the house stuff goes.... He wants nothing from the house except his personal stuff and one item of furniture, which he can have....

As far as the medical goes when he started this new job he has not gotten medical yet because of 90 day waiting period. I am making sure DS is put on it but I wold say if w e divorce I can't be on it. Now if it stays LS I think he could be made to put me on it.... I don't know for sure...

Taxes is something I am going to discuss tomorrow with the attorney as well. If I can file without him thats my plan and I am going to use the deduction for DS. WH has been gone almost 7 months and just now started paying CS so I don't think he deserves the deduction. He has not lived with us since the beginning of July.... I will see what the attorney says is th best thing to do....

I really hate my life has come down to dollars and cents now... But I am hoping this will help with a reality check for WH. At least a start of things becoming real for him.....

Anybody else have any idea on my list? My aptt. is at 11 am and I want to make sure I have all bases covered.....

you get the deductions.

even darth gave them to me.

Sweetheart, all things happen to each and every one of us for a reason. I truly believe this with all my heart.
There is a reason why a mothers child is killed by a drunk driver. She goes on to form one of the strongest legal lobbies in the country to change drunk driving laws. There is a reason why children are aflicted by a crippling disease called polio, it gives a doctor the motivation he needs to come up with a vaccine to thwart this disease. There is a reason why a boy is tormented and bullied his entire childhood, he raises the most compassionate and loving young woman he could ever hope for. There is a reason why a Fathers Son was nailed to the cross.
And there is a reason why you are still fighting!
And might I suggest something if I may, for your appointment with the court. A special sheer bra to go with that sweater. Something from Victoria's. It is cold in Okla. right now, correct? You get my drift. Sure to make hubby notice, right? I am not being crude here. Just trying to let you know what works.
The list? Top notch. And you should get it too!

My prayers and hopes for you!

BKarl,

Thanks for posting. I am glad the list is good. I want him to realize just what he is doing and going to lose.

I really wonder why I am still fighting. I know I still love him no matter what all has happened. He seems so sure this is what he wants. So why am I fighting so hard for someone who does not care?

Was kind of funny today , my daughter had a bad electrcal plug in he room and it sparked and blew out the breaker. So I was telling her I could fix it. She said no you can't , I said watch me. So I cut the main breaker off and took out the old plug and replaced it with a new one. Of course it worked and she was amazed. Well as I was doing this she was talking to WH on the phone and was bragging to him I fixed the wall plug. So he says of course your mom can do it she has watched me do it many times.

So then she tells him well we are going out to eat tonight.He says who so she tells him DD, DS ,DD'S boyfriend , his mom and sister and myself. He says or really and she says yup. So then of course he questions as to where and all. Well he is in wyoming so was no worry of him showing up.

He also while on the phone request to speak to our dogs. So each dog listens and he talks to them and of course they go nuts hearing his voice. Thats also something I am requesting we not split the dogs up. They have been a little family for yrs. Its the mama, daddy and their 2 boys. He wants 2 of them but it would not be fair to split them up. And anyway he got a kitten and named it the same name as our female dog.

As far as the undergarmets go I get your drift but believe me that is the one thing he still to this day will tell anyone who will listen.... He is sexually attracted to me and always will be..... I know for a fact if I was to call him for that he would come.... But it ain't happening not as long as he is with the bimbo....

I am going tomorrow and getting my hair cut , so I will go to court sporting a whole new look..... Clothes, makeup, jewlry and the hair..... I am gonna make the bimbo look like the dumpy thing she is , in that respect she can't hold a candle to me.... Not that I am a beauty or anything but she is definatley not attractive....

I know he is not going to agree to anything on this list so I am preparing for a court battle. Maybe if I am lucky it can cause some problems at home for him with OW.

Plus I bought so much new stuff for the house in the last few days. Bedroom looks brand new nothing like it did when he was here. All new bathroom stuff.... He won't be able to see it because of planb but he will sure hear about it... I have people who love to talk and tell him everything.... I want him to see that things are changing and I am not sitting around waiting on him.....

Wow I sure didn't mean to make such a long post but here it all is ....

Thanks BKarl for checking in and for the encouragment ..

Hurting

Meeting with the attorney in one hour...... Gonna give him my list of things I want....

Please pray that everything I ask for will be things that are attainable.....

I don't want my marriage to end , but seems it will....

I am so scared of this stuff and that my WH is gone forever... Next week on Wed. is the mediation ,I wish I didn't have to see WH .....

My mind is so scrammbled right now with all of this stuff....

hurting

your list looks good

make sure that you get IN WRITNG that your H agrees to give up everything in the house except for that one item

don't forget to include these kinds of items in case he has them and you don't know: stock options, safety deposit box items or personal savings/checking (ask for value so you can ask for 1/2 if he had been taking money prior to leaving without your knowledge)

good luck hurting

Hurtin,

You will be able to file Head of Household as long as you have been separated for 6 months or have a separate maintenance agreement in place, so you should be okay there. I on the other hand will probably file married filing separate because I don't meet those qualifications. Too bad for me. Good luck today with your meeting.

