Hurting - I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry. You have done all the right things. You can't change the way your WH is thinking. This divorce is his mistake to make. He is the one who will have to live with the consequences.

I say look at it as a blessing. You are still young, healthy, have your children, and you have a good clean conscience to know you did all the right things. Your WH will be eaten away with guilt his whole life for what he did to you and your family.

I say take the high road as you have always done. I would look him straight in the eye and tell him that I do not want a divorce and that he is making the biggest mistake of his life. Then you can walk away.

In my opinion, as hard as it is, at this point in your life you need to let him go and look towards the future. You have a very bright future. You are a smart, classy lady! Never sell yourself short and always remember that!!

Hugs to you from NYC!

--------------------
Lost in the City

Hi Hurting,
Ditto to what Lost in the City says. Hang in there, I know you can do it.
Thinking of you,
Reewil.

Tom,

You know whats funny about that saying is when he has said things about being with me and wanting our marriage nothing ever came out of it.. But when he talked getting the divorce he did it.... So not sure if that applies here really....

He seems sure of the negative stuff and does what he says but the positive stuff blows away in the wind like a balloon....

Something ele to add with his conversation with DD. DD gets money every 4 months from and annuity anyhow she recieved it the first of Jan. nice little sum of money. Well we put it in my account at the bank this way she won't just blow it away. Well WH was asking her would she give him the money to buy a stero for his car. Now this same man asked her back in Aug. for the same thing but for his truck he didn't get it then and he aint getting it now... Anyhow she told him I am doing the best I can dad, he got angry and said to her Well just forget it then. ... He knows this money is in my account because she told him... If he thinks I will go get out money for her to give him he is sadly mistaken....

He is a man who is late on his CS and SS by 3 days and he wants DD'S money for a stero.... Priority's were are his ???? I told DD he was not getting the money because I refuse to take it out of the bank..... Sucks to be him ..

I am really having a hard time tonight. I still can't believe this is really happening.... I feel like i am in a bad dream and can't wake up....

How do you go from love to hate so fast? Destroy a whole family and 24 years just wiped out in the blind of an eye...

I have done all the right things and tried so hard but he still believes that OW is the one he should be with.....

I just feel so used and thrown away..... Why can't I hate him???? It would be so much easier.....

Aww, Hurting, I'm so sorry.

I so wish there was something we could say or do to make you feel better.

I think he exemplifies the Alien.

I don't want else to do, but send you some e-hugs (((Hurting)))

it does hurt that bad oklahoma and it makes no sense

i wish i could think of a way to help you buy more time

Thanks Eav but I don't think buying time would do me any good right now..... He is determined about this .....He seems so sure this is what he needs and wants....

You can;t argue with the insane, it gets you nowhere....

Hurting -

This is so going to be his loss. Just remember Peachy's stories. Her xH is not happy at all. And he and the wifey fight. Fantasyland is gone, gone, gone.

I am so sorry you are in such pain. And to ask for money when he is late on CS & SS? Unbelievable. My WH says he is hurting with cc bills, yet he takes DS to the zoo & to other high priced places. They just can't think straight.

{{{{Hurting}}}} My prayers are with you - may you reach a place of peace.

Kim

Thanks Kim......

I hope he does regret this someday.....

I have not been writing to you because I don't have the words to say all that I want to say about this..

Affairs are AWFUL...YUK!!!

Hurtin

I have been thinking of you all night. I felt sick to my stomach when I read your post. You have done everything right and everything you can do. He is the one who is going to loose everything for some fantasy. Don't forget you are a strong woman and you can make it anyway this turns out. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Mimi,

There are no words to describe this .... I can't even describe how I feel right now.....

Its over and nothing I can say or do to change it.....

World,

I don't feel so strong right now. I guess I knew it would come to this but I kept holding on to that little bit of hope that things would turn around... I was such a fool to believe this would ever turn around....

I just noticed your topic change..

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD CALL THE HARLEYS IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY..

Steve would have ideas on how you should proceed to stall this if you can...

Would I be able to get an appt. soon enough? The mediation is next Wed.

Only thing I can do is not except any offer he gives.... But I am not sure if it would go to the judge that day or a later date

I would think you can get an appt. by then. Call tomorrow first thing.

I will Mimi ... first thing in th morning ... I hope they can help me

hurting,

isn't there any set time that you must live apart in your state before you can get a D?

No Eav ..... you can live together today go file tomorrow and be divorced in as little as 10 days barring no conflicts .....

really sucks .....

that is just so wrong oklahoma

if that were the cse in my state, my H would have divorced me 3 months after he left...but then he talked about coming home3 months later....that's just too short of a time for anyone to be sure!!

I know Eav, it really sucks..... Its like Oklahoma does not care at all.....

I just don't understand how they can make it so easy for people to just walk away like that..... I could understand for abuse of some type but for something like this or just because you may get angry one day its crazy ...

But to be honest Eav I do believe this is over for me and I have to just move on..... I can't believe my life has come to this and after giving this man half of my life and 3 children he can walk away so easy....

Okla,

IMHO, I think you need to slip this info into whatever meeting you have next with whatever legal ears will listen. Even if on this reason alone, after his stupid A fiasco, the very fact he can ask this of his child is insane. Let the insanity manifest itself. Give it an audience...... a decision making audience. Something like:

[color:"blue"]

Mediator/judge: Mrs. Hurting, have you read the terms of this meeting?

BS: Yes, I have. It certainly not in favor of our family's benefit but it certainly matches the current warped state of mind which has lead to these actions.

Mediator/judge: Would you clarify that statement?

BS: Certainly...... you are here to mediate/render fair judgement in behalf of this case. Yet (just for starters) you are aware that you are taking the word of a man who has left his family destitute, neglected to provide even child support, went to live in low income housing as an unqualified resident, has asked his children to buy him entertainment devices like a stereo when they can't even afford school clothes and other necessities, when their own home went without hot water and phone for an extended period of time. I realize you have to grant the D. It should be done since living with one of such questionable character is dangerous for my family and I. What I have a hard time figuring out is how you can condone his actions by giving him what he is asking for under the disguise of doing what is best for our family. I was hoping the court w/b more intuitive than that.

Mediator/judge: Point well taken. No we were not aware of such details. Yes, we do have to grant the petition but keeping the family's interest at heart is within the court's jurisdiction.

BS: Thank you for your consideration. I would hate to remember the court as giving what belongs to my family to someone who is blatantly breaking civil codes by living in housing meant for those who are really having a hard time vs enabling affairs. You may not catch them all but you don't have to let them all get away with it, right?

Mediator/judge: Yes, u r correct. Now back to the details of this agreements....let's review it again.......[/color]

*************

Something like that.

L.