Lady,

I don't really think any of that will matter.... My attorney knows as well as his does this is an affair. My attorney says its a MLC, in fact he asked me when this all ends will you want him back? My attorney was shocked though how quickly he signed the sivorce papers after saying on the 9 of Dec. he didn't want to .... He said within a week and a half he changed his mind that was quick ...

It does not matter he is a WH or fogged out the court don't care.... The answer would be get remarried but they won't hold up the divorce since he wants it .....

Hurting -

So sorry to hear this. I guess your best bet is to ask for all you want, and if your husband is desperate enough, he will give it to you.

We all know that the affair will never last, but YIKES! you might be divorced before it ends. So you will have to make a plan for after the divorce. You can always remarry. Several folks here have done that.

It's all so crazy isn't Hurting. But I still think you should have a say. You are the one who filed first for LS.
The judge has to take into account your side, that you don't want a divorce.

I mean how often does a judge hear "I refuse to divorce that man!!"

He probably doesn't see many spouses trying to save thier marriage.

You and your lawyer have to argue to the judge that you "only" want a legal separation.

Your lawyer has to give the judge a good reasoning on why you do not want a divorce granted, and that is on the fact that OW and WH's relationship may not work out. He's been back and forth with you since June. You are just waiting for him to come home and do away with OW forever!!! That WH makes spur of the moments decisions, and he is not in his right mind wanting the divorce from one minute to the next. Tell the judge WH is "temporarily or permanently insane." And ask if the judge would order him into a mental institution for a while until he is better!!!

Lady

Hurting - I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry. You have done all the right things. You can't change the way your WH is thinking. This divorce is his mistake to make. He is the one who will have to live with the consequences.

I say look at it as a blessing. You are still young, healthy, have your children, and you have a good clean conscience to know you did all the right things. Your WH will be eaten away with guilt his whole life for what he did to you and your family.

I say take the high road as you have always done. I would look him straight in the eye and tell him that I do not want a divorce and that he is making the biggest mistake of his life. Then you can walk away.

In my opinion, as hard as it is, at this point in your life you need to let him go and look towards the future. You have a very bright future. You are a smart, classy lady! Never sell yourself short and always remember that!!

Hugs to you from NYC!

DON'T CALL HIM Hurting. I'm so sorry about what you are going through remember we are in the same boat, I think my D is going to take longer b/c of the kids (there are 5 and they are still so young).

PLEASE PLEASE don't call him you would just be giving away your power and all that you worked for to this point. Remember that it is not over yet. There is still hope, I know it doesn't seem like there is but there is.

DONT CALL HIM. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

He will get a sick thrill out of it, I assure you.

((HURTING)))

I agree with Mojo...don't do it Hurting. Don't call him. That's what he wants, so he can laugh in your face. Don't give him the sick pleasure. He will not care. It will only set you back. Huggs.

Lady

I'm not going to call him. Its not worth it to me....

I'm not even sure I will see him next Wed. they will have us in seperate rooms like before. I may just see him in passing and thats it.

If we don't agree we won't see the judge I don't think that day, since its just a mediation meeting. I really don't know.

This is all just so overwhelming. I don't know what to think. I sometimes f eel if he goes through with this he will feel he could never come back. Someone said to me maybe he just does not want ot be married any more and this was his way out. Well I don't buy that he didn't have to have an affair to leave if he just didn't want to be married. It would have hurt a lot less if he had just left wthout going to another woman...

I don't know what to think anymore....... I am so confused myself.... I just want this all to stop........

I just came from my MIL she is devestated as well she can't believe how fast this will happen..... I have not told the kids yet and I don't plan to right now..... I am going to wait until after the mediation.... DS will be devestated he wants his dad home so bad......

I was wondering do any of you think I should still make the appointment with the Harley's?

Since this looks like its going to divorce would it even do me any good?

I wish I could have called them so much sooner but now is the time I have the money, I guess a day late and a dollar short....

He filed on 12-22 and you are already in mediation for division of assests and support issues? Don't the lawyers out there have anything else to do? Did you tell your lawyer that you were not eager for this divorce and you wanted to go at a slow pace?

Maybe you can have your attny cancel the mediation, and reschedule it later. Certainly there is some prep work that needs to be done. You have 30 days to file your financial affidavits, is that completed already?