Thanks for the info guys ..... I appreciate it....

Eav he was taking no money before he left because I had access to all accounts then and knew what his pay was. I still had acess up until the end of sept. when he started the new job and opened a new bank account... We have none of the other things you mentioned.

I just so don't want this to happen but seems I have no choice and now my life consists of $$$ and splitting everything we worked so hard for , for 24 yrs.... I wish I could give him half of my pain and agony I have had for 7 months...Thats the one thing I would love to split with him...

Just the thought that OW wil even touch some of the things I have worked for makes me sick..... Bad enough she has my H but now she is going to have things we shared together... I hope everytime she looks at something that was in my home she will see my face....

God I hate this ....

I just got home from the attorney.

It's not good news for me..... If we come to an agreement next Wed. during mediation I will walk out of there a divorced woman....

Nothing I can do to slow this down except not agree on anything... Then its up to the judge.

My attorney is going to ask for all I want but he says we probably won't get it even with a judge.

The adultry plays no part in this unless WH was seeking custody which he isn't. No even joint custody was in his papers.

I did dispute his living expenses though due to it being her apt. and utlities before WH was even there....

Since there is no custody dispute the 90 days thing does not count.... So he filed on the 22 of Dec. and by Jan11. I could be divorced....

I just can't believe how fast this happened and how he changed his mind from one week to the next....

There is nothing I can do now.... I have no choices in how this plays out ....

I hate him for this ,,, how could he throw away our lives so easy.....

{{{Hurting}}}

I'm so sorry about how quickly this is going... but it isn't over yet. Thinking of you.

Alph.

Alphin,

Thank you for your words, but I feel like its over.

I don't think he will ever come back now.

OW is who he wants and I guess I need to get out of the fog myself and see it for what it is.....

He just does not care about me anymore.

I am just so hurt that he could walk away like that and never even try to save us... We used to be so good together and could be again if he would just try....

I just feel like my life is so out of control now.... What am I going to do????

I am still in a state of shock this is happening so fast... I really thought I would have soem time but in Okla... its way to easy .... All he has to say to a judge is the marriage is broken down and never can be fixed and the judge says ok basically .... I don't have to say a word....

I just can't stop crying ....

{{{{HURTIN}}}}

Thinking of you. Remember what you told me and others on this board... I ain't over yet!!! Keep your chin up, I will be praying for you. Remember God has a plan and look at how far you have come through all of this mess!!! You are a better person and can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

I can't believe how fast a divorce can happen either Hurting. Your contesting divorce has to mean something to a judge. Either way, your refusing divorce until the end will show WH that you fought for your marriage, and then let it be the judges decision.


Did he mention he has living expenses at OW's?

I'm sorry Hurting, like your therapist said all you can do is sit back and let him fall I guess. You've done all you can do up to this point to save. It's not over yet though. The judge may not agree to give "him" a divorce. We'll see.

Huggs,
Lady

(((Hurting)))

isn't it awful hurting!!!

a marraige really means nothing to our H or the courts... only to us and God

hugs

Lady,


Yes he claimed rent and the utlities of her apt. I told the attorney that she lives in low income and has lived there for years and the utlities are in her name not his....

As far as a judge not granting the divorce that won't happen. All WH has to say is its broken and unfixable and its over.... My attorney told me all the judge cares about is getting to the next case..... This whole thing sucks...

Me contesting won't do a thing for me at all..... I told the attorney I don't won't this and he said all I can do is not agree on anything but in the end the outcome is the same... Just cost me more dollars I don't have.... No one cares what he has done or how he left us to suffer for so many months ..... It does not matter except for the custody issue and since he is not seekig custody in any way none of this matters......

So in the long run he is basically walking away scott free with no consequenses for any of this ...... Just some money gone thats its..... I have suffered such pain and he gets away with it all......

isn't it so sad...just to name a very few: me, you, and Jean

fighting so hard for our love to men who are treating us as though we were a mistake-trash they want to throw away as fast as they can...and it's "all our fault"

what have we done to deserve this

and honestly.....what have they done to deserve us?

real love...the kind that we've given to these men, is so rare....i wish they could see that through the fog of lust

What about giving the judge a copy of your Plan B letter?
That might really make it difficult for him to grant a decision for divorce. I think if your lawyer stresses the fact that possibly within a year WH and OW relationship just might go to He!!, maybe the judge will give it time before granting a divorce. Make it difficult for WH. This isn't a drive-through divorce court WH!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Lady

I agree eav...... I hope someday he falls on his face and just suffers half the pain I have.....

I hope the OW uses him and throws him away like he did me ....

And by chance if they stay together I hope its so miserable they end up hating each other .....

I am just angry right now......

I have nothing left to loose now.... So WH may be getting a phone call from me ..... I am still thinking on it about what I want to say to him ....