And no, it is not to late to call the Harleys. Even if it is just for a plan for you.

.

Tom,

All of the financial stuff is done, it was done for LS.

I told the lawyer I didn't want this but nothing I can do to stall it out except not come to an agreement on Wed. and then it would be in front of th judge fairly quick ...

In Okla. if there is no custody issues or finanacial issues a D can be granted as soon as 10 days of filing....

Okla is a very easy state to get D in.....

So I really have no choices in this matter. Since he is not going for any cutody unless he changes his mind by Wed. and he agrees to my Alimony and such it will be all over...

I never would have thought it would be so easy for him to do this..... We don't have much in assetts so there was not much to argue over. Only thing I think he will not like is the division of his 401K but he does not have much choice with it..... I am entitled by law for that ......

I'm so sorry to hear that. I thought Fla. divorce laws stunk, but that those divorce laws are just plain anti-Marriage. ******, it takes a 30 day notice to cancel you lease, but you can cancel a marriage in 10 days.

Take care of yourself.

Hurting...do you remember my post to you not too long ago. Having been through the mediation circus, it suddenly occured to me that what could they do to me if on mediation morning, I was just too sick to make it there. (both of our attorneys cancelled a few times as well as mediator) Put me in mediation jail? Nope, doesn't exist. There's ways to delay this a bit. If you're hoping a little more time and thought may make a difference. I too agree with your attorney that this has happened too quickly.

jph,

I really don't think any more time will make a difference in this....

What difference would a couple of weeks make none I don't think.....

I will just go and see what happens. Now if I don't like whats offered I will not settle and then we can just see the judge....

I really don't want this but I think me dragging it out will actually do more harm for myself than anything else.

If/when he ever gets it maybe I will still be willing to work on us. But I am really beginning to think he won't get it anytime soon.... I have to move on with my life without him as much as I don't want to... He wants to be free so I will just let him have his freedom to be with the skank.... And when it falls apart he will have no one to blame but himself.... And if their relationship survives ti will only be from not wanting to hear I told you so....

I am tired and just can't or won't fight this anymore... It will happen no matter what I do and stalling will just delay the story that will have the same ending either way .

If it happens hurting, don't forget that there are couples that remarry. WH is rushing because he is worried he will change his mind and he has the OW pushing him as well.

A part of me wonders if he is also trying to make you beg to stop it.

Just follow the court plan (looking great, chin up, proud manner) and remember that you are only in control of YOU. YOU know this entire thing is stupidity. He'll figure it out soon enough. FatihInMe's XH still tries to reconnect with her and she's remarried. Isn't that a scream?

Yes, you're right. A few more weeks more than likely won't help. Faithinme is quite an inspiration and look how happy she is now. I'll remember to pray for you...

((( Hurting )))

I feel so bad for you. If this is any comfort to you, please remember --

What goes around - Comes around !!!

He will get his. She will get hers.

And - Since you have done nothing but good -

Good will come to you.


Best regards - carnation

Mojo,

I believe he is rushing it because he is still unsure. Or at least thats what I want to believe. I know OW is pushing that I have no doubt about....

If he wants me to beg that won't happen.... I will let this crziness play out before I beg him.....

DD talked to him this evening while we were in th car, he didn't know she was with me. They were talking about this , he asked her what did I tell her, she said mom said she may come home next wed. a divorced woman. He said no she will be a divorced woman because ti will be final. So I guess in his head he thinks I will agree to whatever he wants.

Now I could hear his voice so I heard everything he said. He said he would tell DS... Thats good because I want to deal with the fallout of the intial shock... So then in the next breath he is asking DD where is your mom, what is she doing? DD told him she is home cleaning....

I just feel like he is trying so hard to hate me and convince himself of it.... I am doing better tonight I think I have come to accept nothing I can do about it.... I will tell you though I do dread next Wed. one more week of being legally married for 24 yrs. then its over....

How sad........... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Thanks to all of you for the support you have given me over these many months..... I truly never thought it would go this far.....

I appreciate all of you so much ....

I read this somewhere on MB a long time back when I first came here. Believe none of what they say and half of what they do.

It really is accurate.

Good luck